4 Subtle Signs You Had Toxic Parents and It's Still Affecting You
Have you ever been going about your day and then suddenly remembered something from your childhood that, only now as an adult, you realize wasn't quite right?Sometimes it can be something innocent like your father joking that eating a seed would make a tree grow in your stomach. But other times, it's a case of emotional manipulation or childhood abuse that continues to affect you even today.Growing up in a dysfunctional family can lead to an equally dysfunctional adulthood. No matter how hard you try not to mirror your parents, there are triggers that can reignite the same negative behaviors in yourself.Studies show that unresolved trauma in a person’s life can negatively affect their children. Recreating such a toxic environment, especially when you have children of your own, is a constant fear that you shouldn't have to live with. However, you'll never break the cycle unless you admit to yourself that your past is still affecting you. Awareness is the first step to healing, so here are four signs to look out for:1. You're overly critical of yourselfToxic parents tend to be harsh critics and the fear of disappointing others never really goes away. You may have extremely high standards for yourself and sometimes go out of your way to accomplish something with the hope you'll finally earn your parents' approval.RELATED: 4 Major Ways Toxic People Can Decrease Your Brain’s PerformanceSpoiler alert: they'll never give you the satisfaction -- and that's okay. You have all the makings of a successful person and their approval didn't get you to where you are now. So you certainly don't need it to keep moving forward.2. You blame yourself for other people's unhappinessWhen your parents always blame their own anger and unhappiness on you, that constant sense of guilt can linger throughout adulthood. If you still justify other people's bad behavior at your own expense, then you're playing into your parent's belief that you are always to blame.You're not. Every person is perfectly capable of deciding on their own actions. Unless you've mastered mind control, their shortcomings are not your fault.3. You're a "people-pleaser"There's a difference between being a kind person and going out of your way to please absolutely everyone. When love and affection wasn't a constant factor growing up, you may find yourself seeking it at every turn as an adult.Buying things you can't afford, having trouble saying "no" and being overly-generous with your time are just some examples of this people-pleasing behavior. This will lead to you spreading yourself thin, feeling guilty, tired and generally unhappy.You will never be able to please everyone in the world and trying to will only burn you down. Focus on making yourself happy first.4. You repeat their words to yourselfWhen you hear something often enough, it becomes ingrained in your mind and can pop up without being prompted. When you grew up in a toxic household, the words that flash across your mind tend to be negative.The constant loop of negative thoughts can be exhausting and cripple your ability to take on new projects. Don't listen to them, they were wrong when you were a child and they're still wrong now.What you can do to break the cycleNo matter where you are in life, you're capable of breaking the toxic cycle. Your childhood doesn't have to send your own children to therapy later on. Remember that you are not your parents, nor do you have to be.The signs mentioned above are all behaviors that are learned over time and are hard to kick after so many years. But like with most learned habits, they can be replaced with better ones.RELATED: How to Get Ready for a Healthy Relationship After a Toxic OneWhen you catch yourself repeating the same harsh words as your parents, make a conscious effort to counter them with positive ones. For example, instead of telling yourself "you're doing it wrong", replace it with "you're learning a valuable lesson and you'll get it right next time". Do this with every negative thought, attitude, and behavior until being positive simply becomes second nature.Granted, putting a stop to repeating unhealthy patterns is a long-term effort. Just like a wound, healing from your toxic parents will take time. But as long as you remain firm in your efforts to correct yourself and be the person you wish you had as a child, your past experiences will cease to affect you and those around you. The first step is to take one.Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.
Are You Truly Happy? 3 Revealing Questions To Ask Yourself
Happiness is like a dream vacation. You don't always know where it is or how to get there, but you'll know it when you do.Except, unlike vacations, there are no fast and easy websites to tell you what makes you happy. The thing is, happiness isn't pulled out of a hat. You draw it from various aspects of your life like your career, hobbies, and relationships.Whether you consider yourself to be mostly happy with your life or think there is something missing (but not sure what), here are a few questions to ask yourself. You'll either happily conclude that you're on the right path or figure out how to get yourself on it.Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.- Mahatma Gandhi1. What's my first thought when I wake up each morning?What you do first thing in the morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. This is why successful CEOs have strict morning routines where they meditate, jog, pray, or simply enjoy a satisfying breakfast in peace.But before you pull on your running shoes or start shoving fruit into a blender, you'll want to make sure you're not already stressing over all your pending tasks. If your very first thought when you get up is along the lines of "Urgh, I have to do this today," then chances are you're not as happy as you could be.If this is you, make a conscious effort to make your very first thought of the day a positive one. Think about a loved one, the great breakfast you're about to have, something cool you can accomplish that day, or a fun activity you'll sneak in during break time. (It might help to write these things down where you'll see them when you wake up.)2. Are the goals I'm pursuing aligned with my purpose?According to the book The 100 Simple Secrets Of Happy People,"Goals are crucial to one’s orientation to the world and to life satisfaction."Make a list of the three main goals you're currently pursuing. If you can honestly say that they all give you a sense of fulfillment and keep you excited about life, then you can truly say that you're happy. (And yes, we all envy you.)If you're having trouble even making the list, then it's time to sit back and think about what you can do differently. Experiment with various interests and hobbies until you find something that "clicks". Make time for yourself to pursue something that helps you grow as a person. As Tony Robbins likes to say, "Progress equals happiness."3. Do I prioritize my own well-being?Do you treat yourself to good food? Do you make sure you get enough sleep? Are you making time to connect with the people you care about? These are the little things that make the biggest impact on your health and happiness.Granted, not everyone has the luxury of sleeping a whole eight hours or cooking a three-course meal after a long day. Not to mention, your mental health plays a huge role in your ability to do any of these things on a regular basis.You don't have to do all of these perfectly, but adding one more hour of sleep or texting a good friend can make all the difference. Arianna Huffington dropped everything when her lack of sleep caused her to collapse, so now she always gets a full night's rest. Self-care should always be a priority.Keep in mind that tiny changes have huge effects. Make a point to include one or two changes in your day to day until you can wake up one morning knowing you no longer have to pursue happiness – because you're already living it.Happiness shouldn't be a goal, it should be a habit.- Richard Branson
6 Life-Changing Books That Inspired Emma Watson to Become a Leader
At just eleven years old, Emma Watson was launched into the public eye with her iconic role as Hermione Granger in the world-famous Harry Potter movie series.Since then she has brought to life dozens of other roles, from the carefree and spontaneous Sam in The Perks of Being a Wallflower to the bookish and determined Belle in Beauty and The Beast.While Watson always insists she’s quite different than her on-screen personas, she does share one thing in common with most of her roles: her love of reading.When she's not in front of the cameras, Watson enjoys nothing more than to get comfortable with an interesting book propped in her lap. She even runs her own book club and often shares recommendations on social media.Here are some of her absolute favorite reads for you to explore and appreciate for yourself.Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan CainIf you’re the type who prefers to listen instead of talk, work on your own, and dwell in the safety of anonymity, then "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" will resonate with you.From Dr. Seuss to Steve Wozniak, introverts have made some of the biggest contributions to society. Susan Cain delves into the history of successful introverts backed by hard facts and delightful anecdotes that will push every introvert to see themselves in a much more positive (and empowering) light.>> See it on Amazon.comThe Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz ZafónFor those gloomy days when you just want to settle in with a good book, "The Shadow of the Wind" is a choice you won’t regret.Set in Barcelona after the Spanish Civil War, a book dealer is launched into an unpredictable quest filled with the city's darkest secrets. If you’re into books about murder, love, and a touch of madness -- you’ll want to read this one.In an interview with Scholastic, Emma Watson expressed her absolute delight while reading this enthralling tale which instantly became her all-time favorite read.>> See it on Amazon.comA Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled HosseiniThis New York Times best-seller is one of those captivating stories that also brings to light real-life struggles.In "A Thousand Splendid Suns", author Hosseini takes you on a riveting journey with two Afghan women struggling to navigate a Taliban-dominated society.If this narrative sounds slightly familiar, then you might be thinking about Malala Yousafzai. Curiously enough, Emma Watson, a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, interviewed Yousafzai and they both agreed the book was "amazing". Watson then earnestly added, "It's a wonderful book.">> See it on Amazon.comI am Malala by Malala YousafzaiSpeaking of Malala Yousafzai, the youngest Nobel Prize winner has a book of her own which serves as a powerful reminder that it only takes one person to inspire change in the world.Representing a global symbol of peaceful protest, "I am Malala" details the remarkable story of her unrelenting struggle for girls' right to an education. From the moment the Taliban took control of her hometown to the months of recovery after she was shot in the head.Before interviewing Yousafzai, Watson made sure to read her book to truly understand the amazing feat that led her to be targeted by the Taliban. Naturally, Watson recommends that everyone read the book to gain a new sense of empathy and help support the fight for equality and education for all.>> See it on Amazon.comMom & Me & Mom by Maya AngelouFor those who admire the extraordinary Maya Angelou, this book shares the most personal story of her life for the first time ever.In "Mom & Me & Mom," Angelou recounts the fraught relationship with her mother, giving you a peek into the struggles and triumphs lived throughout their complicated relationship. From being abandoned by her mother at the age of three to the years of reconciliation that followed, this book reveals how their unique mother-daughter connection influenced Angelou's identity and worldview.In Emma Watson's review of the book, she wrote, "This is perhaps the greatest window into what shaped Angelou as a writer and poet and a fitting end to a lifetime of amazing works.">> See it on Amazon.comJust Kids by Patti SmithThis is a book for the dreamers among us who revel in romantic memoirs filled with passion, art, innocence, and fate."Just Kids" offers a blast to the past with a poetic account of Patti's remarkable relationship with photographer Robert Mapplethorp back in the 60s and 70s.In an interview with Vogue, Emma Watson admitted to always keeping this book at her bedside. "The book was so honest and brave.” She said. “I loved the way she sees the world. I really felt that life was more beautiful after I read it, and I felt more hopeful.”>> See it on Amazon.comWhy you should read these books tooSimply put, if you’re a fan of Emma Watson and good stories, then any of these books will result in time well spent.From empathy-building stories to family-driven tales, this short list offers you the chance to join Emma Watson in different worlds where you’re free to laugh, cry, or simply feel understood.Whatever your reason, we can all agree there's no better place to be than between the pages of a book. As Emma Watson describes it,Just like playing a song, picking up a book again that has memories can take you back to another place or another time.- Emma Watson
Richard Branson Thinks Being More Like a Child Makes You a Better Entrepreneur
Did you know that Richard Branson's favorite character is Peter Pan? It's no surprise considering his love for adventure and playful lifestyle. If there's an entrepreneur that is still very much in touch with his inner child, it's Branson. What may be surprising to you, however, is that Branson considers having a childlike attitude towards life can make you a better entrepreneur. Here's what being more like a child can teach you. Maintain a sense of wonder There’s magic in youth – a certain unmasked and undeterred vitality – which allows the young, and young at heart, to experience the world in all its colors. This is the opening line to Richard Branson's blog post titled, Why you should act more like a child. With it, he invites the idea that even as you get older, you should never let that youthful energy burn out. This isn't a call for you to start throwing food around or wear mismatched socks (although you could if you wanted to), but to firmly grasp onto that sense of wonder and curiosity that's so wonderful to witness in children. Try to always see the best in people and the silver lining in every situation. Look for questions where you thought you had all the answers. Being insatiably inquisitive is an entrepreneurial trait you'll notice in highly successful people like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Sarah Blakely. So do the same and never stop exploring. Overcome the stresses of adulthood Being an adult is stressful. There's no denying that. The bad news is that research shows stress can stifle your creativity, throw off your mood, and endanger your health. None of those are the makings of a successful entrepreneur. The good news is stress is one of the few things in adulthood that we have complete control over. Balancing work and play (or combining them, as Branson does) is a proven way to reduce stress and help you live your best life. Whether you sign up for a dance class, read a good book, or simply spend time with your loved ones – you should always make time for some joy in your life. Granted, children are always stress-free because they have no jobs or taxes to worry about, but they can still teach you a thing or two about using your imagination to make the most out of your life. Every hour of the day has at least five minutes to spare where you can send a funny text, make a call, or dream up a plan for the future. Life is about finding joy in the little things. Be a child and seek out the fun in every corner. Stop wasting time on unfulfilling ventures Branson once said, "Entrepreneurship is about turning what excites you in life into capital, so that you can do more of it and move forward with it." Finding what excites you in life is sometimes the hardest part. We jump between careers, jobs and hobbies, trying to find that magical activity we both love and have a talent for. The problem is not everyone finds it soon enough, we lose patience and do the worst thing imaginable: settle. "If you don't enjoy what you're doing then you shouldn't be doing it. It's that simple," says Branson in his blog post. Children don't do what doesn't make them happy, and that's something you can learn from them. Don't waste your time doing things that don't make your eyes light up or fill you with a sense of purpose. Even if your current situation doesn't let you spontaneously quit your 9-5 job, you can still connect with what makes you happy in your free time. Start small and gradually work that hobby up into your full-time venture. Prioritize happiness in business and in life According to CNBC, Branson's daughter, Holly, decided to take a break from medical school and intern at her father's airline company for a while. During her internship, she discovered that her father's child-like passion for seeking happiness in every area of his life reflected positively on his business. His employees were happy, which in turn made his customers happy. Holly writes that her father's motto has always been that "business should make lives better." Branson has successfully pushed that motto beyond Virgin Airlines and into the community. In 2004, he founded Virgin Unite where he spends his time supporting projects ranging from LGBT rights and drug policy reform to challenging climate change and the death penalty. In Richard Branson's case, he prioritizes bringing happiness not only to himself but to others. Your priorities may be slightly different, but science does show we are happiest when helping others. So, if you're indecisive on whether to move forward with a business idea or not, ask yourself if what you're about to do will make people smile. If the answer is yes, then do it. There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions in a way that serves the world and you. - Richard Branson