There's No Overnight Success: The Story of the Maple and the Weeds
The world is filled with people offering success at little to no effort. Don’t be fooled by it. I’ll explain why in this analogy between the maple tree and an army of weeds. There's No Overnight Success: The Story of the Maple and the Weeds It takes 20 years to become an overnight success. - Eddie Cantor The battle carries on in my front lawn. Every year, the slow and steady Japanese maple I planted years ago must compete against the horde of weeds that spring out of nowhere. Though five years old, the maple stretches a measly two-foot tall. It must watch as aggressive weeds surge to its height, threatening to attack with their insidious weeds army. My wife urges me to smite the invaders with my own army of lawn tools; however, I brush off her commands using allergies as my excuse. It works every time. And so, the weed armies make camp on my lawn, but I don’t give it a mind. Because I know that at the end of the season, the hordes will wither and die, whereas my trusty maple would have grown half a foot taller. Its roots would have dug a foot deeper, and its trunk grown stronger and sturdier. Years from now, the maple will tower above the invading hordes. It will blot out the sun and kill my enemies without me lifting a finger. Die, weeds! Die! Okay, this article just took a strange and violent turn. Simply put: I really do hate weeds, and I do really have debilitating allergies. And so I wait for the day my maple will rise and bring me glory. This is a silly story, but it does have an analogy to life and success. The maple sees far Sustained success takes time. The maple tree in the story represents this success. It doesn’t explode onto the scene out of nowhere. In the first two years, it spends all the energy establishing a healthy root system, digging deep into the ground. Then, year after year, it builds onto that strong foundation with durable rungs around its trunk. It grows a fraction of an inch at a time, but each layer is reinforced with the finest fiber. As such, it’s able to withstand the harsh winter. And with each winter that passes, it builds resiliency. Its growth comes from strength and character, having fought off winter’s icy grips. The maple prepares for the long future ahead, not just two seasons in the sun. Just like the maple, your success should be built on a solid foundation. This strength takes time to harness. You need to learn and master the basics. It will take a lot of time and you might be wondering why you can’t skip to the super cool master course. For most things in life, the super cool master techniques are basic moves in complex combinations. If you haven’t mastered the basics, your advanced moves will be superficial at best. When you take time to master your craft, you build experience and resiliency through failures. You learn from them. You learn to spot traps, tricks, and potential problems. You learn to deal with difficulties because your foundation is rock solid. And because of it, you don’t wither at the first sign of trouble. I can’t simply snap a maple tree in half or yank it straight out of the ground. It would require deliberate and extreme effort. And even then, I wouldn’t be able to do it. Shouldn’t your career and life be rooted by a strong foundation like that of the maple tree’s roots? When someone tries to knock you down, you can stand your ground. Take the time to build the foundation. Everything else depends on it. Don’t be like the weed So what about the weed? It certainly has the flare that captivates us, sprouting from nothing and growing exponentially in record time. But beneath that growth is a shallow and weak foundation, one that can be uprooted simply and easily. It doesn’t require much effort to kill a weed. Why, I could simply snap it in two at its base. And since it didn’t take the time to reinforce its limbs, it withers at the first frost. There seems to be many people selling success for next to nothing. They will offer you the easy way. “All you need to do is invest in this company for a 10,000% return in two years,” or “Watch this series of videos and you too could make tens of thousands of dollars influencing others,” or etc. It sounds tempting. Some people do make it. But the success is most oftentimes short-lived. Weeds come and go every year. They flash brightly for a moment then fade away into the abyss. I’d rather take my time to build an empire than to create a fleeting uprising that’s quelled in a moment’s time… and forgotten quickly thereafter. Confronted with a choice, I urge you: take the time to build a strong foundation like the maple tree, and live long and prosperous.
Help Any Way You Can (and You Always Can)
In this article, I'll share a frightening childhood experience of life in Vietnam following the war. But from it, I learned the value of giving, even when you have little to nothing to give. Many people don’t think they can make an impact because they perceive their contributions to be minimal. I’d like to offer that even a small gesture can greatly affect a person’s life. You don’t have to be a superhero to be a superhero. Help Any Way You Can (and You Always Can) If we always helped one another, no one would need luck. - Sophocles Before we had time to react, the disheveled man had barged into the house. His ghostly face begged us for mercy. My parents and the stranger exchanged a few tense words. And just like that, they sprung into action, ushering this uninvited guest of the night into the back of the house and stuffing him into a basket. They covered him with dirty clothes and told him to stay quiet. We sat back down to finish dinner. I was mortified. My mom offered enough calming words to stop me from shaking. We pretended that everything was fine and continued on, anxiously waiting for a knock at the door or stampeding footsteps or yelling… anything at all. It hadn’t been that silent in the house in a very long time. We waited for what seemed an eternity. Finally, my father cautiously crept toward the door, lowered his head and peeked through a crack in the door. The coast seemed clear. Color slowly made its way back to our faces. It would be another half an hour before they dared to bring the stuffed man out from the basket and back into the light. They exchanged a few soft-spoken words. He ate, showered, replaced his dirty clothes with my dad’s, and stole into the dark of the night, bowing graciously as he snuck out the back - and back into the violent storm from which he had miraculously escaped. I was too young then to realize what had happened. My mother later told me that the troubled man was running from either a group of thugs or the communist police for some reason (the specifics escape me - it has been a long time since I’ve thought about this story). Whatever the reason was, my parents acted quickly and without hesitation; they wanted to help in whichever way they could. Being previously persecuted themselves, they knew the dire consequences that would befall the man had they not intervened. Where I grew up, we didn’t have much. Sometimes, all we had to eat was rice and soy sauce. But that didn’t stop us from helping those who had even less than we did. My mom taught us to help others to our capacity and capability: donate money if you can; if you don’t have money, provide a meal; if you haven’t a meal, donate your time; if you haven’t the time, donate a smile. Do what you can with what you have. That was what my parents did that night; they helped the best they could with what they had. Straying from the path But this was a lesson I would soon forget. Years later, as I’ve established my professional career, I grew increasingly attached to money. And as someone who had such an unhealthy addiction to it, I found every excuse I could to hang onto my money. My go-to excuse was that my small contribution wouldn’t make a dent. The excuses extended far beyond the monetary aspect. Me volunteering for two hours won’t make a difference. Someone else could help with this much better than I could. That person over there is more talented and more suitable to help than me. If I shared this post on my wall, it’ll ruin my “thing.” Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I couldn’t personally affect major societal issues because I was just one man - how could I, a nobody, change anything? I handed that responsibilities to superheroes, to billionaires, to thought leaders, to politicians, to anyone besides me. Realizing the truth Then one day on a hike up Taquile Island in Peru, I met a little girl selling knick-knacks to tourists. She must have been the same age as me when I left Vietnam. For some reason, seeing her waving the little knitted alpaca keychains brought back all the memories of my childhood, of having nothing, and of that unforgettable night. It took immense willpower for me to not burst into tears right then and there. I wanted to help this little girl so much, but by that segment of that trip, I was depleted of cash. I reached into my pocket and offered whatever I had left - a granola bar I had been dragging around with me for days. She delighted in it. Her absolute joy with the granola bar broke my heart. This small gesture brightened up her day. I couldn’t believe how much of a difference I must have made in her little world that day. Making a change My mom said it best: help others as your capacity and capability allow. You might not be able to donate $50,000 to a charity, but you could give $5 or a hot meal to a family in need. You might think your contribution is minuscule, but a small contribution is infinitely better than nothing at all. But contributing money isn’t the only way nor is it the best way to help. You can donate your time. Donate your talent. Donate a smile. Donate a silver lining in someone’s cloudy sky. Donate a spark to lead someone out of darkness. Donate your love. You might not realize it, but you have the power to be a superhero in someone’s life. After that trip in Peru, I started writing about my experiences to help others and I’ve been using that medium to manage an annual book project for charity. Though the fundraised funds have been modest, I truly believe that they do make a difference, however small that might be. So, I only ask one thing of you: really ask yourself, “How can I help?” You are capable of giving much more than you think.
My Family's Story Is Proof: You're Never Too Old to Start Over Again
To many, especially those advanced in age, starting over is a scary proposition. To some, this forecasted mountain of challenges proves to be too crippling to attempt. And they wither under the weight of change. In this piece, I offer a story of my mom’s tumultuous journey and the many start-overs she endured to show that it’s not too late to begin anew. My Family's Story Is Proof: You're Never Too Old to Start Over AgainChange is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.- John F. KennedyI waved goodbye to the sleepy neighborhood. It was 4am and not a soul was stirring except for the five of us and the bus driver. It would be our last day in Vietnam. I don’t know if I could describe what I was feeling at that point. Fear, excitement, and a slew of other emotions -- but mostly, I was numb. As we rounded the corner, I shed a tear watching the house I grew up in fade out of view. But whatever emotional rollercoaster I was on during those first few transitional days from Vietnam to America could never compare to what my parents must have been experiencing. I was young enough that the effects of this new beginning didn’t debilitate me. I could make new friends quicker, learn the language easier, and assimilate to life in America faster. Starting over wasn’t as significant a barrier to me as it was to them. My parents were in their late forties; their road to societal integration wasn’t as smooth. They struggled. Yet, somehow they managed to rise above the rubble and became contributing members of society within months. Perhaps, they were forced to do so. Fight or flight, you know? And they fought. But, I think a major factor for this quick turnaround had to do with their positive mindset toward change. “It’s never too late to start over,” they would tell me. And started over they did, for the umpteenth time. To fully illustrate this point, I will give a brief summary of my mom’s many start-overs in her life and how she never shied away from them.From the change you never chooseWhen she was very young, her family moved from the countryside of North Vietnam to the cosmopolitan South. Back in the sixties, North and South Vietnam were as different as night and day. She quickly assimilated to life in South Vietnam and soon became a top student in school. Then, just as becoming a judge came within reach, the ravages of the Vietnam War caught up with her. South Vietnam fell. Leaving everything behind, she and her new husband fled the city to go into hiding -- my father was a ranking officer for the Southern Army at the time, and his life was in imminent danger. He was captured soon after and sent to “re-education” camps for six years. And just like that, my mom was reduced from a position of honor to one of a countryside daughter-in-law, farming the fields as a quasi-peasant. Even then, she thrived in that environment. Being one of a few educated people in the area, she became a teacher and a respected member of the community.Through twists and turnsSome years later, on my second birthday, my grandfather from my mom’s side visited us, and appalled by what he saw, plucked us from the farms and brought us back to the city. By then my mom had fully embraced the rural life. She started over again. The former Soviet Union and Vietnam were relatively close allies back then. There were a lot of Russian military personnel in the South -- and their wives. My mother soon became a somewhat famous seamstress for these Russian women. But just as soon as life stabilized, we got the call from the U.S. embassy: “You’re going to America.”To a(nother) new beginning in AmericaIn the US, she went back to school at the ripe young age of fifty, received an associate’s degree and soon became an admired team member for a Fortune 500 company. Yet just as soon as life stabilized and the joy of homeownership was upon her, the housing bubble popped. She lost the house she so proudly and deservedly earned. She was shipped off to Oregon to start over with a different division in the company. By then I, the youngest of three kids, had graduated college and started to earn a good living. To her, her “job” was done, and she retired. And I suppose retirement could be considered “starting over” as well.Triumphing through changeAll said and done, my mom’s life is comprised of many abrupt changes, but through them all, she triumphed. She triumphed because she didn’t let the emotional weight and strain of starting over erect an impenetrable wall before her. She embraced each change, and in doing so, found ways to overcome these hurdles. Now, when faced with the possibility of starting over, I channel my mom’s fighting spirit to move steadfast toward the future.So what I’m trying to say is… it’s not too late. You’re not too old to embark on a new journey. The obstacles you see are indeed tangible, but they’re not insurmountable. You might not have that pep in your step anymore, but as long as one foot can go in front of the other, strive forward! My mom’s journey is a testament of that.
Embrace Now, and Leave Later to Later
Do you believe that life can get in the way of happiness? In our quest for success, we sometimes forget to give ourselves a break and just be happy. In this piece, I share a personal struggle with stress, how it derailed my state of mind, and how I regained it by choice. Embrace Now, and Leave Later to Later Past and future are in the mind only -- I am now. - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj I found myself staring blankly into the distance. Though Zen music filled the air, my mind raced from one stressor to the next: What am I going to say tomorrow at the leadership meeting? Why didn’t we catch this issue earlier in the project? When will I have time to work on the naked bathroom that we ripped out last year? What about the book project for charity? Should I start the garden over? Why aren’t the plants growing on this side of the yard? The Top-50 Hits List went on and on. Finding excuses For each of those questions, my mind always returned a negative sum outcome, and the negativity allowed panic to creep in. Damn it! When is all this going to be over so I can finally relax? Instead of seizing that exact moment to breathe, I started making excusable plans that made it okay for me to be in this embroiled mental state. The one I clung to the most was the self-preserving "if… then later..." formula. It’ll be okay. IF I can hang on a little longer to get this project over with, THEN I can finally relax. If this thing happens, THEN I’ll be stress-free. If this other thing works itself out, THEN I’ll be happy. The formula pushed what potential joy and relief I could have had at that moment to later. The only problem was the uncertainty of when this "later" would come to be. Sometimes, later comes too late or not at all. The only problem was the uncertainty of when this "later" would come to be. Sometimes, later comes too late or not at all. Forgiving oneself and letting go Denying myself the relief was, perhaps, punishment for having put myself into that situation in the first place. The what-ifs made their round. What if I had talked to this person first before pursuing this fix? What if I had said this instead of that? What if? What if? Even though some of the events transpiring before my eyes were out of my control, I felt responsible for them occurring. You are your harshest critic -- as people would say. The moment that broke my concentrated self-sabotage and gloom came as I observed my cat playfully pouncing on a piece of rubbish on the floor. He squatted at the rogue piece of cardboard, and, getting so worked up by its random movement, startled himself as he spryly sprung up into the air and darted out of the room. The moment that broke my concentrated self-sabotage and gloom came as I observed my cat playfully pouncing on a piece of rubbish on the floor. I chuckled at his silliness. That simple moment snapped me out of my stupor, and all the complicated scenarios started to simplify themselves. The first domino to fall was my acceptance of the mistakes I made, and forgiving myself. Then it was the acceptance that no matter what I did, didn’t do, or will do, life will continue to happen, and with it will come stress and undesirable situations. Finally, I chose to defer later and embraced now. Choose now I used to believe that happiness was waiting around the corner. In order to obtain it, I had to satisfy the prerequisite of accomplishing something or meeting some milestone or being there when something changes the current situation. When I have a girlfriend, I’ll be so happy. When I buy that car, I’ll be on cloud nine. When I get that promotion, I’ll be so thrilled. When the rain stops, I’ll be able to enjoy life so much more. When I retire, I can finally go on that trip I’ve longed for. It would certainly feel more deserved if that were the case; there would be a cause for celebration. But those 'big' events don’t occur everyday. They are few and far between. How about the rest of the time? Why is this very moment not good enough for us to embrace? Why is now not a good time? Would five minutes from now be a better time? What’s to say that we’d still be here in five minutes? In the absence of a grand trigger such as getting a promotion, relish in the fact that you’re still here. Find simple things to take pleasure in. Dive into a conversation with your friend and pay full attention. Be thankful and enjoy the things that you do have. And celebrate small victories whenever they occur. Now is as good a time as ever. So defer later; embrace now.
Mind the Comparison Trap: Why Life's Race Is Only Against Yourself
Social media can be a wonderful tool for staying connected. It allows you to catch up with old friends and make new ones. However, it can also be a dismal place for your self-esteem. In this article, I share a time in my life when I was consumed with social media, and with the feelings of inadequacy that came from constantly comparing myself with the way others were portraying their lives. From the experience, I’ll share how I broke free of the comparison trap, and how you can, too.Mind the Comparison Trap: Why Life's Race Is Only Against YourselfI looked at my phone in disdain. What I had hoped for was a short recess from the grind to catch up on the news and the happenings from my circle of friends. It turned into a long and depressing chronicle of self-loathing and discouraging self-sabotage. It wasn’t the bad news. On the contrary, it was the good news and, specifically, the abundance of it that had me in a tizzy. On Facebook, it seemed as though everyone I knew was making excellent progress on his/her dream. The dizzying array of feel-good headlines threw me into an abyss of inadequacy: “I’m so thankful for everyone who believed in me because I just became the new blah blah blah”; “I’m happy to announce that we have launched blah blah blah”; and on it went. I had to escape the bombardment. Unfortunately, Linkedin was my ill-advised choice for the escape route. For within that realm, I realized how many of my colleagues and friends who started at the same time as me have become managers. And while I’d already made the decision long ago to forgo the management path, the sight of everyone else making it there unnerved me. I panicked.I threw the phone and myself on the bed, covered my face with my hands and let go a long sigh. Every piece of someone else’s good news was a dagger to my self-esteem. Where have I been? Have I done nothing? Why is everyone else getting ahead and I’m lagging behind? The questions buzzed around me like a locust swarm.I sank into the comforting embrace of the bed and fell asleep.Giving ourselves credit and painting the path forwardAfter that episode, I gave social media a rest. Over the next few days I went back over my personal timeline and realized that while I was ogling over others’ achievements, I had foolishly devalued my own worth and successes, of which I had many. I came to learn, first, how easy it was to fall into this self-deprecating trap -- to feel stuck in place, anxiously watching your peers wave good-bye as they speed ahead. Second, it became clear to me that I ought to give myself more credit for the incredible journey I’d already taken, and for the stones I've laid for the steps ahead. And lastly, I realized that the path each of us takes is unique to our situation, and that our worth shouldn’t be calculated based on skewed comparisons with others.Behind the scenes of the airbrushed facadeImagine two new drivers embarking on a journey. James is gifted a brand new Tesla Model S by his family; Jessica inherits a ten year-old Honda Civic. They take off from the same starting place, full of excitement and hope for the road ahead. Unfortunately, Jessica’s car breaks down 100 miles down the road. As she struggles to fix the flat tire, James passes her by. While they started together, their path diverge from that point on. Feeling frustrated, Jessica trudges on with one bad tire, resenting her place in the world. But unbeknownst to her, James was pulled over for speeding in a residential zone. After the setback, he cautiously hobbles his way back onto the freeway just as Jessica makes the exit. Their paths cross for a moment and they share their successes so far -- neither mentioned the obstacles they had cleared. This analogy provides a few important lessons: We might all start our journey at the same place, but we’re not similarly geared. Therefore, it is often not fair to compare whether we arrive sooner or later than someone else. Each of our journeys is different. Some might be fraught with difficulties, challenges, and setbacks. Sometimes you get lost in a circuitous route. And sometimes you get lucky and all the lights turn green for a smooth ride. Most times, people don’t share how they arrive at the destination, or talk about all the pain suffered in the process. You might only get the message that they arrived. The point is that you’re not the only one running into potholes, and you never know the full story.Just because someone gets a head start doesn’t mean you can’t catch up. The journey is full of surprises. You might get a helping hand or run into an idea that could change your path completely. So don’t panic. There’s plenty of time and opportunities down the road. The end goal for each of us might be similar, but it is uniquely our own. While it might be a marker for where we want to go, comparing our progress to others might not make much sense. If you want to go to Disneyland, why would you keep track of someone going to Universal Studios? When you feel like you’re not moving as fast as your peers, take a step back and look at your own accomplishments. It’s okay to feel proud of the many trials and tribulations you’ve surmounted. And if you don’t feel like you’ve accomplished much, now is a good time to put your plan for success into motion. Competition is ingrained in cultures all over the world, so it’s difficult to get away from comparing yourself to others. And while it can drive us to improve, it can also cripple our motivation and hope. Because we don’t know where our peers have been or where they might be going, the best bet is to focus on our own path -- do the work to understand our emotions and try to take a step forward every day, no matter how small that step might be.