Brenda Raftlova

Not too long ago, I stumbled upon Michelle Obama’s last commencement speech as First Lady at the City College of New York. In this speech, she highlighted a lot of different social and political issues that our world is facing today. While her entire talk was exceptionally educational and inspirational, there was one part about adversity that stood out for me in particular, and it applies also to the many failures we experience in life. “You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage," said the First Lady. "Instead, it's important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.” What a great quote, right? The problem, of course, is that it’s easy in theory, but much more challenging in practice. But that doesn't make it less true. So today, I’m here to remind you -- and myself -- that failure in life is not only inevitable but also necessary. Here’s what we all need to remember when it comes to failing. The Road to Success is Paved with Failures Success is not built on success. It's built on failure. It's built on frustration. Sometimes it's built on catastrophe. - Sumner Redstone Let’s start with an example. You have a job and you work really hard at it. You’re always the first person to enter the office, you stay late, and you even work on the weekends. One day, your employer calls you in to his office and unexpectedly lays you off. At that precise moment, your heart sinks and your entire world comes crashing down. You automatically think you’re a failure. You think you’ll never be successful. Does that sound like you? Sadly, we’re all guilty of thinking this about ourselves at some point in our life. When you do, remember these 4 simple truths to help you dust yourself off and soldier on. Failing doesn’t make you worthless In today’s world, we are constantly preoccupied with what others think about us. For some inexplicable reason, we want everyone to think we’re successful and thriving. We fear that if we fail, we’ll be perceived as a good-for-nothing. But everyone fails in life. I mean, look at Steve Jobs or Bill Gates; did they become successful overnight? Failing opens up new doors While we often think of failing as the end of the world, it’s actually a redirection. I know it’s hard to believe, but you have to understand that every time something doesn’t work out, it’s because something way better is on the way. All we have to do is work hard, be patient, and trust the process. Failing makes you stronger Although failure knocks you down on your feet, it also forces you to get back up and continue fighting. It forces you to get out of your comfort zone and try things you wouldn’t have otherwise thought of trying. In other words, failure forces you to grow. So every time you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, remember that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Failure is delay not defeat Life has a funny way of taking unexpected turns, but I promise you it’s nothing against you. You see, everything in life has its own timing, and everyone on this planet has their own personal clock. So sometimes when you fail, it’s not because you didn’t try hard enough. It’s because the universe is telling you that it’s just not your time. What can you do in this case? Trust your timing. Trust the process. Just like Steve Jobs once said: You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. - Steve Jobs And the moral of the story? To quote Denzel Washington, "You will fail." Not once, not twice, but many, many times. That’s what life is about. So stop being so hard on yourself. Focus on learning the lessons of each failure, and the next one will take you one step closer to success.

Growing up, my parents used to tell me not to disclose too much about my life. They used to say, “Keep things private. Don’t give people a reason to talk.” For a really long time, I followed my parents’ advice. I followed it because I was afraid of others talking about me and judging me. I didn’t want people to think of me in a bad way. I wanted them to think nothing but great things. But living my life constantly worrying about what others thought was exhausting. So one day, I decided it was enough. You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing. - Richard P. Feynman A few years have passed and I can proudly say that I was able to completely transform myself. I’ve finally stopped caring what other people think of me. I’m no longer afraid of sharing my life, my stories, my successes and struggles. Being able to be open about my life and not fear criticism is an absolute feeling of freedom. But getting to this point wasn’t easy. It was a tough mental battle with myself. And the only reason why I was able to win this fight was because I finally understood how detrimental caring what people thought of me was for my overall health. So if you feel like you are in the same boat I was a few years ago, here are the five things you should always remember to help you finally stop worrying about others, and start living for yourself. 1. It’s impossible to please everyone Unless you’re Mother Teresa, there will always be someone who’s going to talk behind your back and judge you. There are over 7 billion people living on this planet; it would be a miracle if everyone approved of you. The only person you should be most concerned about pleasing is yourself. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches. - Dita Von Teese 2. It's an unnecessary stress Constantly worrying about what other people think of you or your actions causes nothing but mental and emotional stress. There are plenty of other things you need to be worrying about, and this isn’t one of them. Don’t let others control you. Remember, you only have one life to live, so make it a good one. 3. It will sabotage your plans and progress When you embark on personal projects, the only thing you should be concerned about is you. You should always block out the outside noise and focus on your self-development. If you don’t, you’ll never move forward. Always make yourself a priority. 4. It’s all about you At the end of the day, the only thing that should be of importance is you and your feelings. Ask yourself questions such as: Am I happy in life? Am I happy with my achievements? Am I becoming a better and stronger person? If you’ve answered yes to all of these questions then nothing else should matter. 5. Those who judge you don’t matter Have you heard of the saying “Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep?” Well, that’s exactly how you should be living your life. Remember, you’re the lion and those who judge are the sheep. The people who love and support you will never talk negatively behind your back. These are the people who are important. Before I end this article, there’s one more thing you should keep in mind. It’s human nature to judge others. So if ever you catch yourself doing it as well, please stop. Let’s all just focus on being the best versions of ourselves and let others do their own thing.

Do you often find that you're comparing yourself to others? Perhaps to a family member, a close friend, or someone famous on social media? If the answer is yes, then welcome to the club. The sad truth is that it's the reality for too many of us. Social comparison starts at a very early age. Children discover very quickly that not everyone lives the same life or has the same opportunity as them. They see how some friends have more toys or better clothes, or live in nicer houses. As these children grow older and become teenagers, the comparing doesn’t stop. It often intensifies and turns into negative self-talk. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’ll never make it” slowly start creeping into their minds. This kind of gloomy thinking causes them to develop anxiety and depression-like impulses, which may continue well into their adulthood years. 5 Reasons You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Others The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. - Steven Furtick If you’re guilty of often comparing yourself to others, here’s why you need to stop right now. Comparison is the thief of joy I’m sure you’ve heard this saying a million times, but it’s very important to reiterate it. Comparing yourself to others only makes your life difficult and brings you misery and pain. Instead, try using others as motivation to work harder and do better. Comparison will stall your progress If you spend your days comparing yourself to other people’s achievements, you’ll never get anything accomplished. You must invest all your energy into pursuing your own dreams and goals. Don’t waste your precious time on those of others. You can’t physically change who you are You are you. You’ll always be you. You’ll never be anyone else. And although it might be hard to believe for some of us, this is actually a good thing. To explain why, here’s my favorite quote from author Jen Sincero: There will never be anyone exactly like you. You were given special gifts and talents to share with the world, and even though everybody has special gifts and talents, nobody will use theirs quite the same way you do. - Jen Sincero So start believing in the value of your uniqueness! No one has a perfect life Although you might think that a lot of people are leading an amazing life with no down sides, know that this isn’t true. Every single person on this Earth experiences problems and challenges throughout their lives. No one is exempt from this. Some people are just better at keeping it together, at least on the outside. So next time you compare yourself to your friend or neighbor, remember that you probably do not know every detail about their life. There will always be someone better than you at something I know this last point might seem a little harsh, but it’s the reality. So the sooner you accept it, the happier you’ll be. I remember, when I was younger, I would cry my eyes out every time my best friend got a better grade than me. So to soothe me, my dad would say, “There will always be someone better than you at one point in your life.” At first, I didn’t really understand where he was going with it and frankly, it left me with even more pain. But as I grew older, I realized he was right. At some point in your life, someone will beat you to whatever it is you’re after. You can’t always win at everything in life. All you have to do is work hard and try your best, and whatever is meant to be will fall into place for you at the right moment.

People go through a series of difficult experiences in life that might force them to contemplate their past. During these periods of reflection or regret, they'll sometimes wish they could turn back time, either to return to "the good old days" or to undo the mistakes they've made. They might long for a time machine because they believe it would make their lives better and happier. Goodbye Regrets: Why You Should Stop Wanting to Turn Back TimeLast night, out of curiosity, I asked a few friends of mine to answer one of two questions, either “What would they change first if they could turn back time?” or “Where would they go in time if they could?” Although none of them were expecting the questions, they each had an answer ready: “I’d like to go back to my high school years,” “If I could turn back time, I would’ve never let X into my life,” and “I would’ve never accepted my last job.” The more we discussed their regrets, the more we realized there were far more periods they would want to return to, and far more mistakes they would want to fix.Life won’t always be easy to live. It won’t always be fair. You will fall. But you will also get back up. It’s important to remember that the ups and downs in life are what make us us, and what makes each of us unique. Time-traveling wouldn't solve anything. So if you are one of those whose regrets often have them wishing they could turn back time, then here are 5 reasons you should stop looking backward, and start moving forward.You will never be able to turn back timeScientists have proven that time travel is physically impossible. So why even bother thinking about it? It’s just a waste of time!You need to make mistakes to growRemember, you are human. You will always make mistakes. Undoing mistakes from the past will not prevent you from making mistakes in the future. And even if you could undo all the wrong you’ve done throughout the years and live a perfect life, would you want to? After all, making mistakes is crucial for self-growth and development. In fact, the best lessons learned often come from the worst mistakes made.Turning back time would change your entire futurePerhaps you’re in an amazing relationship. Perhaps you have beautiful children. And perhaps you have the greatest job. Do you realize that turning back time could affect all of this? Think about it -- would you want your life to be completely different? Would you want to erase all that you currently have?You are who you are because of where you’ve beenEvery choice you’ve made, every mistake you’ve made, every single person you’ve met, and every problem you’ve encountered, has taught you something important. Everything in life is a lesson in disguise. There’s always been a plan out there for youAlthough it might not seem like it, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Trust the timing of your life! Don’t fight it!So what is the lesson learned? Stop thinking about the past. Accept past hurts and mistakes, forgive yourself, and move on. In order to live a life that is fulfilled and truly happy, you must live in the present and without regrets. Start appreciating the moments that today offers. Appreciate the fact that you have friends who you can go out with and family who you can spend time with. It's those little things that make a world of difference.