Adam Roa: How I Finally Got Over My Ex

The final few months of 2019 were spent battling through incredible depths of pain and sadness as I dealt with a breakup. Even though we had only dated a year, I had fallen deeply in love and the separation was difficult because I constantly found myself questioning whether or not it was the right decision.

So much of our relationship worked incredibly well and it had felt like we were divinely aligned to be together, but it ended with her lying to me and subsequent inner turmoil as I explored whether I could forgive her or not.

This period of time created a whirlwind of triggers of our past wounding, social media blocking, and eventually, months of no communication.

I wasn’t very pleased with how she was handling the situation and I imagine she felt the same way towards my own actions. I desired to move on, and yet, I couldn’t seem to let go. That’s when a powerful plant medicine ceremony unlocked a perspective shift that would become the key to my freedom. And it all started the moment we met.

I go into detail about my Ayahuasca journey in my Deep Dive Podcast “How I Finally Got Over My Ex” which you can watch on Youtube, or listen to on Spotify, Soundcloud, and iTunes. 

It was love at first sight

Meeting this woman was an out-of-body experience, unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my life. It was like someone took a hold of the controls and told me: You must meet this woman, right now.

Time seemed to stand still, everything went quiet, and she was all I could see. More than walk over to her, I floated, and introduced myself. Thus began a whirlwind of a ride that culminated in the swirl of sadness as it ungracefully concluded.

While sitting in meditation, sobbing, watching the film strip of memories flash through my mind’s eye, I felt despair. How could something so magical end in such pain? How could something I had felt so sure of suddenly be nothing more than memories?

I found myself going deeper into the resistance to what was happening, suffering through it, when a voice in my head rang out, “Would you rather you never met her?”

In that moment, everything shifted.

Instantly, I realized that I would choose the path of being with her every time over again, if it were presented to me again. I would choose to repeat our relationship even if I knew the outcome would be the same.

Her presence in my life and our relationship had made me a better person. Because of our relationship, I am a better human, a better artist, a better lover, and a better partner. I am better in every conceivable way because of what we shared. Yes, it hurts to no longer be walking hand-in-hand through life with her, but I got to live my dream.

I would choose her. Every. Single. Time. And that means our relationship was a gift in which I got to live the best possible choice for my soul; it was my dream life.

And just because it ended in a way that I didn’t anticipate and that caused a lot of pain, it does not mean that it wasn’t aligned with everything that I wanted. Our relationship was a beautiful part of the journey I want, and that allows me to look back without regret.

While this was a major breakthrough, the real work was in applying it to my life. Giving myself the space to heal and learning to love myself more than ever before. I’ve outlined some of the tools I used to do this in my FREE “5 Days Of Dating Yourself” journey so that you can be supported in your own self-love process.

The part where I moved on

After having my realization, all there was left to do was celebrate. I was able to celebrate the relationship for what it was and the love and time we spent together. My understanding that I would choose my ex again moved me into a space of deep appreciation that allowed me to love her more than I did while I was trying to move on from our breakup.

I was no longer a victim living some sad reality, but a warrior who had been through the battlefield of love and come out victorious. With beautiful lessons and eternal memories.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have difficult days or sad moments. But during the painful part of the breakup, I was focused on the parts of me that were upset and angry, reminding myself of the lies and what I hadn’t yet forgiven.

Now, I have a new foundation to view the whole relationship (and breakup). Even though we’ll end up dating new people, it takes nothing away from the experiences and love we shared, and the people we have become as a result. 

There’s a certain sweetness to celebrating something that has ended, like a static memory of looking back in time. No matter what it is that someone may be struggling to let go of, that resistance is actually a sign of how much that person cares.

So as we move through life, we get to align ourselves with love as often as we possibly can. We get to observe how deeply we have allowed ourselves to love, and be in gratitude for the ones brave enough to love us along the way. 

As always, in all ways… You are seen. You are heard. You are loved.

With love,

Adam Roa

More inspiring stories:

• Adam Roa: Why It’s Called a “Self-Love Practice”
• Will These 36 Questions Make You Fall in Love?
• Split Decisions: Is Your Relationship Really Over or Does It Just Need Work?
• What Is Your Partner’s Love Language? And What to Buy Them For Valentine’s Day