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What To Do If You Don't Like Your Partner's Friends
Goalcast Originals

What To Do If You Don't Like Your Partner's Friends

People spend their whole lives searching for a partner. Whether you want to call them your soulmate or significant other, their presence in your life is incredibly important to you. You work hard to make your relationship great. It quickly becomes apparent that even if you're both trying hard to maintain a positive and healthy relationship, outside factors can always cause friction. Sometimes it's a job loss or the addition of responsibilities. Other times, it's who your partner chooses for a friend.You aren't in charge of making friends foryour partner, so they might bond with certain people you don't like. It'sstressful to deal with, especially when you want to love and support yoursignificant other in every way.Read on to learn how your relationship cansurvive if you don't get along with your partner's friends. With the right tips,you'll handle the conflict like a pro, and life will be easier for everyoneinvolved.1. Find some common groundYour first step forward may be to find somecommon ground with the friend you don't like. It's easy to focus on thenegatives, but train yourself to recognize the positives. You both might adoredogs or like the same milkshake flavor. Every little detail builds the bridgethat will connect you with someone who initially rubs you the wrong way but maybecome a great companion.2. Create healthy boundariesEveryone wants to make their partner happy but in the process, you could become miserable. Think about how often you can hang out with this friend or talk about them without feeling upset or annoyed. Establish healthy boundaries with your partner so they know what's going on. You don't have to force yourself to socialize with people you dislike all the time.3. Recognize your partner's needsThe flip side to the boundary coin islearning to recognize your partner's needs. It may hurt them to see you cut theirfriend entirely out of your life. When your partner asks you all to hang out,consider how important it is to them. Missing out on pizza night in the livingroom isn't a big deal but going to a movie premiere you're all looking forwardto could matter more. Finding this balance will show your partner you respectthem while maintaining your boundaries.4. Stay honest when askedYour partner knows you, so they'll sense whensomething's wrong. If they ask you about your behavior around their friend, stay honest inyour response without being negative. They shouldknow how you feel — and that you respect their friendship. Bottling up yourthoughts and emotions to be kind will only create resentment and negativitybetween you and your partner.5. Learn to enjoy the spacePictures of other couples hanging out andgoing on adventures are all over your social media feed, which creates theillusion that you should always be with your partner. At first, it may feelgreat to spend every minute with them, but it's okay to enjoy some timeapart to learn more about yourself. Give yourpartner room to hang out with their friends, so you have time for yourself oryour social circle.The only time personal space may be an issueis if it addsstress to the relationship. Your partner may go out with friends or spendtime with their tech, like being on their computer or gaming on a console. Ifyou don't value or appreciate having so much space between you, then it's timeto talk about what's going on.6. Remain positive and politeWhen that friend comes over to your home orhangs out with you two, do your best to remain positive and polite. No matterwhat your opinions are of this person, your partner considers them a goodfriend. Good manners are a way to show respect for your significant other andselflessly value their happiness.7. Speak out about toxic behaviorsIt's smart to be considerate when your partner brings over their friend, but don't let that blind you to toxic behaviors. Your significant other gets to choose who they're friends with, but they may be too close to see that their friend is manipulating or using them. Have your partner's back and let them know when you see signs of toxic behaviors, like the friend demanding all of their time or forcing them to change. It may not be easy for your partner to hear or recognize, but don't let that keep you from speaking up. A toxic friendship won't bring any good to your partner's life and will lead to more hurt in the future if you don't calmly approach them about the issue.If this happens, don't discuss the friend inan angry or accusatory tone. You'll only make your partner defensive and lesslikely to listen. You may open the conversation by telling them you only havetheir best interest at heart and don't want any harm to come to them.In some cases, your partner may not agreewith you, and that's okay. They'll keep your comments in the back of their mindand think about it more as they reflect on their friend's behavior in thefuture.8. Never make them chooseSome people panic when they don't like theirpartner's friend. It may feel like your significant other spends all their freetime with the destructive person, making you defensive and angry. It's temptingto imagine yourself in the most dramatic part of a film where you tell yourpartner to choose between you or their friend, but it's actually an unhealthyway to deal with the situation.Never make your partner choose between youand their friend. Ultimatums result in resentment and sadness. Instead, voiceyour calm concerns and honest opinions if your partner asks and let them maketheir own decisions. Each relationship teaches valuable lessons, so they mayhave more to learn before the friendship ends.Put your partner firstLoving someone means putting them first, so respect their relationship with their friend. Support, space, and honesty are just a few of the ways to deal with your opinions of this individual. Remember how much your partner loves you, and always feel free to talk things out in a respectful, calm way if it gets overwhelming.More helpful articles:Baby Makes Three: How to Stay Connected to Your Partner After Having a ChildHow I Took The Imposter Out of Motherhood And Overcame My DoubtsSplit Decisions: Is Your Relationship Really Over or Does It Just Need Work?Is Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?

Rihanna’s Transformation from Music Icon to Business Mogul Was A Long Time Coming
Entrepreneurs

Rihanna’s Transformation from Music Icon to Business Mogul Was A Long Time Coming

You know Robyn Rihanna Fenty as a beloved singer and incredibly successful businesswoman, but do you know how she managed to rise to this level of achievement? The journey wasn’t as smooth as some may think, but it’s a story demonstrating how determination and belief in yourself can push you to new heights.Even during her teenage years, Rihanna accomplished featsmany people dream of. The singer’s trials and tribulations are a testament to notletting life hold you back from the things you want and deserve.How it all startedMarred by her father’s addiction to crack and her family’s struggles with money, childhood was a rough time for Rihanna. The stress of these issues manifested in intense migraines. It also exposed her to bullying from her peers, which surely did not help with the migraines.Despite these hardships, Rihanna maintained a love for singing. She started a girl group with two of her friends. But she was ambitious for success and that eventually led the group to audition for Evan Rogers, a major music producer.Rogers was immediately swayed by the Barbadian beauty’s looks and vocal abilities. He set out to work on helping her produce her first album. Rihanna burst into the music industry at the young age of 16, releasing her debut record called “Music of the Sun.” The single “Pon de Replay” became a fast hit, peaking at number two on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart — a significant triumph for a new artist. In a short amount of time, she went from island tom boy to platinum pop sensation.Her success continued to grow as her image changed from the girl-next-door to the seductive songstress. For years, music and acting were her claims to fame until she decided to channel her love for makeup into a lucrative avenue. Rihanna was very calculating with her timing and strategy because she knew she needed more than just passion to win. Credibility mattered too. Social media marketing and video communication played a huge role in her stirring up interest in her business pursuits. These tried-and-true tactics have worked for countless other companies — the more interactive, the better. After all, fans want to know everything about the celebrities they love.The beginning of Fenty BeautyRihanna released Fenty Beauty, co-owned by her and the French luxury group LVMH, in September 2017. The brand practically skyrocketed to fame overnight, becoming an instant hit — especially among people of color who often struggle to find makeup for their skin tones. With an impressive release of 40 shades of foundation, Rihanna’s new venture was groundbreaking. Society already knew her well for how relatable she is as well as her clapbacks and her sharp sense of humor but Fenty Beauty connects with fans on a new level. Hers isn’t the first cosmetics company to offer 40 shades, but the range of hues is a major upgrade compared to other brands like Make Up For Ever and Tarte. The darker shades completely sold out soon after the initial release, which indicated how the company effectively fills a gap for those unacknowledged by the beauty industry.According to Forbes, the makeup brand has helped the business-savvy singer establish a $600 million fortune, which will undoubtedly grow as she branches out. As of now, though, she is the wealthiest female musician in the world — a mind-blowing achievement on its own.A shift towards fashion with Savage X FentyRihanna’s entrance into the world of business isn’t even close to being finished yet, and her fans couldn’t be happier. After establishing her cosmetics line, it was time to conquer the lingerie world. In May 2018, she dropped her brand of underwear and lingerie called Savage X Fenty, after weeks of swirling rumors and excitement. Much like Fenty Beauty, the brand offers a range of options for people of numerous shapes, skin tones and sizes.In September 2019, she held a fashion during New York's Fashion Week, and impressed on the whole world, the inclusivity of her brand. Her show featured models of various skin tones, ethnicities and body types, which was revolutionary especially when we consider Victoria's Secret and their controversial attitudes towards diversity.Inclusive marketing has become increasingly popular — and even necessary — as marginalized individuals are also consumers and should be represented in media. This strategy has no doubt paid off, with Savage X Fenty receiving $70 million in funding from investors, according to the Wall Street Journal. The WSJ also reports that the company earns nearly $150 million annually.And of course, this article won’t be complete without mentioning her fashion house, Fenty. She is the first black woman to lead a house at LVMH, adding her creation to a portfolio containing the likes of Givenchy and Dior. Hers is also the first label the luxury group has created since 1987. How’s that for history-making?But why does it work?Fans and casual observers alike know the business mogul for her ongoing messages of self-love and confidence. If you’re not doing it yourself, who are you doing it for? She never fails to emphasize how important it is for everyone to find happiness within themselves, no matter what that looks like for them. Applying this philosophy to her own life is part of what makes her plans so successful.Her lifelong love for cosmetics and beauty led her to create Fenty Beauty and her two fashion lines. Much of these brands’ popularity is due to her dedication to inclusivity. There’s something for everyone, and each person can feel content and loved within their skin. Division often leads to hostility and hate, but inclusion fosters understanding and appreciation.And she has no plans to stop, as she even has plans to start her own furniture line. Rihanna’s story shows the importance of taking a chance on your passions and doing it with a witty edge. Uplift yourself while acknowledging and empowering the communities you care about. Networking and working hard at your craft can take you a long way.What you can learn from her accomplishmentsEveryone has a dream, no matter how small it may seem to you now. If you’d known Rihanna as a teenager, you might have doubted her chances of leaving her island home and making it big. But she proved everyone wrong. She listened to her heart's calling and stayed true to her desires along the way. Every person’s journey is different, but you can take a cue from her and other stories of success to find ways to nurture your biggest hopes.Furthermore, she proved to us that we don't have to stay in one lane for the rest of our lives. By taking a chance on her other passions, she has redefined herself and challenged our expectations on success. It can come from many avenues, so long as we put in the time and passion into it.You will never know until you try, and if your first attempt doesn’t pan out, you can always try again. When one door shuts, another opens. Hardships along the way don’t define you, and they don’t have to rule your mindset. Be kind to yourself and know that your life is yours to celebrate and no one else’s.Shaping history and culture on a broad scaleMany would agree that Rihanna is an incredible source of inspiration for achieving goals and trusting yourself, especially for young black women. She is proof that your present situation doesn’t have to influence the rest of your life — you’re always growing and evolving. Rihanna continues to prove her past doesn’t limit her ideas and goals. There are bound to be more groundbreaking achievements for her in the future.More inspiring celebrities:Jessica Alba’s Drastic Change to Chase Her Billion Dollar Dream BusinessAt Her Lowest Point, Mariah Carey Turned Vulnerability Into StrengthSia Takes off Her Disguise to Buy Groceries for Strangers

Martha Stewart's Unlikely Best Friend Snoop Dogg Broke All the Rules
Friends

Martha Stewart's Unlikely Best Friend Snoop Dogg Broke All the Rules

It is always reassuring to know that we have the power to choose our friends. And sometimes, the choices others make can surprise us. One such unlikely, but perfectly matched friendship is the connection between the iconic rapper Snoop Dogg and lifestyle mogul Martha Stewart. A successful rapper, Snoop has been in the music industry since 1993 but also has an extensive filmography under his belt. On the other hand, Martha has been dominating in own her lane as an immensely successful business woman despite having served time in jail for a felony.Their hilarious banter makes for a fun watch whenever you tune into their Emmy-nominated cooking show — or any of their numerous appearances together. The saying "opposites attract" has never been truer. Who would've thought these two personalities would mesh and create pure magic on the screen?If you don't know much about either of them,you may wonder how these two met. Let's kick things off from the beginningand see how this friendship developed.How Snoop and Martha metThis feel-good friendship began over a decade ago in 2008 — time flies. Snoop guested on Martha's first cooking show, The Martha Stewart Show, to help her whip up a delicious mashed potato recipe. Martha reached out to Snoop and invited him onto the show, unknowingly beginning the start of a long friendship. Snoop taught her some of his favorite slang during the episode, including terms that sound ironically outdated now, like "fo shizzle".The pair reunited in 2009 to make a batch of chocolate brownies for Christmas. Snoop and Martha riffed off each other with hilarious quips, including an impromptu rap about baking pastries. Can you name a better combination than music and food?Martha made the next moveThough this friendship looked promising from the start, Martha and Snoop fell out of touch for a few years after his appearance on her famed talk show. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Distance does little to break the strongest bonds.In 2014, Martha held an Ask Me Anything session on the popular social site Reddit. Fans flock to these celebrity info-sessions where they get to ask their favorite stars questions about their lives. Someone asked about her friendship with Snoop, where she expressed her desire to be closer friends with the Californian rapper. Little did she know her wish would come true only a year later.If you never believed in fate before, start rethinking! Who knows how your next lifelong connection may come about?Fate wanted their friendship to happenThe duo met again in 2015 on the set of Comedy Central Roast, where the roastee of the night was Justin Bieber. The two reconnected over each other's witty remarks about the then teen idol. Snoop was in awe of Martha's sense of humor, calling her the funniest person of the night. It wasn't long before their rekindled friendship led to big plans in the entertainment industry.In that moment, I knew I wanted to be alongside this lady for the rest of my life.Snoop Dogg to NBC2016 marked the year that Martha & Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party premiered on VH1. Both stars were enthusiastic about working with each other on such a major project, and viewers were equally stoked. The show experienced a lightning-fast rise to popularity, scoring an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Host for a Reality Program in 2017.Their surprising reunion offers anawe-inspiring takeaway for all fading friendships — don't give up hope. Even ifyou've lost communication with a friend, you can reach out and mend things overagain. It's worth a try, and you'll regain a valuable connection if things workout.Martha and Snoop Dogg brought their friendship to the screenNow dubbed Martha and Snoop's Potluck Party Challenge, the show has shaken things up by introducing a new format in 2019. Martha and Snoop team up with their guests to decide which groups can create the best culinary dishes. From Friendsgiving meals to Halloween treats, there's no shortage of foodie delights on this show. The winning team receives the Potluck Party Platter prize — try saying that three times fast.The pair has filmed hilarious promos for their cooking show, including parodies of the films Titanic and Ghost. The latest season has featured guests like Paris Hilton, the Jonas Brothers, Tiffany Haddish and many more. The show is no-doubt a star-studded affair and will hopefully live on for many more seasons— we just can't get enough of these two.As you may already know, Martha isn't the only one with a knack for creating great meals. In 2018, Snoop Dogg released his first cookbook, From Crook to Cook: Platinum Recipes from Tha Boss Dogg's Kitchen. And never too far behind, Martha contributed a thoughtful foreword — friends who cook together stay together. If you're ever in the mood for gin and juice, baked mac & cheese or fried bologna sandwiches, you know where to look.An unlikely but inspiring friendshipMartha talked to the Hollywood Reporter in 2018 about her friendship with Snoop and their show's booming success. There's no question that she views the program as a way for different cultures to mix in harmony and respect. Differences aren't bad — embracing these contrasts adds flavor and depth to life. Learning from others and sharing experiences with unlikely acquaintances allow you to step outside the box of societal expectations.When we come together, it’s a natural combination of love, peace and harmony.Snoop Dogg to Rolling StoneContrasting personalities can bring out the best in one another. The world would be a much better place if we all practiced loving, learning and sharing. Thankfully, Martha and Snoop are way ahead of the game.Friends come in all formsIf there's anything we can glean from this fabulous friendship, it's that you can share an interest with virtually anyone. Even if you meet people who live entirely different lives from yours, you can still make loving, rewarding connections.The most beautiful aspect of human nature is the ability to connect with others — we all need social ties to thrive. Though we're different, we also share the human condition. By opening up to difference, we can form bonds that allow us to flourish and experience new facets of the world.More inspiring friendships:How Jim Carrey Inspired Ariana Grande to Be Unashamed of Her Mental Health StrugglesHow Did Elton John Save Eminem’s Life?Selena Gomez Thanks Friend Who Saved Her Life In Emotional Speech

What We Can Learn From Bill Gates' Regrets About Paul Allen
Entrepreneurs

What We Can Learn From Bill Gates' Regrets About Paul Allen

When you think of Microsoft, Bill Gates comes to mind immediately. However, numerous sources reveal the company's co-founder, the late Paul Allen, was also instrumental to the brand's success. The Netflix docuseries Inside Bill's Brain: Decoding Bill Gates recently explored many facets of the world's most famous billionaire, including his personal life and the things he regrets.Let's explore why Gates may view Allen as his biggest regretGates and Allen met in the late1960s at Seattle's Lakeside School when Gates was in eighth grade. Allen wastwo classes ahead.The schoolmates landed in hot water with the school when they exploited a bug in a teletype terminal to give themselves usage privileges. Since computer terminals were rare at the time, it cost people up to $60 to use them. Allen and Gates were fascinated by the terminal, but the expenses proved prohibitive. They worked out an arrangement touse the system for free in exchange for alerting the school to any flaws. Gateslater mentioned the terminal asthe object that broughtthe two together. They shared the same dreamComputers were not fads for Allenor Gates. In the 1970s, Allen was working as a programmer in Boston, whileGates was a student at Harvard University. After beginning as a pre-law majorin 1973, Gates quickly changed his focus and sped through some of the mostadvanced computer and mathematics courses Harvard offered. In 1975, Gates made a fateful call from his dorm room to a company that had built an early personal computer called the Altair 8800. Gates offered to develop software for the system. The firm accepted and paid him $3,000 plus royalties for the work. Due to this contract, Gates left school to focus on a venture he called Micro-Soft. The enterprise ended up being a team effort between Allen and Gates-- they co-founded Microsoft on April 4, 1975. The company went public in 1987, and Bill Gates became a 31-year-old billionaire only a year later. How did Paul Allen fit into Microsoft? For starters, he arranged to buy an early operating system from a Seattle programmer. Once Gates and Allen tweaked the system's code, it helped IBM's first personal computer function in 1981. Moreover, Allen persuaded Gates todrop out of college to pursue software development. Plus, he came up with theMicrosoft name and focused on its goal of providing software for smallcomputers, rather than the earliest models that filled entire rooms. Friendship under strainMicrosoft launched in Albuquerque, New Mexico. However, in 1979 — a year after the company's sales topped $1 million — it relocated to Bellevue, Washington, a Seattle suburb. There, Gates and Allen's grew rocky relationship. In 1983, Allen left the company and clarified some of the reasons.Allen said he disagreed with Gates on numerous things, including product and hiring-related decisions. In his memoir, Idea Man, Allen wrote:Over the years, the result of these and other incidents has been the gradual destruction of both our friendship and our ability to work together.Tech betrayals are nothing newAllen does not stand alone among tech company founders as someone who disagreed with his colleagues. Take Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, as an example. People have tapped Zuckerberg as the next Bill Gates, mainly due to his pioneering efforts in digital technology. Another thing that links Gates to Zuckerberg is the unrest between co-founders. In 2005, Zuckerberg diluted co-founder Eduardo Saverin's stake in the company and then ousted him. Saverin, who met Zuckerberg at Harvard Unversity, invested the initial $15,000 to build and host Facebook. Six months after the site's launch, the company relocated to Palo Alto, California. The story, from a clandestine school meeting to a move and falling out, is a similar one. Is it possible Saverin is Zuckerberg's' Paul Allen? Saverin played an instrumental role in Facebook's origins — much like Allen with Microsoft. Farhad Manjoo, a techindustry expert from Silicon Valley, believes the corporation is too big tofail.In a 2018 New York Times piece, Manjoo questioned whether Zuckerberg should still lead Facebook. He pointed out how the leader's shares have 10 times the voting power of normal ones, making him far more influential than others at the company. Allen claims disagreements withGates led him to leave the company. However, company shares also played a rolein his decision to cut ties. Allen's health suffered while their friendship fell apartIn April 2011, Paul Allen published a book called Idea Man that shed light on some of the friction between himself and Gates. An article from The Wall Street Journal said the printed work positioned Gates as a confrontational taskmaster and someone unsuitable for Allen's more laid-back personality. In the book, Allen described himself as the person who sparked many of Microsoft's ideas.Idea Man also revealswhat Gates did to maximize his monetary benefits. Gates first insisted on a60-40 split with Allen in Gates' favor. However, he later renegotiated it to a64-36 split.The last straw for Allen was when he overheard Gates talking to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. The discussion centered around how to dilute Allen's equity due to complaints of his alleged lack of productivity. Allen had recently been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and viewed the talk as an exploitation of his weakest moment.Their final days togetherGates and Allen reportedly didn't speak for a year after Idea Man came out. However, they eventually patched the rift, and Gates was looking forward to spending more time with Allen. In one interview, Gates anticipated yacht trips, saying he'd already traveled that way with Allen, but was planning more once the kids left for college.After Allen's death in 2018 due to cancer complications, Gates emphasized the extent of his bond with Allen, saying: Paul was a true partner and dear friend. Personal computing would not have existed without him.In Inside Bill's Brain: Decoding Bill Gates, the billionaire didn't say much about the relationship between himself and Allen, but he admitted he he had been tough on Paul at times. Bill's wife, Melinda, says two talked more as they repaired their friendship. We had times with Paul, we would sit for hours. They were like two little boys laughing together over these old stories.Can business and friendship co-exist?According to the Netflixdocumentary, Gates reconnected with Paul when he publicized the return of hiscancer. He claims the friendship was more important than anything that camebetween them. Even though their interpersonal drama eased, Gates may stillsee their longstanding tension as a regret.Allen and Gates both possessedbrilliant minds. If they had resolved their differences sooner, they could havecontinued to work together. They may have brought Microsoft to even moreprominence. Disagreements are frequent in the business world, especially among people with big ideas. However, it's a mistake to let them get in the way of progress.Allen and Gates' collaboration made Microsoft possible and though their friendship suffered, it was clear they valued it greatly, as shown by their rekindling of it in their final days.In our desire to reach our dreams, we shouldn't lose sight of the people we love and those who help us along the way. Finding a work to work with those who support us rather than butting heads is the surest path to accomplishing our goals.

My Breakthrough Moment: Writing a Letter to My Younger Self
Self-Development

My Breakthrough Moment: Writing a Letter to My Younger Self

If you’ve ever sat down to write a letter when you’re mad or upset, you know the experience can be cathartic. It’s the same when you address the letter to yourself — your younger self.Don’t let the past control your present. If you hold onto things that upset you — even something you’ve done to yourself — it can create a cloud of negativity that follows you around for years.Instead, face the past head-on with a letter to your younger self, just like mine below.A Letter to My Younger SelfDear Kayla,You’re a full-fledged adult now, can you believe it? At 15, you wanted the years to fly by. Now, I just wish they would slow down. It’s not all bad. Being an adult, and all of the freedom that comes with it, is even better than you imagined. The ability to make a pizza at 3 a.m. without mom asking what you’re doing. Heading off on road trips with your husband. Setting your own schedule to do what you want, when you want. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.There are some things I wish you would have done differently, though. If only you had known then what you know now. That’s why I’m writing to you!You don’t know it yet, but after you graduated and moved out of mom and dad’s, you struggled to find my place in the world. You bounced from dead-end job to dead-end job. You felt unsatisfied with life. Then, when you started blogging, you finally felt a sense of satisfaction — accomplishment. It took a long time to get there, though.Be serious about school. It may not seem like a big deal now, but it will later. Listen to your teachers, strive for good grades, study for the SATs and get into a good college. It will make things easier, I promise. Education is how you challenge your thinking and become a better person.It was in college that you learned more about meat production. It’s where you decided to give up eating meat. It’s been a great decision, and you feel healthier every day for having done so.I don’t hold my past decisions against myself — don’t worry, you can keep the bacon for now — but I wish there were some other things I had known. Maybe if you would have changed majors, you would have been a little happier? (We both know you love writing poetry, but were too afraid to do anything about it!)Now, you have a career you love and write poetry as much as you like – just not professionally. Who knows, maybe you’ll get there!Though you probably should have done some things differently (i.e. branched out more and joined a few clubs and organizations), you’re right where you need to be now.Don’t give up, even when you feel like you should. Life gets a whole lot better.How to write your own letterIf you want to write a letter, you may not know where to start. To get a sense of what you want to get out of the letter, start with a simple goal. Maybe you want use the letter as a topic for a college essay. If this is the case, jot down some key areas you wish to address in your letter to get an idea of what points to talk about.You may not even know what you want from the letter, and that’s okay, too. Just write!I wanted to confront my mistakes, so I wrote about what bothered me, what I wish I had done, and where I ended up in life.Doing this felt sort of like a diary, but because I directed the letter towards a more naïve, younger version of myself, it was easier than I thought.After writing my letter, I felt a sense of clarity like never before. Almost like my life flashed before my eyes, though less dramatic. The process meant I had to be honest with myself. What’s the point of writing a letter made for someone else to read? Dig out the heavy stuff. Who can you get personal with, if not yourself?If you plan to write your own letter, it’s crucial to detect self-deception — when you lie to yourself. It can be easy to believe your own lies We all want to paint ourselves and our past actions in the best light, even when it’s far from the truth. However, real growth comes from brutal honesty. Here's how writing your letter will open things up for you:A confrontation In writing a letter to my younger self, I can confront my decisions and gain peace. It’s over — done with. I can’t change it. All I can do is hope to get closure.The same goes for my decision to stop eating meat. When I first discovered how manufacturers made meat products, I felt guilty for my participation. I believed, because of my purchase habits, I was responsible for the horrible conditions. I lacked compassion for my own choices, whether right or wrong.At 15, I know I wasn’t thinking about where my food came from and how it was made. I was thinking about boys and college and getting my driver’s license.In college, I was afraid to pursue a career that I’d really like because I didn’t know how successful I would be. Even if I worked hard, how good could it really get? I decided to major in English instead, which proved to be just fine, but I beat myself up a lot after college for chickening out.Feeling bad for myself did nothing constructive.In the end, I was able to write for a living, which is just what I wanted. Though it’s not poetry, I can still pick up a pad and pen whenever I please. Even though it wasn’t in the cards, maybe it will be someday.The idea is to confront your emotions in a raw and honest way.If you have any trouble, start with a sentence a day and work your way up to a letter. How was your day today? How will you make tomorrow better? Eventually, the thoughts will just flow, and you’ll have written a page in no time.A sense of peaceIf you’re exceptionally hard on yourself, you’re not alone. I’ve gone through the negative cycle of berating myself for past mistakes, even though the outcome can’t be changed. However, self-criticism can take a toll — on both our minds and bodies.Our brains are trained to distinguish the good from the bad. When we sway from our goals or expectations, we assign a negative value to the experience. Writing a letter to my past-self allowed me to access the more compassionate side of my brain — to analyze the situation in a new light. We’re human, and we all make mistakes, no matter how evolved we are. The trick is to learn from mistakes in order to not make them again. So far, I think I’m doing alright in that department. You’ve written the letter — now what?Once I wrote my letter, I signed it, sealed it in an envelope and — stuck it in a drawer. Sorry if that’s anti-climactic, but it’s the truth.It’s not about who reads the letter or where it ends up. It’s about the writing process. Typically, dwelling on the past is a vicious cycle, but writing is a healing process that has real benefit. When you talk to someone, as in traditional therapy, you get the opportunity to vent your feelings and frustrations. When you write a letter to your younger self, you try to understand and learn from past decisions and emotions.Don’t just relive past eventsFocus on the emotions you felt and consider how you changed for the better as a result. This exercise can be especially beneficial for those who are introverted, like me, and prefer to keep to themselves. Writing a letter to your younger self isn’t hard. Just pick up a pen and get going. Consider life events that have shaped who you are and how you think. When finished, seal the letter away to reflect on later. Likewise, you can toss it in the trash and consider it the end to a healing experience.What will you write next?

Overcoming Jealousy: 5 Tricks to Silencing Your Green-Eyed Monster
Self-Development

Overcoming Jealousy: 5 Tricks to Silencing Your Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy is a complex emotion. It may feel like you're being abandoned or forgotten. Or like someone is trying to humiliate you personally. But at its core, jealousy is not always a bad thing.It only feels natural to feel jealous when your significant other talks to someone attractive or when your colleague drives to work in a brand new Maserati. It's when those feelings begin to consume you,when you make decisions based on those emotions, that aproblem forms. The negativity can seep into other aspects of your life,tainting relationships and diminishing your happiness. How to OvercomeYour JealousyThe good news is you don't have to let jealousydictate your life. If you're feeling the green-eyed monster clinging to yourback, there are five tricks you can use to silence it.1. Challenge your insecuritiesWhen you feel jealous, it typically has nothing to do with another person — it's all about yourself. Give some thought to insecurities you face and how you compare yourself to others.Do you feel like you're not pretty enough? Like you don't make enough money? Maybe you'd like a bigger house? The key to ridding yourself of jealousy is to change your thought process. It can be useful to challenge irrational thoughts with logic. Get a notepad and, in one column, write down your insecurities. Beside each vulnerability, create a column for evidence to the contrary.For example, one insecurity could be that you're jealous of your husband's female coworker. Your defeating logic would be that your husband chose to marry and dedicate his life to you.2. Surround yourself with good peopleOne way to feel more positive and let go offeelings of jealousy is to surround yourself with good people. Good peoplearen't just those who are upbeat and smile all the time. They're people thatlift you up and you help you achieve your full potential. Think about the people you spend the most timewith and how they make you feel. Then, ask yourself the following questions:Do they support you? Do they help you reach goals?Do they make you feel special?Do they make you feel attractive?Do they encourage personal growth?When you surround yourself with good people, youcan cut out negative feelings like jealousy and become a better version ofyourself. 3. Talk to someone your trust about itWhen riddled with doubt and self-loathing, go to someone who loves you and talk it out. Be honest about your feelings and what brought them on.Try not to place blame on others, such as your partner, and instead focus on how you can get over these setbacks. People who care about you will work with you to find peace of mind. For most people, jealousy is not linked to facts. It's fear-driven, something we stir within ourselves when feeling uncertain. Someone who loves you can point out the facts and ease insecurities. They can give a pep talk and help you realize why you are fantastic. Try to communicate openly and set boundaries when needed. 4. Write out your feelingsIt can be hard to talk about emotions likejealousy, even with a trusted friend or partner. It becomes even more difficultto voice your concerns if you feel they're irrational. One way to help sortthrough your feelings and eliminate jealousy is to grab a notepad and write.Expressive writing, where you focus on writing about upsetting events, can help improve your physical and mental well-being. The process of writing allows you to take control over an event, usually one that is unresolved.You can structure your anxious thought process, gain perspective and better understand how you feel. Expressive writing also allows you to put distance between yourself and the upsetting event. 5. Be conscious of self-talkWe all have a constant inner-monologue — 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This monologue is called self-talk. It's that little voice inside your head that narrates what you're doing and thinking, both conscious and subconscious. It reinstates the beliefs we have about ourselves, both positive and negative.Those with a constant loop of negative self-talk often reinforce feelings of sadness, jealousy, and self-doubt. We tell ourselves we're not smart enough to pass the test or attractive enough to land the date.The key is to catch and challenge negative self-talk. Consider the information you might be missing. And put the situation into perspective — will it matter five or 10 years down the road?Getting rid of the green-eyed monsterIf you experience feelings of jealousy, don't worry — we all do from time to time. It's often irrational, something prompted by fear instead of logic.Fight jealousy with facts and logic. When in doubt, talk with someone you trust about how you feel and how it's affecting you. Someone who loves you will do their best to boost you up, not tear you down.Jealousy is a completely normal feeling. But itshouldn't control your life. If you feel this negative emotion is dictatingyour actions, take a step back and think about how you can make a change forgood.