How to Change Your Life by Asking Better Questions
"My husband doesn't love me." "My wife doesn't respect me." "My children think I'm a tyrant." "My life is miserable." These are millions of similar conclusions that people come to every day. We "know" what's happening to us. We "know" what's coming. Then what is wrong if we already have all the answers? How to Change Your Life by Asking Better Questions I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. - Socrates (told by Plato) Have you noticed that there are people who have everything others can dream of and still they are unhappy? Or that there are others who seem to have so little, yet enjoy their lives? The difference can't be in having or not having things then -- money, cars, houses. What is it then? What is your vision of life? What do you think of it? Do you enjoy it? What do you like in it? Those questions lead to some answers if you start asking them to yourself. On the other hand, if you ask: Why is it so bad? Why is my life is such a mess? Why do people hate me? What is wrong with the world? We get different answers. The funny thing is that there will always be answers out there to your questions, as you will always find what you're looking for. That's why which answers you get depends on the questions you ask. That brings our focus to some specific points. The more concrete questions we ask, the more concrete answers we get, and the more positive questions we ask, the more positive answers we get. Based on this principle, we can call our life a quiz of questions and answers. And questions are playing the primary role for us. If I tell you that you must behave a certain way, it doesn't give you many options. But if I ask you, "What do you think is the proper behavior in this situation?", it invites you to stop, think and choose. All of these processes are happening in our brain all the time. After a while, we create behavior patterns and get comfortable enough in our habits that we stop asking questions and simply react with the prepared answers. This is the moment that progress stops, and we don't develop anymore. When you stop questioning because you think you "know" the answers, it leaves you with a very short list of choices, and cuts you off from all your opportunities. So now I have a question for you: Do you want to make the best out of your life? If the answer is "YES," then let's get to the second question: Do you remember how to ask questions? Not small talk, but the ones that are meant to challenge you and create new opportunities. For example: "What can you learn from today's experience?" Or "What makes you happy about your family?" These types of quality questions can be a game-changer. You can only develop when you have options for growth. So this is as simple as it gets. Lousy questions bring lousy answers and create lousy lives. Quality questions bring quality answers and create quality lives. Which one do you choose?
How to Join the Top 10% of Professionals in Your Field
Do you have something that you are good at, or perhaps a business that you want to grow? We all want to excel at something. We all want to be needed. But if everyone wants the same thing, why do only a few people get to their goals? There has to be a secret to their success, right? I wanted to find it. So I went on to study successful people, to learn how they got to where they are.They all had some fundamental thoughts and ideas, combined with simple strategies. Those strategies have remained the same for thousands of years. All you need to do is follow the recipe -- and just as with cooking, when you do everything right, success will follow. Here are some tips you need to know to reach the top 10% in your field.How to Join the Top 10% of Professionals in Your FieldSuccessful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential.- John MaxwellUnderstand what you wantThe best way to gain excellence is to love your work so much that you stop calling it work. So what do you love, and why do you love it? Which activities do you like, and why? Study your behaviors. If you don't like your work, find something you like and build a plan to get into that field. Don't settle for less than you deserve.Set it as a goalTurn that vision into a measure of your success. Set a target on where you want to get. Write it down. Program yourself and don't forget about it until you reach it. It will be only a matter of time until you get there.Learn from the success of othersUnderstand that if someone else did it, you can too. There are people up there who followed a certain path to get to where they are. Their stories are usually out there for you to find. What did they do to reach their goals? Study their experience. Ask questions. Learn the strategies.Believe in yourself Stop self-doubting. Together with complaining, they are the guarantee of your failure. If you want to reach the top 10%, you have to forget about those notions. Remember that everyone who ever reached the top 10% in their field was once in the bottom 10%. What that means is that anyone can do it, and that you are no exception. Become an expertLearn from the experts in your field. Study hard to gain excellence. Every day you should spend at least one hour (better two!) to study your field. Improve in it. Gain new knowledge and ideas. There are no limits to learning. Progress never stops.Be consistent and persistentYou have to keep going until you reach your goal. Don't stop for breaks, and don't quit. That's the key ingredient in your recipe. Nothing works the first time. It's said that it took Thomas Edison more than 1,000 attempts to create the first electric light bulb. That means he made 999 failed attempts. As he famously said, most people fail only because they quit without realizing how close they were to success. Final thoughtsWe often set low goals for ourselves because we think everything else is impossible. Our beliefs system is based on the previous experience we've had, combined with what we learned from the experience of our parents, relatives, and friends. But if we focus on those negative experiences instead of on our own goal, we program ourselves for less. Past failures don't mean your goal is impossible. They just mean we shouldn't make the same mistakes. That is why I find the third point about learning from others' successes so important. By studying the successes of other people who achieved what you want, you gain a new understanding of what is possible. Associate yourself with those people. Be happy for their success. That's how you attract it into your own life.
How to Break the Cycle of Negativity by Cultivating Gratitude
We often meet people in our lives who are unhappy. Sometimes they might not even realize it themselves. They might get angry at everything, or have trouble communicating. They might not like being alone with themselves for very long. Is it possible to beat that state? There are many examples of people who do. So can you. How to Break the Cycle of Negativity by Cultivating Gratitude Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. - Eckhart Tolle Everyone has trouble from time to time, and it can seem there are always reasons to get angry or upset. If you start to think of everything bad that has happened to you, be it with relatives, colleagues, situations, or mistakes you've made, it's easy to feel a sense of loss. But our minds are like computer programs in a way. When we focus on our sense of loss and get sad or depressed about the negative things that happen in our lives, we create new neuro-connections in our mind. This repeats every time we do it, and we end getting ourselves caught in a negative cycle that keeps bringing us back to the same dark places. We literally feed our negativity with our thoughts. The important question here is whether you want to continue that suffering. If the answer is "no," then here is our next step: We can't get rid of trouble in our life, but we don't have to focus on it. Our mind is programmed based on what we focus on. Instead of anger, trouble, and complaints, we can focus on gratitude. Create an anchor of your gratitude The easiest way to break the habit is to create an anchor. Find some small thing that you like -- a stone, a little key-chain, a cross, an amulet, anything. Hold it in your hand and start thinking of everything you are thankful for in your life. Can't find what to be thankful for? If you are reading this, you can at least be thankful for your eyes, for life, for the world, for words and language, for thoughts and heart. That process of holding a symbol of that gratitude in your hand will always be available to you. And now, every time you get into a negative cycle, just take that amulet and start feeling gratitude for what you have. Each time it will be easier. At some point, you won't need a symbol anymore, because you will have enough new neuro-connections in your mind to get to your place of gratitude without it. Change your thinking, change your life We often consider our brains to be ourselves. We forget that it is more like a tool that we have control over. Negativity, anger and sadness come mostly from safety mechanisms. Our emotions and brain are both there to protect us, and our neuro-connections respond to situations with the aim of protecting our habits. If complaining is your habit, your mind will try to protect it. Begin by being thankful for your mind, and expressing your gratitude by giving your mind time to rest. With time, you can change your mental habits, to create a world of neuro-connections that are built for joy and love. With these emotions in your life, there will be no room for negativity.
Life Is for the Living: Embrace the Journey, Not the Struggle
Early morning. The sun rises up over the horizon, its light shining through the office. It's 7:45am. And there he is, sitting in his chair. He always comes in first and leaves last. He works 60-70 hours a week. Every day is a battle. More sales, more projects, more campaigns. The phone keeps ringing. Different voices, different people, same topics. Day after day. Life Is a Journey, Not a Struggle From time to time, he goes out, and after having his lunch sits on the stairs of the building wearing his $3K suit. For a moment, he looks at the horizon and starts dreaming. But in just a second, all of his visions disappear. He straightens his tie and walks back to the office. Time to work. Is that you? Are you the man or woman in a suit? Do you spend your every day in the office, with no days off or vacation time? How does your family take it? Do you have a family? Are you happy? Our life is survived by most and is lived by a few. In a moment like this when you try to erase your dreams and get back to work, you realize that you can't be the same. When the circle gets wider it doesn't shrink. Every step of the way is helping us understand what life truly is. As Joe Cocker sings: "It's good to work... work hard and prosper As long as you take time to find The simple things That come without a price The simple things Like happiness, joy and love in my life..." We often make our lives complicated. The standards of our society demand it. But what if suffering is the societal standard too? Do you want to follow that as well? Or there could be another way? Our life is a journey. We experience it. Live it. Love it. Every one of us has the greatest gift called life. We experience it separately and at the same time, we can enjoy it together. We have to celebrate every moment. When you slow down and stop following society's patterns, you can finally sense yourself. Your inner strength. What you truly are. If you are that man in a suit and are truly happy doing what you do, then that's great. And if you lie to yourself and only do it because it is what you are "supposed to do," then you exist. The good news is that God and the universe truly love us. We are never forgotten and we always have a chance. There is always one more lesson to be taught, and the exam is simple: You pass it if you are fulfilled. You pass it if you enjoy what you do. You pass it if you truly live to your full potential, realize your dreams, and can smile to the sun.