If You Can't Keep New Habits, You Might Be Pushing Too Hard
We are on that point in the year where we are nudging towards December but still have a few months to go. It is the time where we become anxious and slightly depressed. Did we do enough? Should we not do a big push and achieve something to make this year count? Should we revisit our resolutions and see if there is still something we could salvage? Yes, our resolutions; that big great plan we had to overhaul our lives. What happened to it? Except for that neat organizer filled with suggestions that leaves us feeling regretful and guilty every time we see it, they are probably all but forgotten by now. Why is it so hard to hold onto new habits that could improve our quality of life? The answer is simple: because incorporating new habits in our life is hard. As they are new, they are not locked into our day-to-day lifestyle automatically. We've got to remember them, and act them out as if recalling a script. Also, often we want too much too soon: we read a book and we're told about these amazing things we can do if we'd just change this, this, that and this in our life. Usually, instead of more time, we just end up filling our days with these new habits in addition to our usual daily chores and end up stressed and exhausted instead of calm and fulfilled. If You Can't Keep New Habits, You Might Be Pushing Too Hard It doesn't have to be like that. In my book 50 Things to Know to Have a Better Life, I explain how you can improve your lifestyle in a lasting way. No one has to go through a one day overhaul; in fact, in this book I am forbidding you to do too much at once! A new and better life is not something you achieve in one day. It takes soft, slow nudges – not brutal force. It should be blissful, not stressful. Here are some tips. What is it that blocks you? What is it that always stops you from making the changes that you want to make? Or what makes you start and then give up? Is the problem inside you? Is the problem the environment you are in? If you can't find the problem when you think about it, just do a dummy run: start a new pattern you want in your life and write down everything that happens. If you're lucky, this might be the one that sticks. If you fail, find the algorithm in your notes that sets you up to fail. Once you find that, find the way to eliminate it from your life or mindset. Don't restrict yourself but treat yourself For example: the worst thing you can do is think about all the things you won't get to eat when you start dieting, or the time it will take you to exercise/write a book or do a study. Instead, you should keep it fun: search the internet for yummy healthy meals. Things that are good for you aren't always nasty, even though a lot of TV shows say so. Keep it small A person that tries taking on too much at one time becomes overwhelmed. Your goals are supposed to make you feel good, not stressed. If you plan to both exercise and sleep more, make sure the two don't overlap: how about going to bed early so you can wake up fresh for a morning session? Make sure that your goal fits your life as it is. Completely turning your life around in a day isn't realistic: it takes at-least 66 days to build a new habit into your life. Take more breaks Sitting behind a computer all day is bound to drain your brain from creativity and leave you feeling fuzzy and snoozy after a few hours. It is essential to take what is known as “microbreaks” during your work day. Take your eyes away from the screen and do a few little things like going outside for some air, taking a moment to daydream, etc. These moments will stop you from burning yourself out during the day and will leave you feeling more refreshed in the late afternoon/early evening. Most people need a 5 to 10 minute break every 45 minutes and a 20 minute break away from the screen in the middle of the day. While you are at it, give your eyes a break too: blink and look away from your computer every 20 minutes and then gaze at a distant object for at least 20 seconds. Follow this by rolling your eyes left to right, up and down. Short burst mindfulness Most people don't have time to do long moments of mindfulness and don't know that you really don't need to be mindful for hours a day to profit from the benefits. Taking a few minutes during the day can also bring you a clear mind and a happy feeling. Take a minute during every break to be still and clear your mind. Just sit, eyes closed and empty your mind. You can also eat a snack and focus on its taste and nothing else. Make your walk mindful by focusing on your environment and your walking. Even just taking the time it takes your computer to start up to focus on nothing will help. You will feel doubly refreshed. Bonus: Still too busy? Find your happy relax moment on the go If you still think that you don't have time for a break maybe you could try this one: is there an activity that you do every day that you could turn into your “relax” moment? A short meditation instead of a panicked “what do I have to do?” when you wake up for example. Maybe you could use walking the dog as your mindful walk. Meditate on the bus, do your breathing exercises on the bike, listen to brain meditations and binaural beats as you write on your computer (use a headphone in the office!) Don't do meditations or mindfulness in the car, though, that's dangerous(!). Listening to motivational songs and affirmations is okay. You can even do a brief power meditation as you start up your computer/laptop/tablet. You are never to busy to try and relax or improve your lifestyle!
The 10 Steps to Confidence That No One Told You About
Some people just have confidence. It flows from them naturally and they are always right there at the front when something big happens. They take charge seemingly leading the situation with an enviable ease. Meanwhile there are other people who just don’t have have that natural ease. They seem content to stand at the back and let the world pass them by. Content? Really? Don’t be fooled -- at least eight out of the ten “back-standers” wish they were that person at the front. The person in charge. The one who is respected; the one who is popular. How come some people are so easily and naturally confident while there are others terrified to even open their mouth? Well, you see, that is where the problem starts: too often people think that every outgoing person they see is naturally confident. Some of these take-charge leaders were, in fact, once shy back-standers but decided they wanted more. They worked on their confidence, and so can you. The 10 Steps to Confidence That No One Told You About Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don't let these feelings stop them. - T. Harv Eker In my book 50 Things To Know To Have A Better Life, I explain that confidence is the belief that you are worthy and capable of doing something. It also has to do with being able to respect and appreciate yourself. When you appreciate yourself, you will find that confidence follows soon after. Who am I? Am I good enough? Am I capable? The basis of true confidence is rooted in childhood. If children learn they are loved and valued they’ll be able to grow up believing that. Sadly even the most loving homes can produce children with low self-esteem if they are bullied at school or if their teachers put them down. Recently a study revealed that girls start to see themselves as less innately talented than boys do when they are only six years old, because they start internalizing stereotypes at an early age. These attitudes rob people of choosing the chance of taking on a challenging study, applying for a job they’d be perfect for, and even of love. In short: learning how to build confidence — at any age — is essential for a better life. Here are ten top tips to becoming the confident person you want to be. 1. Just press “send” Do you feel yourself shriveling up when people you feel are “superior” to you have to judge your work? Usually this means you step away from a chance and just don’t let people see anything, right? Or you spent so long agonizing over a letter you miss the date. Don’t. Write what you want to say, spellcheck it and just press “send”. This might seem difficult, but it is the only way to stop self doubt in it’s tracks. 2. To-don’t instead of to-do Surprisingly, it has been found that a “To Do” list actually hampers your productivity. Instead of a gentle reminder, it has been found to be a source of pressure. A lot of people feel anxious when looking at their list halfway through the day and can only tick of one or two finished tasks. The failure often either causes them to give up on the list altogether or to try to get everything done quickly — neither of which brings you happiness. This is because people make the wrong kind of list: if you write down everything you want to do in one go you’ll start feeling trapped. Instead, write down two things you really want to get done before going to bed and focus on those two only. Don’t write down two massive projects, but one big goal and one small. If you do this every day you’ll find that within a month all your projects are running along smoothly. 3. Don’t scrutinize Women especially are hormonally plagued by “bad days”; feeling bloated, sad hair, looking pale or swollen. Usually those are the days we feel we have the world against us and lack confidence. This is because we’ve scrutinized ourselves in the mirror in the morning and convinced ourselves that we look and feel “like crap,” so it’s a bad day. Try to override this by “pampering” yourself those mornings as much as time will allow: take a shower with luxurious products, scrub yourself, and have an extra delicious breakfast. Think: “I’m feeling great, I’m rested and I’m ready,” and make it a mantra. You’ll feel better and energized. 4. Rebuild your self-image Try to see yourself differently: list all the things you dislike about yourself and change them around. If you don’t like aspects of your character, try not to change them immediately, but re-direct them. If you feel you are too aggressive, try using up your aggression by joining a gym and working out. Here you’ll also learn how to calm down when you feel a bout of anger coming on. If you feel you are too direct or bitchy, redirect this to do good: standing up to a boss, or setting up your own company. You’ll learn to be direct but polite. If it’s aspects of your body you dislike, it’s harder but not impossible to change it around. Of course you can tone yourself in the gym, but this takes time. Learning to love your body is key: find celebrities that have succeeded and are thought of as beautiful with the body problems you have. A big bum? Kim Karadashian and Jennifer Lopez are loved for that! Big thighs? Beyonce has them and she’s fab! The thing you think makes you ugly might be the thing that makes you more beautiful. 5. Learning Nothing will make you more positive about yourself than learning about something new. And now this is more easy than ever. There are dozens of free highly accredited classes online you could take on to learn your new skill. 6. Fake it till you make it Confidence builds confidence: as long as you don’t feel confident, act as if you are. If you feel scared or are in doubt, think, “What would the confident me do?” and then do it. If you keep acting as if you already are the positive you, you will find yourself being the positive you soon enough. 7. Does it bring you joy? Look at your life, the people, the things you collected, and scrutinize: does it bring you joy? How do you feel after talking to a person? Energized? Good! Happy? Good! Drained? Wrong! Deflated? Wrong! If you feel upset, exhausted or low after talking to someone, cut them from your life -- no one has the right to make you feel that way. The same for the items around you: do they remind you of good things? If not, redecorate a bit or de-clutter. You could even restyle some items to save money. It’ll give you a positive rush. 8. What the hell So you messed up on that occasion. Think about it: does it really matter? In as week or so you are the only one it still hurts. Think “what the hell” and leave it behind you. You’re scared to go somewhere because you feel you’re not up to it, will stick out or be laughed at? Are you sure about that? What if you’ve just talked yourself out of the best thing that could happen? Think “what the hell” and do it anyway. 9. Stop it If your insecurities sneak up to you, stop them in their tracks. Think or say “STOP IT!” loudly and try to refocus on something stupid. Train your brain into thinking up the lyrics of a weird children's song when you start thinking badly about yourself or something you want to do, and soon you’ll be distracted. 10. Find “the lion within” If all else fails, roar! If you find yourself low on confidence, stand in front of the mirror and start seeing yourself as a lion. Strong, powerful and king or queen of the jungle. Imagine yourself growing stronger and more confident, then ROAR!! The rush of energy this releases will leave you feeling energized and strong.