These 3 Fears Are Stopping You From Reaching Your Full Potential
Remember when you were a child and people would ask you what you wanted to become when you grow up? I would say “an astronaut.” My sister, on the other hand, always replied “a princess.” We didn’t think once about how realistic these answers were. The world was full of possibilities and we could become whatever we desired. When was it that we stopped believing? As acclaimed author Marianne Williamson says, “Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called ‘All The Things That Could Go Wrong.'" Transitioning from a child to a teenager, we start to become more self-conscious. Peer pressure, bad parenting, bullying and comparisons with others start planting the seeds of self-doubt. Are we good enough? Do we have what it takes to live up to everyone’s expectations? Our once carefree approach to life becomes tainted with fear. The fear slowly starts growing and taking control of our lives, until we are comfortably numb in the shackles of the familiar where we find safe harbor. Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. – Andre Gide Fear in some ways is a defense mechanism against pain. The Pleasure-Pain Principle is a great example of how each decision we make in life is based on how much pleasure we will get vs. the pain we have to endure. Now more than ever, in the era of instant gratification, we seek the “easy path” more and more. So what is it that is actually holding us back? What are we afraid of and what can we do to combat the fear? 1. We fear the unknown Many people try to maintain their peace of mind by holding onto the illusion of control. To a certain extent, when you stay in the same town your whole life, have had the same 9-5 job for ten years and marry your high-school sweetheart, you minimize uncertainty. I am not judging this lifestyle or whether it brings happiness, but I am nevertheless pointing out that there is a sense of comfort in the known. It feels more predictable and manageable. And indeed when the majority of our surroundings are familiar, we don’t struggle as much to deal with them. But life is fundamentally fluid and uncertain. Things can change from one day to another. In familiar territory or not, we cannot take anything for granted. So how do we combat the fear of the unknown? By acting, and trusting in ourselves. Ask yourself this: “What’s the worst that can happen?” Go ahead and do that thing you are afraid of. Go traveling alone. Quit your job. Ask that girl out. Regardless of the outcome, I promise, you will manage. Whatever life throws at you, you will bounce back. But you have to start by training your muscle of resiliency. And the only way to do this is by taking the leap. Start small. Once a week, do one thing that frightens you. Then look back at it… was it that bad? What did you learn? What did you get in return? As time passes you will start becoming more courageous, trusting in your capabilities and not letting the fear of the unknown define your actions. You’ve got this. 2. We fear loneliness We all have the need to belong. Even as Aristotle said, “Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual.” From a psychological perspective, belonging can also take the form of conformism to social norms. For example, if you have been brought up in an environment where everyone in your family has gone to university and obtained a degree, choosing to not go down that path might create the fear of not “fitting in” anymore. What you have to remember though is that the path to fulfilment is one of authenticity and the cost of that is sometimes standing alone. At the end though, it is worth it. As Brené Brown says in her new book Braving the Wilderness: “True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness both in being a part of something and in standing alone when necessary. But in a culture that’s rife with perfectionism and pleasing, and with the erosion of civility, it’s easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideological bunkers, or fit in rather than show up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism. But true belonging is not something we negotiate or accomplish with others; it’s a daily practice that demands integrity and authenticity. It’s a personal commitment that we carry in our hearts.” 3. We fear failure One of they main reasons we often choose to stay in our comfort zone and don’t pursue our dreams is the fear of failure. When something is very dear to us and close to our hearts, the feeling of “loss” is much greater. Say for example you are working on a project that you are not emotionally invested in; if it doesn’t work out, this might bruise your ego but the overall impact will be manageable. On the other hand, if you are working on something that entails being vulnerable and exposing a “true part of yourself,” just like an artist does with a poem or song, failing will feel like a part of you has been rejected. This hurts so much more. What can we do to counter this? I like to believe that failure does not exist, and it’s our perception of it that does the damage. If something doesn’t work out as planned, what if you approached it not as a failure but as a lesson learned? Next time something you love dearly “fails," ask yourself: What can I learn from this? What am I grateful for? Once you have realized that in fact this experience has made you wiser and stronger, the negative connotation is no longer there. When curiosity and gratitude are the dominant emotions, there is no room for fear. Finally, ask yourself this: is it not better to be authentic and “fail” than “succeed” in something you don’t really believe in?
8 Reasons Solo Travel Is a Fast Track to Personal Development
Do you often feel stuck? Find yourself questioning the 9-5 routine you are in and the deeper meaning behind it? When was the last time you unplugged and truly treated yourself? When was the last time you were completely free? When did you have the whole day to focus on your needs, thoughts and desires? Sometimes it all feels too overwhelming, right? There has to be something more, you say. There has to be a way to feel alive again. The good news is that there is, and everyone can experience it. It's solo travel (for at least three months), and all it takes is a little bit of courage… I just had this strong feeling that in my lifetime I don’t wanna live small and just accept the existence that I’ve been given... this like, real hunger to actually go and experience something different... it’s like this revelation of whole different ways of being. - Ella, 34, traveled one year I took the leap a few years ago and went backpacking in South America for nine months. I learnt so much from that experience, and this is exactly what I would like to share with you. Hopefully this will inspire you to do the same and finally embark on that journey you have always been dreaming about. Long-term travel is so much more than an adventure. It’s an opportunity to grow personally and apply these learnings to all areas of your daily life. Why Solo Travel Is a Fast Track to Personal Development No amount of security is worth the suffering of a mediocre life, chained to a routine that has killed your dreams. - Maya Mendoza Traveling solo teaches you... 1. How to be brave Besides the adrenaline-pumping activities you are bound to engage with, traveling solo in itself requires a significant degree of bravery and courage. You are out there alone and you have to get through things. Climbing back into bed and sleeping the problem away is not an option. When you overcome a challenge, you know you did it alone. This realization is extremely empowering. Fear is part of the package... It’s really hard work and letting go of stuff and taking big risks and jumping into the unknown completely. But if you’re willing to accept the fear and like, kind of, ride it out, then that leads to just, an amazing sense of accomplishment. And excitement and exhilaration and feeling alive... it is not just exciting in itself but a lesson you can carry with you forever then. And that’s how I always want to live my life now. - Ella, 34, traveled one year 2. How to embrace uncertainty and go with the flow Things will go wrong. The bus might break down, you may lose your passport or get food poisoning that one time you splurged and ate at a fancy restaurant. But you are still exploring an amazing destination and there’s no time to be miserable. You accept things, look for solutions and try to make the most out of it. What if we could apply this approach to our everyday lives? How much more relaxed and happy would we be? 3. Self- awareness and reflection You finally have the time and quietness to go inward. Emotions that you have been suppressing will inevitably come up. These feelings and our consequent behaviors can bring to our attention everything that has been holding us back. We have been trying to keep these emotions at bay for a while and its not going to be easy. But it’s incredibly worth it. Stay quiet; dive deeper and you will hear your inner voice. 4. What authenticity feels like You are just a backpacker from said country going north or south. No one knows your past. No one knows what car you own, how “picture perfect” your relationship looks on Instagram or how prestigious your job is. There is this anonymity, and at the same time this unparalleled feeling of equality. It’s freedom in all its essence, and you have the room to be exactly who you are. No expectations. No pressure. You’re like a blank space, nobody expects anything from you and you can start from scratch... there are no expectations, there are no people who know you. It’s like you are reduced to this... the core, to your own essence, to what you just are. You realize that you’ve gotten out of touch with yourself and yeah, that’s what scared me too. I thought, like, who am I? And am I just functioning? Am I just what other people want me to be? - Harry, 32, traveled 3 months 5. What really matters in life Our values and perspectives change while traveling. Money and status seem to loose their hold. Love, connection and gratitude take center stage. We start evaluating our decisions and life path back home. Are our decisions made according to free will or under the conditioning of society? Traveling, I believe, makes us redefine success as intrinsic will. 6. How to be present Answering that email within 20 seconds does not matter. Making sure all notifications have been read does not matter. Our surroundings are so beautiful that we have no need to distract ourselves… from ourselves. Everything is new and we are absorbing it all: scenery, smells, architecture, languages and experiences. Take a step back. What would happen if we applied this back home? How much richer would our lives be? 7. The value of connection You are alone. You are looking for a friendly gaze, a fun conversation, or even to make friends with a local. When you get what you are seeking you immediately feel elevated, like something has changed inside of you. It's not just you trying to overcome the loneliness, it’s the fact that we are hardwired for connection. These micro-moments of connection actually boost happiness and wellbeing. When traveling, these effects are more apparent than ever. This is why we are here… to love and connect. 8. The skill of communication Remember a great conversation you had with a local who didn’t even speak your language well? What made it great? And how did you communicate so flawlessly, without even needing the words? You were present, curious and you made an effort. How would our everyday encounters change if we approached them all this way? I challenge you: turn off your phone today and give someone your full presence -- it’s the best gift you can give. It’s just a huge sense of energy. It’s a connecting back to being real, to being true to yourself... everything becomes so vibrant... before, when you’re retracing the same steps day in day out, you lose that sense... you’re just doing things automatically instead of consciously. Everything comes to life — the smells and the colors and the language. And what that does to yourself inside is just incredible... things start sparking. I just felt completely exhilarated and fulfilled... and happy... it just feels very real. - Henry, 29, traveled 6 months What have you learnt from traveling solo? Please share in the comments section below!