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  • Michelle Pugle

    Michelle Pugle is an expert health writer, author, and advocate who was first published in her preteens for writing about depression. She then wrote and published the memoir Ana, Mia & Me to provide hope and raise awareness about recovering from eating disorders through professional treatment. Her work has been featured on top digital health publications like Healthline Media and Verywell Health, and her health narratives and essays have been published on a variety of platforms from the National Eating Disorders Information Centre to Thought Catalog and the National Drug Helpline.
Strategies for Success in Everyday Life
Career Growth

Strategies for Success in Everyday Life

What are Success Strategies?Success strategies are plans that guide your personal growth in achieving what you want. They are designed to achieve what you’re aiming for, are hoping to change in your everyday life, or what you hope to accomplish in the future. Self-assessment is critical when choosing the strategies that will be most effective. Remember, you’re the author of your own story and can choose at any moment to flip the page, end the chapter, or even start the next book in your series!So how do you go about getting started? You might start by listing one to three items you want to change in your life. In other words, picture a vision for your future, and try to describe it. If you don’t have an immediate answer, that’s fine. This is now your starting point. Perhaps to get inspired, you can read some famous quotes on success to get those brain juices flowing!The Definition of SuccessSo, what exactly is the definition of success? What does it mean to succeed? Simply desiring to be successful is not enough. It’s not what you want, necessarily, but what concrete steps you take in order to get where you’re going. Strategies are hard to make unless you know what the word means to you. You need to know what you’re aiming for! You need to be crystal clear about what you want from your life, and you need to focus to get started.Now think about what you need to do in the next ten years, five years, two years, one year, six months, today, and right now to achieve that successful life.Academic success strategies at schoolPublic and private schools do a service for their students by teaching them simple lessons they can retain and replicate later in life. They may seem pointless to the students at the time, but the learning process offers value that can pay dividends later on. Punctuality is important(Westend61 / Getty)For example, being punctual in school is preparing you to join others and show up in your everyday life, whether in a personal or professional context. When you arrive on time, you show respect for everyone else in the group. You might not have known it while you were in school, but your future job will expect this of you. What if you end up working for yourself? You’ll also need to commit to your work week in your own way - after all, no one will be looking over your shoulder, giving you a performance review or expecting you to punch in. Whether or not punctuality looks like a regular 9-to-5 or something all your own, creating a successful future depends on an internal motivation. Little steps lead to great progressSchool is where a person learns the value of deadlines and putting in work to achieve a larger goal. Getting behind on your course work in school can lead to a certain level of procrastination that ends up popping up over and over. Lessons in life tend to build on each other over time. For example, you must learn the alphabet before you can make sense of words before you could ever be expected to read and understand sentences. Submitting assignments that build on each other allows us to learn complex concepts and apply big ideas to our lives. Meeting work-in-progress deadlines requires us to plan ahead regarding how we are going to meet some final goal. In these cases, it doesn’t matter what the topic or task is, it’s the exercise of completing it and following your teacher or supervisor’s direction that matters most. Additional ways of achieving academic successTake handwritten notes for a stronger memory(Getty)There are so many options for taking notes today that handwriting has nearly become a lost art. While you can take notes by recording a lecture, transcribing voice-to-text or relying on someone else’s slides as notes, these shortcuts are cutting you short!Proper note-taking, whether writing notes by hand or on your laptop, helps your brain process the information and you learn more than if you type notes on your laptop.Ripple effect of waking up earlierA well-rounded strategy for a more productive life may include waking up earlier. It can be one of the best services you can do for yourself. Many people feel that this is the quickest way to find more productive time to add to your day. Waking up earlier to prepare your body and mind has a ripple effect on the rest of your day. For example, doing a 45 minute early morning yoga class can fuel energy and positive mental health benefits that last much longer than the session. Stretch it outYou don’t have to do yoga to succeed, but even stretching or taking in a short 10-20 minute walk or jog can make a difference to your energy, attitude, and attention span. Stretching also gets your appetite started in the best way possible, and with the added energy, you’ll be more likely to actually eat a healthier breakfast. With added nutrition comes both mental and physical health benefits, including supporting brain, heart, and gut health. You know what they say: healthy body, healthy mind!Prioritizing a healthy sleep schedule(Getty)Just because you’re waking up earlier doesn’t mean you need to skimp on your sleep health and wellness. Your sleep health sets the tone for the rest of your life. What’s more, important and complex brain processes that are basically like your brain digesting information occur as you sleep. Quality academic prowess requires quality sleep. Reminder: Set a consistent bedtime reminder on your smartphone (make it the same each day, even on weekends)Remove screens: When it tells you to get ready for bed, put the screens awayRoutine: Connect with a bedtime routine that includes brushing your teeth, washing your face, and changing clothes to prepare your body and mind for sleepFinding the right success strategy for your situationTo focus on what you want, it can come down to asking yourself a few important questions:What will you look back on one day and say, “I should have done that.”What do you keep telling people you are going to do?If anything was possible, what would you do next? What’s stopping you from achieving your goals?Are you ready to work hard and stay focused? Who can help support you?Many of these prompts are based on the SMART goals method. Example situationsSaving money Saving money isn’t something that happens overnight. Strategies to achieve your money-saving goals can include:Making small but frequent deposits over a long amount of time so you barely notice the difference. If you can set up automatic withdrawal and deposit after each payday, that is ideal. Remembering no amount is too small because of compound interest. Every dollar counts when it comes to compounding, meaning the more money you deposit, the more profit you make. Keeping this money somewhere that will continue to make money. Spend the time to talk to a financial advisor who’s really just a teacher who teaches about making money.Improving communication with your spouse(Getty)If you’re constantly fighting or arguing or just disagreeing with your spouse or live-in partner, you may have heard you need to work on your communication skills. The best strategy for success utilizes the mentality that you will get better with practice. Better communication is achieved through practice, and practice may not be perfect but it will lead to perfection. Practice taking a full breath before answering a question.Practice listening without thinking about your response or rebuttal.Practice speaking with a clear message which includes more “I” statements and feeling words.Think about any support you want before asking for help. Provide examples.Getting a dream jobTo find a better job, you must be willing to stay focused and do the hard work! Here are the best strategies for success in getting your dream job:Start small and stay focusedMost achievements will not occur overnight. Think back to those strategies you learned in school. Little lessons and tasks can lead to big accomplishments! For example, if you want to do a job that requires physical activity, don’t wait until you apply for the job, hoping you’ll increase your fitness levels after. Be ready for what life brings. If you want to be a writer one day, start a blog, start writing for local outlets, start following your favorite writers, reading more books, etc. Every situation will have ways for you to prepare. General ways to prepare for that dream job:Keep your resume updatedRewrite a new cover letter for each positionPractice the skills of the job Know how to dress the part or look the part of someone who already works thereKnow who works at the company Understand why this job is your dream and what’s at stake if you cannot get it or keep itAdopt the schedule of the dream jobTalk to people in that industry Network on social media with people in the industry and recruitersTake free or low-cost courses to enhance your competitive advantagePractice patience for when the job comes (you may need to hold out)Keep a job or use savings to fund your time before dream job opens upUse discipline because motivation fadesCommunicate your goals to friends and familyFinal thoughtsSuccess is defined by what you want out of life. Someone else’s goals do not need to be your goals. Whatever you want and whatever looks like success to you, go for it with everything you’ve got.

How Do SMART Goals Help With Weight Loss?
Motivation

How Do SMART Goals Help With Weight Loss?

What are SMART goals?SMART goals are considered the smarter way to set goals! They help you narrow down what’s really meaningful to you, and what it will take to make your dreams achievable.A SMART goal takes into account your personal capacity and capability to succeed. This helps you determine, keep track of, and remove any barriers preventing success. It also encourages you to take stock of all the resources you have to make your goal attainable, and what may be missing. Taking a little time to refine what, exactly, your objective is and what’s needed for success is only part of SMART goal setting, though. Let’s dive a bit deeper.The concept of SMART goals was first developed in the 1980s by George T. Doran. His plan focused on improving business project management, but his strategy can be applied to any context where you’re setting goals. Yes, even weight loss goals. Using SMART goal setting can help change your thinking about what’s possible in your life. With this strategic way of goal setting, you’re opening a new world of opportunities. This means if you’ve set health or weight loss goals in the past that didn’t work, you can stop blaming yourself. You can also rest assured knowing that after this article you’ll be better equipped to plan a new path and begin again.This article will provide everything you need to know to set smart goals for weight loss. You’ll discover what a smart goal is, how to set smart goals, and see examples of how to apply the smart goal method to help you achieve your health or weight loss goals.First, here’s what SMART goals are, defined.Specific goals Goals that are simple, sensible, significant.Measurable goalsGoals that are meaningful, motivating.Achievable goalsGoals that are agreed upon/agreeable, attainable.Relevant goalsGoals that are reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based.Time bound or Timely goalsGoals that are time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, time-sensitive.Each element of the acronym that makes up a series of SMART goals asks you to consider some simple questions you may not have asked yourself before. Doing so is part of the path to future success. While some of these questions may seem obvious to you, it’s really important to go through the process of actually answering them with your specific goal or objective in mind to see what’s attainable. Plan out a couple of minutes to consider the following:Question Examples for Setting a Specific GoalWhat do I want to accomplish?Who is involved?Which resources or limits are involved?Questions Examples for Setting a Measurable Goal How much?How many?How will I know when it is accomplished?Questions Examples for Setting an Achievable GoalHow can I accomplish this goal?What are some obvious obstacles or challenges?How realistic is the goal?Questions Examples for Setting a Relevant GoalDoes this goal seem worthwhile?Is this the right time for me / others involved?Am I the right person to reach this goal?Questions Examples for Setting a Timely GoalWhen is the deadline?What can I do today?What can I do by next week?Why do smart goals matter?SMART goals matter because they help you create a plan that takes you from dreaming about your goal of weight loss to actually making it attainable. They help you set a specific goal which includes setting parameters, guidelines, or goalposts that help you track progress and stay motivated.When you make SMART goals, it also encourages you to assess the goal’s value and whether or not it’s relevant or worth your precious time. Maybe you’ll discover through the process of SMART goal setting that your core goal of improving your health or wellbeing is worthwhile, but your plan to achieve it doesn’t really add up. This is actually good! Now you have a chance to edit your goal and this improves chances of success. Knowing this and going through the steps of asking yourself the smart goal setting questions saves you time, energy, and effort during every next step of your journey. Consider it a shortcut to success. SMART goals for weight lossThere are many reasons why people set goals around their body weight, and there are many factors that play into a person’s ability to lose weight (including genetics, socio-economic factors impacting food choices and options, health conditions, prescription medications, etc.).But SMART goals take into account what you can control.And don’t worry—this isn’t a massive undertaking, either. Your goals also may be just shy of SMART goals to lose weight and only need a little reworking to seriously enhance chances of goal attainment. You may also notice once you start the exercise of answering a few of the questions, the others pretty well answer themselves! Here are some examples of weight loss goals you may have set in the past, or weight loss goals you’ve heard friends, family, or coworkers talk about. Example A: “I want to lose some weight.”(russell underwood / Getty)If this sounds like a goal you’ve made in the past, that’s okay! Any kind of goal setting is a step in the right direction. Consider this the beginning stage of you becoming aware of a want or desire rising. In this example, you’ve recognized you “want to lose some weight,” and now you can start to ask yourself some of those key questions to secure success. But let’s look at one more example before getting into the specific tips that can help you set SMART goals for weight loss.Example B: “I want to lose ten pounds.”If you’ve made this goal, you’ve already begun working on the SMART goal strategy! This weight loss goal is better because it’s more specific and measurable: The goal is to lose 10 pounds and you can keep track of progress with a scale or by the fit of your clothes. However, the goal still lacks the full qualities of SMART goal-setting. For example, there is no motivating factor (the “why”), or consideration of how many days a week they will work on their goal, and whether or not it’s reasonable and realistic within a set time frame that still needs a deadline. So now let’s discuss how to actually apply this SMART strategy for your personal goal of losing weight. Tips for setting SMART goals for weight loss SMART goals for weight loss should be decided upon based on your overall health condition and dietary needs/restrictions. If you have concerns or questions, please consult with your healthcare provider.Making SMART goals for weight loss is a simple process that you can do right now. But keep in mind short term goals for weight loss may not be necessary or sustainable over the long term. For example, what you’re eating now may be too restrictive to continue eating in the long term. This is why it’s also a good idea to consider your long term weight loss or weight maintenance goal.Remember, the more specific you can be about what you want, the more attainable it becomes!Short term SMART goals for weight lossSummarize your goal in great detailSetting your short term SMART goals for weight loss begins with summarizing your goal. This requires knowing how many pounds you want to lose. If you need some inspiration to get started, you may consider meditating to get clarity or free-writing to see what your inner voice says. You can also try answering the 5 Ws. The 5 Ws are What, When, Who, Why, and How. Challenge yourself to be as detailed as you possibly can.Tips for setting the 5 Ws for weight loss:What: Decide on the number of inches or pounds you want to lose or the specific measurement of success you think will motivate you most.When: Set a timeframe that’s reasonable so it’s attainable, but not too far in the future that it seems like you have all the time in the world to get started. Who: Decide which people are going to be your cheerleaders, and which may be your naysayers. Act accordingly. Why: The most important thing is believing in what you’re trying to achieve, so defining your personal “why” is key. Ask yourself straight up why you want to lose weight. Whatever comes up, now’s the time to assess whether or not that aligns with who you are trying to be in the future. How: Details, details, details! Add anything and everything you think may help you in achieving the weight loss goal including the number of days per week you can exercise (and what exercising you can do!) and how you plan to be eating during this weight loss stage. Keep track of your answers on your phone, especially in the early days of starting working on your goal. Your 5 Ws can be an incredible source of inspiration. Set numeric values when possibleWhen it comes to losing weight, there’s a few more numbers to consider than just what pops up on the scale. You will also want to consider the number of days a week you can devote to increasing fitness, and you may want to consider other numbers such as daily calorie counts or minutes of exercise. Keep in mind that if calorie counting isn’t right for you, or if you have an obsessive-type personality and don’t want to go with this method, the number on the scale isn’t an essential number to work with. You may actually find it more motivating to consider the number of fresh, colorful foods you’re adding to your diet on a weekly basis or the number of fast food dinners replaced by healthier options.Keep it realisticIt can be really easy during the SMART goal setting stage to lose focus of what you will actually commit to and start tossing down ideal situations. This is a trap! If you set your specific goals and numerical values so far out of reach you can’t possibly achieve them, it’s time to begin again. If your smart goal hasn’t considered your current health condition and what’s possible for you to do mentally and physically, it’s also a good idea to consider that now.Example weight loss related questions to askAre your goals aligned with your financial budget? For example, if you decide you’re going to join a gym and workout 30 minutes every second day to help reach your weight loss goal, you also need to consider if this is affordable. If it’s not, it will be that much easier to backtrack on in the name of saving money later on. Are your goals aligned with your energy levels?(Colorblind Images LLC / Getty)If you’re thinking, “I can just make more time,” but you’re already feeling burned out, your goal setting strategy is going to fall short. While you very well could make more time or find a way, this is not a specific or measurable actionable item. At best, you’re overextending yourself and at worst, you may abandon the goal altogether.Now, if you say you will make 10 minutes per day in the morning before work to pack a lunch filled with fresh foods that fuel your health , that’s much more specific. Your chances of sticking to 10 minutes is so much greater than committing to a vague strategy of “making more time.”What are some things that may stop you? Do you have obstacles in your way of success? Obstacles or barriers can include health conditions like arthritis that can limit mobility. They can also include people that may not be the most supportive and other responsibilities that require your time, effort, and energy. Bear in mind where there’s a will, there’s a way. The point of recognizing obstacles isn’t to get down on yourself, it’s to plan ahead on how to overcome them. For example, if you can’t go running or rock climbing, you may try walking and swimming. Start wherever you’re at.And when it comes to people, you don’t necessarily need to remove them from your life, either. But again, being aware of potential roadblocks helps you address them head on. For example, if you have a friend who’s committed to you staying the exact same, you may want to avoid enlisting this person for support. If you find a lot of people in your life are seeming like potential obstacles, that’s a sign it may be time to expand your social circle.What can help you? While recognizing potential pitfalls is always a good idea, achieving health or weight loss goals is much easier when you have resources! Now, if you have people who can help you keep up your motivation, all the better, but you’ll be just fine without them, too. Remember, this is all about you and what you’re seeking to achieve. Resources you may find helpful include things like habit tracking, food tracking, and fitness apps, and motivational quotes. If you have mobility issues, use mobility aids to your advantage to help you get moving more.When you start seeing success, keep track of how you feel. You may find that the boost in confidence from sticking to your objectives and showing up for yourself day after day provides a feeling of accomplishment all on its own. What a boost!Long term SMART goals for weight managementEach weight loss journey is unique. Many factors, including the total amount of weight loss you want and your general health status at the time, will play into how “short term” your short-term goals are and when the long-term SMART strategy for weight management begins. For example, if you lose the aforementioned ten pounds over two months, what was necessary in the beginning may not be needed now. This is the time to make those adjustments with your overall health in mind. Setting your long-term SMART goals should follow the same steps, but you’ll want to pay even greater attention to the achievability of your goals. Tips for setting long-term goalsSetting a deadline(Getty)You’ll want to specify a target date for when the losing weight stage enters the maintenance stage and flows into your everyday lifestyle. This is all about recognizing that your short-term weight loss goals have been achieved and therefore your old strategy is no longer aligned with your current situation. Making strategy adjustmentsMaking strategy adjustments including changing eating and fitness habits just means recognizing and honoring that your new goal is now to keep the weight off. Losing weight and maintaining it are two very different goals, so you may find it helpful to begin with a blank piece of paper or screen and go through the SMART questions with this new focus at the forefront. Deciding on your future selfYou may never be the person who gets up at 5am to run a 4-minute mile or who drinks green smoothies, and that’s perfectly fine! Setting long-term goals is about envisioning yourself as you are now, but in the future with your short term goals achieved. What does this life look like after you lose weight? Are you still eating those fresh foods and doing your 10 minutes of yoga daily? If not, ask yourself why. Sometimes this is the question needed to help us refocus on who we are, what we are trying to achieve, and what we’re willing (and not willing) to change.Final ThoughtsKnowing you want to lose weight means you already have a goal. But understanding your “why” can be a big question, and it may bring up some big feelings. Don’t rush yourself through this process. By simply asking yourself some personal questions about what you want, why you want it, and what you’re able and willing to do to achieve it (plus what may hinder your progress), you’re taking the first major step toward making it happen—or realizing with limited time, you may have more pressing or important goals you want to focus on first. Either way, you now have the tools.

Employee Wellbeing: A Complete Guide
Career Growth

Employee Wellbeing: A Complete Guide

When it comes to a company’s employees, well-being doesn’t actually start with them. It must begin with the managers, and their managers (and their managers), all the way until it reaches the very top.This is especially important today, as many report experiencing their highest levels of stress since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Americans in particular are witnessing this stress manifest itself through changes in sleep patterns, increased alcohol consumption, and other troubling patterns. Because these factors impact almost all employees, mental health is taking center stage within the employee-employer relationships - both in and outside of the office.Worries about the future affect us todayAmericans are also feeling stressed about finances and job security, which creates more stress about finances. One recent poll (Pulse of the American Worker Survey: Post-Pandemic Work & Life – Expectations from the American Workforce) found that nearly half of workers (46 percent) reported needing to learn new skills within the next year to do their current job, and 43 percent expected their financial security to be in jeopardy if they don’t retrain or re-skill.Of course, these pressures existed before the pandemic. Employees wanted fair pay, flexible work hours, remote work opportunities, and a sense of purpose in their daily grind well before the coronavirus became a household name. But the pace of change and innovation that occurs during a pandemic (or war) only expedites the process of employee and workplace culture definitions shifting. The COVID-19 pandemic in particular has tested the worker-employer relationship beyond anyone’s anticipation, according to the 2021 Global Human Capital Report. The report suggests COVID-19 left employers under unprecedented scrutiny with arguably no choice but to pivot to an unprecedented degree to support workers’ health, livelihoods, dignity, and their success or failure. “The result was that developments that might have played out over a period of many years were compressed into a matter of months.”Employee well-being during this historical shift has arguably never been more important or beneficial to employers, employees, and communities. The work-life balance employee wellbeing myth(Westend61 / Getty)The pandemic may have changed the way many of us work, but work life balance still doesn’t exist in the way many of us would like it to. The greatest example of this is that flexible work hours have turned into work anytime hours. Our lives still revolve around work and seeking some form of financial security. Work life balance has always been a lie, says Tim Allen, the latest president of Care.com, online marketplace for childcare, senior care, special needs care, tutoring, pet care, and housekeeping. “The pandemic laid bare aspects of society and business that were long overdue for a change,” he said. “Work and life are not independent entities fighting for 50/50 equilibrium. They’re interconnected, and one affects the other. But people — especially women — have been conditioned to design life around the demands of work, and rarely to design work around the demands of life.”He adds that the pandemic revealed the alarming amount of working mothers who face an untenable choice: their children or their paycheck. “This problem has surged over the last year: nearly 3 million women — especially Black and Latina women — have been pushed out of the U.S. labor force.”“A year-long pandemic has erased decades of progress, underscoring just how fragile and inept our old care system was. Our post-pandemic economy won’t fully recover — or reach its full potential — unless and until women get the caregiving support they and their families need.”“We have a broken care infrastructure. Support for mental health is insufficient. And so many of us are entangled in demanding and inflexible workplace cultures that create burnout. Just to name a few.”What is employee wellbeing in 2021?Employee wellbeing takes into consideration all aspects of a person’s health and wellness, including physical health, mental health, social health, and spiritual health. It also recognizes that these are not isolated and independently operating systems. Employee wellbeing recognizes the whole person behind the employee.Employee wellbeing is about more than workplace wellness culture or employee enthusiasm in the office. It’s also about more than pizza lunches and small perks over real employee well-being investments. The next generations of employees are looking for so much more from their work lives. Listening to their needs will be what ultimately creates the new employee wellness plans.Finding more value in our working livesThe next wave in employee wellbeing looks at what happens before, during, and after working hours because the pandemic proved we really have no choice. It takes into consideration that what happens at home doesn’t really stay there (ie., we can’t leave our baggage or sick kids at the door). Working in a place that promotes employee wellbeing means your employer understands there is no such thing as complete separation of work self from home self. Employers can keep this perspective in mind when they build their workplace culture to support people so they can be their best self at work (despite what may be happening at home). This is different from old mentoring advice that cautioned against being emotional at work or showing you’re frustrated, unsure, or not confident. It’s an approach to employee wellbeing that respects the fact all humans have emotions and showing them in a healthy and productive/constructive way is better than pretending they don’t exist.Successful employee wellbeing program examplesOffer employee discounts on health facilities and apps that support mental health and overall well being (i.e., sleep tracking, fitness or nutrition tracking, meditation or mindfulness apps)Host lunchtime yoga a few times a monthBring in life coaches, energy coaches, massage therapists, etc. Host a get together that includes doing an activity (pottery, paint nite, paintball, axe throwing, bowling, etc.)Create a workplace culture of overall well being where employees feel genuinely care for and safe in their roles to express their needsAsk your employees what they need (this may take several approaches to get your team to warm up to you if you haven’t developed a strong working relationship). Think about well being beyond the office. For example, if your have young parenting adults in the office, consider offering a before school or after school program to supplement childcare If your employees are selling a product for you (grocery clerks included), it’s important that they feel empowered enough (financially and otherwise) to actually use and enjoy the product.Health and dental coverage goes a long way in boosting overall employee well beingThe success of any employee well being program lies in customizing your employees health and wellness needs and adding new services including mental health support. Glenn Llopis for Forbes suggests employers get to know what their employees really want, which requires giving people ways to share what they really need, which requires building a workplace culture where they feel safe enough to be vulnerable to ask in the first place. Why employers should care about employee mental healthEmployee wellbeing is predicted to have the greatest impact on the workplace of the future, suggests MetLife’s annual U.S. Employee Benefit Trends Study 2021: “Redesigning the Employee Experience: Preparing the Workforce for a Transformed World.” Nearly half of Americans are rethinking their jobs moving forward from the pandemic, suggests the Prudential Pulse of the American Worker Survey. They also counted a quarter of 2,000 workers who are planning to look for a new job once the pandemic is over. Job exiting is expensive for business owners who spend time investing in employee certifications, training, supervising, and promoting. But it can be challenging to know if investing in employee wellbeing initiatives will pay off in the long run. One example from major household name brand Johnson & Johnson leaders estimate that wellness programs have cumulatively saved the company $250 million on health care costs over the past decade (from 2002 to 2008), and the return was $2.71 for every dollar spent.One meta-analysis from 2019 of 339 independent research studies on the wellbeing of 1,882,131 employees and the performance of 82,248 business units, originating from 230 independent organizations across 49 industries in the Gallup client database, found a significant and positive relationship between employees' satisfaction with their company and employee productivity and customer loyalty, and a strong negative correlation with staff turnover. Dimensions of employee wellbeingDeloitte’s 2021 Global Human Capital Trends Report suggests that over the past two years, 44 percent of millennials and 49 percent of Gen Z have made work choices based on their personal ethics. This suggests that the future of employee job satisfaction won’t be sustained by matching retirement contributions or hosting family day events and after hours parties for the office.The World Economic Forum (WEF) says employees focus on their own health comes down to an “integrated approach that encompasses four dimensions of employee well-being: the physical, financial, emotional, and social.” The WEF says working to improve in those areas is the key to creating greater employee health and employee engagement.Financial well beingFinancial well-being is defined by the WEF as someone being able to manage budgetary commitments, meet financial goals, protect against risks, save for contingencies or future needs like college or retirement and cope with financial shocks or emergencies. Over 60 percent of workers reported facing greater financial stress since the beginning of the pandemic, according to the PwC 2021 Employee Financial Wellness Survey of 1,600 full-time employed US adults. The survey also found that many millennials and Gen Zers are reporting the greatest strain on their financial health.With finances shown as the main cause of employee stress above their job, their health, and their relationships combined, this is an area worth exploring for employers who want to work on their workplace culture and employee well-being. The future of their workforce’s overall health and wellness depends on it.The right ways to boost employee financial well-being are by offering competitive wages that reflect current cost of living, mental health benefits and physical health benefits including medical coverage for maintenance health procedures like dental cleaning and vision tests, establishing investment or retirement options, and seminars to boost financial literacy. Physical well being (DjordjeDjurdjevic / Getty)Physical well being in the workplace now takes into consideration everything from overall physical activity (as seen in promotion of step or activity-based goals and office fitness challenges) to nutrition (catered lunches, access to dietician through benefits or office program) to how well one’s coping with a chronic illness (what kind of coverage do they have? How many sick days are available? Do they need office accommodations)? Employee physical well-being may look like the encouragement to get away from the desk and stretch for a few moments, go for a stroll, or get a discount at your local runner’s or sporting goods shop. It may be a membership to certain gyms, classes, or wellness apps, too. Emotional well beingEmotional well-being is often what we think of when we think of overall employee health and job satisfaction. If someone is smiling at work, engaged in their projects, and giving off a friendly vibe, we generally see them as emotionally well. But emotional wellness is measured in the workplace by how well a person tolerates stress and stressful situations (emotional resilience), as well as whether or not they are using positive and healthy coping mechanisms. Emotional well-being takes into account that stressful things can and do happen at work every day. Emotional well-being is also about self-awareness, though, because without self-awareness you can’t begin to see where your coping skills are needed (and which ones would be helpful). While employers can’t give their employees a certain test to see if they are already self-aware, they can invest in this area of employee well-being. Life coaches, business coaches, and counselors of all kinds can be helpful for training sessions, check-ins, and to help your employees learn and practice emotional regulation techniques that will benefit the whole office. Social well-beingThe WEF says that being connected by understanding how to interact well with others, accepting diversity, being inclusive, knowing how to support and collaborate with others, being able to successfully resolve conflicts, and adapting to change is what it looks like to be well socially. According to Chief Executives for Corporate Purpose, a global coalition of multi-billion-dollar companies, employer sponsorship of community programs are an excellent way to engage and retain employees while improving the sustainability of the planet.Social well-being can be developed in a workplace culture where there is trust and respect. Examples of employee wellbeing initiatives that support social well-being include team trips or activities out of office or community volunteerism. Switching up the teams or departments for certain team bonding activities can help to bridge interdepartmental gaps and promote a larger sense of community and connection.Can a toxic workplace hurt mental health? When you have a healthy workplace culture, it’s obvious in the high levels of consistent productivity and job satisfaction, feelings of what’s known as psychological safety, and relatively low turnover rates. People feel psychological safest in places where they trust each other and feel safe together. Employee well-being in these places comes easily. Toxic workplaces are the opposite. They include places where employee opinions don't matter, voices remain unheard, employee wellbeing initiatives are scarce or non-existent, employee health and engagement is low, and workplace stress is high. Toxic workplaces are dangerous to more than a company’s bottom line. Research has consistently shown that a toxic workplace culture is bad for a person's mental health. In some cases it increases the risk of depression by 3 times. So if your overarching workplace culture is toxic, look to the top. This is where employee well-being starts. If you’re sitting at the top, it’s time to do some serious evaluation on how to fix it. Talk about itMental health and employee wellness isn’t something you can avoid talking about with your employees. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates 1 in 4 people will have a mental disorder sometime in their life (2019). What’s more, mental disorders are now the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide.Supporting the mental health of your employees comes with benefits beyond helping fight related problems. Benefits of mental health support for employees include:Improved health and engagement at workReduced “absenteeism” or calling in sick, not showing up for shiftsReduced “presenteeism” or being present but not well enough to focus on work Improved productivityMental health support for employee wellnessMental health support in the office and in the field can have many different looks (and costs and benefits). The best health plans are always the ones that consider the people first. Your employees know better than anyone else what they could need to ease workplace stress. This means you’ll want to actually ask your employees what may help in terms of mental health support in the future. Give them some time to consider some ideas. Think about providing a few examples of a successful employee program or employee wellness initiatives from other companies to help with brainstorming. Pros and cons of working remotelyThe pandemic showed the world that many office jobs can be done from our own homes (or anywhere there’s a lockdown and WiFi). Jobs that were previously inaccessible to people due to location and accessibility for disability barriers were now up for grabs on the internet. A mass exodus from the office happened out of necessity but it prompted people who’d ever considered freelancing to take the leap.It takes a certain type of person to be successful while working from home as a freelancer, contract employee, or full-time employee. It helps if that person has a good working environment or somewhere free from distractions.People who ended up working remote during the pandemic learned this the hard and fast way.They mentioned challenges in setting a routine for working from home, feeling micromanaged or highly monitored through time trackers while at home but also at work, and feeling completely disconnected from the people they work with, as well as feeling entirely disposable. This is one reason why remote (and freelance) work is so highly desirable. With remote work, the worker gains back much of their own time and privacy and control of their waking and sleeping hours. With freelance work, the worker becomes also the managing boss and the bookkeeper, too.Remote working for a company as a full time employee Being a full time employee will always have a nice ring to it, but as one CEO once told me, job security doesn’t really exist. You make your own security wherever you go. Pros include: consistent pay, benefits, chat room work banter and social bonding via remote working teams.Cons: non-compete contracts, all your financial security is in one company, pay ceilings, glass ceilings, the time required for chat room work banter and social bonding via remote working teams, trying to focus at your own home without the office setting and other people to help keep you focused, distractions everywhere like laundry, dishes, quick vacuuming, the days blend into weeks into months for someone else’s bottom lines and dreams...Remote working when you’re the boss and owner Either way you spin it, making money and continuing to make money takes work. Pros include: money can be coming in from different places and different times so it’s a more steady stream of income flow into accounts, you can work with multiple different managers and companies and multiply your experience more quickly than climbing a corporate ladder, you can take 100 percent control of your own schedule, you can create your own bottom lines, goals, and career path based on whatever your purpose is right now. Employee wellbeing is all about what you need and can cover. Cons: These of course depend on the person. Some people thrive on the regimented and organized lifestyle that helps with owning a small business or big business. Others need the in-person directions, reminders, and/or motivation of the ping to stay on task throughout a work day. Employee wellbeing isn’t something you think about outside of your own well being unless you start hiring others and become focused on their employee wellbeing.Giving employees tools to boost employee wellbeing and discover their purpose(maroke / Getty)No one’s expecting you to counsel your employees on their well being or for your employees to be thriving in every role and singing your praises every day. Discovering their purpose is less about what they want to be doing and more about finding the purpose in what they are being asked to do (for money). There’s a big difference between giving employees tools to boost employee well being and giving them everything they ask for. Tools can include mental health benefits that help employees afford access to services that can help them learn coping skills and how to function better together in teams and in their home lives. Covering a portion of healthcare expenses is a great way of supporting employees through reducing employee stress.For employers, it’s best if you can pinpoint which tools will help motivate your employees and improve overall employee happiness the most. A couple examples include covering parking costs or transportation passes, covering a costly certification, or offering free writing and editing and web design workshops that add to the creative employee’s health and well being. Great leaders think outside the box and have management practices that align with a healthy workplace culture. They will be able to help a new employee discover their unique purpose in the company, and in doing so, will give them a guide on being the best employee who feels their best, too. Have realistic expectations of peopleIt’s an essential time for organizations to rethink how they can support employees and boost employee well being including supporting mental health needs and increasing employee satisfaction. Focusing on these two areas of mental health support first will lead to increased employee engagement. Having realistic expectations of people means taking into consideration how the changes to your workplace over the past few years have impacted employee mental health and how you can support employees by reducing employee stress.

What Is Self-Esteem? A Comprehensive Guide
Emotional Health

What Is Self-Esteem? A Comprehensive Guide

Self-esteem is the ruling view you have of yourself. This includes your beliefs about your inner qualities (values, morals, ethics) and how you think others see you. Self-esteem is not always rooted in reality, though, and someone can develop low self-esteem even when they are highly functional and greatly skilled. Understanding this mysterious emotional currency might be the key to unlocking your own self worth.Why some people have low self-esteem We are not born with low self-esteem issues or with problems seeing our true self worth. When we are babies, we demand what we need without thinking of whether we deserve it. We develop self-esteem problems as we absorb negative and low energies from people around us including parents, teachers or mentors, and coaches or friends. We learn to have low self-esteem by internalizing the attitudes of other people’s low self-esteem in our childhood years and by comparing ourselves. (Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Getty)For example, if a parent is always dieting to lose an extra few pounds, chances are you’re going to be hyper-focused on your own weight and may have already attached your sense of self worth to what’s on the scale or on your plate. Such low self-esteem can drive unhealthy dieting behaviors that lead to deadly eating disorders. Low self-esteem can also develop or be further validated in unhealthy romantic relationships and by being the victim of bullying. Unfortunately, it can become a cycle where people with low self-esteem are more likely to be targeted by bullies. Sadly, being bullied only further confirms their beliefs about their low self-worth.Self-esteem does not equal arroganceHaving a healthy self-esteem means seeing yourself in a generally positive way and thinking good thoughts about yourself. It’s about having a stable sense of your capabilities and a deep trust in yourself to guide you down the right path (at least most of the time). (Justin Case/Getty)You don’t always need to feel good about yourself to have good self-esteem, and you can expect stumbles or roadblocks in your journey to disrupt your sense of self-esteem from time to time. In this article, we’re talking about more than fleeting feelings. Self-esteem is the core of what lies underneath those fleeting feelings and your reactions to certain events and situations.Arrogance, on the other hand, refers to having a big ego or being overly confident and unreasonably boastful about your qualities (regardless of their actual quality). It is actually more commonly associated with someone having low self-esteem. As it goes, people with healthy self-esteem don’t need to boast about themselves to others. People with low self-esteem will tell you how much everyone loves them, what a great job they do at work, and how amazing they are at pretty everything under the sun even though they really wonder if it's true. People may see them as obnoxious or “full of themselves.” Do you have a healthy self-esteem?It’s impossible to be objective with yourself (no matter how hard you try), so it can be extremely helpful to have someone in your life who you can talk to honestly about your self-esteem levels. (gawrav/Getty)What do they notice? Your friends and family are great people to ask, if you’re comfortable and trust their perspective. You can also ask your therapist or counselor, but truth be told: If you have to ask someone else if you have low self-esteem, that’s a pretty strong sign you do have low esteem.Self-esteem is generally talked about as either high, low, or somewhere in the middle. Where does your gut tell you your self-esteem sits?If you’re not sure, do you see yourself in any of the following? These are the kinds of thought patterns that chip away at your self-esteem:You see people or situations as either all good or all bad (also called either-or thinking).You see your flaws first when thinking about things you’ve done and accomplished.You downplay your accomplishments with “but” statements that assume you should have been able to do it anyway so no praise is really required.You engage in negative self-talk either internally (this is your inner critic) or aloud to others (e.g. “I’m so annoying, I know”).You assume the worst case scenario even when there’s no valid reason that such a thing would happen (e.g. If your spouse is late from work you assume they are cheating even though they have never cheated). How people contribute to your low self-esteem(JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty)It’s nice to have people who want the best for you, but someone commenting on the ways you can improve your self-esteem is actually harmful for your self-esteem. Do you have someone in your life who is repeatedly “suggesting” ways you can improve your life without you asking? Perhaps you grew up with a narcissistic mother or narcissistic father and you have learned to believe deep down that you are not worthy of unconditional love because you are not good enough. Growing up with a narcissist is also linked to:Damaged sense of boundaries (and how to use them)Inability to fully communicate your true self to othersHaving “walls up” that prevent others from getting too closeBeing overly sensitive Feeling as though you are not lovable Feeling as though you are only lovable if you people please or peace keepFearing speaking up, leading groups, and taking chargeNeeding excessive reassurance from others (to the point where it feels codependent)Working to the point of burnout to prove worthAlways moving the measure stick of what is considered “good”Another type of person that can damage your self-worth and confidence is the charming or narcissist partner. This is the type of person who treats you, in the beginning, like you’re perfect and the world revolves around you. It’s flattering, sure, but this is not how to improve your self-esteem. Once they “win you over,” they reveal their true motives, which are all about controlling, manipulating, and keeping you in a state of self-doubt. This is so you will not leave and you will eventually no longer question their authority. You may even crave their authority because you’ve lost the ability to make choices for yourself. Unfortunately, toxic and unhealthy partners can take advantage of people with low self-esteem because they know they can get away with it for quite some time, if not ever. This may lead to repeat behaviors like lying, cheating, stealing, as well as physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.If you feel as though you lost your self-esteem in the relationship, consider it a massive red flag and talk to someone about how to improve your self-esteem. Improving your self-esteem can help you gain the courage to leave and build a new life. The alternative is that the more you lose, the more control your partner gains by default. Your independence and identity can become easily compromised in such a situation. Sooner than later, you can find yourself accepting behaviors you’d never otherwise accept if you hadn’t already grown accustomed to the self-esteem crushing comments and behaviors over time. The pitfalls of low self-esteem (Aitor Diago/Getty)Having low self-esteem can seriously limit and damage relationships and opportunities. When you are unsure about yourself, you are looking for external validations to provide that assurance that you belong. You’ll be attracted to whoever shows you the slightest attention. So what’s at stake is that being stripped of your self-esteem leaves you in a vulnerable and dangerous place. You may look for these things in unhealthy places like:Toxic romantic relationships (especially where the power dynamic is skewed in the other person’s favor)Domestic abuse situations (may be attracted to the narcissist and charmer archetype)Drugs and alcohol to escape reality and feel a sense of temporary confidenceUnhealthy obsessions or addictions involving food, sex, internet, gaming, or gamblingWhen you don’t believe in your self worth, you’re also much less likely to advocate for yourself. After all, why would you cheer for a losing team? If you have an inner critic and low self-esteem, you have already learned or decided that you are not worth the effort to have, be, or do better. In this low self-esteem state, you can forgo life changes like:Asking someone on a dateApplying to college or universityRequesting more money at your next promotionKnowing your true self and desires Making time to exercise or see a doctor Taking a new job or having a child Trips, vacations, or chances for travel Leaving environments that make you sickBenefits of a better self-esteem(Pekic/Getty)People with a healthy level of self esteem present themselves with a casual confidence and are not shy about sharing ideas, including constructive criticisms of others. They also take care of themselves without second-guessing or apologizing. They are the people we say seem “sure of themselves.” Having self-esteem means you’re more likely to:Have a positive outlook on lifeThink highly of others and speak positively about othersBe someone others want to be around Have emotional resiliency or strength in the face of adversityBe better equipped with the tools to deal with life’s challenges Be a supportive friend Live a generally healthy lifestyleBelieve you’re worth investing in Go after your goals and chase your dreamsSee success because you won’t stop at anything lessHave healthy relationshipsTrust your intuition Conquering poor confidence, low self-esteem, and self-doubt(Cecilie_Arcurs/Getty)While it would be great to know exactly where your low self-esteem comes from, the truth is that it’s from a combination of factors including the self-esteem levels of the people directly closest to your development but also who you choose to keep close as you age. Consider internalized beliefs like poor confidence, low self-esteem, and self-doubt as highly contagious.You can change the way you view yourself but to do so requires absolute honesty and some effort. Evaluate the people in your life: Are they negative or constantly bringing bad vibes or are they helping at improving your self-esteem? Even if their feelings are not directed toward you, that energy (positive or negative) will eventually spread. Choose wisely. Change the way you see yourself: If it’s too challenging to show yourself self compassion right away, picture yourself as your child self (inner child) or another child. Avoid comparisons with other people: Keep your self-esteem away from other people’s journeys and social media reels.Combating negative thoughts to improve self-esteemIf you’re starting to think you may have low self-esteem, you can work on the way you talk to yourself to start improving your self-esteem now. In other words, you can tame your inner critic. When you turn off negative self-talk, you open the floor to positive reinforcements and access the courage to show different sides of yourself. When you notice your inner critic acting up, ask yourself: Would you talk this way to someone you love? Would you treat a child this way?What do you need right now?How can I support a more positive solution?This is not a one-time exercise for people with low self-esteem. Starting to ask yourself these questions is the beginning of expanding your emotional literacy or emotional awareness and shifting perspectives you may have had for decades.Building self-esteem Cliches exist for a reason: They’re often true. When it comes to building self-esteem with the goal of improving self-esteem over time, the old “Fake it until you make it” is excellent advice. So despite how you feel about yourself right now, you need to be your biggest fan. (Design Pics/Getty)It isn’t going to feel good at first, though. If you regularly self criticize, you can expect some backlash. Keep going until it becomes less and less. With some practice and persistence, and maybe even a few awkward laughs in the mirror, you will win this internal struggle to see your self worth. Some ideas to build self-esteem include:Unfollow social media accounts that are self-esteem suckers (you know which ones make you feel lower or bad about yourself after scrolling)Surround yourself with people who love themselves (or are trying to)Set small, attainable goals so you have things to accomplish Write a list of your talents, skills, and achievements for moments of self-doubtGet in touch with your spiritual or religious side (this can be great for building a sense of self-worth and higher purpose)Listen to guided meditations that focus on concepts like confidence, boundaries, and goal settingStart assessing the people who you talk to most and listen to their overall tone with the intention of moving forward with a positive network of peopleRemember that people are not perfect and what’s most important is that you’re trying Let yourself have some time of self-doubt (but keep it short) so you can release these feelingsTry to challenge yourself in safe settings like work or school (you never know what you can accomplish until you try and you learn the most by failing, anyway)Keep houseplants or a small garden so you can see success and how valuable you are over time (as they grow, so does your confidence)How to build self-esteem with counseling In serious cases of low or even non-existent self-esteem, you may want to call in a professional who is trained in a form of psychotherapy called cognitive behavioral therapy or a trauma specialist who is trained in eye movement and desensitization reprocessing. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of well-recognized therapy that has been proven effective in treating mental health problems related to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, alcohol and drug use, and marital problems. (SDI Productions/Getty)CBT can help people with low self-esteem understand their thought patterns and how those patterns are contributing to problems (ie. how their thinking patterns are unhelpful). At this point the work begins to develop healthier coping skills and relieve symptoms associated with low self-esteem. This process, over time, can help you develop a deeper sense of your own capabilities (outside previously limited beliefs). Eye movement and desensitization reprocessing (EMDR) may be able to help by letting you access times you felt low self-esteem or times that hurt your self-esteem and desensitizing your reactions while reprocessing your response to those memories in the future. This includes situations where you felt helpless and experienced trauma. Destabilizing these underlying core beliefs about your value or worth or goodness is necessary in breaking down the unhealthy thoughts contributing to low self-esteem so you can see your true potential. EMDR doesn’t undo trauma, but it makes it much easier to live with. How talking to a mental health professional helps improve self-esteemGood mental health is important, and professionals doing psychotherapy with clients do not pass judgement or give corrections. This encourages their client to speak openly and without worry which is the best for getting at the roots of your real self-esteem problems. (Maskot/Getty)When your counselor doesn’t abandon you, use your words against you, or ridicule you like you may have previously experienced in life, you are able to see a different kind of caring is possible. This is the kind of caring that feeds positive self-esteem rather than diminishes its existence. This is particularly impactful in situations where family and friends may not be the most supportive (which may be a contributing factor behind the low self-esteem). Having that backing from someone else you have come to trust gives you the sense that it matters that you’re working on healing. You matter. Your past doesn’t seal your futureWhile it’s true that trauma can change the way you see yourself, it’s just as much the case that your mind can be changed again. (fizkes/Getty)You have the power to shape a new self perception fueled by loving kindness instead of that inner critic’s voice. It will take some work but your entire life - from your relationships to your body image to your work habits - will be touched with the kind of power that only comes from someone believing in themselves. This is the hardest part, the biggest hurdle, the greatest leap, and so many people don’t take it because of low self worth. You don’t have to let the past determine how you feel about yourself today and tomorrow. With some lifestyle changes and support, you can improve your self-esteem and see how everything else changes as a result. Have that faith and trust the process.

Solar Plexus Chakra: The Meaning of the 3rd Chakra
Spiritual Health

Solar Plexus Chakra: The Meaning of the 3rd Chakra

The Chakra system explores how energy impacts and guides our holistic wellness, including our personal power. While chakras that are out of balance can manifest themselves as physical sensations and illnesses, they also act as a form of consciousness and connection to the universe. Chakra is also spelled Cakra, Sanskrit C̣akra. It means “wheel,” and refers to any of a number of psychic-energy centres of the body where bodily functions “merge and interact with each other.” Psychic energy is that which is said to be unexplained or inexplicable by natural laws. There are an estimated 88,000-114,000 chakras situated in the human body, according to Britainnica and Healthline, respectively.Six or seven are considered major chakras. The seven major chakras include: Root Chakra (Muladhara): Your root chakra is located at the base of your spine (tailbone). It represents your central foundation.Sacral Chakra (Swadhisthana): Your sacral chakra is located along your spine in your lower abdomen. It’s associated with sexual energy and reproductive health. Solar Plexus Chakra (Manipura): Your solar plexus chakra is located along your spine and above the navel, in the upper abdomen in the stomach area. It’s said to be responsible for the “butterfly in stomach feeling” or the “gut feeling.” Heart Chakra (Anahata): Your heart chakra is located in your chest. It’s what’s said to hurt when your heart aches from grief and loss. Throat Chakra (Vishuddha): Your throat chakra is located in your throat and is associated with communication skills or communication problems. People who have been in abusive relationships or grew up in unhealthy households may have to develop a connection to their throat chakra later in life. This is what we call “finding our voice.”Third-Eye Chakra (Ajna): Your third-eye chakra is located at the third-eye location in between your eyebrows and above the top of the nose bridge.Crown Chakra (Sahasrara): Your crown chakra is located at the “crown” of the skull. It’s associated with higher consciousness, connection to God or Goddess, or higher power.What Is chakra healing?Chakra healing is all about unblocking energy or removing negative energy in your body that is preventing the proper flow of your energy wheels. (Helin Loik-Tomson / Getty)You can have blocks in all your chakras if you’re new to knowing they exist or your body is storing trauma. You may also only have a block in a particular chakra, like the solar plexus chakra. Working with the idea of energy flowing, though, you can take the right steps explained below (sometimes dubbed “self-care”) to unblock your chakras. The solar plexus chakra meaning Your solar plexus chakra is associated with inner confidence, self esteem, and listening to and asserting yourself and your true needs. When it’s out of balance, we leave ourselves more vulnerable to self-harming behaviors such as self-abandonment and self-compromise. We may struggle with low self esteem and have a hard time seeing the positive qualities we bring to the world. In this state, it’s difficult to feel motivated to reach our full potential. The manipura chakra governs personal power and identity but it is also connected to digestive health and metabolism. Here we can see the emerging intuitive understanding of the brain-gut connection or mental health and mood connection to our gut health. Working to balance the Manipura chakra honors this holistic way of looking at personal health, and can even be a way to mitigate the negative effects of digestive system disorders.What does Manipura mean?Manipura is a Sanskrit word with several accepted English translations including:Mani = jewelPura = place or cityCity of jewelsLotus gemLustrous gemHome of our ego and confidence(Manipura / Getty)Quick facts about the manipura, or third chakraLocation: Upper abdomen in the stomach area (couple fingers or inches above navel but under breast bone area).What it controls: Elements of personal power including self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteemColor: YellowAnimal: RamElement: Fire (manifests as heat in the solar plexus)Stone: AmberAssociated shape: Downward triangle; represents spreading of energy for growth and positive development. Start to balance chakras with a scan of your physical bodyYou can begin listening to what your chakras are signaling by doing a body scan. It can be challenging or even uncomfortable trying to quiet the mind at first, so do this in a safe space where interruptions will be minimized. Clear negative energy from the space with an aromatherapy mist or incense burning.Suggestions for body scanning for your solar plexus chakra:Lie down on your back with a pillow under your kneesPlace your hands over your stomach area (overtop your navel)Close your eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling any negative energyHow does your breath feel coming into your body? Does your diaphragm rise and fall fully? Is the oxygen feeling stuck? What emotions are coming up?If you need to stop here and begin working on balancing your manipura chakra, do so. If you’d like to continue, ask yourself the following:What do you feel?What shape is the feeling?What color?Is it cold, hot, heavy, etc.?What do you want to do with it?Oftentimes we can work through the energy blocks in our bodies by mentally bringing ourselves through the process. This is advanced level inner energy work and is best for people who have worked with an energy healer or trauma therapist before.Signs of an imbalanced solar plexus chakraTraditionally speaking, there are signs of imbalance associated with each particular chakra. Some of these signs can also be signs of underlying health conditions that may require treatment with a medical doctor. It’s always safest to use all the resources you have to ensure you’re taking care of all aspects of your health.Signs include:Domineering attitudeAggressivenessNot feeling motivated in lifeLow self esteemDifficulty making decisionsDigestive issuesSick to stomach feeling Signs of a balanced solar plexus chakraA person with a balanced solar plexus chakra walks with a certain humble assuredness in themselves. They are the wise listeners rather than the loud talkers in a crowd. They are in tune with their goals, passions, and personal power. They do not spend time on gossip, putting others down, or questioning their personal actions. People with a balanced solar plexus chakra also find greater ease in reversing negative thought patterns because their sense of self is strong. Signs include:Empowered attitudeCalmnessPassionateStrong self-esteemSense of self and life’s purposeHealthy metabolismHealthy appetiteThe benefits of healing the solar plexus chakraThe exact benefits of healing the solar plexus chakra will depend upon your personal healing journey and where you are in the process. Regardless of your starting point, though, doing inner work can go a long way into balancing your energy wheel or wheels. Be prepared for the feeling of releasing negative energy. This can feel overwhelming at first but will be ultimately relieving. When you spend time opening your manipura chakra, you may experience personal growth, a stronger sense of self, greater respect for your inner intuition or gut feelings, and the ability to say no to things that no longer serve you. (Jay Yuno / Getty)Saying no includes rejecting negative energy and reversing negative thought patterns holding you back from your true potential. How to open your solar plexus ChakraYou can open your solar plexus chakra on your own terms (in solo practice) or with the help of someone experienced in energy and/or trauma work. Some examples include: Reiki workers, energy workers, light workers, energy healers, trauma-informed therapists or counsellors who can talk to you about somatic pain and somatic body work and guide you through the advanced steps mentioned above. Working in this same way with religious guides, spiritual guides, or similar is also an option. Working with more than one type of professional is wise to get a multifaceted treatment approach that covers all bases.Yoga Poses for Balancing the Solar Plexus ChakraChallenging yoga poses for opening and balancing your solar plexus chakra are typically those that focus on stretching and strengthening your core area. Yoga is typically practiced in a session where you warm up your muscles before doing deeper stretches like these popular ones for opening the third chakra: Navasana AKA boat pose(PM Images / Getty)Kapalabhati pranayama or breath of fireAnjali mudra or prayer pose/prayer positionParivrtta Trikonasana or revolved or inverted triangle poseBhujangasana AKA cobra poseConsider joining a practice with a teacher and other students or following one of the many online yoga videos for opening your third chakra. Watching someone else and getting help with body adjustments helps prevent injuries and ensure you’re getting the most of your practice. The best crystals for solar plexus chakra healingWhen it comes to crystal healing and your solar plexus chakra, go for yellows and fiery stones that speak to you on a deep level. It’s always preferable to choose your stones in person so you can feel which ones you’re most attracted to. If this isn’t an option, be sure to ask the seller about their sourcing standards to ensure you’re working with the real deal.Popular choices of crystals and stones include:CitrineTiger’s Eye(Kostrikina Myroslava / Getty)AmberCalciteCarnelianLemon quartzYellow JasperGolden heliodorPyriteSunstoneWays people use crystals in holistic healing include:Wear them as jewelry around the wrist, neck, or fingers. Carry a little satchel of stones and keep them in your pocket, purse, or home. Add the crystals to a healing bath with optional elements like epsom salts, dried flowers, essential oils.Add the crystals to your meditation session (hold them, make a crystal grid, place them in your altar area).Place the crystals under your bed at the solar plexus area while you sleep.Aromatherapy for manipura chakra healingThere are certain plants (herbs, flowers, trees, berries) that may be used in aromatherapy practices like diffusing, burning, and melting. When it comes to working with new ingredients, pay the most respect to the natural gifts by saying a small thank you or by directly asking the herb, for example, what exactly you need or want from it. The best aromas for solar plexus chakra healing are those that are:SweetFieryWoodyWarmingRestoring Examples of essential oils or incense for manipura healing include:MyrrhSandalwood(Getty)Atlas cedarwoodYlang ylangLemongrassHelichrysumLavenderBlack pepperPositive affirmations for healing the manipura chakraThere are mantras also known as positive affirmations or positive life quotes you can say to help balance the solar plexus chakra, too. These sayings can help you feel motivated in your personal power sourcing journey. People typically include mantra work into a meditation or yoga session, but you can make a mantra-only session as well. It may be helpful to sit down with a journal and pen and write down which mantras speak to you. If something else feels better to repeat, write that down and listen to your intuition. The most powerful mantra will be the one you have the strongest pull toward and feel the best saying aloud. Some positive affirmation for manipura chakra healing examples include:I listen to my inner intuition at all times.I honor what my body needs and am open to receiving its messages.I release past wounds that have hurt my self-confidence and I forgive myself for mistakes made while self-abandoning.I love and accept my inner voice and value my own opinion and perspective.I am valid in my feelings and will honor what they need from me.Give yourself graceEnergy work is tiring before it’s rejuvenating! Go easy on yourself and treat each session of working with things like crystals, yoga poses, and aromatherapy a procedure of sorts. Drink lots of water afterwards, rest and move your body as needed, and be gentle with any emotions and negative energy that may become unstuck during this process. (maroke / Getty)Remember you’re amazing for embarking on this self-actualization and self-love healing journey and progress takes patience.

Wheel of Emotions: How It Can Help Your Relationships
Dating

Wheel of Emotions: How It Can Help Your Relationships

"Tell me what’s wrong."I don’t know.Have you ever been left without words to explain your feelings? If you answered yes, then there is a chance that this difficulty in describing your feelings comes not from a lack of wanting or trying, but from not knowing and harnessing the power behind American psychologist Robert Plutchik’s wheel of emotions. When we do not have the vocabulary to fully express our basic emotions in the moment, it can leave room for misunderstanding where everyone ends up feeling short-changed. However, having the right words and a deeper understanding of the emotion wheel (sometimes called the feeling wheel) can greatly enhance self-awareness and emotional intelligence. You can use the emotion wheel to develop a stronger and more compassionate bond with yourself and others. When you are no longer fighting yourself to figure out how you feel and what it means, you begin to attract a higher vibration of energy. So how can you use Plutchik’s wheel of emotions to improve your inner self relationship and your connection to others? First things first, we need to see ourselves in the wheel of emotions and begin identifying our eight core emotions.Plutchik’s Emotion WheelAccording to psychologist Robert Plutchik, we are capable of experiencing around 34,000 emotions, and unfortunately, there are more negative emotions than positive. Can you imagine trying to name, identify, and understand the meaning or message behind all of them? In Plutchick’s model, you don’t have to. Rather, you can begin by focusing first on eight primary emotions, or the human emotions that Plutchik sees as forming all other emotions mammals are capable of experiencing. In short, you can’t have the other 33,992 emotions without these eight.The eight core emotions are described are:TrustFearSurpriseSadnessDisgustAngerAnticipation JoyThe Power of Primary EmotionsOnce you feel comfortable recognizing these formative emotions from the emotion wheel in your own body and mind, you can move into understanding how these emotions influence others and our physical reactions. Like blending primary colors to make a rainbow of new hues, these eight emotions can be combined to create what’s known as secondary emotions. Plutchik’s wheel of emotions also offers insight into the physical reactions that tend to accompany emotional pairings. You will see these reactions placed outside the wheel of emotions in between the petals. Combining Basic Emotions Life is full of many pleasant and unpleasant feelings, and emotions differ greatly partly because they are the result of what Plutchik calls emotion blending, in which two types of primary emotion combine to create secondary emotions.Here are a few examples: Anger + Anticipation : AggressivenessAnticipation + Joy: OptimismDisgust + Anger: ContemptFear + Surprise: AweJoy + Trust: LoveSadness + Disgust: RemorseSurprise + Sadness: DisapprovalTrust + Fear: SubmissionEach emotion on Plutchick’s wheel of emotions is also presented across from its opposing emotion so you can visualize where certain feelings sit on the spectrum. Seeing emotions presented with their polars on the emotion wheel gives us greater insight into how our feelings are related.If you are struggling to identify a certain emotion, it can be helpful to examine the opposites to get a clearer idea of what an emotion is and is not. Opposite emotions examples include:Fear and Anger Physiology: Get small and hide vs get big and loud.Anticipation and Surprise Physiology: Examine closely vs jump back.Disgust and Trust Physiology: Reject vs embrace.Joy and Sadness Physiology: Connect vs withdraw.Beyond binary emotions such as disgust / fear or anger / surprise, the wheel of emotions shows us the varying degrees or intensity level possible with each core emotion. It can be helpful here to visualize the wheel of emotions as a wheel of daisy flower petals. Each petal stems from the epicenter and flows outward much like our emotions stem from primary base emotions and can flow into other secondary emotions. The feelings closest to the flower’s center are by nature the most intense degree of emotional expression of the base emotions. For example, if we look at the emotion “anger,” we see it sandwiched between its associated lesser intense emotion and more intense emotion of annoyance and rage, respectively. Rage sits in the center and annoyance on the outermost petal tip.This means rage and annoyance are seen in Plutchik’s model as degrees of the base emotion of anger. Knowing this highlights the importance of owning and controlling our primary and secondary emotions to prevent escalation to more intense expressions. The Feelings Wheel Compared With The Emotion Wheel Truth be told, there are several versions of Plutchick’s emotion wheel and you can use whichever one you want to develop a deeper understanding about your emotions and even your mental health. The most important thing in picking a wheel to work with is that it resonates with you and is designed in a way that holds your attention. For now, it can be useful to print out or make your own copy of your wheel and keep it somewhere visible.There are a few different designs of the feelings wheel that can help you understand what’s happening beneath and influencing the eight basic emotions. Examples of other variants that can benefit your understanding of how emotions combine include:Geoffrey Roberts’ Feelings Wheel The Junto Institute Emotion WheelGeneva WheelThe Feelings Wheel (slightly different from the emotional wheel) is said to be originally designed by Gloria Willcox and adapted by Australian pastor Geoffrey Roberts, among many others. It is not as complex as Plutchik’s model, and perhaps this is where its popularity on social media stems from.In this design, there are three circles contained within and arranged by the following:Various primary emotionsSecondary emotionsTertiary emotionsIn Roberts’ feelings wheel, there are seven primary emotions:BadSadHappyDisgustedFearfulSurprisedYou’ll notice that while there is some overlap in emotions (e.g. disgust, sadness, fear, and surprise) but there are also noticeable differences. Roberts’ feelings wheel does not include joy, acceptance, or anticipation in its definition of core emotions. It does, however, offer a total of 130 emotions, and has been designed with a focus on negative emotions in order to help you recognize them and take back your power. Using Your Understanding of Basic EmotionsYou can use the feelings wheel to further your understanding of how core emotions influence other emotions. For example, the core emotion “bad,” as in, “I feel bad,” begs you to look beyond the first circle and into the associated secondary emotions and tertiary emotions. Such an exercise can help to narrow down what’s wrong and can give you invaluable insight into what created the “bad” emotion and your reaction. This can be particularly useful in child-guardian relationships, as well as with teaching children emotional literacy. For example, if a child is exhibiting anger through screaming, hitting, or stomping, after a moment of pause, it’s useful to show them the wheel and help them (and yourself) see why they were angry in the first place. Did the anger stem from being tired, busy, bored, stressed? Asking these questions is a great starting point for a better understanding of your own emotional states, and is part of walking the path to personal and relationship growth.Emotions Are Necessary For Survival Plutchick’s model proposes emotions are, “basic adaptations needed by all organisms in the struggle for individual survival.”In healthy individuals in nurturing environments, acknowledging your emotions means getting needs met (ie. being comforted, fed, put to bed for a nap, etc.). This is a positive reinforcement that helps us learn the meaning behind our emotions and the cause and effect of expressing emotions to trusted persons. Unfortunately, though, this is not the same situation for everyone. For those who have experienced trauma (abuse, neglect, gaslighting, etc.), you may have learned it’s a safer survival strategy to silence your emotions because expressing them never leads to relief. Perhaps in some cases expressing your emotions has even led to consequences so you’ve adapted by disconnecting from your emotions as a survival strategy. While this has served you so far, deep down you know denying your feelings is only further hurting yourself and impairing your relationships with others. You may be surviving, but you are far from thriving. The Benefits of Owning Your Emotions (And What’s Stopping You)If you feel weird checking in with your emotions and asking yourself how you’re feeling, this is a sign you have never been fully supported in expressing your true self and your full emotional spectrum. It takes some work to mindshift toward self-awareness and acceptance, but the rewards are nothing less than a new lease on life. Benefits may include:Moving from self-denial to self-acceptanceUnderstanding past actionsPreventing escalation of emotions (especially during stressful times and interpersonal conflict)Being able to explain your full self to someone else and increasing their capacity for knowing who you truly are (this creates next-level connections)Attracting other people with higher emotional intelligenceStopping or slowing your reactivity to emotional triggers Enhancing your capacity to understand where other people are coming fromBeing able to teach others (particularly adolescents) about emotional intelligenceDetaching from the power of any one emotionAddressing your personal needs and speaking up for yourselfThe Power of Naming Negative EmotionsOne of the greatest benefits of the emotion wheel is its ability to help you identify negative or unwanted emotions. Research has shown that naming negative feelings (labeling emotions) can help people take control and de-escalate their emotional state. This is a powerful revelation in the way many of us think about our emotions or feelings. Too many times, without the right words for how we are feeling, we are left without knowing how to communicate (and therefore cope) in a healthy way. Instead of naming our emotions, we may unintentionally fall victim to the mentality that we have lost control of our emotional state (ie. we are an emotional “wreck” or are emotionally “broken”). We may even feel we have no idea how we really feel about people, places, and things. This is akin to being lost, and it can be extremely discomforting.In this negative emotional state, we will understandably try anything to avoid dealing with the unknown feelings spreading their influence on our actions and relationship with others. This is what we have learned to do for self-protection, but it is actually self-abandoning. Every time you deny, refute, hide, or repress an emotional state, you’re abandoning the inner child within who needs your help. Pay attention to common ways people try to avoid feeling emotions:*Scrolling on social mediaCleaning houseHaving sexSmoking mind-altering substancesDrinking intoxicating substances like alcoholBinge-watching televisionPlaying online games Shopping without a purpose Mindlessly eating or binge-eating and purgingSelf-harming behaviors including risky driving Remember the degrees of emotional intensity: Delaying or avoiding feeling all the feelings can actually make matters worse in your inner and outer worlds. How do you know if you’re doing this? Listen to the way others speak of you. The following phrases are all red flags that you’re emotionally disconnected and it’s hurting your relationships with others. Has anyone ever said these things to you?I feel like you’re a million miles away.You’re always on your phone.It feels like I’m talking to a wall.Can you get off your phone? I feel disconnected.You’re always distracted.I don’t even know who you are anymore.You never let me in.In other words, you can try to avoid your emotions, but all that does is signal to yourself and others that your feelings don’t matter. Denying your emotions or ignoring their true meaning (which can be discovered with help of Plutchik’s model) is like leaving your flower wheel without water, sun, and fertilizer. With enough negative reinforcement, some petals of emotions will begin to wilt and dry, becoming fragile to the slightest touch. This means if an external or internal stimuli triggers that long-denied emotion, you could be left completely defenseless and likely to crumble under the slightest pressure.Obviously this is not what you want.When you acknowledge your feelings and emotions, let yourself truly feel your feelings and emotions, and embrace your entire spectrum of feelings and emotions, you open your universe to higher emotional intelligence and the kind of radical self acceptance we all deserve. How to Use Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions to Benefit Your RelationshipsUsing Plutchik’s wheel of emotions means making an investment in your emotional literacy. The benefits of such a pursuit will spread to every relationship you have in life. Emotional Wheel + YouThe most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Here is where you should focus the deepest because internal conflicts (ie. not knowing how you feel or why) create inner turmoil that seeps into every aspect of life.Ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now?”Start checking-in with yourself on a regular basis so you can begin identifying your personal spectrum of emotions in real-time. Check the wheel: Locate your emotion and its degrees.Pick an emotion on the wheel that feels the most accurate. Be patient with yourself because it can be a guessing game in the beginning if you’re new to thinking about your emotions. Then, check out the entire petal to assess where you are intensity-wise or see what other emotions are related to how you’re feeling. Did you let things escalate or did you check-in before that happened? Remember that simply naming your feelings helps disarm their potential to escalate.Strengthen your inner voice: Listen to what the wheel is saying and act accordingly. It takes some practice, but when you acknowledge your true emotions instead of denying or repressing them, you are able to practice greater self-forgiveness and self-compassion, as well as actually learn from your emotionally-driven mistakes. If you’re not sure where to begin, start by doing a mindful body scan exercise where you check-in with the different parts of your body. If you are spiritual, you can also scan your spirit self or your chakras and heart mind. If you have a nagging feeling you don’t have a word for how you feel, you can take a look at the wheel of emotions or feeling wheel to get some insight. Engaging in this exercise works your emotional intelligence muscles. This means you are less likely to self-destruct or follow a path that was never meant for you, and you are more likely to practice self-control and calm in the midst of chaos and conflict. Emotional Wheel + OthersYou can use the emotion wheel or feeling wheel to strengthen your relationships with other people including your children and relatives, romantic and platonic partner(s), co-workers, and literal strangers. Remember the emotion wheel: Accept that other people’s emotions are complexDon’t make the mistake of thinking because you know about the emotion wheel that you can identify emotions in other people. This is a recipe for relationship breakdown (and a waste of your energy). Both the emotion wheel and the feeling wheel teach us:Emotions are not isolated entities (they influence other emotions and actions)Emotions are not static (they can vary in intensity)Emotions are vast (you may not have even experienced certain emotions that are influencing others and vice versus)It is best to use the emotion wheel or feeling wheel to develop your own communication skills so you can better navigate interpersonal relationships. Do not use the wheel in an attempt to decode someone else’s emotions or tell them how you think they feel and why. This strategy is not likely to help your relationship in the long run. Focus on yourself, listening to your own emotions, and developing your own emotional literacy and just watch how your relationships start changing as a result.Before You GoYou already have everything you need within you to begin your journey to greater emotional vibrations and deeper emotional bonds with other people. You really can change the way you relate to your emotional self and the role emotions play in your relationships. This has the power to transform your connections and open new avenues in your path and all you need to do is begin by learning the language of emotions from the feeling wheel or emotion wheel.

Unconditional Love: What is It & How Do You Find It?
Marriage

Unconditional Love: What is It & How Do You Find It?

Depending on the history of your love life, unconditional love may be something readily available, in short-supply, or even non-existent. If you’re not even sure it exists, you’re certainly not alone! Many people have never seen what unconditional love looks like in their own families, and so they struggle as adults with giving and receiving such transformative loving energy.That’s why gaining perspective into how unconditional love works is important. It can get you more in tune with your feelings. It can also help you better understand what work needs to be done - not just in your current relationship, but in your future relationships as well. Love is powerful, and it requires great effort and learning to sustain over time.Unconditional Love DefinitionDescribing this type of love we all desire AKA unconditional love is relatively straightforward. True to its name, it exists without conditions (ie., it comes without strings attached). This means you give it without any expectation of receiving anything in return. Unconditional love finds itself in all kinds of relationships from those we have with certain family members (ie., a child, parent, sibling) to the relationships we develop with pets and even some plants. However, it’s certainly not to be expected and isn’t guaranteed in these or any relationship. It has to at first be possible, and then nurtured and tended to with care. Consider that you water a flower in hopes it will bloom but if you do feel love in this regard, it exists regardless of the outcome. You water anyway.In other words, unconditional love in its healthiest form is defined by a level of free-flowing support that naturally brings out the best in both people (or beings involved). This support is born from a deep-rooted respect or admiration.Respect for individuality and the distinct nature you and others hold outside any single relationship in lifeRespect for the foundational loving relationship you can develop with yourself and use as a compass in current and future loving relationshipsRespect for the undeniable truth that love changes with events and time (and that people change, too)Respect for the other person’s boundaries, needs, dreams, triggers, etc.Respect for the other person’s life journey (ie., not trying to “control, take over, steer”)Relationships based on this highly desirable unconditional love are defined by strength through life’s struggle or, in other words, with kindness in the face of chaos. Life is always a challenge with ups and downs that we can’t predict, but unconditional life isn’t something that fluctuates with events. It only deepens with time. First, we need to find somewhere for it to sprout...On Finding Unconditional Love in a Romantic Relationship and BeyondFinding unconditional love isn’t necessarily easy, but it starts at home. It begins by looking inward and assessing your current ways of expressing and receiving love. It’s okay if unconditionally loving someone seems impossible. Unconditional love is nonetheless real, and can be truly liberating.You might want to do some journaling while you consider the following self-reflection questions:Do you have strings attached (ie., conditions) the love you give people? What conditions do you place on love?What happens when those conditions aren’t met? For example, do you go cold or ice people out?How have your reactions to unmet conditions impacted previous relationships?These kinds of self-examining questions are examples of “the work” that’s necessary to create desired changes in perceptions and actions. If you want to love and be loved unconditionally, you need to recognize the strings first so you can then cut yourself free.Reading about the five love languages and other forms of love can offer further insight into how you express feelings of different forms of love and how you would like to be treated by a romantic or other partner. Consider the following:Maybe you have some unlearning to do before being able to open your heart in this way. Maybe you have opened your heart too haphazardly in the past and you’re wondering what to do differently this time around. Maybe you really have been looking for love in the wrong places (ie., places that don’t understand your love language).Once you have a better understanding of your more dominating love languages (you’ll likely have more than one love language) or those of greater importance in a relationship, it narrows down what to look for.Love languages:Acts of serviceReceiving giftsQuality time Words of affirmationPhysical touchList them in order of preference to get a better sense of what you thrive on as a human being, and what your own needs are. When you know what you’re looking for, you can begin manifesting it into reality rather than wandering aimlessly from relationship to relationship. Healthy unconditional love is not out of reach! Unconditional Love: Part of a Healthy RelationshipDescribing unconditional love is easy when looking at healthy relationships, but it is not as easy to recognize in practice, and furthermore, isn’t a given in every single relationship (and that’s okay, too). You need to understand that some people will not be open to unconditional love because they simply have never seen it, known it, or felt it before. This is why choosing the right relationships is important. Ideally, you will find someone who can also love unconditionally. This way you both can flourish even during the hard times. However, even love that has conditions can be worthwhile and those conditions may dissolve with time spent together and work from both people. Yes, loving someone unconditionally means loving them through thick and thin and giving this love freely even during times of extreme relationship turmoil (and this can feel like a lot of work!). For example, if your spouse cheats on you and you find out they’ve been unfaithful, you can experience a broken heart that hurts but doesn’t destroy your unconditional love for the person. You may love them regardless of what they do (or you may not). Other rather extreme examples include:Your teen crashing your vehicle Your child telling you they hate you Your dog biting youUnconditional love will not change from these types of events. Nothing can shake it. Even if you feel other emotions like anger, disgust, fear, or disappointment, the love remains.If you’ve ever said or heard something like, “This is my chosen family,” or “You’re my chosen family now,” this is a sign of unconditional love already existing in your life.Unconditional love is the feeling behind other phrases like:“I may not like you very much right now, but I still love you.”“Of course I still love you! I could never not love you.”“Loving someone doesn’t just go away overnight.”“I need to detach with love.”“Your mom and I will always be proud of you.”Some people may also equate unconditional love with mature love because it’s the kind of love that doesn’t keep score and deduct points for bad behavior. With all of this said, it’s just as important for you to know that loving someone unconditionally doesn’t mean you stay in an abusive or otherwise unhealthy and unfilling relationship. If unconditional love doesn’t flow both ways, it also leaves room for unhealthy persons to take advantage, so just remember: Unconditional love isn’t an excuse for harmful and hurtful behavior, especially in a romantic relationship. If you’re experiencing relationship problems, seek support and outside help (professional or peer). You see, while loving someone unconditionally can sometimes mean different things to different people, it’s never an open invitation to cheat, lie, or steal. It is not an excuse to take advantage of another person’s willingness to love without conditions. While this may feel obvious to some, it may not be to others who have lived in environments with unhealthy power dynamics (e.g. with people with untreated addictions or mental illnesses). It takes practice to unlearn toxic ways of loving and shift toward healthier expressions of love, especially if you’ve learned these early in life from the parenting adults in your life.If you grew up with an active addict in the home or someone who was actively experiencing mental illness like depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder, you may have learned unhealthy ways of asking for love and giving love. This is not necessarily anyone’s fault, but it’s a wound that needs to be healed, and the future is in your control to change. How to Love Unconditionally Loving unconditionally is one of the most rewarding and life-changing goals you can cast. If you’ve been exposed to negative self-talk from parenting adults and mentors (or if those adults put heavy emphasis on things like “earning love” or “losing points,”) you may need some extra time, patience, and persistence in changing your relationship to love and how you love. But at any stage in your story, you can start encouraging and nurturing feelings of unconditional love. Try these strategies to get started.Open the Communication Lines ImmediatelyUnconditional love is free from the type of judgement you find in power-imbalanced romantic relationships. This means communication lines should be as wide open (transparent and honest) as possible because it’s actually safe to speak your mind. If you’re not sure what this looks like, here’s a few starter tips for getting it right without starting a fight.If you have a problem, address it as soon as possible and appropriate.Actively listen to your partner (head nodding, gesturing, asking follow-up questions)Speak softly to be heard and received Work to make the other person feel safeAllow for silent moments and pauses Have serious conversations in a private and appropriate setting (not public or in-front of children) Think about what the person said afterwards Honor and respect your partner’s opinions, beliefs, and needs even if you don’t share them or understand them Use humor sparingly and wisely Provide Emotional Support in Romantic Relationships Emotional support is the care work you put into being in another person’s world. It’s the gentle encouragement or vote of confidence that helps your partner see their passions and purpose come to life. Don’t worry, you don’t need to be cheerleading at all hours or encouraging ideas you don’t believe in, but you do need to be showing a consistent level of support for the other person and their goals outside of your relationship. In other words, you need to be supportive of the things they love that don’t directly benefit you (other than they make your partner happy and you like seeing them happy). Share Power in All Your RelationshipsUnconditional love (or any form of love for that matter) doesn’t involve games of tug-o-war or relentless battles to win alpha status, prove who’s right, or determine head of household. Rather, this healthy love type involves reasonable and realistic compromise, fair negotiations, and sometimes personal sacrifice, but never all from one person all the time. Power-sharing is crucial to maintaining an even ebb and flow that fosters a healthy relationship between two people. If one person hoards the power, an imbalance occurs that leaves people vulnerable to feelings of resentment. Practice Makes ProgressYou can practice to love unconditionally with pets and plants. Write down any current expectations you may have. Some examples include expecting your plants to grow, flower, or fruit and expecting your pets to love you in return (give affection) and behave appropriately because of how much you love them.While having expectations is healthy and normal, attaching those expectations to love is a choice. If you want to change this relationship to develop a different type of love, a power-shared and compassion-first love, you’ll need to begin dropping expectations attached to your feelings of love.Again, you don’t need to drop your expectations, but if you want to practice loving unconditionally, you need to cut the strings attached to your actions. The same holds true when we talk about unconditional self-loving. Ask yourself what current conditions limit your capacity for self-love? Is it the concept of grades, salary, weight, or where you live? From now on, consider these external factors as giant concrete walls standing in the way of loving yourself unconditionally. Grab a hammer. Start swinging.As these walls come down, self-acceptance and forgiveness can begin to take root. Now, rather than building walls for protection, you are growing roots for strength. Unconditional Love Isn’t Relationship InsuranceFeeling or receiving unconditional love also doesn’t mean that your relationship is shatterproof. Breakups and divorces happen even when unconditional love is present (and that’s okay!). Sometimes enforcing your personal boundaries will be a driving force behind leaving unhealthy relationships (and this is a positive thing!). You can still love people from afar when necessary for your personal wellbeing and safety.Unconditional love can be experienced as:A selfless actCompassionUnconditional positive regard (complete acceptance)EmpathyStability Sustaining Love like this can outlast marriages because it’s not attached to contractual ways of loving or what only one person can provide in return (AKA conditional love). Without this binding force, you’re free to find your own happiness and love exactly as comes naturally because you’re not doing it performatively (ie, because you promised you would, because that’s what you’ve always done, because that’s what you know is expected). Unconditional love can also be defined by everything it’s not. Like all kinds of love, the concept of conditional love exists on a spectrum. It can sound like many things from stark remarks to subtle and insidious comments:“After all I have done for you, you owe me this.” “If you love me, you’ll do [insert anything here].”“I need you to forgive me right now!”“Don’t you love me?”“I would have expected at least a thank you.” “I did all that, not that I expected anything in return, but something would have been nice.”*“You know, they could have at least acknowledged the amount of effort I put in.”And any and all phrases starting with, “If it wasn’t for me…”*When people say aloud to others that they expected nothing in return for whatever they did, they likely expected something (even if praise and recognition). Otherwise, they wouldn’t think to mention it. Unconditional Love Still Involves Healthy Boundaries Your love may not cost a thing, but loving unconditionally doesn’t mean you become a doormat and pushover, either. It means you recognize and respect another person’s boundaries while wanting and working for their happiness and encouraging them to continue making independent choices that serve their highest interests (even if it doesn’t serve yours). Don’t worry, your own boundaries serve your best interests. These boundaries define the space you take in this world. Specifically, they define the space where you end and another person begins. You can think of them as your soul boundaries, spirit boundaries, mental health boundaries, or physical (personal space) boundaries - anything that reinforces your own well being. Different people in different situations will have different types of boundaries. Whether or not it makes sense to you, respect a person’s communicated boundary anyway. Defining Your Own Boundaries in Unconditional Love RelationshipsA time will come when you’re ready to set boundaries with deep work-revealed intentions with a romantic partner. This means you’ll be fully prepared to embrace the purpose behind each boundary and acknowledge why they are important. This will help you in maintaining new boundaries with others and in respecting new boundaries others may establish over time.To begin narrowing down your own boundaries, you can do a self-check on the following specific boundary examples:Monogamy and nonmonogamy Sexuality and gender expressionsTime and energy (including how many days a week you can spend together)Body hair, modifications, tattoos, surgeries, medications, etc.Culture, religion, ethics, and beliefsCo-parenting or in-law visitations Drugs and alcohol consumption The healthiest boundaries are those that are communicated clearly and maintained despite any initial or continued backlash. If you’re still not sure where your boundary lines are, reread the list. Whatever thoughts arise while reviewing it can become your starting place for setting boundaries in loving relationships. Some boundary examples from the above list may include:I am only comfortable in a monogamous relationship.I am open to dating people from across all spectrums.I would consider converting to another religion.I don’t drink alcohol. It’s also important to have a conversation (or many conversations!) about other people’s boundaries. Knowing what people are and are not comfortable with upfront saves time later in miscommunications, misunderstandings, and missteps over boundaries. For example, you may want to know if someone, in turn, is only comfortable in an open or polyamorous relationship. While these may seem like technicalities that have little to do with unconditional love, respecting your own and other people’s boundaries is a key component in establishing the types of real bonds unconditional love can grow in. Backlash From Healthy BoundariesIf you’re new to setting personal boundaries, you may have to face some backlash from people who are less than thrilled you’ve found your voice. Boundary backlash happens because setting boundaries requires changing — and many people are resistant or hesitant to changing for a million reasons including emotions like fear and anxiety and self-limiting beliefs and behavior patterns. When you appear to be changing or developing different boundaries than previously existed, you hold up a mirror to other people’s behavior, too. While the other person may very well be impressed and intimidated by your emotional strength and commitment to your best interests, they may not express this as such. Instead, they may express negative emotions.Boundary backlash sounds like this:You’re no fun anymore (judgement)You never say ‘yes’ anymore (disappointment)You’ve changed (disapproval)What are you trying to say about me, then? (defensiveness)The phone not beeping anymore (abandonment)Yes, you may lose a few people who just will not be able to accept your healthy boundaries because they cannot set and maintain their own. It may sound harsh, but losing these people is ultimately much healthier than losing your voice and constantly having your boundaries crossed, ignored, or otherwise disrespected. Cut the cords and let yourself move to find the unconditional love we all desire and deserve. If these are irreplaceable people in your life, you may want to consider talking to them about boundaries before deciding to end the relationship. If you need help, you can start by reviewing this common list of healthy boundaries and considering where your relationship with this person stands. This way, you’ll have real-life examples to draw upon.In your relationship, do you both:Ask permissionTake each other’s feelings into accountShow gratitude Remain honestGive space (avoid codependence or controlling behaviors)Show respect for differences in opinion, perspective, and feelingsTake personal responsibility for your role in the relationship and actionsAnd don’t worry if things seem like a condition-laden mess right now. Change comes quickly when you start doing the work and maintaining your own healthy boundaries with healthier people won’t be a problem; it’ll just be the norm. With these boundaries in place, you can release yourself to love freely (without hidden costs) and fears that lead people to create unhealthy attachments, jealousies, and confines around relationships in the first place. Is Unconditional Love Healthy?The short answer is, yes: Unconditional love is healthy. The longer answer is that several small studies support that unconditional love is healthy, but in order to understand what that really means, we need to look at how these studies actually define unconditional love. In most cases, unconditional love is measured by nurturing behaviors, affection, and emotional warmth.Examples include:Unconditional love activates or lights up the same areas in the brain’s reward system as romantic love and maternal love, according to a study using brain imaging technology (known as neuroimaging).Parental unconditional love towards infant children in particular has been associated with their greater emotional resilience or strength against adversity in later adulthood (resulting in less distress).Parent-child unconditional love has also shown potential in offering some protective benefits against childhood traumas (meaning that if something traumatic happens, the child may have a more favorable response and recovery).Unconditional love can provide a secure foundation for children to learn because they feel supported if they make mistakes (which we all do). As we age, this type of love provides a beautiful opportunity for people to become their full selves without worry of abandonment and to experience a sense of security unmatched in relationships where people keep scores.Unconditional Love Can Be Used in Unhealthy WaysWhile unconditional love is a healthy and mature feeling, in some worst case scenarios, some people can use it in very unhealthy ways to gain control and power.In toxic relationships (romantic relationships or other), unconditional love can be something you’re made to believe exists in your relationship when it’s actually an idea that’s being weaponized and used against you. For example, you may hear things like:“No one will ever love you like I do” “You’re lucky I love you like I do”“You’ll never find someone to put up with you the way I do”“How can you complain with all I do”There’s a lot of “I” in there, and that’s not what healthy and selfless love sounds like. That’s what manipulation and sick love sound like. In ConclusionAddressing your relationship with love may not feel easy, but it does lead to personal transformation, an increase in self esteem, and even the possibility of a greater sense of self love. Once you start the process, you’ll find that unconditional love is possible everywhere and with everyone. Look inward!

Peter Pan Syndrome: What Is It?
Dating

Peter Pan Syndrome: What Is It?

Maintaining a childlike curiosity for life can help you feel younger, and studies have shown that those that feel younger tend to live longer. However, if you’re in a slightly different position, and struggling to meet the demands of adulthood, you could be experiencing something known as Peter Pan syndrome.You won’t find “Peter Pan Syndrome” in the textbook of a qualified mental health professional, it isn’t exactly a real, medical diagnosis. It’s more like a personality trait, or an identifiable pattern of thoughts and behaviors. Someone with Peter Pan Syndrome may feel like they suck at “adulting,” or don’t have the skills necessary to be a productive and functional member of society. It’s important to note that Peter Pan syndrome shouldn’t be used to deny mental illnesses that may have some overlapping symptoms. Peter Pan syndrome is also not the same as a person having stuffed animals on their bed or comic books on their shelf. Those things are harmless issues of taste, whereas Peter Pan syndrome can actually represent a psychological barrier to taking on adult responsibilities. Let’s take a look at what this syndrome is, and how you may be able to recognize some of these traits or behaviours in your own life, or one of your friends.Who is Peter Pan?(LMPC / Getty)Peter Pan is the iconic, fictional character from J. M. Barrie’s 1911 novel “Peter and Wendy.” He is the original boy who wouldn’t grow up in Never-Never Land, the place where children never-never have to grow up. Peter Pan’s popularity as a cultural figure grew even more after the release of the eponymously titled Disney movie in 1953.Signs of Peter Pan SyndromeSince Peter Pan syndrome isn’t a clinical disorder recognized by the World Health Organization, there is no set criteria for how, exactly, Peter Pans may behave. This can be frustrating, especially if you’re searching for clues about your current partner, and want some straight answers before making some type of commitment to each other. Nevertheless, there are certain signs these types tend to give off that can help you decide if you’re dealing with a Peter Pan or just a well-adjusted adult who has held on to childlike wonderment.The signs you should watch out for will change depending on the setting. For example, someone looking for signs of Peter Pans in potential romantic partners will be looking for slightly different signals than someone interviewing Peter Pans for potential career opportunities.All signs stem from a lack of emotional maturity or stunted development, the causes of which you’ll see shortly. In a relationship, you might find someone presenting emotionally immature behaviors such as:Avoiding decision-making (ie. putting someone else “in charge”)Postponing chores and tasks (ie. doing the dishes until they pile up, not going to the dentist until it’s an emergency)Failing to progress to next relationship stages Not taking responsibility for their actions or lack of life skillsNot following-through with promisesInability to identify and express emotions Committing little to nothing to the future Spending household money unwisely or not following budgetYelling and shutting down when confrontedHere are some signs to watch out for in the workplace:Getting by on other people’s ideasChatting more than workingNot showing up because they don’t feel like itQuitting without another plan in place or job-hoppingNot respecting office hierarchy Spreading negative energy and not being a team playerKeeping positions of status to feed their egoAversion to networking (would rather do ‘fun’ activities)Is Narcissism a Sign of Peter Pan Syndrome?Those with narcissistic personality disorder and Peter Pans have some characteristics in common (i.e. emotionally immature), but they are not the same thing. Narcissism is when someone obsessively loves themself to an unhealthy degree. It generally pops up in the teenage years but isn’t considered a problem until it begins interfering with relationships. Narcissists portray impenetrable confidence and are skilled manipulators of other people. Peter Pans can be narcissistic but this isn’t always the case. True narcissists lack empathy and see themselves above others. Moreover, narcissism exists on a spectrum, more about which you can read here in our blog on narcissistic relationships.Are you dating a Peter Pan? More signs to watch out for(bojanstory/Getty)If this is starting to sound like your partner, dig a little deeper to see how closely their actual behaviors match those of the typical Peter Pan. Does your partner abuse drugs or alcohol? Are they highly unreliable?Do you feel you’re teaching them about the basics life all the time (ie. grocery shopping, laundry, self-care, etc.)?Do they point fingers and blame others?Are they unwilling to change or have little interest in self-improvement?The last item is a big one. If your partner has little interest in listening to your concerns or working to mature their behavior, that’s a telltale sign they’re stuck in a place of childhood. Pay attention to the differences between empty promises to change that may sound great and actual actions that contribute to lasting changes. Every Peter needs a Wendy: The Wendy Syndrome Dan Kiley, the psychologist who defined Peter Pan Syndrome in 1983, also defined the term ‘Wendy Syndrome’ to describe women who act like mothers to their partners and others around them. Wendys are the supporting actors whose roles revolve around Peter Pans. Without the Wendys of the world, Peter Pans in adult life would fall apart. In daily life, Wendys can be found doing the following:Cleaning-up after Peter PansOffering endless, often one-sided emotional supportReminding or nagging Peter Pan about small items like booking dentist appointments, wishing their mother a happy birthday, picking up the children from baseball, etc.Enabling or making excuses for othersSelf-sacrificing or playing the martyr Wendy Syndrome is also more of a behavioral pattern than a real mental health condition or mental disorder. It is not recognized by the World Health Organization. And of course, not everyone becomes a Wendy for the same reason. However when people play the role of Wendy, there is usually a reason why. What causes people to develop Peter Pan Syndrome?Peter Pan Syndrome is commonly associated with boys and men, but it can happen to other sexes and gender identities. People can develop into Peter Pans for a variety of reasons relating to home environment in early adulthood, mental health reasons, due to economic factors. Parenting stylesGrowing up with overprotective parents or ‘helicopter parents,’ which are the kind that hover above you and never let you make your own mistakes or learn your own lessons. This parenting style suggests to the child over and over again that they are incapable of taking on greater challenges in the adult world.It’s not good if the parenting style is too permissive, though. Boundaries, rules, and expectations are still necessary. Parenting adults who are too laissez-faire or overly nonchalant can raise humans to think the world revolves around them, they can get away with anything, and that there are few real consequences. After all, these Peter Pans already know one or both of their parenting adults will be there to clean up their messes. These Peter Pans are on the lookout for Wendys (the mother-figure) to ease their transition from living with their mother figures to being in an adult relationship with responsibilities and two-way expectations. Traumatic experiences or mental health diagnoses There is a lack of evidence to show that traumatic experiences and mental health diagnoses are a ‘cause’ of Peter Pan syndrome. However, both of these psychological phenomena are associated with the syndrome. For example, some research suggests men with Peter Pan syndrome may have personality disorders and Wendys may be depressed. Anxiety can also be a contributing factor (ie. the fear of growing up prevents you from doing so). People who experience childhood traumas may feel the need to relive what they feel they missed or play “catch up” with others. LonelinessA fear of loneliness can actually cause some people to attach to others (romantically or otherwise) who may care for them. This doesn’t always mean they choose Wendys, but they do choose people with the intention of them doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to ‘adulting’ and accomplishing life goals. Sociocultural pressuresNo one is saying being an adult is easy. Even those who have been raised in healthy, well-balanced households face societal pressures, economic uncertainties, and external factors. It can leave some feeling like if they can’t truly progress to what’s expected, so why bother at all? With the cost of post-secondary education further increasing and the housing market exploding, it can feel like too much to work toward. When people cannot progress, they may instead stay stuck in one life stage, never to progress, or they may instead begin regressing. When people regress, they may adopt old behaviors they had during their youth including escapist strategies like ditching responsibilities and getting intoxicated or going on shopping sprees.Are all Peter Pans childlike forever?Everyone is capable of change. So if you know a Peter Pan or think you may be one, have some faith that true transformational change does happen because people do it everyday. You don’t have to stay stuck in Never-Never Land forever. If you’re dating a Peter Pan, your partner is capable of change. That being said, you cannot do the work for them or force them to mature. The motivation and effort must come from them.If you’re the one suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome, then it’s time to do some self-reflection on what’s holding you back from moving to the next stage of your life. Maybe you should talk to a trained professional who can help you develop the skills necessary to recover from this childlike status quo. A mental health worker or doctor can provide the kind of informed, professional advice you need to help you achieve small, attainable goals that can guide your emotional growth. If you have an underlying mental illness, make sure to follow through on treatment plans to make transitioning into real adulthood a little less challenging. If you’re a WendyIf you think you may be a Wendy-type person stuck in an uneven and emotionally immature relationship, you have some options. You can talk to your partner about your concerns and ask them if they’re open to self-improvement, a relationship counselor, and making real changes. Depending on the reaction, you’ll know whether the relationship has hopes of evolving. For the relationship to work, you will both need to change deep-rooted behaviors. This means you will need to resist the urge to mother your partner. This is challenging, but with effort and patience, it’s possible. How to actually overcome Peter Pan Syndrome To overcome Peter Pan syndrome, it takes work—and a Peter Pan type often hates adult concepts like working, because working is for boring old adults. You can start to see how evolving with a Peter Pan can be a frustrating and even painstaking process. The Peter Pan archetype tends to take some steps forward, only to get scared of coming too close to crossing over fully into adulthood. When they get scared, Peter Pans typically don’t have the age-appropriate coping skills or ways of communicating what’s really happening. As such, they may self-destruct by ruining the relationship that is asking more from them.Ideally, people would get help for Peter Pan syndrome before it becomes a problem, but this is an unlikely scenario. People with this syndrome often lack the self-awareness to properly reflect on how their thought processes are influencing their current situation. This can lead to a lack of financial responsibility, and various other negatives. Peter Pans may also feel offended if someone suggests they need to ‘grow up’ or start acting their age if they see nothing wrong with their behavior or feel their circumstances are always the fault of others. Professional psychotherapy like cognitive behavioral therapy can help Peter Pan types that are willing to address their behavior and who want to change. Therapy can teach them to recognize childlike thoughts and challenge them with more reasonable and productive alternatives. It can also help them with realistic goal-setting and empower them to believe in their developing adulting skills, as opposed to becoming a part of a new lost generation.Couples struggling with Peter Pan syndrome can talk to relationship counsellors to establish healthy boundaries between partners and to work through any other issues that may have come as a result of the Peter Pan behavior (ie. Peter Pan makes jokes during serious conversations so their partner has responded by closing themselves off). You can work with a trained professional to strengthen your relationship and work out communication issues. Don’t lose that free spirit Being an adult isn’t about following some pre-written script; unlike in childhood, you actually get to choose what happens next. This is the goal: To grow into a functional and productive member of society who can still access their inner child and nurture its needs without compromising adult needs and responsibilities. Don’t worry, it is not as daunting as it sounds because as an adult, you get to define what functional and productive look like. However, when we work on self-improvement, it can sometimes backfire into an overcorrection. This is what we call going from one extreme to the next. For Peter Pans, please don’t think society is trying to crush your inner child. This could be contributing to your fear of entering adulthood. You need to know there is so much space in adulthood for childlike curiosity, exploration, and play. The difference is that adults can remain feeling young at heart without jeopardizing their relationships or opportunities. Go forward knowing that whether you’re a Peter Pan, a Wendy, or someone who loves one, change is always possible—if you want it.

Signs of Severe Depression to Be Aware Of
Mental Health

Signs of Severe Depression to Be Aware Of

Would you know depression if you felt its symptoms?What if your friend started showing signs? Depression is not an invisible illness, but it becomes one when we don’t know the signs and symptoms to watch for. And while you may think you know what the early warning signs and physical signs of depression are, it turns out, you may be likely to miss a few important ones.Nearly 50% of people surveyed by the GeneSight® Mental Health Monitor said they were “very confident” that they could and would recognize the signs of depression in a loved one. But just 1 in 7 people could correctly identify all the possible signs and symptoms of depression. Missing a symptom of depression is serious, and it can have devastating effects on the person who may not recognize their symptoms. In addition, any form of untreated mood disorder or mental illness can affect the people around them. Untreated depression and mental disorders will only get worse. Untreated depression is deadly depression. Knowing the signs (and how they change based on factors like age and gender identity) is vital to being mentally and physically healthy and maintaining healthy relationships – even in the midst of a depressive episode. Signs of depressionThere are many signs of depression.(loopulacrum / Getty)Some signs of depression show up in the way a person is acting or behaving but other times the signs may be largely internal or taking place within the person’s body and mind. Other signs may not happen at all because every person experiences depression differently. That’s why it’s really best to view the signs and symptoms of depression as existing on a scale (extremes on either end and a healthy, happy balance in the middle).Common warning signs of depressionEach of these signs are normal feelings and sensations people experience from time to time, but when any of the below symptoms persist for about two weeks, or progress from moderate depression to severe depression or manic depression, it’s cause for concern.Feeling fatigued You may feel as though you just don’t have the same energy, motivation, or “oomphf” you used to and don’t really know why. Feeling fatigued also means feeling:DrainedDrowsy TiredBurned outLethargicLike your sleep is not restful There is also a connection between depression and chronic fatigue syndrome that may be influencing your overall energy levels, too. Sometimes chronic fatigue syndrome is even misdiagnosed as depression because the two are so commonly characterized by feeling drained. Feeling heavy or weighed downYou may feel as though your ankles have anchors attached to them or that your limbs are filled with lead. Maybe it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. These physical sensations can also play into how fatigued you feel. Being weighed down slows you down even when your mind wants you to move or work or talk more quickly. This internal vs. external battle between body and mind can be exhausting and anguishing.For some, this feeling leaves them rather sloth-like and can make getting things done (even everyday things like showering) very difficult. Losing motivation or passionWhile this can certainly happen even when you don’t have depression, it’s different when the cause is a clinical disorder. When depression steals your motivation or passion, some people can actually feel it leaving their body. Some people wake up and what was a thriving mission yesterday now seems like a waste of time and a waste of increasingly limited energy. Negative thinking patterns may also spike and tell you the things you’re working towards are pointless, impossible, or impractical. It’s like you have someone doubting your every move.Helplessness and hopelessnessHaving clinical depression or a persistent depressive disorder (depression that keeps coming back despite treatment) can make a person feel helpless and hopeless. It can feel as though nothing they do is good enough and that they’re beyond being helped. This is what severe depression feels like. Along with these feelings often come feelings of being a burden to others and wanting to pretend like everything is okay since you feel no one can help you anyway. It can start to feel like since you can’t help yourself (helplessness) you shouldn’t bother letting anyone else try because it won’t work anyway (hopelessness).No matter how bad depression becomes, you are never beyond help. Different treatment options exist for different types of depression and mental health conditions, and different levels of depression severity and resistance will be affected by treatments like typical antidepressants. Anger and irritabilityPeople don’t think about anger as a symptom of depression, and that’s a real problem. It can be a significant issue standing in the way of a loved one recognizing signs of depression in men, especially. Anger can look like and manifest itself in the following ways. These are the signs of anger to watch for:Getting frustrated more easilyKeeping others at an emotional distanceYelling, intimidating, threateningMuttering insults and being more critical of everyone and everythingFeeling rage and not knowing why CryingSlamming doors and hitting or punching, kicking, and bitingSelf harmIrritability can look a lot like anger and also anxiety – both of which can also spike around a woman’s menstrual cycle. Irritability is often overlooked as a sign of depression but can actually be one of the first signals something is wrong. Body pains that can’t be otherwise explainedIf you have new body pains or physical symptoms that aren’t better explained by another diagnosis, it could be a sign of depression. It can be particularly difficult to tell if your pain is from depression or some of the other common causes like stress, trauma, injury, chronic pain, bad posture, poor sleep or bed position, arthritis, or simply from being tense and working seated in an office. Put your body pain into perspective with your lifestyle and see about making some adjustments like gentle stretching and increasing your overall movement, posture, etc.Noticeable sleep changesSome people with depression will sleep much more during depressive episodes, others may not. Your sleep health is made up of so many contributing factors that it can be rather difficult to say for sure if depression is causing sleep issues or if sleep issues are contributing to depression and, truth be told, it’s almost always a combination of both because humans are complex like that!Pay attention to:Hitting the alarm more than usual, setting multiple alarms, sleeping through alarms (trying to sleep in as much as possible) Thinking too much to fall asleep, becoming anxious about bedtime because you just lay thereTossing and turning feeling guilty or worrying Not sleeping as much as you used toIncreased use of sleep aidsIncreased substance abuse, or use of drugs or alcohol to help you fall asleep (pass out)Concentration issues Depression can get so bad that a person starts struggling to focus and be present enough to actually read, write, or even string sentences together. This can create school and work-related issues as well as severe distress for the person experiencing it. If you’ve noticed a change (or even if you just don’t seem to want to put the effort into reading books or watching movies anymore, for example), it’s either a sign of moderate to severe depression or another condition that needs treatment. Passive or active suicidal thinking Passive suicidal thinking can be explained as intrusive thoughts that involuntarily pop into someone’s head, saying things in first person (“I” statements) or second person (“You” statements) that can be extremely upsetting. These thoughts can occur at any time and passive suicidal thinking can happen to anyone with depression – even people who are being treated for depression. If passive suicidal thoughts are returning after being in remission for some time, talk to your treatment provider. There are ever-increasing options to help you reach remission again.Take thoughts of suicide seriously. Depression is a major risk factor for suicide. Active suicidal thinking is a medical emergency. It means there is a plan in place. If you are experiencing these dangerous symptoms of depression, reach out for immediate help (drop everything) and fight through the feelings with the support of people at The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Ask a mental health professional: Is it depression, bipolar disorder, a major depressive disorder?Only you and your mental health care provider can determine whether or not you’re experiencing bipolar disorder or if this is just what depression feels like when you come out of it. Bipolar disorder is depression plus mania. That’s why it’s also called manic depression or manic depressive disorder. When you have bipolar disorder, you can experience periods of depression and periods of mania but some people may be more prone to the depression side of bipolar disorder or to the mania side of bipolar disorder. Bipolar stereotypes make it seem like people swing from one extreme to the next, when really, mania can be a lot less dramatic and even so mild that it goes unnoticed. Experiencing any level of mania after depression can also feel like such a gift that the person doesn’t dare question it.Signs of mania in bipolar disorderHeightened energyIncreased feelings of creativity Euphoria or feeling high on life (so grateful to be alive)HyperactivityFeeling like you need less sleepSleeping few hours and feeling fineTalking very quicklyBuzzing around or racing from one idea or project to the nextEasily distracted and unable to concentrateManic episodes can cause reckless behavior, but then again, so can depression. When you do reckless things as a result of depression, it’s more likely because you’re feeling those symptoms of helplessness and hopelessness. The difference is that when you experience mania, you feel powerful, in charge, and even invincible or destined for greatness. In manic episodes, these increased feelings of self-esteem post-depression can be a catalyst for impulsive or foolish decisions including gambling, cheating, or engaging in unprotected sex with a stranger. A person with bipolar disorder, in severe cases, may also experience psychosis in the form of delusions (false beliefs) or hallucinations. What is Hypomania?Hypomania is the less severe (hypo) form of mania in manic depression. People with this type of bipolar disorder (bipolar disorder II) may not know they have it because they can still carry on with everyday living. They may only seek help for depressive episodes. People around them may think they’re “finally” having a good mental health day or period of time.You can see how having this type of mania makes it even harder to get an accurate diagnosis (and to accept it) because the changes are much less obvious and even at times desirable in comparison to symptoms of depression. You will still feel euphoric and increase in energy and motivation but they will not be as extreme and will not lead to as big of emotional and behavioral changes.More on being diagnosed with depression“Depression” is a broad diagnosis that can change based on the type of medical professional or mental health professional you see. For example, your general practitioner may begin pharmaceutically treating you for depression but give you little insight into what’s causing it or what type of depression it is. In all fairness, specifying depression types isn’t your doctor’s area of expertise. While your GP can help you access prescription medication that can help with symptoms, you will do best in also seeing a mental health professional.Your therapist or other mental health professional can help you understand how certain life events are contributing to your feelings of depression. They can also discuss how life factors like your gender, age, sexual orientation, ability status, and more impact your experience of depression.How symptoms of depression vary by gender and ageAnyone can experience depression. This means you are never too young (or “too” anything for that matter) to have clinical depression.Data from the 2016 National Survey of Children’s Health (NSCH) shows:Over 3% of American children aged 3-17 years had current depressionOver 7% had anxiety Close to 7.5% had a current behavioral/conduct problemBut girls are more likely to be diagnosed with depression and boys are more likely to be diagnosed with a behavioral or conduct (attention or hyperactivity disorder).There are many studies that when taken together demonstrate these rather stereotypical differences in major depression diagnoses, and that gender differences in depression symptoms emerge earlier in life than previously thought but peak in adolescence. Larger gender differences in major depression have been found in nations with greater gender equity and in more recent studies. Life stages and their impact on mental healthThere are different kinds of depression, and some of them will only take place during certain time periods or after certain triggers. Common examples include seasonal affective disorder (SAD) which is depression related to seasonal changes and postpartum depression which is the type of depression a person experiences after giving birth. Any gender identity (queer, non-binary, fluid, woman, man) can experience postpartum depression after the birth of a baby.(BenAkiba / Getty)Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a form of severe premenstrual syndrome that brings with it a monthly dose of pretty severe depression and depressive symptoms like appetite and sleep changes. It occurs in people who experience a monthly menstrual cycle (ie. cisgender women of childbearing years). Hidden depression is also a very real thing that can occur in anyone but can also be tied to certain life stages. This can happen in times of trump or tribulation, too. You can experience depression during times that you’d hope would be happy life moments and major milestones like graduations, engagements, pregnancies, retirement, and more. Not talking about depression keeps it hidden – and when it’s hidden depresion it has more power over a person.There are also certain traumatic life events that can occur that trigger depressive symptoms or suicidal thoughts. These include adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) like parental divorce, neglect, and other anytime traumas like sexual assault and rape.Given the gender disparity in depressive disorder diagnoses, it’s important to always consider how past or ongoing trauma may be playing a current role in your mental health and in what depression feels like in your body (ie., Maybe the back pain is from being tense in a hyper vigilant position all day (ie., effects of PTSD rather than clinical depression). Feeling depressed? Here are the best ways to treat depressionThe good news is that you don’t need an official diagnosis to start strengthening your mental health.Just like someone with heart disease going to the doctor, someone with depression can and should start making changes to help support your mental health and decrease symptoms of depression while you work toward getting an accurate diagnosis with a trained professional. Depression is a serious mental health concern because it prevents self-actualization or reaching your full potential and it can become deadly. If you have any of the signs or symptoms of depression, you need to tell someone you trust and seek treatment. The best treatments for depression will ultimately depend on your:Current medicationsDrug allergiesComfort level Financial abilityFamily supportFollow-throughOptions for depression treatmentTalk therapyPsychotherapy or talk therapy options include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) where you learn about depression, how it’s impacting your thought processes and behaviors, and steps to change your underlying beliefs and actions. Common CBT strategies include reframing how you see the world and yourself as well as understanding your personal triggers.Family-based therapy is also available in addition to CBT to help the whole family heal from depression.Support groups moderated by facilitators can also be helpful for understanding how others experience depression, what they struggle with, how they cope, and, most importantly, that you are not alone with depression. Prescription medicationsMedications for depression include several classes of antidepressants that work on different brain chemicals responsible for your moods and other things like sleep and energy levels. These medications do not cure depression, but they can treat the symptoms of depression. Your doctor may discuss short-term use during a crisis depressive episode or longer term use if you have severe depression, persistent depressive disorder, manic depression, or if you suffer with suicidal thinking when you stop taking antidepressants. It’s crucial to be patient with medication (and yourself as you adjust to new medication). If side effects are intolerable, talk to your doctor to discuss alternative options. It often takes some trial and error before finding the right mental health medication for your condition. Lifestyle changes that support mental health against depression The best approach to treatment is always the holistic one. This means you blend the benefits of conventional depression treatment (go to talk therapy, take any medications as prescribed) but that you also make lifestyle changes to complement your overall health and improve your feelings of wellbeing.Healthy ways of coping with depressionExercise for 30 minutes a day, three to five times a week. The Mayo Clinic says this can help alleviate depression without medication.Meditate for 10 minutes or more a day. Deep breathing meditations can help calm your nervous system (body and mind). It can also help you get to sleep, practice gratitude, and let go of past trauma. Search for specific meditations for depression relief online or simply get into the daily habit of meditating for several minutes per day. Maintain a sleep schedule. Even adults need bedtimes so we don’t get cranky! We also need set wake up times and it’s really best to keep these times consistent even when working from home, during the weekend and on holidays. When you have depression, sleep is all the more important to maintaining your moods.Don’t sweat the small stuff: We’re all juggling a few too many balls these days but we can help ourselves out mood-wise by not focusing our energy on insignificant stressors (minor, daily things that have no real impact on your present or future). Practice the art of letting go to release yourself from feeling so much tension all the time! Spend time with animals: This doesn’t have to be a formal emotional support animal or therapy animal, either. You can find mood-boosting and stress-relieving benefits from spending time with pets, especially those with whom you have a deep bond.(Kingfisher Productions / Getty)Don’t despairWe won’t pretend to tell you that depression doesn’t suck. It does. But depression doesn’t need to take anymore away from you, and you can regain your mental health. By getting treatment and making some healthy lifestyle changes, you can begin your journey to feeling better. Remember that depression can wear many masks and if you feel yourself slipping back under one, reach out for help. Don’t stop reaching out for help. Fight for yourself because you matter and you are here for a reason!