How To Take Control Of Your Life
It’s one thing to go through life and just live reactively. It’s another thing to go through life taking control of all circumstances. This, in my opinion, is one of the absolute greatest separators when it comes to those who are successful and everyone else. Study any great achiever, and you will discover that they did not play the role of victim regardless of their situation. They took ownership of their life and made their success out of it. You can live your life by playing it safe and cutting back, or you can go all in, take some risks, and grow as a person. My question to you is: up to this point in your life, where have you been living? Have you lived defensively or offensively? Playing It Safe Look around you. If I had to guess, I would say about 90% of the population lives life this way. The risk of loss seems too significant, so they make choices that seem reliable and safe. You evaluate your decisions compared to your neighbors and think “well, I guess things aren’t that bad. After all, Bob is in the same situation as me, but I'm actually doing a big better than him.” So you make the decision to take it easy, live in comfort, and just do as everybody else does. Is this the way you want to live? For some of you, it might be. But I find it hard to believe if you’re reading this article that you want to live an average life. If you live your life defensively and just react to whatever the world throws at you, then that’s pretty much what 90% of people do, which is pretty average. There is no pursuit, no purpose. There is no fulfillment. Life then has to be filled with mindless apps or various forms of entertainment that distract you from reality. We live in a world where people are more concerned with their favorite NFL team than they are about their financial situation or how fulfilled they are with their lives. Personally, I’m not ok with this. Are you? I hope I’m not offending anyone. That is not what I want to do. I want to help you win! I want to help you live a life that you will be proud of. One that you will look back on and say “I lived an amazing life!” Be In Control So maybe you have lived life playing it safe up to this point? That’s ok. It's now time to push towards your limits, it's the only way you will grow as a person. Here is what I suggest; run straight towards it! Do not allow yourself to continue to make excuses. Take responsibility for your life no matter what happens. If you want to take control of your situation then you must take ownership of everything that has happened up to this point. The good and the bad. Stop blaming others for what is wrong in your life. I know that can be tough depending on what you are going through but it is crucial to do it. If you give ownership of the situation to someone or something else, you have to wait for them to release you from the challenge before you are ever able to move on. You have to move past it by your own will. So my advice to you is run straight at your challenges and just accept them as they are. Take responsibility for them and decide you can win and that you WILL win. You will then figure it out. Every day of your life you should take ownership; be dominant and take control of your life and your future!
3 Ways To Create Better Connections With People
If you desire to advance your career, grow your business, or have more fulfilling relationships with friends and family it is going to require you to become better at building connections. Merely communicating is not sufficient.In this day and age, we're constantly bombarded with messages everywhere we look. Someone wants you to do this, buy that, or look at this. We're pulled in so many different directions. Developing a genuine connection with others will set you apart from the rest as you pursue success. Connecting is the ability to identify with others and relate to them. Communication differs from this because we are all sending and receiving messages, but that does not mean we are connecting with others.Here Are 3 Ways To Create Better Connections With People1. Have A Genuine Interest In OthersMost of the time, people who develop the best connections are those who care the most about others. In the past, I've had professors that did not seem to care about us as students, they were only there to do their job and to just collect their paycheck. It felt as if they were distant, cold, and only concerned with themselves. One time, I had a teacher give a class with his back to us the whole time. He just wrote away on his whiteboard and talked to the wall. I couldn’t believe my eyes. We as students immediately lost trust and respect for this professor without even thinking twice about it. I truly believe this was because he was only there to do his job and expected us to just give him attention. Should we have still done this? Absolutely! But compared to other professors that actually cared about creating an environment conducive to learning, you can’t really blame the students. As a leader you cannot expect respect to be given, it is earned, and it is earned through first displaying a genuine interest in others which leads to developing a connection.2. Start With WhyAs someone who is looking to develop connections with others, you must first lay the groundwork in which you want to connect with. Take a skyscraper for example. Before they ever start to build this massive structure they first dig into the ground and develop a solid foundation in which they can build upon.Establishing a connection with others is no different. Before you can start to connect with people on what you actually want, you must first make your intentions clear. People will see it as more genuine. For example, if my professor would have said: "Class, you are all adults. I am not here to babysit you, I am here to educate and empower you instead. Therefore, my teaching style is different; I will mostly be writing on the board, but this is to teach you to listen and pay attention to what I am saying. I want to prepare you for life after college, and life won’t always give to your needs. I am here to help you and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.” Can you see how this simple statement to begin class would have created trust and an understanding among us? Even if we were to disagree with his methods, at least we would've shown respect and some of us might've tried to listen to the course the way the teacher intended it.3. Ask QuestionsTo be an excellent connector you must master the art of putting the attention on others. This can be done by simply being good at asking questions. If connecting is building a bridge from me to you then questions are the roads we build to achieve that. By asking questions you make people feel more comfortable being around you. Give people a chance to share more about themselves and they will love you for it. When you ask questions, you are discovering someone else's values. People will share with you what is important to them in their life and why they do what they do. Having a connection with someone is being able to identify and relate with others. If this is so, you should get an idea of where that person currently is in life by asking questions.Hopefully, this article will help get you started in your quest to become better at building genuine connections with others. There is a fabulous book written by John Maxwell called “Everybody Communicates, Few Connect.” I highly recommend this book to everyone no matter what your profession is. It's a life long journey and one that is an exciting one! To continue to dive deeper and deeper into a relationship and build upon your connection is one of the most fulfilling experiences you can have. So have fun with this and always continue to connect with people each day!
How To Keep Yourself Focused On Your Goals
Early in my career, I heard a quote that went like this: "Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." Ouch! That statement used to irritate me because it was so true! Working as a consultant has given me insights as to why people fail to reach their goals. I have worked with over 200 individuals seeking a better life and what I found is that a person's mindset is a more important determinant of if they will achieve their goals than the circumstances they might find themselves in. When we go through a tough time, we tend to put our focus on our problems instead of concentrating on the solutions. We focus on all the reasons why we can’t do something. The word for that is an excuse. When the going gets hard and we are looking for a way out, any justification will work to derail us from our main goals, any reason is good enough to give us permission not to succeed. What we need to do in these situations is shift our mindset towards our own abilities to change the current situation. The statement that I mentioned above forces you to think about removing these excuses. It forces you to be a critical thinker and ask questions that will solve your current situation: "Even though I am going through these things in my life, what do I need to do to still make it?" That’s the power behind a statement like that. What It Takes If you've never achieved anything truly great in life up to this point then you do not know what it takes to achieve something truly great. Read that again, it's not just a cute little saying. What I mean is that anything in life worth accomplishing WILL inevitably take a lot of work and sacrifice, and will require you to change who you currently are, to become the person you need to be. If you have never had to put yourself through these circumstances in order to achieve anything of significance then the natural tendency is to run away from the discomfort and pain that come from these situations. Making excuse as to why you cannot do something creates a comfort within you. If you have ever felt this way, if you've had moments in your life where you had to ask yourself if it's worth it, my question to you then is exactly that: "Is it worth it to you?" I cannot answer that question for you, only you are able to. But you have to answer this question honestly. If you were not going through hard times, would you quit working on this goal? When we make decisions based on short-term circumstances, we rob ourselves from our long term results. Once you determine that what you are doing is part of your life-long goal, then you MUST make it happen! It shouldn't just be something that would be nice to do. If that is the mindset you have then you will certainly give up when things get tough. Just because you do not see your results right away does not mean they're not on their way. You must not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season you will reap a harvest! Keep your goals right in front of you. Write them down on an index card and keep it in your pocket. Tell your family and friends about your pursuits and ask for their encouragement and support. Post pictures on your fridge and on your walls. Become so fanatical about your future that it is all you think about. If you keep the main thing the main thing, then no excuse will be enough to sway you from your vision. The main thing is up to you to decide. What is the one thing you want to achieve in this world more than anything? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it? Bring yourself to a point so that when you ask yourself if it is worth it there is not a moment of hesitation in your mind, you answer is: "ABSOLUTELY IT IS!" Take the time to figure that out then go out there and make it happen!
Why Am I Not Where I Want To Be?
Have you ever had moments in your life where you didn’t feel like you were being true to yourself? As if there was a wall that you couldn't climb? On one side is who you really should be; your personality, sense of humor, ambition, and self-belief. On the other side is where you stand now, knowing you aren’t living to your fullest potential. You feel defeated, unworthy, and unfulfilled. You get those moments where you look back at your life and tell yourself: "I wish I would have done this" or "I should have said that". Yet you keep doing the same things over and over and they keep leading you to where you are right now. Where does it start? When I was younger I never exceeded in school. I usually did just enough to make it by with Cs and a couple Bs. I always knew, in my gut, that I was capable of more, but I never put my best foot forward in my academic career, so I struggled with low self-esteem. I had low expectations of who I was and what I was capable of. At the time, I didn’t recognize the fact that I simply wasn’t working hard enough, that is something I realized later on when I reflected on my youth. But I would tell myself I wasn’t smart enough or this is just the best you can do. Since I knew I was capable of more, my pride made me be a pretender in who I really was. I acted like I did better in school than I really was and most of the times I faked my way through homework assignments and class participation activities. On the outside everything looked good but inside I knew I was being a fake. It was painful to live this way but I didn't know what to do. I didn’t recognize the fact that I simply wasn’t working hard enough. I would tell myself I wasn’t smart enough or that this was the best I could do. I knew I was capable of more, so I started to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I acted like I had good grades and I would fake my way through homework assignments and class participation activities. If I could go back in time and have a conversation with myself, I would instead ask myself: “Let’s look at the facts. How much time did you study this week? How much homework did you actually do? How engaged were you in your classes?" I would've then realized that I was not even trying. I would've come to realize that I was smart enough, I just didn't put in the effort that was needed to be the best I could be. We grow up in a society that tells us that putting too much effort into something is bad. If you take too much time in answering a math question, it must mean that you're just not good at math. If it takes you twice as long to finish your homework it means that you are slow and that you probably won't excel in school. Even if you don't think that in the beginning, others will make you feel inferior until you eventually believe it to be true. But the reality is that most of the students that got A grades were working hard for it. They studied more, they took their time when doing their homework and they asked questions when they didn't understand something. Seeing these students ace an exam, I was just looking at the tip of the iceberg. A call to change In order to achieve something you never have you are going to be required to do something you never have. Change can be difficult for most people. We fear change because of the unknown. We ask ourselves if we are truly capable of doing what is required and then doubt that we can. If I had the chance to sit across a table from you, I would tell you that you are capable of achieving your goals. I know because it happened to me. Starting my own business at 20 years old was a bold move, but if I wanted the life I always dreamed of then it was necessary that I did this. I would've never achieved the level of success I have today if it wasn’t for my mentors. They took me under their wing and believed in me. They weren’t just saying they believed in me. They genuinely cared and pointed out to me my strengths and areas that I could really work on. Because of this, I started to learn who I really was and stopped pretending to be someone else. They asked me challenging questions like “Why don’t you think you are capable of living a successful life?” I had never faced this question head on. What I told them sounded just like the lies I told myself when I was younger and in school. None of what I said was a legitimate reason of course. It was all made up of things I just convinced myself to believe. This is where I started to understand who I truly was. Find yourself If you go through life lying to yourself and making it seem like you are something you are not then you are only hurting yourself because deep down inside you know something isn’t right. When you say or do something that doesn’t align with who you are at the core you should recognize that immediately. You have to take the time to reflect on who you TRULY are. Not the person you made yourself out to be. But behind all the walls you put up, who are you really? What are your values? What do you stand for? What do you believe in? Seek a mentor. Find someone who has the life you want to have and ask them to mentor you. Having a mentor is indispensable! Once you identify who you really are, you become free. Free of the self-imposed limits. Free from the opinions of others. You simply live your life on purpose each day. You start to actually grow as a person and progress towards the person you want to become. You start to attract all the components necessary to achieve your dreams. This life can be so rewarding. I encourage you to pursue it with passion and discover who you truly are! Want to dive deeper into this topic? This video helped me out a ton! "Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Life" by author, keynote speaker, advisor, and former publisher of SUCCESS magazine, Darren Hardy:
