These 5 Powerful Practices Will Strengthen Your Relationships
I dare say that all of us want healthy, strong, and beautiful relationships, so that when challenges arise we have the ability to overcome them together, working as a team. Despite that strong desire, our daily behavior sometimes seems to go in the opposite direction. There are definitely practices that strengthen our relationships and others that gradually destroy them. And I'm not talking only romantic relationships, but rather any meaningful relationship we have in our lives. It is important to self-evaluate what kind of behaviors we exhibit in our most important relationships to ensure that we are strengthening them and not driving their deterioration. And while this may be common sense, it is most definitely not a common practice. There are no perfect formulas for the relationships, it is an art. However, the invitation is that you start to see more carefully your key relationships and if these 5 ingredients are always included. # 1 Listening "Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self". - Dean Jackson In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey defined it in a wonderful and empathetic way: first seek to understand and then be understood. Listening is a way of giving psychological air, and a key component in all healthy human relationships. How many of us listen to replicate, to give an argument, to convince or invalidate the position of the other party? What if we were to listen only to understand, even if we do not agree with the other person's perspective, or to catch the other's feelings, their worries, their desires, their anxieties. Simply to make a human connection. Listening is a selective activity that involves paying attention. If you want to understand another person better, you need to observe the body language that speaks to us beyond the words and be vulnerable in order to connect with their feelings. Listening carefully is an act of love, is being present for the person that's speaking to us, delivering our time, a piece of our life. When you listen you are telling the other person "you are so important to me." Practice: listen to a person close to you with your eyes, ears, and heart. Put away your cellphone and any other distracting device. Pay attention to the gestures; listen without judging, without analyzing from your point of view; just listen with love. # 2 Encourage with kindness "Encourage instead of complaining". We can give this shot of moral energy to the people we love. Encouragement tells people that we believe in them; it is meant to applaud their effort, even if they do not achieve the desired result. It gives a reminder of their qualities or strengths. How many times our partner, children or relatives tell us about their dreams or goals with joy (you can see it in the sparkle of their eyes) and we answer with tragic statistics. Please stop, the world is full enough of dreams killers. Practice: listen to the people that matter to you without judgment, and give encouragement. If they ask for our opinion, give it to them without discrediting their ideas. # 3 Give support “Accept me at my strongest. Support me at my weakest.” If you ask for help, I am here for you. That's support. The first person to whom we must give support is ourselves. I cannot give what I do not have. When I wanted to buy my first car, my income was not high enough to get a loan, according to my bank. I knew I could afford it. I think at the time I was more disciplined than now and I was willing to pay the price because it was a useful tool to advance my career. I went to my dad, who was a banker, to ask for guidance and he told me that with a co-debtor, it could work. I asked him if he could be my co-debtor and he accepted. Thanks to his support, I was able to acquire my first car. I paid every cent of my debt, and I even canceled it before the deadline. I assumed my share of responsibility but it was wonderful to feel supported. He only signed some papers, and of course, he was taking a risk but, I felt like my dad trusted me and my ability to achieve this goal. Practice: tell the people you love about those areas where you can provide support if they require it. I know that it is the patient who goes to the doctor, but many times, it's important to know that the person is willing to support you. # 4 Respect myself and others “Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.” However obvious this may sound, I've seen many seemingly strong relationships that have been broken by small and repetitive acts of disrespect. Respect implies consideration and attention, which may not always be easy to award to our loved ones. So ask this of yourself: When I’ am making a meaningful decision, do I take into account both my needs and those of the people I love? Or do I just focus on me? If I continuously act only considering my own point of view, I am not promoting the mutual respect that a mature relationship requires. It's a win-lose situation. Respect also means accepting that others can have different paradigms and that there will be many instances when we disagree. Practice: talk with the people closest to you and ask them if they have felt disrespected by you recently -- and in what situation. Sometimes we act thinking our approach is the best one and do not realize that our actions might disrespect others. # 5 Accept them as they are "Girl you are amazing, just the way you are". - Bruno Mars. We all have our virtues and shortcomings, strengths and weaknesses. Then why only focus on what we like least in others, highlighting their faults and correcting them instead of looking more at their qualities? They are human beings just like you and me, trying to overcome their own share of challenges with grace while enjoying the ride. If you have read about the fact that the people closest to us are our best mirrors, you will understand that our lack of acceptance towards them is linked to our lack of acceptance of many aspects of ourselves. Accepting is the first step to begin to value our differences, and recognize the inherent individuality of the human being. It is also an act of respect that you owe your loved ones. Practice: always start with yourself. Do I accept myself as I am? Or I am very hard with myself? Do I continually criticize others and focus on what I consider their weaknesses or easily see their strengths? To the extent that I am able to accept myself, I expand my ability to accept and appreciate others. Listening, encouraging with kindness, giving support, respecting, and accepting your loved ones as they are. These are the five simple and meaningful practice that, if applied consistently, will strengthen every important relationship you have, starting with the relationship with yourself.
7 Powerful Strategies I Learned On the Journey to My Best Self
Developing the best version of myself has become my life's purpose. On the road to my self-actualization, I have learned that getting to my own personal North is a constant process, which will only end when my stay on Earth expires. A few years ago, while working on developing my full potential, I wondered how a mission, which at first sight seems selfish, could be my unique and special contribution to the world. Eventually I realized, through time and experience, that when I strive and succeed at becoming a better person every day, the people around me in my life also benefit. Today I want to share seven powerful strategies I have learned while pursuing my personal development with love, patience and commitment. They are not the only lessons won on this journey of self-actualization, but they are the ones I value the most. 7 Powerful Strategies I Learned On the Journey to My Best Self In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety. - Abraham Maslow Practice gratitude daily to change your mindset Practicing gratitude is a daily workout for the mind and soul. I am not an expert on the subject, but if you search for the word "gratitude" online, you'll find an endless list of articles that explain, even scientifically, all the benefits that gratitude provides to our mind and body. For me, the essential thing is that it revives my ability to marvel at things that I began to take for granted. The other great benefit is that it helps me to quickly turn challenging situations around by focusing on the blessings in my life instead of just complaining about what's going wrong. Clarify a profile of your best self Getting to my best version of myself is an ambitious mission statement, but to define my strategy and path to get there, I needed to clarify my vision and goals, with a more detailed description of how my best self would look, think, act and feel. To make it simple I made a table with three columns. The main title is "This is my best self," with each column carrying a different subtitle: "She looks like this," where I give a physical description of how I my best self would appear; "She behaves like this," where I describe the qualities and empowering behaviors of my fully actualized self; and "She feels like this," where I express the emotions that I see as being aligned with this best version of myself. Dedicate daily time to self-assessment Now that you have a clear outline of your best self's profile, you can take some time every day to evaluate whether your actions and feelings coincided with your vision of self-actualization. Making this a daily practice gives you the opportunity to make adjustments, or to focus more energy on those behaviors that are misaligned from your destination. It also helps you deepen your self-knowledge, and better understand your own behaviors by detecting patterns of thinking and acting which you might otherwise assume to be isolated or random. To perform this strategy effectively we can have a short daily questionnaire that we fill out every night. For example, I can find identify the behaviors I exhibited today that were aligned with my vision, and celebrate them. Likewise, I can list the behaviors I consider to be misaligned, explore why I might have acted that way, what the behaviors might communicate to me, and if I consider it necessary, I can forgive myself for them. Then I can ask myself, what can I do better tomorrow to align myself more with my vision of my best self? Develop your empowering rituals Great authors, coaches and speakers in the wellness area insist on the importance of creating rituals that are special to us. A Harvard study by Francesca Gino, associate professor at the Business School, supports the theory that rituals help us manage anxiety better. Robin Sharma, recognized author and coach, relates in his books various rituals and invites the audience at his presentations to perform them. A personal ritual is a regular practice we create for ourselves that can help us to feel more relaxed, to regain confidence, to revitalize and energize us, or to enjoy our positive moments more. Set up self-improvement goals A clear vision of my best self is an excellent basis for self-improvement, but how can I know if I'm making progress towards my goals? For this, it is essential to map out a a route. I start by setting a goal. Let's say I complain a lot and this affects my mood, focus and performance. I can aim to reduce my complaints, and although there is no scientific measurement, it is possible to validate during my self-assessment (I include it in my questions) whether or not I did it. Becoming more aware of this action can help me to better handle everyday situations. It's like a muscle that we want to develop or tone up: I work it daily with various exercises. To measure your progress effectively, you must quantify the objective and give yourself a target date. For example, right now I tend to complain about ten times a day on average, and my goal is to reduce that to only two per day. To reach my goal, I must eliminate eight complaints a day. This kind of precision is what helps us to focus. Track your progress towards your goals Setting a goal isn't very effective unless you're going to track your progress. I can think that I am advancing, for example, but only when I register it will I know for sure. I might note then, for example, that this day I only complained three times instead of my usual 10 or 15, or that I managed to fulfill my daily dawn rituals when I used to do it only three times a week; or that I did physical exercises for twenty minutes three times a week instead of one, etc. Then I can clearly see my progress, and this can inspire and motivate me to continue on. If on the other hand, I notice that there is no improvement, then it tells me to redefine my strategy. Find a self-development partner Although our journeys to self-actualization are mostly solitary adventures, where we set and track our goals ourselves, it is even better if we have someone to accompany us along the way. If our spirits decay or we hit bumps along the road, having a support partner can be a powerful motivator. If we choose to find one, it is vital that this be a trusted person, who we can share our intentions, vision, and goals with, and who can feel comofrtable communicating his or her impressions of our progress. Also ask him/her to take over the role of inspiring coach, so that if he/she sees us fall or flinch, can give us a message of encouragement. If you do not have this possibility or prefer to walk this path alone, there are many resources, videos, writings, and thoughts on sites like Goalcast to nourish you with the energy you need to climb your personal mountain to the best version of yourself.