What My Grandmother's Piano Taught Me About Life -- and Death
Life is grand -- rich and monumental, not unlike a grand piano. It inevitably uses gravity to return finally return us to a state of inertia, the same way gravity keeps our bodies tethered to the Earth as we experience life. My maternal grandmother has always loved playing the piano and although she’s felt a little off-key lately, I'm trying my best to help her fine-tune her outlook on life.What she's missingI recently spent a week in Philadelphia helping my parents transfer my grandmother from a skilled nursing facility to assisted living. My grandmother is ninety-six and up, until this point, has been independent - a soloist -- if you will -- for most of her life.This move got me thinking about the cycle of life. It’s funny how we evolve as human beings -- we begin life as children who need constant care and attention, then grow into adults who are able to care for ourselves and finally, as elders we revert back to children who, once again, require the watchful eye of others to provide safety and love. Shakespeare wrote the now-famous phrase “All the world’s a stage.” The monologue that follows it compares the world to a stage and life to a play. It talks about the seven stages of a man's life, including infancy, adulthood and finally, old age. Life is grand, but sometimes we miss that because we’re sitting too close to the stage.I remember when my paternal grandmother passed away. My dad packed up her apartment and gave me some of the gifts I’d surprised her with on special occasions. I was struck again by the mysterious nature of the cycle of life. It felt strange regaining ownership of the many trinkets she left behind and yet it was comforting and familiar. When my parents and I spent days packing up my grandmother’s apartment in Philly -- her clothes, furniture, dinnerware, her beloved piano -- it felt a little less strange than it had with my other grandmother. This time, my grandmother is still around -- she's not ready to leave anything behind.Mortal CombatMy grandmother is still feisty and has a sharp wit that would put Dorothy Parker to shame, but these days, her morale is low. Lately, she’s had nothing but time to obsess about her own mortality. Most of her friends have passed on. I, too, understand what it’s like to be at the mercy of my own thoughts, ruminating about people I’ve lost -- mostly to the opioid epidemic, in my case. My grandmother and I aren't that different -- despite being separated by fifty-seven years of life and experience. The most basic instinct of all living organisms is to survive at whatever costs -- to stay on this Earth for as long as possible. When I was in active addiction, I fought tooth and nail against this instinct. While my grandmother was thinking about how little time she had left, I was always thinking about how much time I had left. The rhythm of life ebbs and flows. Life is so difficult that, at times, it feels like a staccato -- an articulation of abrupt and separated notes. Other times, it feels like a legato - a series of notes that are smooth and connected. Life is unpredictable -- a complex, fragmented arrangement interrupted by notes of impermanence and improvisation. But life can also be a fairy tale -- an ethereal composition of enchanting and supernatural moments orchestrated by the universe. At the same time, life is also fragile -- an inspiring, operatic production interrupted by notes of impermanence and uncertainty. My grandmother loves the piano more than life itselfWhat she doesn’t realize is that life is the piano -- and that the probability of ending it on a good note is high but largely dependent upon her perspective. When my grandmother falls victim to those thoughts about her own mortality, I remind her that longevity is not guaranteed for any of us. It’s also a good reminder for myself to live in the present. As difficult as it has been for my grandmother to relinquish her independence, I point out that she doesn’t have to play solo anymore because her friends and family will always be there to accompany her. I encourage her not only to focus on cherished memories, but to make new ones because "happily" is never "after" - only "now."
7 Strategies for Surviving Toxic Relationships - and Thriving After
According to Merriam-Webster, “survived” means “to remain alive after the death of.” Today, I remain alive physically, mentally, and emotionally, after the death of many toxic relationships.When I was in my twenties, I wouldn’t have thought it was possible to survive a toxic relationship. My belief was always that I had to “endure,” or “continue in the same state.”What is a toxic relationship? Toxic relationships are not just romantic, they can also be platonic and familial. They can be abusive in many different ways, from physically violent to emotionally manipulative, or defined by codependency. 1. Set boundariesOne thing I’ve learned how to do is set boundaries in relationships. In the beginning, learning to advocate for myself was difficult and awkward. Often times, I didn’t know where my boundaries were until someone crossed them. Now that those boundaries are clearly defined, the trick is to assert them in all of my relationships while respecting the boundaries of others. 2. Honor your limitationsSome level of compromise is necessary in every relationship, but the relationship itself should not be a compromise. There are certain things I am willing to occasionally make concessions for: my time and my wants, but never my needs and never my values. I accept that I may need to compromise some of my preferences, but not my prerequisites. I have to honor my own limitations. 3. Avoid codependencyI have been in many codependent relationships where I thought I could “fix” my partner. Sometimes our best intentions are not congruent with the actions we take. We may want our partners to grow and be successful but our partners are not projects and it is not our responsibility to fix them. Our only responsibility is to work on ourselves, even within the confines of a relationship. However, it’s not always possible to do that when we are overly invested in our partners’ well-being, to the detriment of our own.4. Don’t take on their painA lot of my relationships were characterized by or built around common struggles, including untreated substance abuse and a lack of self-worth.These common struggles would unite me and my partner, but they also divided my codependent, inauthentic self from my best, higher self. That divide made it impossible to bridge the gap between who I was and who I had the potential to be. We often think that if we share the struggles our partner is experiencing, they will feel less alone or depressed. We can be sympathetic and supportive, but we don’t have to take on someone else’s pain. Everyone has their own process, and we shouldn’t interfere with it, especially because it makes us less capable of being in a position to support them.5. Stay authenticThere were many times when I was not able to be my true, authentic self in relationships. I felt stifled by trying to meet the other person’s expectations. I tried to conform to what the other person wanted. Part of the reason for this is because I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be. However, being in these toxic relationships provided great examples of what I don’t want. From there, I was able to develop a conception of my ideal relationship, partner, and self. 6. Maintain autonomyWhen codependency is a factor in a toxic relationship, it means that an individual is solely relying on the other person to meet their emotional and psychological needs. One person assumes the role of a caregiver, compulsively seeking to rescue their partner from destructive behavior. If leaving the relationship is not an option, professional help and support groups can assist the caregiver in achieving or regaining their sense of identity even within the relationship. A healthy relationship is interdependent. Two individuals experience closeness and share responsibilities, whether they are financial or emotional. They maintain autonomy both in and outside of the partnership, engaging in self-care and having a life that exists beyond the life of the relationship. 7. Detach with loveI no longer maintain contact with any of my previous romantic partners from those toxic relationships. However, in some relationships, such as with family and friends, it’s not always possible to do this. In those cases, detaching with love has helped me. I have had to put some distance between myself and others in order to continue growing. Detaching with love means making yourself available to someone who is struggling, in case they ask for help, but loving yourself enough to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves you.More proof you can get through your breakup:Here's How to Survive a Holiday Breakup-- and Thrive InsteadI Lost My Identity in My Relationship — Then I Found Myself in the BreakupThese Are the Two Types of Forgiveness You Need to Move on4 Reasons Why Not Winning The Break-Up Can Be Good for You
What is 'Soul Currency' and How Much Is Yours Worth?
I believe spiritual currency, not financial, is the most valuable form of currency we have. Yet I am going to talk about spiritual currency in terms of money because many of us relate most things to money and it’s a simple way to comprehend more immaterial and abstract concepts. What is Soul Currency?Spiritual currency, or soul currency, if you prefer is a medium for exchange between individuals and comprised of inner assets like love, generosity and integrity. Soul currency is the language of the heart.Unlike water and oil, love is not a commodity, although many of us try to buy and trade it in the same fashion. Like any natural resource, I thought there was not enough love to go around and that over time, it would be depleted. For example, I used to believe that if someone else found love with a life partner, it diminished my chance of finding love with a life partner. As much as I wanted to believe that love was not a commodity, “depreciation” and “deficit” are words I would have associated it.It’s no surprise that we equate, and oftentimes, undervalue life’s precious gifts when we compare them to money. We talk about businesses hemorrhaging as if vital life organs are at risk. We describe money as circulating like cells, the basic building block of all living things! We view the economy as a living, breathing entity. I’m not saying that money isn’t important or that a financial crisis can’t be a life crisis. There’s nothing wrong with comparing money to life but the problem arises when we allow that comparison to surpass the importance of life itself. Is money the answer to happiness?We often believe money is the answer to our happiness. We invest our emotional insecurities in financial securities hoping they’ll make us whole, only to realize that they only bring about more fear and doubt. When we interact with others, we have to ask ourselves are we speaking the language of the heart or are we communicating through our ego with fear and doubt?What is the exchange rate of your spiritual currency? Think about what you are willing to give up to achieve a profit - will it be integrity or honesty or will it be your time and help freely given without expecting anything in return?Economy is the production, consumption and distribution of goods and services between various agents. I have to ask myself, “What is the state of my personal economy and how does that affect the larger economy? Am I producing shame and anger or empathy and love? Am I consuming only what I need and what is selflessly given to me by others or am I greedily taking what I want without regard for anyone else? And am I distributing joy and optimism or putting out unkindness and negativity into the universe?”Is your spiritual currency authentic or counterfeit? When it is authentic, we speak our truth, we are true to our beliefs and values and we honor who we are. When it is counterfeit, we live in denial and defraud ourselves and others in response to pain and fear. However, just as one form of currency can be converted to another, we can convert denial into truth.And lastly, what does our spiritual currency say about our net worth? We all have liabilities that have caused us to accrue some karmic debt but we also have assets that can be used to pay off those debts and increase our sense of intrinsic value. I say our sense because we all possess inherent value whether we feel it or not.These days, I take stock of my life and not my pockets. What I’ve found is if I can buy into the idea that only financial currency is limited and not soul currency - that is how I truly profit.
How to Attract Your Soulmate By Raising Your Vibration
About a year ago, I noticed that my spiritual life was growing, rapidly. I was having an awakening, of sorts. I started to notice the interconnectedness of the world and the people in it more than ever.I had always read books about quantum physics and the Law of Attraction but the Law of Attraction is only 1 of 12 universal laws. I knew the spiritual shift I was having was different from anything I’d experienced before. I became hyper aware that my level of consciousness was increasing. I also became aware, as I started to attract new individuals into my life, that they were in the midst of a spiritual awakening too.I came to understand that the state of the world was changing and the mass consciousness was increasing as a result of singular consciousness increases. This occurs because of the Law of Vibration, the second of 12 universal laws. The Law of Vibration posits that everything in the Universe vibrates - each sound, thing, and every thought has its own vibrational frequency. These energetic frequencies can be increased or lowered depending on what we do with them.Relationship FrequenciesI caught myself thinking about the Law of Vibration the other day after a guy who ghosted me popped up in my social media circle. When he suddenly stopped talking to me, it left such an empty feeling because there was no closure. I would often wonder “why is this happening?” and girlfriends would inevitably chime in and say “he’s not on your level” or “you’re too good for him anyway.”RELATED: Your Soulmate Will Destroy You - Here's WhyThose things my girlfriends had been saying all those years were true because when we raise our vibration, we experience spiritual, mental and emotional growth. We quite literally, level up. And anyone who vibrates at a low energy whose frequency is no longer aligned with ours is “magically” and sometimes, suddenly removed from our life.It’s not that I was too good for this man, it’s that I was too healthy. If I hadn’t continued to expand my consciousness, we might still be talking. We might still be talking if we were vibrationally synchronized but today, I’m not interested in levelling down. I believe a good way to gauge our spiritual, mental and emotional condition is to look at the people we’re attracting into our lives. I believe those people are often a reflection of our own character, our strengths and shortcomings. For better or worse, they show us what needs to be improved and discarded. After a tumultuous breakup in 2010, I spent nine months in a depression over my ex-boyfriend. At the start of those nine months, I began my journey into recovery from alcoholism and had been aggressively seeking and working toward a spiritual awakening.One day I realized I had stopped obsessing about him. It’s not that I woke up that day and was simply “over it” but as I gradually became healthier -- mentally, emotionally and spiritually -- the person who he was was no longer attractive to me. I sought out and was gifted with healthier romantic relationships because I now existed in a space where I could emulate the positive qualities I was looking for in a partner.Irreconcilable FrequenciesI also want to clarify that sometimes a romantic separation occurs between two high vibration individuals. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean your partner was bad or sick. You could have a relationship with a perfectly healthy person, it doesn’t have to be somebody that is operating at a low frequency.RELATED: The 3 Best Ways to Get Over a Breakup - According to ScienceSo why doesn’t it work out? It may just be that although the person you’re with is operating at a high frequency, you are operating at a higher frequency because you are doing the work to achieve that consciously or not. When that shift takes place and your energies are no longer aligned, a separation occurs. So often in the media we see celebrities getting divorced citing “irreconcilable differences.” It’s not about that. It’s about irreconcilable frequencies.Vibrations apply not only to people but also to thoughts, feelings and actions. An example is thinking “I’m being treated unfairly,” therefore, feeling angry and acting rageful. Self-defeating thoughts and feelings such as anger, jealousy and shame are all low vibration energies that can cause us to take actions that emit frequencies on a low level.How to Reach Your Higher SelfHow do we raise our vibrations? Do something that gives you a joyful feeling. High vibration emotions and attitudes include love, acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude.RELATED: 3 Ways Forgiveness Will Help Reduce Stress and Increase HappinessSome things that elevate me are walking, playing with a pet, meditation, prayer, creative writing, laughter, helping out a friend... You can choose how you want to increase your vibrations but remember, you can also choose how to lower them. Set your positive intentions with mindfulness and find your higher self. My higher self was sitting at the top of a staircase, I just had to step up.RELATED READING:6 Types Of People You Need to Surround Yourself With in LifeHow to Harness the Power of Your Emotions
