Close Ad

How to Identify Your Relationship Blind Spots
Woman with covered eyes
Dating

How to Identify Your Relationship Blind Spots

If you feel like you’re stuck in cycle of being in the same type of relationship over and over, but with different people, you are likely to have some relationship blind spots. These repetitive patterns are sabotaging your ability to find happiness.

“Most of us have these relationship blind spots, aspects of our personalities that are totally obvious to everyone but us,” explains Christine Scott-Hudson MA MFT ATR, licensed psychotherapist, licensed marriage and family therapist, and owner of Create Your Life Studio in Santa Barbara, Ca.


Scott Hudson says denial is a popular defense mechanism because it is pretty effective. “We can actually ‘go blind’ to aspects of ourselves that are so unwelcome, so unwanted that to even try to integrate it with our view of ourselves would not be possible, and so we disown it and reject it, relegating it to the shadows.”

Hot Stories

The better we can identify the blind spots we have when it comes to relationships, the clearer our view of the future will be.

Here are 4 ways to recognize your relationship blind spots:

1. Understand how blind spots hurt

Blind spots pop up any time we are not communicating our needs or we feel stuck in a relationship, says Patrick Davey Tully, MA, a psychotherapist in Los Angeles.

“The ‘rut’ is often due to not knowing what we want and blaming the other person or ourselves for this uncertainty,” says Tully. By exploring these awkward miscommunications, the blind spots can be discovered and alleviated.

“Any time you feel stuck in an argument or confused when talking with a partner, there's often going to be more to the picture than you initially thought,” he adds.

2. Trust your intuition more

When things feel off, try to rally think about what your intuition is telling you and then try to be more objective.

“Allow yourself [to] notice what does not feel right,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert.

After assessing what your think can be improved, turn to your partner and explain.

Close-up-of-a-couple

3. Take an inventory of the challenging issues

Make a list of what it is that you begin to notice— be as detailed as possible. As you write issues down, the situation often becomes clearer.

"For example, as a result of writing down your concerns for a few days, you might notice that your partner has a habit of breaking dates, being late, or not talking to you,” says Manly. “As a result of making notes about this, you might realize that you’re feeling disrespected, unseen, and angry.”

After identifying what needs improvement, talk with your partner openly and honestly about what you’ve noticed. “Avoid blame and strive for a non-judgmental attitude that is focused on creating a better relationship,” continues Manly.

4. Realize you may be the problem

The common denominator of struggling relationships could be you -- your actions or your fear.

“As much as possible, turn this same lens on yourself—not with judgment, but with an eye toward noticing any habits you might have that are contributing to issues,” says Manly.  

Coming to grips with your role can help open your heart and mind to put you on a path toward a great relationship.

Why Jennifer Hudson Forgave Her Mother's Killer -- Life Stories By Goalcast

At the peak of her career, Jennifer Hudson faced a horrific family tragedy. Hudson's mother and brother were brutally attacked in their family home, and her seven-year-old nephew was kidnapped. What followed was a heart-wrenching manhunt to rescue her nephew and seek justice against the man who took her family. Hudson speaks from the heart in this video on what happened to her family and how she was able to move forward.

Celebrities
ideas and thinking

bright ideas

The 21st century has brought great new opportunities for entrepreneurs. The digital revolution has completely changed the way we live -- and the landscape for aspiring CEOs and innovators.

powerful-business-woman

Keep ReadingShow less
Entrepreneurs
Sad woman arms on face
woman crying on a beach

While life is beautiful in so many ways, it is also filled with struggles and obstacles. We can’t truly appreciate happiness without experiencing some sort of pain.

Pain is inevitable. No matter how much we try to prevent bad things from happening, life will strike. Maybe you will have to face grief, betrayal or a broken heart. These experiences can tear you down in unspeakable ways. Some of them will cause so much pain that you’ll do anything that comes to mind to avoid it or feel a bit of joy, even if just for a few seconds.

Keep ReadingShow less
Authors