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  • Crystal Hoshaw

    Crystal Hoshaw is a mother, writer, and longtime yoga practitioner. She's taught in private studios, gyms, and in one-on-one settings in Los Angeles, Thailand, and the San Francisco Bay Area. She shares mindful strategies for self-care through online courses at SimpleWildFree.com. You can find her on Instagram @simple.wild.free.
Is The 'One Meal A Day' Diet Safe? Here's What You Need to Know
Diet & Exercise

Is The 'One Meal A Day' Diet Safe? Here's What You Need to Know

It’s a major trend that’s known by a lot of names. Time-restricted eating. Intermittent fasting. Eating windows. The Warrior Diet. The list goes on.In case you haven’t heard of it, here’s another term to add to your vocabulary: OMAD, or the ‘one meal a day’ diet.RELATED: How to Properly Meal Prep and Why You Really Should Be Doing ItAs the name implies, the OMAD diet consists of restricting your meals to once a day with no snacking in between. It’s essentially a more extreme version of intermittent fasting, or IF, which involves restricted ‘feeding times’ along with longer periods of fasting. Is this style of eating restriction a good idea? Read on to learn the pros and cons of the OMAD diet. The OMAD Diet Defined(Unsplash)As mentioned, the OMAD diet is an extreme form of intermittent fasting. For instance, one of the most common ratios for IF involves 16 hours of restriction with 8 hours of feeding time, also known as the 16:8 diet.The OMAD diet lengthens the restriction time to essentially 23 hours, shrinking the feeding period to about an hour for a 23:1 ratio. Part of the gimmick of the OMAD diet is that you can theoretically eat whatever you want for that one hour window and still maintain or even lose weight. The diet has some high profile followers, including athletes like pro wrestler Ronda Rousey and former pro football player Herschel Walker. RELATED: Hunger Vs. Appetite: Knowing the Difference Will Help Your Fitness GoalsOf course, these top-level athletes aren’t using their single meal to binge on candy and junk food. For instance, Walker’s diet mostly consists of vegetables and bread, which affords him a lot of energy in the form of carbohydrates. The Benefits of Intermittent Fasting(Unsplash)What does the research say about the OMAD diet? Honestly, not a lot. However, there has been plenty of research on intermittent fasting in general.For instance, a 2021 study found that meal reduction to a single meal per day lowered total body mass and glucose levels, and didn’t negatively impact physical performance during exercise. A 2016 study of mice found that extended fasting with water was linked to a lower rate of diseases, including cancer and diabetes. Additionally, a small 2017 study of 10 people with type 2 diabetes illustrated that an 18 to 20 hour window of fasting each day led to better-controlled blood glucose levels. The reason for this may lie in the process of autophagy, which literally means ‘self-eating’ in Latin. Autophagy is the process by which unused components within the cells are reused for cellular repair.RELATED: Alternate Day Fasting (ADF): Is It Right for YouIn other words, it’s kind of like your body recycling itself. It’s a natural waste removal mechanism that breaks down and digests damaged, abnormal, or unused cells. As far as IF is concerned, as soon as you start consuming calories, the body stops digesting itself and instead focuses on digesting what you’re putting in it, stopping the autophagy process.However, there is a certain level of autophagy that happens naturally without deliberate IF practices. For instance, autophagy can be stimulated by:- exercise- sleep- dietary restriction, including the ketogenic diet- geneticsAccording to a 2021 review, “autophagy is a crucial determinant of cellular health and organismal longevity, and impairment or imbalance in autophagy promotes pathological aging and disease.”The Downside of the OMAD Diet(Unsplash)On the other hand, not all the research on intermittent fasting and OMAD-like diets is favorable. For instance, a 2007 controlled trial showed that eating once a day was linked to an increase in blood pressure and cholesterol in middle-aged adults who were considered healthy and of ‘normal’ weight.However, the study also showed that body weight and body fat decreased in the subjects, likely due to changes in metabolic activity.Other downsides of fasting may include:- fatigue- dizziness- binge-eating- difficulty focusing- constipation- headaches- diarrhea- nausea- bloating- malnutritionWhen restricting your eating, it’s possible to get hangry (hungry-angry) as well as experiencing fatigue and even dizziness. It’s also possible to engage in binge-eating if you’re missing food for the remaining 23 hours of the day. RELATED: 9 Foods to Improve Your Mood and Cognitive FunctioningOn top of that, fasting diets like OMAD can result in digestive issues, including bloating, gas, constipation, and diarrhea, especially if you aren’t getting a wide variety of foods and plenty of fiber.When you’re not eating for most of the day, you may also forget to drink. This is especially dangerous, as the human body can go an average of one to two months without food, but only three days without water. For children, those timelines are even shorter.In rare cases, food restriction can result in malnutrition. If you adhere to a fasting diet like OMAD for an extended period of time and your diet doesn’t contain enough micronutrients, it’s possible that you won’t get enough nutrition. This can be prevented by eating lots of whole foods like vegetables, fruits, grains, and health proteins and fats. However, you should never embark on an extended fast without approval and supervision from a doctor. Who Shouldn’t Do the OMAD Diet?(Unsplash)Experts agree that there are several categories of people who shouldn’t participate in extended fasts like the OMAD diet.These include people who are:- pregnant - breastfeeding- kids and teens- older adults who have compromised health, strength, or energy- immunocompromised- experiencing an eating disorder- diabetic- experiencing dementia- have a history of traumatic brain injuryThis list isn’t exhaustive, and it’s always essential to talk to a doctor or healthcare professional about the kind of diet that’s uniquely suited for your needs—especially when it comes to fasting. To OMAD or Not?(Unsplash)The general consensus in the scientific community is that intermittent fasting and its cousins can offer health benefits. However, it’s always a good choice to consider your unique situation and needs before you start a diet like OMAD. Certain groups of people are better off avoiding fasting diets like OMAD, and speaking to a healthcare professional about what’s right for you is a great first step. In the meantime, you can start out with a less extreme form of intermittent fasting, like a 16:8 eating window, if you don’t have any medical conditions that might be worsened by IF. KEEP READING:Woman Notices Young Mom And Her Daughter Eyeing Food At Costco – What She Does Next Is Unexpected

The Speed of Life Can Crush Your Mental Health - Unless You Take These Steps
Mental Health

The Speed of Life Can Crush Your Mental Health - Unless You Take These Steps

We often think we need to add more and more to our lives to get better, stronger, more productive, more something. In many, many, cases, we simply need a lot less fill-in-the-blank and a lot more space. The reason? A lack of space is the number one cause of imbalance that leads to stress, tension, overwhelm, and dis-ease in life.Here’s why. According to the traditional medicine of India, Ayurveda, everything is composed of the basic building blocks of the five elements; earth, water, fire, wind, and space. Space is the original element out of which all others emerge. It’s the container that holds the other elements, like outer space holds all the planets, stars, and galaxies within it.RELATED: What Is Groupthink? How To Avoid This Common BiasWhen space element is rectified, says Ayurveda, all the other elements come into balance too. In Western terms, space is the via negativa that gives birth to the via positiva by way of the via creativa. In other words, it’s the existential void that becomes the cosmic womb, giving birth to life itself.OK, so that’s a little esoteric. Let’s bring it down to earth.Get to Know Your Relationship With Space(Unsplash)Ask yourself:What would it be like if you had more space in your life?What would you do with it? What would you fill it with? What would emerge from it? What would you express with it?These are questions I regularly ask my clients as a health and wellness coach. I want them to imagine what it would feel like to have little pockets of space throughout their day to enjoy and savor life just a little bit more. Creating space is necessary for relaxation. It doesn’t involve hurrying, rushing, racing the clock, or cramming one more thing into your agenda. It also doesn’t involve forcing or competing.RELATED: Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your MindCreating space is the means by which you eliminate all of the above. When there is space, there’s no need to rush, cram, or compete. There’s simply enough to go around. Now, doesn’t that feel good?When you create space in your life, you have the time to allow your nervous system to calibrate to going slow. In other words, you have time to relax. How to Create Space in Your Life(Unsplash)So what’s the trick to creating space in your life? I imagine space as drawing margins on everything you do in life. Those margins mark the territory where space, and by association, relaxation, spontaneity, and creativity live. They’re like an altar where you create the conditions through your intention for space to arise. Of course, any artist will tell you that a completely blank canvas can be intimidating. Instead, start with baby steps. Try the tips below:Take yourself on dates.Start a mindfulness practice.Pad your calendar.Be intentional about your to-dos.Create a routine.Recover from ‘yes-itis.’Create a relaxation corner.Make room for food.Take yourself on datesIf you’ve ever read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron, you’ll be familiar with artist dates. Artist dates are personal outings with you and your inner child. They can help you cultivate the awe and magic that comes with space. Whether a walk to look at the changing fall leaves, a foray through an antique shop to find hidden treasures, or a peaceful communion with a gently rippling lake, taking the time to be with yourself is invaluable. Especially when there’s very little agenda, this time can allow the subconscious self that so often gets ignored or repressed to bubble to the surface.Start a mindfulness practiceGoing on “dates” with yourself is really the first step in cultivating mindfulness. In a sense, you could define mindfulness as showing up and paying attention to what arises out of space. RELATED: What Is the Google Effect, How Does It Hurt Your Mind – And What Can You Do About It?Once you get in the habit of simply being with yourself through dates, adding in more mindfulness activities can continue to enhance the quality and quantity of space in your life. Some ideas include:mindful movement, like yoga or qigongreflective journalingmeditationnature walksbody awareness exercisesPad your calendarThings can get busy. As such, I’m a huge advocate of scheduling nothing into your calendar. You read that right: nothing. Put it right into your calendar. It’s just as important as the playdate, the dinner date, the work meeting, the bar date with your pals, and the parent-teacher conference.In addition, I recommend padding your other meetings with extra time to digest, as in avoid scheduling back-to-back meetings if you can.Be intentional about your to-dosIn addition to scheduling your down time like it’s just as important as other commitments in your life, you can decide what’s an appropriate amount of productivity and when enough is enough.I like a trick I learned from Tony Robbins years ago:Write down your three most important tasks for the day on a sticky note.Complete only those three tasks. If you complete them all, then and only then, go ahead and grab another task.If you stick to this regimen, not only will you become much more efficient. You’ll also realize that doing three big things in one day just might be plenty. Rather than constantly striving to fill your day with more big red DONE check marks, this practice can give you the reflection needed to recognize when those three tasks, whatever they may be, were just a little taster to get you started on your day, or whether they were the beginning, middle, and end of a satisfying workday. Many times, three major tasks completed is a day well spent. Create a routineSpace is big and open and full of possibilities. When you couple it with structure, you’re on fire. Without a little bit of order and intention, space can become nebulous, amorphous, directionless, and even overwhelming. RELATED: Sensory Deprivation Tank: What Are the Benefits of ‘Floating’?Sticking to a general routine for eating, sleeping, meditating, working, and socializing can eliminate unnecessary deliberation and decision fatigue. It reduces the mental load so you can fully give yourself to each moment without anticipating the next. Recover from ‘yes-itis’It’s OK to say no. It may not be easy to always abide by this rule, but it’s necessary for maintaining your space. Here’s the kicker when it comes to space. Just like healthy boundaries, once you create it, you’ll have to maintain it.Everything in your life is going to try to eat your space. Space is a hot commodity. It’s prime real estate. Whether it’s your significant other, your manager, your workload, or your Netflix queue, everything in your life wants a piece of that space. Life is going to happen, and space is going to disappear in the blink of an eye. Your job? Protect that space like it’s your child. Get Mama Bear about your space. When you start to see your space as equivalent to your mental health, you’re getting it. That’s why saying no is so powerful.Create a relaxation cornerThis one is a little bit meta, but your space needs a space. When you create a physical space for something in your life, whether it’s an exercise room, a meditation corner, or a den for all your art projects, you are sending a big, physical message to yourself and to life that it matters.Otherwise, you’re sneaking it in through the backdoor. I highly recommend people make a space for quiet, reflection, doodling, humming, or whatever it is you like to do with your space. It doesn’t have to be a formal meditation space if you’re not into that. Make room for foodFood gives you life. It gives you energy, vitality, creativity, and sustenance. When you make space for food, you’re making space for all of these other things too. That’s why it’s so important to take space out of whatever else you’re doing to be with your food. In the modern world, we may find ourselves eating in the car or at the desk or on the train, and it’s OK if that happens once in awhile. However, the more we can sit with intention to be with our meal, the more we can imbibe of its life-giving qualities. It also gives us the chance to feel our intuition about hunger.And when we give our tummies enough space to digest all that food by not filling them to absolute capacity, we are creating space for improved assimilation and elimination (read: easy, healthy poops). Don’t hold on (to stuff)Just like creating space can prevent you from holding onto your poo, it can help you let go of unnecessary stuff too. Stuff is just the physical manifestation of a lack of space in the mind. A cluttered mind often leads to a cluttered space.When you let go of the physical stuff holding you back, you’re letting go of a lot of psycho-emotional stuff too. That’s why it can be so hard to clean out your closet that’s packed full of sentimental items and memories.Still, this purging can help you let go of the past and become more present.Your Space is Your Life(Unsplash)The bottom line is your space is your life. Without space, you’re simply running on the hamster wheel of doing. If you take the time to carve out space and treat it like the sacred element it is, you’re making room for life to give birth to something incredible.KEEP READING:Train Your Brain to Shed Distracting Habits and Concentrate Better

9 Books to Help You Say No to Hustle Culture
Pop Culture

9 Books to Help You Say No to Hustle Culture

Feeling ground down by the grind? You’re not the only one. A recent Samsonite survey of 800 U.S. adults conducted by The Harris Poll found that 65 percent of Americans say they urgently need a vacation from work, while 56 percent are experiencing burnout at their current job. With more than half of Americans struggling to keep up with the can’t-stop, won’t-stop mentality, it’s worth considering: Is the grind of hustle culture really worth it?RELATED: Is Stress Ruining Your Life? If You Don't Understand How It Operates, You'll Never Defeat ItIf you’re aching to slow down and step off the hustle-culture assembly line, these inspiring reads will help you to embrace the art of not-doing so you can take back your time and energy. How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention EconomyPhoto by Camilo Jimenez on UnsplashIn How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy, an ode to the virtues of, well, doing nothing, writer and artist Jenny Odell brings the reader into her world, where attention leads to wonder, renewal and depth of feeling. Joining anecdotes from her Bay Area life with powerful literary and historical references, Odell makes a strong case for resisting the lure of addictive technology that’s designed to profit from ever-shortening attention spans.RELATED: Here's Why Workplace Gratitude Enhances Performance and Reduces StressThe beauty in Odell’s narrative is that it doesn’t rail against the ethos of productivity, social relevance and constant on-ness. Instead, it vividly paints a picture of how paying deep attention can enrich life, inspire action and, ultimately, make our experiences more meaningful. Not only that, but Odell’s advice is practical and realistic for each of us trying to resist hustle culture. That is, it doesn’t require that we abandon technology or modern conveniences -- only that we slow down enough to pay attention to the magic already happening. Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult TimesWhether the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a sudden layoff, life is full of unforeseen circumstances. Luckily, Katherine May's Wintering: The Power or Rest and Retreat in Difficult Time, offers a fresh, compassionate approach to navigating those ups and downs without muscling your way through or stuffing down your feelings. RELATED: 3 Signs Stress Is Hurting Your Relationship - and How to Deal With ThemInstead, May shares personal stories of illness and family difficulty that give the reader permission to be deeply human. She draws on lessons from renowned authors, myth and the natural world to illustrate that weathering the deep throes of pain and upheaval may best be done with committed acceptance rather than frustrated resistance.Guiding readers to embrace sadness by leaning into the desire to rest, retreat and regroup, May offers a refreshing approach to the typical “grin and bear it” mantra. The book is ultimately a testament to the transformative power of difficulty and the possibility of something new. Rest Is Resistance: A ManifestoPhoto by Godisable Jacob from PexelsGive me your tired, your hungry, your sleep-deprived masses. Tricia Hersey, aka the Nap Bishop, is ready to kick capitalism to the curb with Rest Is Resistance, A Manifesto, a compelling and practical blend of storytelling and real-world guidance. The ultimate message? Our worth isn’t dictated by how much we produce for an exploitative and dehumanizing system. RELATED: How to Fall Asleep Fast (and Stay Asleep Longer, Too)Drawing on Black liberation, somatics and Afrofuturism, Hersey’s manifesto is a poignant and lyrical call to action for everyone who longs to be freed from the injustice of the hustle and reclaim their power through rest.Hersey argues rest is a profound act of resistance that challenges the same market logic that justified the enslavement of millions of people. In other words, rest is the way of liberation.Home BodyYou may have heard of Canadian poet Rupi Kaur’s 2022 release, Healing Through Words. But her third poetry collection, Home Body, is an equally honest and uplifting treatise celebrating love, community and self-acceptance. With the support of themes like embracing the body, arriving home, nurturing the soul and looking to nature for inspiration, Kaur’s work invites the reader to settle into a slower pace and savor the taste and nuance of each piece, whether read one at a time or all together.Her writing has a simple, stream-of-consciousness feel that makes it both relatable and intimate. The rich imagery, paired with Kaur’s trademark vulnerability, makes it difficult not to fall in love with her words.The Ruthless Elimination of HurryPhoto by Braxton Apana on UnsplashWith The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, Pastor John Mark Comer tells the story of a life that was, by all accounts, a success, but that left him struggling inside. After a trusted mentor advises him that, “Hurry is the great enemy of the spiritual life,” Comer goes on a journey to ruthlessly eliminate all forms of rushing from his way of being. RELATED: 3 Game-Changing Workplace Stressors You Can Cut Right NowDiving into the "why" behind this phenomenon, Comer provides a how-to from his personal experience to stop treating the symptoms of the modern malaise. Instead, go straight to the root by slowing the heck down, and resisting hustle culture.Comer argues that emotional health and spiritual vitality naturally arise when we choose not to join in the chaos of modern living. You know, hustle culture.Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work LessSilicon Valley business consultant Alex Soojung Pang might be an unlikely candidate to write about rest. However, his rigorous research, combined with colorful anecdotes, makes a strong case that rest is exactly what we need. RELATED: Side Hustle Ideas to Make Money or Start a Passion ProjectIn Rest: Why You Get More When You Work Less, Pang argues rest is actually the key to productivity, not the enemy of it. He points to the returns in energy, mental acuity, and overall life satisfaction. Instead of idle escapism or mindless scrolling, Pang argues for “deliberate rest,” a kind of intentional relaxation that replenishes the body, mind and spirit so you can get up and do it all again. If you’re inspired by stories by great artists and thinkers, like Charles Darwin and Stephen King, you’ll love this well-researched guide to the logic of relaxation. Pause, Rest, Be: Stillness Practices for Courage in Times of ChangePhoto by cottonbro from PexelsActivist and yoga teacher Octavia F. Raheem's Pause, Rest, Be offers a refreshing and needed invitation to stop pushing your way through life and to instead honor whatever arises. Through rest and reflection, Raheem shows the way to embrace change without burning out, and to navigate life’s challenges while staying connected and clear. With highly actionable practices, from yoga poses and mindful reflections, Raheem leads the way to experiencing life with grace — by staying present, open and connected through the power of stillness. Tired as F*ck: Burnout at the Hands of Diet, Self-Help, and Hustle CultureRevealing the shadow side of the self-help world, Caroline Dooner reflects in Tired as F*ck on her experiences with diet culture and navigating anxiety with wit, humor, and just a little bit of profanity. In so doing, Dooner gives us permission to simply say no to all the things that make us feel less than, overwhelmed, and like we are never quite enough. RELATED: Train Your Brain to Shed Distracting Habits and Concentrate BetterFrom spiritual ultimatums to cult-like self-improvement practices, Dooner shares her attempts at becoming “better” — and the eventual realization that she’s perfectly fine the way she is.The message is ultimately one of relief, as Dooner calls for a revision of toxic wellness messaging, and instead emphasizes the virtues of doing less, embracing our humanity, and simply letting go of the need to improve. How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and OrganizingPhoto by Andrea Piacquadio from PexelIf you’ve ever struggled with stress, anxiety, ADHD, fatigue or depression (read: being human), therapist KC Davis will be a breath of fresh air. In How to Keep House While Drowning, she offers the relatable, intimate story of her own challenges of giving birth to her second child, and suddenly feeling like she could never keep up, to the point she didn’t fold laundry for seven months. What seemed like a breakdown eventually led Davis to realize that her moral worth isn’t defined by how messy her house is — and neither is yours. Reframing piles of dishes as signs of a well-fed, nourished family, Davis’ outlook can help you free yourself from the pressure and shame so often associated with a disheveled home.Both in the book and on her popular TikTok account, @domesticblisters, Davis also offers practical tips for prioritizing what needs to be done, staggering tasks to tackle procrastination, and employing creative shortcuts to get things functioning again. In short, she will help you turn your home into the sanctuary you deserve while also cutting yourself a break for that mess you’re just not ready to clean up yet. KEEP READING: Are You Failing? You May Be Obsessing Over Details and Using the Wrong Approach

Children of Men Is the Movie We Need to Get Us Through Turbulent Times
Pop Culture

Children of Men Is the Movie We Need to Get Us Through Turbulent Times

After watching Children of Men as a 16-year-old, I cried in my room for three days. While that may not exactly be your typical glowing review, the 2006 dystopian thriller both touched and unnerved me deeply.Director Alfonso Cuarón’s cinematography is breathtaking and heart-rending as he depicts society grappling for its survival -- and its humanity.Children of Men's Dystopian World Is Too Close for ComfortClive Owen in Children of Men (2006)Based on the 1992 novel by P.D. James, Children of Men is set in a very near future (2027!), when humanity has become infertile. The film opens with the protagonist, former activist Theo Faron (Clive Owen), in a crowded coffee shop. News flashes across the television that the world’s youngest person — its symbol of hope — has died at 18 years old. RELATED: 120 Hope Quotes That Will Get You Through Any Tough TimesSet in a crumbling United Kingdom, Children of Men touches upon social and political themes that were already dominating headlines. The film amplifies their relevance by projecting them into an imagined future, where they can play out to logical extremes.With threats of environmental degradation, fossil fuel wars, terrorism, and animosity toward immigrants and minorities, the film felt like anything but fiction.It was like seeing the future. As a thoughtful and sensitive teenager, I felt so little hope about the world I was inheriting. And yet ...Children of Men Illustrates Another Definition for HopeClive Owen in Children of Men (2006)In her book, Hope in the Dark, Rebecca Solnit characterizes hope as "giving one’s self to the future, thus making the present inhabitable." Against the backdrop of a film like Children of Men, that definition becomes more than an aphorism. It’s a strategy for survival. The movie's imagined future is nearly uninhabitable, to the extent that there are for a suicide drug called Quietus. For many — both in Cuarón’s fictional world and in the real one — it’s easier to slip into despair. Even Owen's protagonist, Theo, has given up activism following the death of his son, opting instead for a newfound "realism" involving resigned acceptance of the state of affairs. Theo is betrayed, however, by his constant chain smoking, and the whiskey shots he pours discreetly into his coffee. As much as he may rationalize his outlook, he’s clearly affected.RELATED: 5 Ways to Turn Your Pessimism Around by Being More RealisticSolnit writes that hope is “a darkness as much of the womb as of the grave.” Hope is a balancing act between symbolic birth and death, the perfect metaphor for a movie about a world where birth has become virtually impossible. The Link Between Hope and NihilismChildren of Men (2006)But after Theo is kidnapped by his former lover, he’s tasked with securing transit papers for a young refugee named Kee (Clare-Hope Ashitey), who's revealed to be pregnant with the first baby conceived in 18 years.Theo and his young charge are, very literally, balancing between birth and death, as the gift of life also makes Kee a prime target for those who might want to use the baby for their own ends. Death and birth turn out to be tightly interwoven, perhaps even indistinguishable. RELATED: Netflix's 5 Most Uplifting and Inspirational Movies to Watch Right NowSolnit’s description of the dual nature of hope is very much like Nietzschean nihilism, a response to the inevitable contradiction of what the German philosopher called the "Christian-Moral" worldview of his day.That worldview involved the belief each person is a member of God’s flock, and God is the divine shepherd. That perspective created an order to to existence, giving humanity a role, a place and a protector. It also provided comfort, through "God’s plan," whenever inexplicable or unjust events occurred. However, for Nietzsche, this was a cosmic fantasy at best, because the prevailing rationalism and scientific spirit of the time made it impossible to support.REPORT: What Shrek and Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" Teach Us About Rejection and Perseverance“This antagonism,” Nietzsche wrote in his 1901 manuscript The Will to Power, “not to esteem what we know, and not to be allowed any longer to esteem the lies we should like to tell ourselves — results in a process of dissolution.”This dissolution is what we see happening in full force in Children of Men. Society is dissolving, with no hope left to cling to — especially now that the youngest person on Earth has died. There is no one to guide the lost flock amid the chaos, until Theo himself unwillingly becomes the shepherd. Children of Men's Hero Finds a New PurposeClive Owen in Children of Men (2006)That Theo has given up his activism, his sense of purpose -- even, perhaps, his dignity -- actually makes him perfect for the role. He no longer has his own agenda. Thus, he can act without muddying the mission with his own whims, values or objectives. For Nietzsche, Theo’s former purposelessness is existential paralysis, a mourning period for what once was — his son, his beliefs, and the hope for a better world. Had he not met Kee, Theo might have stayed that way forever. And yet, if he hadn’t been this way, he wouldn’t have been the perfect candidate to deliver Kee to safety. Having emptied himself of hope, Theo is primed to be filled with something else. He can give himself wholly to a new purpose when it’s thrust upon him, because nothing else is standing in the way. That new purpose transcends the ego completely: Theo becomes an agent for something larger than himself.Losing Hope and Finding FreedomChildren of Men (2006)While Theo’s mission is to, very literally, save humanity from extinction, it represents a deeper existential transformation. Anyone who has had to let go of their old way of seeing, believing and being can likely relate to Theo’s initial nihilism. If everything you once believed in, or cared about, is no longer true, how can you find purpose in anything?RELATED: What Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums Taught Us About Finding Humor in Trauma & DysfunctionThis stage in the existential mourning process can be a path into despair and paralysis (the grave), or it can be the birthplace of a new, more expansive, purpose (the womb). It's the precipice between despair and resignation, and between true agency and freedom. When there’s nothing left to lose, there’s nothing to hold you back. This is existential freedom. Nihilism offers a paradox in that it presents an invitation to go beyond it. It offers the fertile ground for new possibility. By completely letting go of hope and free-falling into nihilism, the attachment to any single outcome is severed. Thus, all things are possible. The Lesson of Children of MenChildren of Men (2006)This perspective on hope and nihilism ultimately illustrates that hope can only take us so far. Certainly, it can help us get through difficult times, but only by allowing us to escape from them. This dissociation is the opposite of freedom. It’s an existential trap that has us constantly wishing we were somewhere else. RELATED: 20 Sad Movies on Netflix That Will Make You Appreciate What You HaveThe doorway from hope to nihilism eventually leads to complete acceptance of what is, without the need to push it away or cling to it. This acceptance is the true meaning of presence: The surrender of all agenda to face each moment, head-on, without wishing to escape, alter or manipulate life as it unfolds in front of us. This is the existential freedom Theo experiences when he becomes Kee’s deliverer. He responds to what’s needed, without thought of his own desires. Theo surrenders so completely that, in the end, he gives his life for his mission. He reveals his fatal wound to Kee in the rowboat they share moments before she’s rescued in the final scene.The true meaning of existential freedom is freedom from the agenda of the small self. It engenders a complete surrender to the present moment that doesn’t require some heroic mission to save humanity. Instead, it’s available to all of us when we give ourselves wholly to the present moment — whatever it might be.KEEP READING: The 20 Most Inspiring Movies of the 2010s

Is Your Life in a Rut? This Simple Morning Activity Will Change Everything
Creativity

Is Your Life in a Rut? This Simple Morning Activity Will Change Everything

If you’ve ever experienced a creative rut, been stuck with writer’s block, or simply believed you aren’t a creative person, Julia Cameron’s book, “The Artist’s Way,” will change the way you think about the creative process forever.This wildly popular book, which Cameron self-published in 1992 after battling her way out of alcoholism, has transformed the way that much of the general public thinks about creativity. The book went on to be named one of The Top 100 Self Help Books of All Time. RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessThe message? That every single one of us is creative, and that the creative impulse is divinely inspired.In the book, Cameron’s twelve-week course promises to guide the inner artist out of obscurity, repression, and silence with practices and exercises designed to unblock the creative flow.The foundation of the entire course is a simple but profound exercise known as morning pages.What Are Morning Pages?(Photo by OC Gonzalez on Unsplash)Morning pages involve the deceptively simple practice of long-hand, stream of consciousness writing each day, first thing in the morning. In a sense, it’s like a meditation session done through writing. The idea is to start when the mind is fresh and undistracted and simply allow the mental contents to pour out on the page. According to Cameron’s website, “Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and synchronize the day at hand.”In “The Artist’s Way,” Cameron says that morning pages are “the primary tool of creative recovery.”The idea is to purge the mind of all its contents, especially those contents that come from what Cameron calls “The Censor.”RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessThe Censor is the enemy of the creative life, always telling the artist that they’re wrong, stupid, a waste of time, too sensitive, or not enough. Morning pages are a way to hear and let go of the voice of The Censor so it doesn’t impede or interrupt the creative flow. Some even report that morning pages helped them find inspiration, start creative ventures, or find their purpose. Morning Pages vs. Journaling(Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash)Morning pages are slightly different from journaling in several ways, including:They’re entirely stream-of-consciousness.Correcting, revising, and re-reading is off-limits.They must result in three full pages of long-form writing.They should not be shared with anyone.Aside from the above criteria, there’s no wrong way to do them.For instance, journaling often involves a coherent narrative that talks about your day, how you’re feeling, or your thoughts on a particular subject. It’s also usually motivated by the desire to write, while the length of any given entry is usually dictated by how much or how little you want to say.RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessOn the other hand, morning pages won’t necessarily have any narrative at all. They likely won’t have a beginning, middle, or end. They’re simply your stream of consciousness, however disjointed it may be. Morning pages also may not be revised or corrected. If you mess up, change your mind, or spell something wrong, oh well. Simply move on.Finally, morning pages must be three full pages of long-form writing. How to Do Morning Pages(Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash)The most important rule about morning pages is not to overthink it. “Just put three pages of anything on the page...and then do three more pages tomorrow,” says Cameron’s website. In her book, Cameron lays out the rules for morning pages explicitly:Do morning pages first thing in the morning, before any chores, work, or interactions.Morning pages are non negotiable.Morning pages are for everyone—sculptors, painters, writers, non-writers, moms, lawyers, and retail workers included.Do anything until you have filled three pages.There is no wrong way to do morning pages. Just do them. No one is allowed to read your morning pages (and it’s best if you don’t either—at least for the first eight weeks of practicing). Cameron emphasizes that you really can’t do them wrong. They aren’t meant to be art or even writing. Writing is simply the method, not the product. RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability Awareness“Although occasionally colorful, morning pages are often negative, frequently fragmented, often self-pitying, repetitive, stilted, or babyish, angry or bland—even silly-sounding,” writes Cameron.The point is not to judge what you put down in your morning pages, but to let it be. In doing so, you’ll free your mental and emotional space for something new. “All that angry, whiny, petty stuff that you write down in the morning stands between you and your creativity,” says Cameron. Morning Pages Examples(Tim's IG)Though you’re technically not supposed to share your morning pages with others, there are examples out there.Cameron’s morning pagesIn her book, Cameron provides a brief example of morning pages in which she asks a question of her inner child, “Little Julie” or LJ, and then lets the answer come to her through the pages.LJ: What should I tell them about this inner wisdom?Answer: You should tell them everyone has a direct dial to God. No one needs to go through an operator. Tell them to try this technique with a problem of their own. They will.Tim Feriss’ morning pagesTim Ferris also shares his morning pages examples on his website. The entry reads as follows:SUNDAY, DEC. 28, NEW YORKWoke up at 7:30am, before everyone else. Feels great.It’s a Sunday, so I feel I can take it slow, which is probably the reason it feels great.Why should Monday or Tuesday be any different? There are still people waiting regardless. Let them wait.It’s funny how we work and aim and strive to get to a point where people wait for us, not the other way around. Cue Get Shorty!RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessAnd yet, when we arrive at this vaunted point, the masses of people (often rightly) incessantly knocking on the door, one after another, causes far more stress than when you were a mere peon (sp)! [I was unsure of spelling]Is it because of the 100x more inbound, which decreases a feeling of self-directed free will? A feeling that you’re constantly choosing from someone else’s buffet instead of cooking your own food?Or is it because you feel you must be defensive and protect what you have: time, money, relationships, space, etc.?For someone who’s “won” through a lifetime of offense, of attacking, playing the defensive game conflicts with the core of who they are.[END]Other examples of morning pagesWant to see more? There are lots of images of morning pages shared by people who practice on Google. Morning pages on redditIf you want more advice, reflection, or feedback on morning pages, you may want to check out reddit.There are several subreddits devoted specifically to the practice. For instance, r/getdisciplined has a thread about morning pages, along with r/writing, r/Journaling, and even a dedicated r/artistsWay subreddit. Morning Pages App(Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash)Although morning pages were originally designed to be done by hand, there is a morning pages app. My Morning Pages is a simple, straightforward app that allows you to free-write your morning pages on a simple word processing interface that automatically syncs to a calendar. This way, you can easily track your morning pages and see how many days in a row you’ve completed them. RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessWhile the basic app is free, the pro version uses AI technology to provide insights on past morning pages, like the emotions you may be experiencing based on your word usage.Other popular free-writing apps include 750 Words and Day One App.What to Do When You Hate Morning Pages(Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash)Have you tried morning pages but found they aren’t for you? According to Cameron, you should just keep trying. Especially at first, morning pages may be a big turn off. RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessThey may give you a sense of impatience and the desire to get on with your day. Or maybe they start to drag and your hand starts to ache before you get anywhere near that final page. Know you’re not alone. This reddit thread offers examples of how different users overcome their morning pages ruts. What to Do With Old Morning Pages(Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash)According to Cameron, just stick them in a folder. Of course there are lots of other creative uses for them, like:use them as kindlingpaper mache with themuse them as wrapping papermake paper airplanes out of themcut or tear them up to make silly nonsense phrasesSome people may also like to store their morning pages for reflection or even to use as material for future creative projects.RELATED: Hero of the Week: Selma Blair Walks Oscar Red Carpet ,with Cane, Advocates MS and Disability AwarenessThe possibilities are pretty limitless.It must be stated that while morning pages may be therapeutic, even life-changing, they aren’t a form of therapy. If you suspect you may have a mental health condition like anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, or others, it’s important to get the support you need by speaking with a licensed professional. A Simple Habit for Profound Change(Getty)People from just about every walk of life have reported that morning pages have had a life-changing impact on them. Whether you’re a writer stuck in a rut, an aspiring artist seeking inspiration, or you simply want to become less critical of yourself, morning pages are a simple habit that can create major shifts in your inner world. KEEP READING:Relationship Goals: John Krasinski and Emily Blunt Show Us Love at First Sight Exists

Are You at Risk of Being Cancelled? Here’s Everything You Need to Know
Pop Culture

Are You at Risk of Being Cancelled? Here’s Everything You Need to Know

If you haven’t been living under a rock since the 2010’s, you’ve almost certainly heard of cancel culture. Love it or hate it, this contemporary spin on collective dissent touches nearly every corner of public discourse, from politics to showbiz to internet memes and beyond.RELATED: Newer Generations Are Critical of Harry Potter – Do They Know Something We Don’t?To some, cancel culture is the voice of truth making itself heard through cooperative protest. For others, it’s a dangerous threat to free speech. For others still, it’s simply a form of entitled tantruming on the part of an idle but vocal majority. So what’s the real story? Let’s break it down. What is Cancel Culture? (Wesley Snipes in 'New Jack City')Cancel culture is a term that merged in the early 2010’s and has only picked up steam from there. According to Vox, the term has its origins in a scene from the 1991 film New Jack City when gangster Nino Brown, played by Wesley Snipes, breaks up with his girlfriend with the phrase, “Cancel that b****. I’ll get a new one.”Ironically, that charming line may have given birth to what’s become a force used by some to call out misogyny, sexual abuse, transphobia, and other injustices. In other cases, canceling can simply be a lack of empathy for others' flaws, devolving into a highly visible form of bullying and public shaming. Call out cultureCall out culture differs from canceling in the sense that it’s more commonly used by progressives, radicals, activists, and community organizers to “call out” injustice. These instances usually involve specific examples of behaviors and comments that violate a particular principle or embody prejudice in some way.Still, like cancel culture, call out culture isn’t cut and dry.To some, it’s a form of accountability, even a form of public service. To others, it’s shoddy activism at best and toxic bullying at worst. Even former President Barack Obama has an opinion on call out culture, sharing publicly at the Obama Foundation Summit that “This idea of purity and you’re never compromised and you’re always politically woke and all that stuff, you should get over that quickly.”He goes on to say there’s a misconception that making change involves being “as judgmental as possible” and that “casting stones” is easy to do. “That’s not activism,” he concludes.Cancel Culture and Political CorrectnessWhile political correctness has arguably been around for longer, the two usually go hand in hand. The term is meant to describe language or forms of expression, including measures and legislation, that marginalize, trivialize, insult, or exclude certain groups of people—specifically those that are traditionally disadvantaged or who experience prejudicial treatment. RELATED: Eminem Reveals The Real Reason Why He’s Still Single After DivorceLike cancel culture, political correctness often comes up in the free speech debate. Some argue that the language we use can have as much power as our actions and can make the difference between inclusion and condemnation. Others feel that policing the way people speak is simply another form of oppressive “big brother” behavior that limits free speech and quells constructive debate. Famous People Who Have Been ‘Canceled’(Getty)There are plenty of examples of high profile people, both famous and infamous, who have been canceled. Cancel Culture Example 1: Adam RapoportOne of the infamous examples is Adam Rapoport, former editor-in-chief of Bon Appetit. In 2020, after images re-surfaced on Twitter of Rapoport dressed up as a Puerto Rican person for Halloween, he was effectively canceled. Only hours later, he resigned. Cancel Culture Example 2: Lea Michele of GleeLea Michele of Glee fame was also canceled in 2020 in response to her Tweet in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement. Afterward, former Glee co-star Samantha Ware called Michele out for “traumatic microaggressions” off-screen, claiming that Michele even tried to get her fired. As a result, a number of Glee cast-members stepped forward to back up the claims, including their own accusations of racism, taunting, and bullying. Cancel Culture Example 3: AdidasAn older example of cancel culture before the term was in wide circulation is Adidas’ so-called ‘shackle shoe.’ RELATED: Amber Heard’s Histrionic Personality Disorder Diagnosis Is Vital to Understanding Celebrity CultureThe unfortunate shoe design featuring prison-orange shackles attached to classic Adidas trainers surfaced in 2012. It was on its way to being produced for the market before public backlash forced Adidas to reconsider.Cancel Culture Example 4: JK RowlingMany a Harry Potter fan were dismayed when author J.K. Rowling retweeted an op-ed about “people who menstruate,” joking sarcastically “I think there used to be a word for those people.”The internet responded with plenty of backlash, leading Rowling to post a response on the subject on her website, which only garnered more backlash. Even Harry Potter star Danielle Radcliffe had something to say about it.Cancel Culture Example 5: EminemA more subtle example of cancel culture at work is an ongoing Twitter conversation with the aim to cancel Eminem. This cancellation is more of a retrospective than it is in response to anything the rapper has done recently. It may be a cancellation that’s mostly relegated to Gen-Z due to the rapper’s lyrics over his 30-plus year career that have glorified misogyny, domestic abuse, homophobia, and murder.Can You Recover From Being Canceled?(Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash)The question of whether you can recover from being canceled depends on several factors. When it comes to celebrities and other public figures, those who’ve committed sexual assault and abuse are the least likely to bounce back, whether in their popularity or in their career prospects. Perhaps that’s a good thing. When it comes to other unsavory behaviors, it depends. Most of the celebrities mentioned above have bounced back at least to some degree. What it takes to move past getting canceledWhen it comes to individuals, being canceled may not be such a nail in the proverbial coffin. A changed screen name may be all it takes to recover.RELATED: Kate Middleton’s ‘Shocking’ Moment at the Queen’s Jubilee Wasn’t Embarrassing – It Was Refreshing Of course, the main way to recover from any kind of public shaming is to have a strong sense of self and a strong support network. If you know and accept who you are and those closest to you do too, you'll be far less affected by the tides of public opinion. Is Cancel Culture a Problem?(Photo by Jonas Leupe on Unsplash)So the question remains: Is cancel culture a problem? The public seems to be divided. To some, cancel culture will remain an immature form of public shaming that doesn’t live up to the promise of real social justice work. To others, cancel culture is a threat to free speech, stepping on the toes of the idea that people should be allowed to say whatever they want without repurcussions, no matter how stupid or bigotted it may be. For others, cancel culture is the public’s way of serving up vigilante justice in the wild west of the internet age, keeping power accountable and preventing discrimination from going unchecked. When it comes to these opposing views, you’ll have to decide for yourself. KEEP READING:Lizzo Was Almost Canceled Over an Offensive Slur – Her Surprising Response Changed Everything

'Children of Men' Is the Movie We Need to Get Us Through Turbulent Times
Pop Culture

'Children of Men' Is the Movie We Need to Get Us Through Turbulent Times

After I saw 'Children of Men' in the theater as a sixteen-year-old in 2006, I fell into a depression and cried in my room for three days. While that may not exactly be a glowing review, the movie both touched and unnerved me deeply. Director Alfonso Cuarón’s beautiful cinematography is at once breathtaking and heart-rending as he tells the story of a broken society grappling both for survival and humanity.In a not-so-distant future in which the human race has become infertile, the film opens on a scene of protagonist and former activist Theo in a crowded coffee shop. A breaking news story flashes on the TV, reporting that the world’s youngest person—and the last symbol of hope for many—has been killed at eighteen years old. Set in a crumbling version of London deemed the last ‘safe’ place on Earth, the film touches on social and political themes that were already dominating headlines at the time of release, amplifying their relevance by projecting them into an imagined future where they could be played out to one of many logical extremes. At the time, the images I saw on screen felt like a premonition.RELATED: The Harry Potter Stars Open Up And Get Vulnerable About Their Time In The FranchiseBetween the threats of environmental degradation, fossil fuel wars, the then-prominent narrative of terrorist hostility toward the U.S., and resulting animosity toward immigrants and minorities, I couldn't help but feel as though what I saw in the film was more than fiction. It was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing the future. As a thoughtful and sensitive person, I felt so little hope about the world I was inheriting. And yet...A Theory of HopeIn her book, Hope in the Dark, writer Rebecca Solnit characterizes hope as "giving one’s self to the future, thus making the present inhabitable." Set in the backdrop of a film like Children of Men, this definition becomes more than a positive aphorism—it’s a strategy for survival. In this imagined future landscape, the present is very nearly uninhabitable, to the extent that advertisements for a suicide drug called Quietus are a commonplace and seemingly accepted alternative to enduring life as the world crumbles. For many—both in Cuarón’s fictional world and in the real, present-day one—it’s easier to slip into despair, to numb out, to stop feeling altogether. Even protagonist Theo has given up his activism days after the death of his son, opting for a newfound ‘realism’ involving resigned acceptance of the state of affairs. However, he’s betrayed by his constant chain smoking and trained, unhesitating shots of whiskey that he pours discreetly into his coffee. As much as he may rationalize his outlook, he’s clearly affected.RELATED: George Lucas’ Biggest Star Wars Risk Will Destroy Your Fear of FailureOn the subject of hope, Solnit writes that it’s “a darkness as much of the womb as of the grave.” Hope is a balancing act between symbolic birth and death, the perfect metaphor for a movie about a world where birth seems to have become impossible. However, after Theo is kidnapped by his former lover and political activist Julian, he’s charged with the task of securing transit papers for a young refugee named Kee, who turns out to be carrying the first baby conceived in eighteen years in her womb.Now Theo and his young charge are very literally balancing between birth and death, as the gift of life also makes Kee a prime target for any number of power-hungry agents who might want to use the baby for their own ends. Death and birth turn out to be tightly interwoven, perhaps even indistinguishable. Nietzsche and NihilismSolnit’s description of the dual-nature of hope is very much like Nietzschean nihilism, a response to the inevitable contradiction of what the German philosopher called the ‘Christian-Moral’ worldview of his day.That worldview involved the belief that each individual was a member of God’s flock and God the divine shepherd. This perspective created an order to the world, gave humanity a role, a place, and a protector, and provided comfort via ‘God’s plan’ whenever unexplainable or seemingly unjust things took place.However, for Nietzsche, this was a cosmic fantasy at best, as the prevailing rationalism and scientific spirit of the time made it impossible to support.“This antagonism,” writes Nietzsche in The Will to Power, “not to esteem what we know, and not to be allowed any longer to esteem the lies we should like to tell ourselves—results in a process of dissolution.”RELATED: How Dan Levy Fought through Anxiety to Change The World – One Love Story at a TimeThis dissolution is what we see happening in full force on the world stage in Children of Men. Society is quite literally dissolving, with no truth or hope left to cling to—especially now that the youngest person on Earth has been killed. There is no shepherd to guide the lost flock amidst the chaos of a crumbling world until Theo himself unwillingly becomes that shepherd. A loss of hopeful innocenceThe fact that he’s given up his activism, his sense of purpose, even perhaps his dignity, actually makes him perfect for the role. He no longer has his own agenda. Thus, he can act without muddying the mission with his own personal whims, opinions, values, or objectives. For Nietzsche, Theo’s former purposelessness is existential paralysis, a mourning period for what once was—his son, his beliefs, and the hope for a better world. Had he not met Kee, he might’ve stayed this way forever. And yet, if he hadn’t been this way, he wouldn’t have been the perfect candidate to deliver Kee to safety. Having emptied himself completely of hope, he’s primed to be filled with something else. Theo can give himself wholly to a new purpose when it’s thrust upon him because he has nothing else standing in the way. This new purpose transcends the ego completely: Theo becomes an agent for something larger than himself.Losing Hope, Finding FreedomWhile Theo’s mission is to very literally save the human race from extinction, it represents a deeper existential transformation. From the existential void to the cosmic wombAnyone who has had to let go of their old way of seeing, believing, and being can likely relate to Theo’s initial nihilism. If everything you once believed in or cared about is no longer true, how can you find purpose in anything? RELATED: Robert Pattinson Refused to Do One Dangerous Thing for The Batman, Calling It ‘Part of the Problem’This stage in the existential mourning process can be a path into despair and further existential paralysis (the grave), or it can be the birthplace of a new, more expansive purpose to emerge (the womb).The paradox of nihilismThis stage of the mourning process is the precipice between despair and resignation and true agency and freedom. When there’s nothing left to lose, there’s nothing left to hold you back. This is existential freedom. Nihilism offers a paradox in that it presents an invitation to go beyond it. It offers the fertile ground for new possibility. By completely letting go of hope and free-falling into nihilism, the attachment to any single outcome is severed. Thus, all things are possible. Hope vs. PresenceThis perspective on hope and nihilism ultimately illustrates that hope can only take us so far. Certainly, it can help us get through difficult times, but only by allowing us to escape from them. The opposite of freedomThis dissociation is the opposite of freedom. It’s an existential trap that has us constantly wishing we were somewhere else. The doorway from hope to nihilism eventually leads to complete acceptance of what is, without the need to push it away or cling to it. This acceptance is the true meaning of presence: The surrender of all agenda to face each moment head on, without wishing to escape, alter, or manipulate life as it unfolds in front of us. Freedom and the loss of the selfThis is the existential freedom Theo experiences when he becomes Kee’s deliverer. He simply responds to what’s needed in the moment, without thought of his own desires. His surrender is so complete that in the end he gives his life for it, as he reveals his fatal wound to Kee in the rowboat they share moments before she’s rescued in the movie’s final scene.The true meaning of existential freedom is freedom from the agenda of the small self. It engenders a complete surrender to the present moment that doesn’t require some heroic mission to save humanity. Instead, it’s available to every one of us when we give ourselves wholly to the present moment—whatever that moment might be.KEEP READING:Why Natalie Portman Left Marvel Movies – And Why She Returned in Thor: Love & Thunder

Impatience May Be Destroying Your Relationship - Here Are 5 Ways to Fix That
Dating

Impatience May Be Destroying Your Relationship - Here Are 5 Ways to Fix That

Patience is a virtue, as the old saying goes, but what does that really mean?We live in a culture where patience isn’t often rewarded: everything is framed as a time shortage, from the Space Race of the 50s, 60’s, and 70s to the next can’t-miss-it blowout sale.At the same time, behind the wider and often distracting stage of pop culture, perennial wisdom tells a different story—and there’s plenty of research to back it up. When it comes to healthy relationships, patience is vital. RELATED: You’re Emotionally Checked Out and It’s Destroying Your RelationshipImagine parenting, dating, or having a successful career without it!Behind the wider and often distracting stage of pop culture, perennial wisdom tells us that patience may be the key to deeper understanding and intimacy—and there’s plenty of research to back it up.From the ancients to contemporary psychology and even yoda, learn how patience can benefit everything from your professional connections to your romantic endeavors. How Patience Benefits Relationships(Photo by Candice Picard on Unsplash)While there are plenty of solo benefits to practicing patience, as we’ll discuss below, who would we be without our relationships? In a sense, you could say we are defined by how and with whom we relate. If you think about where impatience may rear its head most often, it’s likely in your intimate connections. The people closest to you may be the best at pushing your buttons and grating your nerves. In some cases, they may reflect your unsavory characteristics back to you with unflinching honesty. In the workplace, patience can prevent you from reacting too quickly to an irritating colleague or getting frustrated with your team when a project gets stalled. RELATED: New Research Exposes a Devastating Truth about Your Life OnlineRelating without patience can lead to arguments, finger-pointing, and even blowups. On the other hand, you can use the friction of your relationships as an opportunity to cultivate patience and reflection. This can lead to prosocial traits like:increased empathy and helping behaviorsresponding rather than reactinga focus on process rather than productimproved communication and listening skillsincreased self-reflection and self-responsibilityAll of these qualities are major benefits when it comes to having healthy, satisfying relationships—in the workplace, in the home, and even with yourself.Patience Leads to Increased Empathy(Photo by Tanny Do on Unsplash)A famous 1973 study conducted at Princeton known as the Good Samaritan experiment focused on how rushing might discourage people from helping each other out.The study divided seminary students, presumed to be a particularly empathetic sampling of people, into two groups. They were dubbed the “hurried” group and the “unhurried group, respectively. Each group was told they had to deliver a sermon at a certain time and place. However, the hurried group was told they were running late.As the students approached the building where they were expected to deliver their sermon, they had to pass by an actor who was pretending to be sick and in distress. The study found that 63 percent of the students in the unhurried group stopped to help the man, while only 10 percent of the hurried group did so. Increasing helping behaviorsThese results show very clearly that being in a hurry—in other words, lacking patience—leads to a decrease in what the study called “helping behaviors.”In contemporary psychological terms, we might call this “empathy.” Why does it matter for your relationships?RELATED: Is Your Relationship Volatile? Here Are the 5 Things You’ve Been Messing UpIn short, feeling hurried, rushed, or impatient makes you focused on one thing: getting to your destination, whether that’s a physical place or getting your opinion heard. When you’re focused on “getting there,” it’s difficult to be present and engaged in the moment. Patience and receptivityAs a result, you’re far less likely to have an open and receptive attitude toward another person. Whether they’re telling you about difficult news, an alternative point of view, or simply a funny anecdote they wanted to share, impatience makes you hyper-focused on your goal of “arriving,” putting on the blinders to the feelings and needs of others. A 2007 study confirms this, noting that patience can lead to positive qualities like:cooperationempathyequitable relatingforgivenessPatience Leads to Responding, Not Reacting(Photo by Jarritos Mexican Soda on Unsplash)In step with leading to an increase in empathy, patience can help you pause and digest before you have a knee-jerk reaction.In other words, patience can help you avoid putting your foot in your mouth or saying something you don’t mean. It can also make you a better partner or teammate. Patience and cooperationAccording to a 2012 study, patience involves “the propensity to wait calmly in the face of frustration or adversity.” The study also noted that patience “buffers against emotions in stressful situations, allows the person to cope more adaptively with frustrations, and facilitates positive interpersonal interactions.”RELATED: How to Deal With An Unsupportive PartnerAn older 2008 study noted that patience is correlated with cooperation, in other words, being a team player. Patience & the need to be rightWhen you and a loved one, friend, or colleague have a difference of opinion, patience can help you detach from the drama of the situation and focus on responding skillfully. It can also help you focus on finding solutions rather than “winning” or being right. Focus on Process, Not Product(Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash)Ask any artist and they’ll likely tell you: Creativity is about process, not just product. When you have the patience to surrender to the process of whatever you’re doing, it means you’re not focused on the outcome.Finding flow through patienceThis kind of focus and attention to the present is sometimes called a flow state. Coined and popularized by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, it’s correlated with peak performance, absorption in an activity, and even enhanced levels of joy.RELATED: Kendrick Lamar’s Song ‘The Heart Part 5’ Is a Heart Wrenching Tribute to the Power of ForgivenessThis skill comes in handy in everything from nursing a crying baby to completing a construction project to painting the Mona Lisa. Patience in the bedroomNot to mention, this kind of commitment to the moment rather than the goal can go a long way toward making you a better lover. How’s that for improving your relationships?Improved Communication & Listening Skills(Getty)Focusing on the process can also be a major benefit for conflict resolution. Instead of rushing to find solutions, patience can help you be a better listener. It can also help you take the time to cool off before forging ahead to “fix” a situation. This involves listening to both the perspective of the other person as well as your inner emotional state.RELATED: How to Flirt With A Girl: Impress Without Being CreepyDelaying the problem-solving portion of a conflict in favor of staying with emotions as they arise can lead to a number of helpful outcomes, including:helping you and the other person to feel seen and heardallowing space for emotions to exist with suppressing or “fixing” themidentifying clear boundaries between powerful emotions and objective reasoningSome helpful skills to facilitate this include using “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated when you jump to conclusions rather than try to understand where I’m coming from.” It can also be helpful to take a step back and, in cooperation with the other person, establish a shared intention around the desired outcome of the conversation. Improved Self-Reflection & Self-Responsibility(Photo by Elisa Photography on Unsplash)By far one of the most far-reaching benefits of patience for relationships and life in general is that it improves self-reflection skills. The ability to look within at your own motives, insecurities, and desires can help you avoid the pitfalls of self-sabotage. It also takes plenty of patience and the unwillingness to be uncomfortable to do it. When you reflect and get honest with yourself about your hangups, your habits, and your compulsions, you’re starting on the road to freedom from them. Also known as introspection, this kind of radically honest self-awareness can do wonders in relationships. Admitting when you’re wrongFor instance, self-reflection can help you take responsibility when you’re wrong. Instead of constantly defending your actions or words without the ability to step back and realize you might have been out of line, reflection can help you see the bigger picture. Maybe that strong reaction to your girlfriend’s flirting or your colleagues’ criticism had more to do with your own past hang ups or personal insecurities than it had to do with the actual situation. Recognizing the mental distortions that may characterize your actions and feelings can lead to greater freedom from them. No matter what the relationship, there is nothing more sexy, mature, or professional than admitting when you’re wrong and taking responsibility for it.Avoiding manipulationEver been in a relationship with an energy vampire or a gaslighter? Patience and self-reflection can help with that too. Taking the time to reflect on the situation, your motives, and the language of the other person can help you detect when you should actually take responsibility for a conflict and when you can protect your boundaries from false accusations.RELATED: How to Maintain a Long Distance RelationshipIf your reflections lead you to conclude you’ve acted in good faith, you can let it go. And if the other person seems unwilling to, it may be time to let them go. Building Better Relationships With PatienceFrom your manager to your toddler, patience is an invaluable tool that can help you relate better to any person or situation. Next time you notice you're tapping your foot at the cashier or zoning out while your loved one shares, see if you can bring your attention back to cultivating patience. You'll likely see the fruits of your efforts in richer, more fulfilling, more enjoyable relationships.KEEP READING:The Buddhist Practice of Sympathetic Joy Leads to Happier Relationships

Are You A Good Person? This Theory Might Reveal The Truth
Self-Development

Are You A Good Person? This Theory Might Reveal The Truth

Philosophers have been debating about human nature since the dawn of history. Some have argued that people are inherently good, others say we’re basically selfish. Still others say whether you’re a good person comes down to your choices.Enter the shopping cart theory, the everyday ultimate litmus test of morality.Breaking Down the Shopping Cart TheoryThe shopping cart theory presents the idea that a person’s moral character can be determined by whether they willingly return their shopping cart after unloading their groceries. The civilian who brings the cart back to its proper resting place is a selfless person, the theory goes, whereas the person who chooses to abandon the cart in the parking lot is not. Origin of the shopping cart theoryWhile Socrates once sat in the agora, or marketplace, of Athens, challenging the views of politicians and aristocrats, it may come as no surprise that the modern forum for philosophical debate is none other than the Twittersphere. It’s there that the shopping cart theory first emerged. The shopping cart theory apparently made its debut circa May 2020 when a Twitter user referred to it as “apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it."He argued that this test alone is the ultimate way to determine the quality of someone’s values or moral character.RELATED: How to (Actually) Finish A Creative ProjectThe author of the Twitter post goes on to say, “A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it."While this is a pretty strong statement, the reasoning is that there are no real obstacles preventing someone from returning a shopping cart, yet there are no laws enforcing it. At the same time, returning the cart offers no reward, so the only real motive for doing it is to abide by a subtle social contract.“No one will punish you for not returning the shopping cart, no one will fine you, or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart,” says the Twitter post. “You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct."Because there’s no reward or ulterior motive to avoid punishment, the theory goes, this test shows whether someone will do what is right just because, thus providing the perfect backdrop for examining moral character.Twitter’s response to the shopping car theory“The Shopping Cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society,” the Twitter post concludes. Much of Twitter seems to agree.For instance, user @bekahbooooo_ says “​​Idk I just feel like as someone who once worked a retail job, I might not be required to put it back but the guy working would really appreciate it so I might as well make someone else’s day easier?? Idk it’s more about respect for the worker and not the unspoken societal law.”In a reply to the above, user @nyahoarder says, “I mean yeah that’s the idea. having that level of respect and consideration for a stranger is what makes you a ‘good member of society.’”Still, there were a few scattered posts on the other side of the argument.One user, @thedxman, felt especially strongly about it:“It's a shitty theory, ignoring disabled people and others who may not be able to return a trolley, putting them in a "extreme emergency" vs "not even human" comparison. It's shitty analysis on every level,” the user says. “Yeah, return your shopping cart. Also appreciate reasons ppl don't.”What is self-governance?According to the shopping cart theory, whether or not you return your cart after your shopping trip determines whether you’re capable of self-governance.But what exactly does that mean?Self-governance is the ability of an individual or group to regulate themselves without the management of an outside force or authority. RELATED: Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your MindIn the case of the shopping cart theory, self-governing refers to personal conduct that demonstrates self-control, self-discipline, and respect for the collective.Shopping cart theory testWant to test out the shopping car theory for yourself? All you have to do is pay attention the next time you’re at the store. Do you have the impulse to leave the cart behind, but put it away anyway? To some, this indicates you’re a decent human being.There are plenty of other scenarios you can apply this logic to aside from the shopping cart test. Simply observe what you do in those moments when no one is watching and you have the choice to act or not to act in a selfless way without consequence. In this situation, do you choose kindness—or not?Real Life Shopping Cart Theory Examples(Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash)Several users shared reasons that they choose to leave their shopping carts at times, or at least possible reasons why we should be understanding of those who do. “A good reason not to return it is if you are alone, with young children, and you are too far from the return to leave your kids alone in the car,” says user @UrbanPat. User @Ryan_Secord argues that “leaving carts for employees to gather is job security, and therefore a good deed.”“Only times I haven’t done this has been in situations at night when I felt unsafe in the parking lot,” says user @MellisaJPeltier. “Rare times, but as a survivor of violent crime, it’s a choice I believe is right for me. Otherwise, I’m a very good citizen, apparently.”RELATED: 7 Habits of Successful People You Need to KnowUser @runawaywithme points out that the shopping cart test doesn’t work in countries that require payment to use carts:“This is so flawed, because in the netherlands (and other countries as well for sure) you actually have to put a coin in the cart to be able to take it with you, so if you want that coin back, you need to put the cart back where it belongs. seems to work for most people.”Limitations to the Shopping Cart Theory(Photo by marianne bos on Unsplash)As these users point out, the shopping cart theory has some serious limitations as to how much it reveals someone's moral character.It’s location-specificFirst of all, it can only apply to shoppers in countries or locations where shopping carts aren’t regulated by pay-to-use systems, and returning it to a designated spot isn't compulsory. It’s ableistAs several users pointed out, it may also be ableist. Ableism is discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.For instance, a shopping cart user who walks with a cane, cast, or other mobility device may find it to be a hardship to return a shopping cart. Concluding that they’re “no better than an animal” or “an absolute savage” because of that isn’t quite fair.It doesn’t consider extenuating factorsThe same may be true of the parent with small children secured safely in the car with the cart return too far away to be considered safe, or other dire emergencies that get in the way.Too black and whiteAnother major flaw in the theory, some say, is that it’s too black and white. What of the person who returns their cart most of the time, but on a particularly rough day decides to leave it behind? What if a person spent most of their life abandoning the cart but has recently decided to change their ways?RELATED: Don’t Work Hard, Work Smart With These Life HacksOne thing that can be said of human nature is that we crave certainty, and this is especially true when we try to define right and wrong. Having rules and answers for life’s tough questions gives us a sense of comfort and stability, even when those questions can’t really be answered.In the end, defining good and bad isn’t as easy as one simple test that can be applied as a blanket-theory to all of humanity. Nor are people so simple that we can sort them neatly into those categories. The vast majority of us have nuanced personalities with a whole slew of qualities, idiosyncrasies, and outright quirks that play a major role in how we interact with the world. In the midst of all that, I’ve yet to meet a single person who’s never done something others might deem as “bad.” Perhaps as we muse about human nature, the very first thing to realize is that we’re neither good nor bad—but we all contain the potential for both. That said, while human nature may be a little bit of everything, there’s still no doubt that choice plays a major role.Based on the Shopping Cart Theory… Are You a Bad Person? (Photo by Fares Hamouche on Unsplash)In the end, the shopping cart theory may not be the definitive test for whether or not you’re a bad person.Still, it presents some interesting things to consider. What do you do when no one is looking? When you know a good deed doesn’t benefit you directly, do you still choose to do it?And now that you’ve come across the shopping cart theory, might those answers be different? Whatever your answers might have been now or in the past, you still have the choice to define what they’ll be in the future. Therein lies your answer.KEEP READING:Train Your Brain to Shed Distracting Habits and Concentrate Better