Defining and Building Identity Capital For Taking The Best Steps In Your Life
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to do far better at getting their dream job or embarking on an exciting career while others flounder? In fact, you may feel that you, yourself, are struggling, and you wonder what the secret is.The answer may be in a simple phrase: identity capital. Dr. Meg Jay, the author of “The Defining Decade,” summarized identity capital as “the currency we use to metaphorically purchase jobs or relationships.” In simpler terms, it means investing in the types of experiences and education that will help you take the next step in your life.What can you do to build identity capital? It’s all about investing in yourself and in the goals you have for your life. Here are some ideas to help you move into new levels of success.Determine your goalsOne thing that separates those who are successful from those who aren’t is that they take the time to define what “successful” means for them. Keep in mind, success doesn’t have to fit the world’s model or the expectations of your family, friends, or coworkers. One person’s definition of success is a corner office in the executive suite of a Fortune 500 company, while for another person, that result would be a nightmare. The first step is, therefore, to throw off the boundaries and decide what a successful life looks like to you. Then work hard to achieve those goals.Do you want to work with animals? If so, do you want that as a profession or as a hobby? Knowing where you want to end up is the first step to creating a map and choosing the identity capital you want to develop. If you don’t know what you want to do, don’t worry about it. Instead, focus on who you want to become. Many times, simply moving toward your passions will be a huge step forward in investing in the right identity capital.Commit to the work of growthIf you find that you often start towards your goals only to sabotage yourself or face constant setbacks, you might want to take a step back and examine why. What many people find is that they aren’t entirely comfortable with making significant changes in their lives. Part of change management involves realizing that even a positive step forward means letting go of something else. That letting go can be the most challenging part of reaching your dreams. It’s easy to subconsciously try to hold on and end up undercutting your progress.Take some time to write down what you’ll have to give up to reach your goals, achieve personal growth, and become the person of your dreams. Be honest. All change involves loss, and if you don’t commit to that up front, you’ll find your investments in education and experiences falling short.Finally, be ready for a long journey. Our society caters to instant gratification with everything being delivered faster and faster. However, developing your identity capital is not an immediate process. It’s a marathon not a sprint, but it’s so worth it! Use fear as a tool to help you move forwardA lot of change also brings up fear. Fear can hold you back, or you can transform it into a tool that helps you grow. Whenever fear appears, try to learn from what it’s telling you. Where have you been hurt that you can focus on healing? What major changes have opened up new opportunities for you?If you find that you’ve lost your job or have been laid off, you might plan some growth opportunities to fill the gap. You might want to travel, for instance, which is a great way to face your fears and expand your comfort zone. If you do, be sure that you know how to travel safely on the road, especially if you’re headed somewhere entirely new.If you can’t go very far, try to at least get outside into nature. Sometimes being in a quiet, natural environment is just what we need to face our fears and grow. You might find that the swaying trees and gentle breeze gives you a lot of clarity about the kind of identity capital you want to invest in.Decide how to build your identity capitalYour identity capital is the collection of education and experiences that make you well-suited for your next opportunity, career, or growth step in life. What are some ideas for building your identity capital? You might be surprised that they aren’t all expensive or time-consuming. Sometimes the smallest steps make the most significant difference. Here are some ideas to consider:Create boundaries and eliminate toxic relationshipsSometimes what’s holding us back isn’t us at all. It’s what we allow others to do around us. Setting boundaries is a significant challenge if you’ve never had them before, and it’s likely to upset some of the people who were taking advantage of you. However, when you respect yourself and demand that others do the same, you’ll get rid of toxic relationships and feel much more confident.Create a stop doing listYou’re probably familiar with the idea of a “to do” list, but what about a “stop doing” list? Create a list of the things you don’t truly enjoy, the things that seem to suck the life out of you. From there, find ways to stop doing them! This may mean standing up for yourself (see creating boundaries above) or it may mean simply admitting that something you used to like no longer serves you.Write a letter from your future selfThink about what you hope to be in the future, and from that perspective, write a letter to your current self. It will help you think about your life from the standpoint of success and growth, and it will provide a lot of encouragement as well. Think about what kind of advice your future self will give you and then take it! Practice a new skill for six monthsChoose a skill that you think will be helpful to who you want to become and commit to practicing it for six months. A focused period of learning and practice will give you a lot of experience and help you see if the skill is something you enjoy. After the initial six months, consider adding another skill to work on. Review your career and goalsWhere are you in your work? Are you happy with it? If not, you might want to chart a new career plan and start taking steps in that direction. You may need to review your resume, find out what the requirements are in a new field, or even go back to school. Keep in mind that education doesn’t have to be a four-year university degree. Sometimes you can get a certificate that will give you the focused knowledge you need while saving you a significant amount of money.Find a new you, no matter the time of year“New Year, New Me” is a common mantra around January 1, but there’s no reason to wait. Instead, take the time to review your current identity capital, and how it serves your future goals. From there, make plans to enjoy new educational opportunities and experiences to help you move forward.Future you will be so proud! More helpful articles: What Happened When I Stopped Checking My Email at Night?5 Years Ago, He Was Sleeping Under A Bridge–Today, He Is A MillionaireThis One Lesson From Kevin Hart’s Late Mother Drove Him to ExcelFrom Nicaragua To The Most Famous Arms: Meet The Siblings Who Are Changing The Face of Fashion
Baby Makes Three: How to Stay Connected to Your Partner After Having a Child
Having a baby changes everything. That’s not news. Your work, your money, your house—your whole life is suddenly upended by this screaming, squirming, pooping, pouting little ball of joy. And you love every minute of it. Even when you hate it. But you expected this. From the moment you got the news, you’ve been trying to prepare yourself for it. What you might not have been prepared for, though, is how big of an impact this tiny little human would have on your relationship. Suddenly, you and your partner have gone from being a couple to being parents, being a family. That’s the upside. However, there’s also a downside. You’re both sleep-deprived. Stressed. Terrified of making irrevocable mistakes in this precious life that’s been entrusted to you. And, Mama, let’s not forget the churning pool of hormones and all the physical and emotional effects that go along with the long postpartum period. With all this going on, finding time for intimacy and romance can seem like the last thing on your priorities list. But taking care of your baby means taking care of each other, and of the relationship you share. Not to mention it’s fun and healthy for you both! All it takes is a little bit of time and a little bit of effort to get back to who the two of you were before you became three!Save one room for the right atmosphereIt is amazing how a little person who hasn’t even learned to walk or talk yet can consume the whole of your attention and utterly transform your world, from stealing your sleep and your focus to overtaking your living environment. Your once stylish, meticulously decorated and furnished home is now awash in primary colors, cartoon characters, infant toys making all sorts of ungodly noises at the most unexpected and inconvenient times. Infant care paraphernalia drapes every surface. Suddenly, your house looks like some bad acid trip animated by Pixar. But there should be one room, just one room, that’s free of baby gear. You need a room where you and your significant other can go to decompress and reconnect, a room where you can be partners, and not just parents, again. And to do this, you need to set the stage. Opt for lush fabrics and soothing tones. Invest in fixtures and furnishings that make you feel calm and relaxed, sensual and romantic. An electric fireplace can be installed in virtually any room and makes for an especially cozy and seductive addition to a bedroom! In fact, a calming bedroom infused with soft lighting, soothing scents, and no baby clutter is not only going to make you and your partner feel more romantic, but it will also almost surely make you both sleep better, which means you’ll have more energy for intimacy and romance. Win, win!Spruce up a bitOkay. We know it’s impossible to be a diva or a stud when you spend your day changing dirty diapers and dodging projectile vomit. It’s tough to put on a full face of makeup or catch up on your manscaping when you can’t even squeeze in time for a shower. But setting aside just one or two nights a week for the babysitter or grandma and grandpa to take over the baby duties (what else are grandparents for?!) and give you a little time to practice some good old-fashioned self-care. Getting a hot shower and changing out of those utilitarian mommy and daddy clothes can help you remember that you were a couple even before you were parents. So spend a little time to rediscover the dude in the dad, the mamacita inside the mommy. You’re both still there—we promise. All it takes is a little searching. And that’s not only going to make you feel better about yourself, but it’s also going to make you feel better about getting out of mommy and daddy mode and reconnecting with your partner.Give yourself—and your partner—a breakRediscovering the intimacy between you and your partner doesn’t mean you have to go all Fifty Shades of Gray on each other. Nobody’s expecting anybody to be swinging from any chandeliers. In fact, intimacy doesn’t even have to be about sex—though that’s certainly a nice perk if the time and the mood are right. So give yourself and your partner a break. Your lives have forever changed. It’s a big adjustment. But that is precisely why connecting with your partner is so important for you both. No one knows what you are going through better than your partner. And no one other than your partner loves your baby like you do. So take this intimate time just to be together, to hold one another, to be quiet together. Reserve time each day that is yours and your partner’s alone, a time to just take a walk, talk about your day (but no baby talk allowed!), or just look at, touch, and be touched by this person you are sharing your life with.Be presentThe reason that baby talk needs to be forbidden from your intimate time with your partner is probably obvious by now. Having a time and a place that belongs to you and your lover alone is all about being present in the moment with your love. It’s about giving your partner your undivided attention and it’s about being the focus of their attention. It’s about loving them for who they are, and about being loved in return. It’s about feeling the physical and the emotional pleasures of cherishing and being cherished.Yes, family comes first but what does it really mean?Becoming a parent truly does change everything. It makes life both so much better and so much harder. It gives your life purpose and it gives your life pain. And it changes your relationship with your love. But becoming parents doesn’t mean you can’t be lovers, too. In fact, protecting your baby’s home and family begins with protecting your relationship. Fortunately, it doesn’t take grand romantic gestures or feats of sexual gymnastics. What it takes are time and focus. It means making your partner a priority and allowing yourself to be your partner’s priority. It means setting aside a time and a place that is for the two of you alone. You and your love will be stronger, better, healthier, and happy for it—and your relationship, not to mention your little one, will reap the rewards!More helpful articles:How I Took The Imposter Out of Motherhood And Overcame My DoubtsSplit Decisions: Is Your Relationship Really Over or Does It Just Need Work?Is Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?