Of course, reality doesn’t often pan out the way you hoped. The Detroit rapper had to stand up and address his failures head-on. Through this journey, he could rediscover his relationship with his mother, and the place she occupies in his life.
What Happened With Eminem's Mom?
Debbie was only 18 years old when she gave birth to Marshall Bruce Mathers III. Eminem’s father, Marshall Bruce Mathers Jr., abandoned them as soon as his son was born, leaving the young mother to raise their child alone.
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The mother-and-son duo faced destitution and eviction at every turn, and moved frequently, in search of financial stability. Debbie was in no position to shoulder the responsibilities of parenthood. However, Eminem's mother worked hard to make ends meet, even if the outcomes weren’t always satisfactory.
Unfortunately, her childcare abilities weren’t up to her son’s liking. As is his modus operandi, Eminem badmouthed Debbie in the charged lyrics to "My Name Is," the opening track of his 1999 album The Slim Shady LP. In the song, he claims his mother did “more dope than” he did: “I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper / Make a record about doin' drugs and name it after her.”
Debbie Mathers Sues Eminem Over 'My Name Is' Lyrics
Debbie Mathers Briggs (her current husband, John Briggs, is her fourth) was blindsided by the admission. Shortly after the release of "My Name Is," she sued her son for $11 million, claiming defamation of character. Eminem’s team responded by saying his music only reflected the truth. His lawyer also said the lawsuit was a “result of a lifelong strained relationship between [Eminem] and mother,” and that it was pretty “painful” to be sued by your own mother.
Debbie was awarded a $25,000 settlement in 2001, but $23,354.25 of that went to her attorney.
The animosity between Eminem and his mother didn’t subside, however. In 2002, Eminem released "Cleanin' Out My Closet," in which he accused her of suffering from Münchausen syndrome by proxy, a disorder in which a caregiver makes up an illness or injury in a person under their care.
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As if that weren't enough, he made more references to her substance abuse in the song "My Mom": “My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs /That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her.” He also wrote how she added Valium in his food multiple times. and would threaten to throw him in the basement if he didn’t eat his meal.
My mom/ There's no one else quite like my mom /I know I should let bygones be bygones/ But she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on
Eminem, "My Mom"
Why Did Eminem Apologize To His Mom?
It’s difficult to distinguish who’s telling the truth when the atmosphere is so incendiary. However, Debbie did try to provide a context in her 2008 memoir My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem.
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“At first I went along with it for Marshall's sake -- if I made one mistake as a mother, it was giving in to my eldest son's every whim,” she wrote, alluding to how she may have added Valium to his food. but only at his insistence. She also insisted that it was an uphill battle to care for her son, given her wretched circumstances. Just because she made some terrible decisions of her own doesn’t mean Eminem should have taken the liberty to defame her at every opportunity.
He never knew his father, and I did all I could to make up for it. I wasn't happy when he made up a whole new life for himself - what mother wants to be known as a pill-popping alcoholic who lives on welfare?
Debbie Nelson on My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem.
With time, Eminem forgave his mother and apologized to her. There’s only so much room for hatred and anger, and when the years weigh down on you, you begin to realize how everyone goes through a hard time.
Who Was Eminem's Father?
In his 2013 song "Headlights," Eminem discussed forgiving his mother, questioning if he had taken his resentment “too far.” He also shed light on the role of his father, Marshall Bruce Mathers, Jr. — or lack thereof — in exacerbating tensions between himself and his mother. If he hadn’t abandoned the family at such a critical juncture, mother and son wouldn’t have had to endure so much hardship.
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At the end of the day, the 50-year-old “loves” his mother, and says she’s “still beautiful” to him. She “did her best” to raise him and his younger half-brother, Nate, even though the “cross” she bore was the heaviest of all.
But regardless, I don't hate you 'cause, Ma / You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my Ma [...] All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both /Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours.
Eminem, "Headlights"
Eminem opened Mom's Spaghetti restaurant in Detroit in 2021. However, it's not a sign that he's mended fences with mother Debbie (by all accounts, their relationship remains strained). Instead, it's a reference to his song "Lose Yourself," from the soundtrack to his 2002 acting debut, 8 Mile. The menu includes vegan meatballs, and a spaghetti sandwich (Eminem's favorite).
Let Go of Bitterness
Eminem clung onto so much rage in the first 40 years of his life that he and his mother still remain a little “estranged." It’s OK to feel a grudge, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t call out people for their dangerous behavior.
However, as you grow older, consider whether the antagonism is worth your time. Our priorities shift, we become wiser, and we tend to forgive ourselves and each other for the past. The bitterness will only deter you in your journey, haunting you every step of the way till you’re ready to combust. Instead, free yourself. It feels good to look forward to the future and not have any regrets about the past. So if you have the opportunity to rid yourself of the bitterness, take it.
De-Clutter Your Life, De-Clutter Your Soul
I’ve lived in three countries and moved at least nine times. If you count the back and forth from college, it’s probably more. It can be hard to keep track. I feel as though my life has been a constant process of giving away, throwing away, selling, and resisting accumulation.
As stressful as each move was (especially changing countries), there was always something cathartic about getting rid of things. While it was certainly disconcerting, it was also satisfying to reduce my life’s possessions to a pile of suitcases and boxes that would fit into the back of an SUV. Moving has forced me to let go of emotionally charged items that hold painful memories. Along the way, things I thought I couldn’t live without got lost and never replaced.
I always felt freer after ridding myself of physical clutter, and even discovered things that I didn’t know were superfluous additions to my life. All this roaming has taught me to be more invested in who I'm with than where I am and what I have. A move has always felt like a great unburdening — even if I was tearing my hair out trying to get it organized!
How clutter can affect mental health
You don’t have to be a hoarder to be negatively affected by too much stuff or an unhealthy fixation on owning things. Even if your home is outwardly neat, collections of things in closets and garages can weigh on the soul over time.
The worst thing about clutter is that it compounds on existing stresses. On top of that, it’s a subtle influence that people may not think about. Unhealthy associations, such as an item belonging to an ex or deceased family member, can further exacerbate this elusive psychological pain.
Psychiatrists and professional organizers often refer clients to one another. Professionals in both fields are often very good at recognizing the crossover, and so you might be surprised at the interconnected support system for people suffering from clutter-related stress. Clutter seems to have a strong correlation with grief, pain, and obsessive disorders. So the first thing I want to mention is that there is never shame in seeking professional help, even if your clutter problem is nowhere near as serious as those depicted on Hoarders.
The different types of clutter in your life
In my opinion the clutter in one’s life isn’t just physical. There are a number of ways that you can accumulate associations that you don’t need.
North America has developed a strange respect for people who are overworked and constantly busy. These traits that we laud can be extremely unhealthy, and while they create a full life, they don’t necessarily create a fulfilling one. Learning to recognize when to take time for yourself is an important step to better emotional health -- and hey, may even give you time to de-clutter physically as well.
I have also experienced a cluttered web of relationships. Especially if there is an element of inequality, in which you give more than you receive, too many friendships and relationships can sap your emotional strength and leave little left for the people who really matter.
My way to fix clutter: Move! (or pretend to move)
Moving has regularly addressed all three types of clutter that were burdening me. It forced me to cut a great number of physical possessions out of my life.
Moving also reset my work and social schedule. A new job, and needing to make friends again, allowed me to recreate my calendar from the ground up, making it easier to only take on as much as I could handle.
I also found that moving away from my regular social circle cut down on relationships that weren’t fulfilling. I naturally made an effort to keep in touch and visit the people I cared about the most, while the extra effort required to keep in touch with medemonstrated who my most loving friends were.
If you’re not in a situation to move, you can still de-clutter like you’re moving. Pretend!
I use some unlikely sources of advice when it’s time to de-clutter. Even if I’m not planning on moving, I check out packing advice for moving out. Then I pretend I’m doing it. I’ll give myself a limit -- say, one SUV excluding furniture, or one cube truck including small furniture items. You don’t have to actually pack a vehicle, instead look up the interior measurements and use them as a guide.
Empty everything room by room, then pack and label boxes. There is one vital difference: pack according to priority, not similarity. By all means put your absolute favorite book or movie in with essential items like your cookware or toothbrush. Allow necessity to include things that make you happy, but be sure they actually do. Label the boxes to indicate priority as you go along. Be specific, and prepare a full inventory list as if you were actually loading up a truck and sending it off. Label the priority of a box on a numbered scale, like 1-10. Once you’re done, consult your inventory of each box and double-check its priority. Then pick a number, and toss away every box below it.
Another trick I’ve played on myself with some success is to pretend I’m selling my house. I’ll start to think about what I need to do to each room to make it super sellable and impressive; to make it “pop.” Usually, this means getting rid of the majority of things in it. I once again look up advice about how to dress up your home for a sale. While I’m at it, a little bit of decorating and feng shui generally make me feel a lot better about each room.
Lighten your life
And then of course, there’s actually doing it (if you are). At one point, my family owned a Bed and Breakfast, a six-bedroom, four-bathroom monstrosity. Even though we had to keep it clean and clutter-free, we still ended up collecting far too much stuff: furniture and decor that we neither liked nor used, extra kitchen and dining items, enough spare sheets and towels to soak up the pool. Downsizing to a much more sensible townhouse came as a great relief, and not being able to fit everything into it made getting rid of things much easier. It was part of an exciting new process, rather than just an unpleasant chore.
So whether you’re dropping a bedroom or two, or making a drastic change and building your own off-the-grid tiny house, downsizing can be a fantastic way to lift the burdens of your life. On the other hand, please do be cautious. If you are battling with a serious trauma or disorder, it may be that no amount of personal change will “fix” your problems. But when combined with professional advice, these strategies to de-clutter your life might just make all the difference.