Why Looking for Your Purpose Is Crushing You (and What to Do About It)
Everywhere I looked, they all said the same thing: "Find your purpose!" Once you find it, all your problems will magically evaporate into dust... So, being the ambitious gentleman that I am, I immediately began looking for it. I mean, once I found this golden nugget, then life would be great! Well, little did I know the journey I was going to embark on... Why Looking for Your Purpose Is Crushing You (and What to Do About It) You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. – Steve Jobs (more quotes) Years of struggle Eight days into my ten-day meditation retreat, I was not only emotionally, mentally and spiritually exhausted, but now I was pissed off. The clarity I was experiencing was unreal: being able to go on walks and think about a single topic for thirty minutes; directing my attention and focus at will... I had been staring at my journal for two hours now, writing sentence after sentence. Maybe you’ve heard of this exercise before. You write, "My purpose is...” and you fill in the blank until you cry. Two hours later, my hand was cramping in places I didn’t know existed. And guess the best part... not a single tear. What the hell was going on? The more traditional self-help I read, the more anxious I became. Everyone seemed to have his or her 'purpose,’ and here I was, alone, searching, seeking. Why does my purpose hide from me? Am I not meant to be happy, fulfilled? I don’t want to bore you, but after many seminars, workshops, more journaling, coaching and hours upon hours of meditation... still, nada, nothing, zilch. I had not found my purpose. The truth stings When working with my clients, this is by far my favorite moment. The moment when the insight, this absolute truth, lands and their mouth slowly opens in understanding. When there are still no words yet to describe what’s happening under the surface. Sometimes this type of truth has them immediately start laughing without a clue why. Sometimes this type of truth has them cry in agony and joy. Sometimes this truth has them stay silent for minutes at a time as it digests in their system. After years of looking for my purpose, I was hit with all of the above. The thought that changed everything: Could it be possible that my purpose has already been guiding me my entire life? The shift we must make We must make a shift -- away from living from the outside in, and to instead live from the inside out. For years, I looked for my purpose thinking it was outside of myself and that I must find it. It’s a ludicrous idea, if you really sit down and think about it. Many humans on this earth do it too though, always looking for happiness outside of themselves. Maybe this promotion, or perhaps this amount of money, or maybe I just need to find the perfect partner, and THEN I will be happy. Start living from the inside out, not the outside in. Stop looking for your purpose and start living with purpose. My radical invitation to you Here is a question for you to consider: What does living with purpose look like for you? How about living mindfully, with a sense of intention and clarity about what you want and are going after? Simplify your life, and do more of what you love. Make the small choices today in congruence with how you want your life to look. Feel inspired? Immediately take action. Sit still. Notice what makes you feel more alive, and do more of it! Do less, and be more. Have faith that the dots will somehow connect in your future. And trust that your purpose is already inside of you, guiding you forward.
4 Reasons Why "I'm So Busy" Is Making You a Victim
Have you ever said a variation of the following? “I’m so busy nowadays...” “Exams are coming up and I’ve been so busy...” “Work has been non-stop, I’m so busy!” Innocent sentences? Yes and no. Let me explain. 4 Reasons Why "I'm So Busy" Is Making You a Victim The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our ability to change them. - Steve Maraboli The power of language Every time I start a coaching conversation with a client I pay attention to their language. Why? Because the words we use are a direct window into our belief structure and the forces that are holding us back. I was skeptical when I first heard this, but here is a simple example from a recent coaching conversation to demonstrate the power of this concept: Client: "I have to meditate and do my journaling in the morning." Again, is this an innocent statement? Yes and no. Let’s compare this with an ‘upgraded’ version: Client: “I want to meditate and do my journaling in the morning.” ONE word -- just four letters -- and it changes everything. "I have to" translates into a desperation-filled energy. It is filled with white-knuckling self-discipline. It requires an abundance of effort and pain in order to get through it. The fascinating paradox of life is that the more we "have to" do something, the less we want to. See if this is true for your life. Do you have to do a homework assignment, call a family member or send an important email at work? Now, if you are being honest with yourself, will any of these actions be easy, if you're thinking of them this way? Probably not. Now contrast this with "I want to," which is filled with inspiration, and shows an appreciation for the number one factor in life; the factor we all take for granted at some point in our lives. The power of choice There are very few things in life we actually "have to" do. Seriously, think about it. By saying "I have to" do something, you are not acknowledging the power of choice you have as a human being on this Earth. You are literally saying that someone else has decided for you. By saying "I want to," you are choosing choice. High-performance tip: Next time you find yourself doing an "I have to," change your language to "I want to" and notice how much easier the work flows. This is just a window into how powerful language is for understanding our belief structures. Now, what does all of this mean for the "I’m so busy" trap we began with? The hard truth about "I'm so busy" We all are choosing what we spend time on by what we prioritize. When you say, “I’m too busy to read,” you are not acknowledging that you have already made a choice, whether consciously or not. You decided that other areas of your life are more of a priority than reading. Every human on this Earth has the same 24 hours in a day. 4 ways "I'm so busy" is making you a victim When you say "I'm so busy," what you're actually saying is: 1. My life is out of control. As in: “I have all of this stuff on my plate and I don’t have the time to do it all. The stress is building and the anxiety is overwhelming!” 2. I am avoiding the pain that comes from saying no to other people's requests. As in: “I’m telling someone I’m so busy because it’s easier than the pain that will come from telling them no.” 4. I am not responsible for the choices in my life. As in: “I will say that I’m busy because it’s easier than taking responsibility for my choices and the time I spend watching Netflix.” 4. I am seeking to connect to you over a complaint. As in: “Let’s both complain and help each other go deeper into a victim state because that’s how I habitually connect with others.” Don't be a victim Lack of responsibility, avoidance of mental pain, connecting over complaints and neglecting the power of choice are the foundation of victimhood. So I ask you once more... Are you busy? Or are you fully engaged right now, and have a schedule full of activities you are passionate about? One word changes everything. Next time you notice yourself saying you are "so busy," take a moment and consider what you are really communicating.