Self-Development

Introverts and people with social anxiety are not one in the same – they can be, of course: an introvert can suffer from social anxiety. But so can an extrovert. Both introverts and those with social anxiety may avoid crowds, may opt out of social situations, and may prefer solitude much of the time, but their reasons for doing so can be quite different. An introvert may exhibit these behaviors because peace, quiet, and time spent alone makes him or her feel their best; someone with social anxiety may opt for peace, quiet, and solitude because their opposite makes him or her feel terrible.So, what’s the situation in your case? Figuring that out will take some deep introspection.One of the clearest ways to delineate between a tendency toward introversion and social anxiety is to think back on your emotions and concerns. Have you always felt the way you do now, tending to prefer quiet time alone even back to your childhood years, preferring one-on-one or small group interactions even from your school days? Then you are probably an introvert.RELATED: 5 Reasons to Prioritize Physical Fitness In the MorningsOn the other hand, according to the Mayo Clinic, anxiety disorders tend to develop in the teenage years, and sometimes not even until adulthood (with exceptions, of course – some children do develop social anxiety), so if you can look back on your life and see your patterns of emotional response and concern changing and growing, that may well be a social anxiety issue. The good news is that you can likely overcome social anxiety, at least to a large degree.Before talking about that, though, let’s take some time to define introversion and social anxiety, then we’ll talk about action steps you might want to take if it turns out you’re dealing with the latter.What Is an Introvert?(Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash)In years past, introversion was cast in a somewhat negative light. Indeed, if you plug the word “introvert” into Google, at present the first definition reads: “a shy, reticent person.” That’s a dated and inaccurate take, though. Instead, take a look at the current Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s definition of an introvert, which reads: “a person whose personality is characterized by introversion; a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone.” Nothing negative there, but that’s still only a partial definition – though, to be fair, defining a major personality trait in a handful of words is a tall order.Introverts are far from monolithic – you can’t define them using a few terms and think you have covered them as a whole. Introversion is hardly the same thing as shyness. Introverts can even be quite outgoing. Introverts are not always quiet and low key in their behavior. Introverts often greatly enjoy the company of others.RELATED: How Dan Levy Fought through Anxiety to Change The World – One Love Story at a TimeA one thing about introverts that is universal is that an introvert enjoys solitude, whether it’s most of the time or only now and then. Introverts are comfortable with themselves and happy to be alone – in fact, they need to be alone at least on occasion. Indeed, solitude is where an introvert gets his or her most productive thinking and work done and it’s in solitude that they recharge emotionally.What Is Social Anxiety?(Photo by Joice Kelly on Unsplash)Health Line has an excellent, succinct definition of social anxiety, so we’ll let them define it for us. Often classed as a disorder (social anxiety disorder) and sometimes called social phobia, it is a condition “that causes extreme fear in social settings. People with this disorder have trouble talking to people, meeting new people, and attending social gatherings. They fear being judged or scrutinized by others.”Let’s go through the major points there in reverse order. A fear of judgement by others is actually more likely to afflict an extrovert than an introvert, the latter tending to place less weight on what other people think about them, so if you live in fear of what others will think of you, that may well be social anxiety, not a tendency toward introversion.RELATED: The 17 Best Jobs for IntrovertsIntroverts can be extremely sociable, can be great conversationalists, and can find meeting new people in new places fascinating, they simply tend to prefer to engage one-on-one or in smaller groups (both of which can be done in a large gathering, mind you – the introvert may not “work the room” but may be perfectly comfortable in a busy place). So if you fear and struggle with meeting people, chatting, and even being in social settings, that is likely social anxiety, not introversion.And finally, if being in social settings writ large is problematic for you, from the workplace to shops or restaurants to other people’s homes, that is likely an anxiety disorder, not an introverted personality trait; introverts can be quite comfortable in a variety of settings – they hardly need to hunker down at home, they just want some peace and quiet now and then, and that can come in an office with a closed door, in a quiet restaurant booth, or anywhere else.Overcoming Social Anxiety(Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash)If you have thought through your emotional responses to socialization, the ways in which you enjoy spending time, the things you avoid, the times you are happy, the times you are stressed, and so forth, you have already taken a great first step toward mitigating the condition. We won’t say “overcoming” it, because that implies that it will ever fully go away, while a more realistic goal is reduction of the severity of the condition.One of the simplest – not easiest, just simplest – ways to overcome social anxiety is, according to the Cleveland Clinic, to introduce yourself to the very situations you fear. Do it in small doses, starting with a coffee shop, not a rock concert, a lunch date, not a dinner party, and a trip to the park, not a visit to Disney World, e.g. This is effectively exposure therapy, and once you start forcing yourself to be exposed to social situations, in small doses, you will likely find the experience not as taxing as you expected, and you will begin to build up your comfort level with each time you venture out.Another approach to dealing with social anxiety is to enlist some help. This can be in the form of trusted friends or family members who understand what you are dealing with and can come along with you as you venture out, creating a support for you as you navigate challenging situations. It can also mean enlisting the help of a psychologist, therapist, or other mental health professional who can help you better understand the fears you are already facing and help make a plan to confront their sources.Finally, know that there are many medications that can also greatly reduce the effects of social anxiety disorder, according to Brightside Health, and the right medicine may do wonders for your wellbeing. Help is within reach!KEEP READING:Signs You’re an Introverted Extrovert: A Comprehensive Guide to This Common Personality Type

There are plenty of life experiences that can all but guarantee a hefty dose of happiness. These include a graduation after a successful time in school, a wedding day, the purchase of a new car or a first home, and the birth of a child. These are, however, major life events, and not things you can replicate any time you need something that will have you feeling better about life.RELATED: The Tragic Tale of Nikocado and the Dangerous Effect Tik Tok Fame Has on Mental HealthThe good news is that you don’t have to have a baby or buy a house to experience a moment that can enhance your sense of happiness, wellbeing and balance. In fact, you can experience these sorts of moments on a much smaller scale, and you can do it many times per day. All you have to do is recognize a “glimmer” and practice a bit of active appreciation.What Is a Glimmer?(Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash)To best understand a glimmer, let’s look first at one of the now common definitions of the word “trigger,” the third definition of which, when in its verb form, is, per the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “to cause an intense and usually negative emotional reaction in (someone).”A glimmer is the polar opposite of a trigger; it’s something that causes a positive emotional reaction in a person, be this sensation joy, tranquility, reassurance, levity, or any combination of these and other positive feelings. The term came into use in a 2018 book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation written by licensed social worker Deb Dana who, per USA Today, has extensive work dealing with trauma sufferers – people who have many triggers to best and for whom glimmers can be of immense import.RELATED: These Dating Apps May Be Destroying Your Mental HealthIn her work, as have many others in the field of mental health, she encourages people to begin to appreciate these “micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.” You have already experienced countless glimmers in your life, the secret to making them a more active part of your life is to learn to experience them mindfully – that will help you begin to benefit from glimmers not just as they occur, but at many times thereafter as well. We’ll talk about that in a moment, but first let’s lay out a few examples of the types of glimmers we all experience to illustrate how accessible their phenomenon is for all of us.A Few Examples of Glimmers(Photo by Kenny Timmer on Unsplash)Glimmers can come in all different shapes, but they don’t tend to come in a huge range of sizes, as it were. What unifies a glimmer is the fact that most of them are on the smaller side, as you’ll see from the forthcoming examples. This is not to reduce their import, however – ironically, by being smaller moments, they actually become more actionable, because a glimmer is quick and easy to process and appreciate.The moment of euphoria you get when you reach the summit of a 14,000-foot mountain is one thing, but first you needed to labor your way up the peak. A glimmer, on the other hand, can come at any time. 10 great examples of glimmers include:1. An unexpected call or a thoughtful text from a friend or a favorite family member whom you have not seen in a while.2. A pet’s love and attention, especially when you were having a bad day.3. A favorite song suddenly playing on the radio or a streaming service without you having entered it into a queue.RELATED: Is Social Isolation Affecting Your Mental Health? There’s a Term For That4. A sudden glimpse of a rainbow, a sunset, a sunrise, or simply a lovely view out over the water, the treetops, or even of a cityscape.5. The taste of a favorite food at just the right moment, especially if it was a surprise of a treat, such as doughnuts in the office kitchen or a partner surprising you with a cup of coffee or a piece of chocolate.6. A kind moment shared with a stranger, that can be as simple as a door being held open for you or a smile when you hold the door for them.7. An olfactory sensation you love, from a whiff of salty sea air to a hint of perfume – this is all the more potent if it brings to mind happy memories.8. Coming across a treasured object, such as a high school yearbook or a grade school trophy.9. Hearing a favorite quote from a movie or TV show.10. A sudden recollection of a happy or tender moment from the past.Why Glimmers Work, in Scientific Terms(Photo by Milad Fakurian on Unsplash)The experience of a glimmer activates the body’s ventral vagal network, also known as the social engagement system, a part of the nervous system that helps us feel relaxed, grounded, socially connected, and safe. RELATED: Customer Steals Sentimental Items at a Store – The Next Day, He Returns for an Unexpected ReasonAnd really, what better feelings are there than those? When the vagus nerves are stimulated, we feel like our best selves, if only for a moment or two, but those moments of wellness can have ripple effects that leave us feeling better long after the glimmer has passed.Glimmers Can Help You Long After Their Moment Has Past(Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash)Anyone who engages regular meditation can tell you that the benefits of meditating extend well past the time spent in the practice. Mindful meditation helps you create a calm, reflective headspace from which you can draw peace and energy at any time in your life – it might be as simple as taking a few mindful breaths to help you overcome a rising sense of anger at traffic or workplace pettiness, or reciting a calming mantra several times to help you settle your mind in the face of a new and trying challenge.Just as meditation can help you even when you’re not actively meditating, so too can glimmers be of great benefit even long after their actual experience. Think about the emotional and physiological effects of looking at a photograph of you and your friends or family sharing a wonderful moment; even if that moment was years in the past, that experience of briefly recalling and reliving it brings feeling of genuine happiness and can see your brain releasing hormones that enhance your sense of wellbeing.Your glimmers can stay with you, and using them as a touchpoint can even create a new glimmer later on down the road.KEEP READING:Man Loses 185 Pounds By Shifting His Mindset, Discovering His Passions

“You know, back in my day things were better!”“We used to actually appreciate our country back in the 50s!”“Things were so much simpler back then, and better, too!”These and other common complaints are seen as the hallmark of an older generation bemoaning how bad things are getting as time moves on and how much better they were in the past, but there’s an irony here: People have been bemoaning the state of the present and the plight of the future as worse than the past for generations – the whole “back in my day” grumble has been around as long as people have been around.RELATED: Is Social Isolation Affecting Your Mental Health? There’s a Term For ThatThe scholarly term for a belief that things were better in the past than they are now and are likely to be in the future is called “declinism,” per The Decision Lab, and it is a phenomenon that can affect the individual on a personal level, a society on a large scale, or, quite often, that affects both at the same time.Why Declinism Is Such a Common Conception(Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash)Why? Because the past can be interpreted however a person – or a society – chooses. We can’t change what happened, but we can choose what we focus on, what we talk about, what we treat as notable and important, and what we dismiss or even repress.On a personal scale, an example of declinism is when older person thinks back to those so-called “halcyon days” when they were raising young children. The person looking at a few pictures or recalling a few choice memories may think of it as a time when life was freer and more fun, when they had hopes and goals and plans, and when they seemed to fit right in with their time and place.RELATED: The Physical and Mental Health Benefits of Sauna TherapyIn reality, if you ask anyone in the thick of the child-rearing days, they will likely report being tired, busy, and stressed out most of the time.But once we get through a phase in our lives, it is past, thus not a source of tangible stress or strain. What’s more, the past is familiar, thus more comfortable than the future, which is unwritten.As a larger society, so too is the past familiar and settled. Thus it’s much easier to view it with fondness even if the time was anything but pleasant. We lionize those Americans who fought in World War II as “The Greatest Generation” while forgetting the hundreds of thousands of American soldiers and civilians who died and the many thousands more left with scars and trauma. We look back at the 1960s and think of the music, the hippies, the clothing, and the movies, while forgetting the Vietnam War and the Cultural Revolution.How to Reset Declinist Thinking(Photo by Ales Krivec on Unsplash)Was the past really all that great? By most metrics, the answer is no, not when compared to the standard of living and opportunities we enjoy today. First, let’s talk about life itself, as in how many years of it we had in the past versus how many we have now.People are living longer than everLooking back to the earliest ancestors of modern homo sapiens, fossil evidence points to a lifespan rarely lasting more than 30 years. And in fact, even in Ancient Greek and Roman times, eras we often romanticize to the fullest, most people died before age 35.RELATED: The 8 Best Podcasts to Inspire Your Self Development and Mental Health JourneyWell into the 1800s, an average human lifespan was still only between 30 and 40 years in Europe and North America, the regions of the most industrial and technological advancement at the time. But today, most people in most countries can expect to live to 75 years of age, and in some nations, such as Japan, current life expectancy is nearly a decade more than that, via Macro Trends.Society is trending toward greater equality and inclusionNext, let’s talk about the rights people have today compared to what they had in the past. For this area of consideration, we’ll use the United States of America as our exemplar. As of the 1860s, many people of color in this country were seen as property, not people. It took a Civil War to end slavery in the South and another century of hard-won political and cultural victories for Black Americans to have their rights fully enshrined in law, but, in the eyes of the law, all Americans are now equal. Is racism and hatred and fear of others still a huge problem here? Definitely, but at least bigotry has no basis in law. And remember also that a century back, women could not cast votes that would help elect the people who would make and enforce those laws – now we have multiple female Supreme Court Justices and a woman holds the office of Vice President.Technology paints a picture of a better future(Photo by Jonas Leupe on Unsplash)Third, think simply about the smartphone in your pocket, or possibly in your hand as you read these words. You can hold in your hand more advanced technology than previous generations of humans had access to in any capacity. Your smartphone is more capable than all the computers used to land men on the moon. (For the record, there were computers used in the Apollo missions, contrary to common – and romanticized – misconception that we got to the moon with slide rules alone. Though that tool did help!) Your phone can help you access almost any fact, any song, any image, any anything you want in a matter of seconds. And that is amazing.Sure, there is plenty to gripe about with technology – yes, screen addiction is real, yes, an overuse of technology can damage attention spans, and yes, social media can create many ills. But writ large, our ever-enhancing technology, from that used in medicine to travel to research to the everyday devices in your life, is making our world a better place and our lives safer and more convenient. In other words, there is hope for a better, brighter future.KEEP READING:How Jim Carrey Inspired Ariana Grande to Be Unashamed of Her Mental Health Struggles

“God is dead,” Friedrich Nietzsche exclaimed, “and we have killed him.” The German philosopher’s bold statement lamented how the direction of modern life had made no space for God. Since the so-called Age of Enlightenment and the rise in prominence of material science, religion’s power and influence have weakened. Nietzsche’s lucid foresight highlighted a problem: without the traditional structure of religion, where would we look for guidance?As we move from one crisis to another in our highly polarized world, the biggest void of modern society is the lack of guidance on living a meaningful or spiritual life. Religious fundamentalism causes all sorts of issues, halting progress. RELATED: Is Social Isolation Affecting Your Mental Health? There’s a Term For ThatCultural norms are a melting pot of individualism, the pursuit of material goods, sensory pleasure, addiction, and distraction. Most of us are adrift from ourselves, struggling to find meaning amidst the chaos.Without the structures once taken for granted, more people are taking it upon themselves to find meaning. A personal philosophy — an approach to life designed to serve you — is a solution. Whether you’d like to clarify your values or build from scratch, this article will walk through the development of your personal philosophy, one that will guide you through life’s ups and downs.Why Build a Personal Philosophy?(Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash)Rather than blindly follow the doctrines of a particular religion, a personal philosophy is a set of guidelines that you willfully choose. It’s a model of your mindset, beliefs, morals, values, and approach to life. It’s an empowered approach that gives you the final say in what to accept as part of your philosophy, as well as space for trial and error. The majority of people follow someone else’s philosophy, or simply comply with the way things are because it’s the path of least resistance. Yet all successful people carefully consider how they wish to live.Motivational speaker Jim Rohn went as far as to say “your personal philosophy is the greatest determining factor in how your life works out.” When taking the effort to develop a philosophy, it becomes a blueprint to consult in your decision-making, your goal setting, and a standard to hold yourself accountable to when reflecting on your behavior. Knowing you have a meaningful philosophy to fall back on is a great source of comfort and motivation.RELATED: What Is Groupthink? How To Avoid This Common BiasA personal philosophy has additional benefits, too. Because it considers your unique values and priorities, it allows you to consciously design your life in a way that will add more purpose, meaning, direction, and inspiration. It adds structure to a process that often seems vague, and from that clarity, comes conviction. A personal philosophy also informs major life areas, including:Where you live.What relationships you nourish.What you do for work.How you spend your time.What you say ‘yes’ to and ‘no’ to.What you tolerate — in yourself and others.How you handle setbacks and suffering.Your Values Are the Building Blocks(Photo by Ravi Palwe on Unsplash)When was the last time you reflected on what’s meaningful to you? Clarified your values, and understood how those values are enacted in a practical way? If you don’t choose your values consciously, they will be chosen for you, by your parents, your peers, your religious upbringing, society-at-large, or the organization or institution you work for. That’s not a bad thing if you agree with those values. But if you comply with values and philosophies that don’t match your heart, then you will end up feeling lost. As Socrates said, “an unexamined life is not worth living.” Your personal philosophy is the result of examination. Place your current beliefs and values under scrutiny — do they serve you? Are they from a place of compassion and tolerance, or restrictive and fear-based?RELATED: Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your MindValues are the building blocks, and their collaboration is what makes your philosophy uniquely yours. If you don’t have clarity around your values, start there. Consider what guides you through life: do you value curiosity, growth, learning, compassion? When do you feel most aligned, most authentic, most joyful? What values promote the most meaningful and life-transforming thoughts and behaviors? What inspires you to become your fullest potential?Always consider the motivation behind values. It’s common for ego-driven desires to surface, for example, the value of success might come from insecurity or low self-worth. I remind myself that values guide behavior, decisions, and priorities. They’re designed to elevate me to live as good a life as possible. But values aren’t things to accomplish for self-validation. They are a process, not a goal. A value can never be achieved or obtained, it can only be lived in a moment.Cherry-Picking From the Tried-And-Tested(Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash)When I started meditation, I studied Buddhism extensively to add a relevant context to the practice. I never saw myself as a Buddhist and never had the desire to. But studying this eastern philosophy opened my mind to a new way of looking at reality, and the subjective experience. Because I didn’t identify as a Buddhist, I picked parts that resonated from a place of freedom. To this day, a large chunk of my personal philosophy has its foundation in Buddhism.All of the world’s major religions and philosophies have similar core values. Although it can be tempting to dismiss this, especially if you are averse to religion (as I was in the past), it’s worth exploring these ‘spiritual values’ and considering how to integrate them into your own philosophy. RELATED: Are You Unhappy? It’s Probably Because You’re Failing at This One Key TaskFor example, practices such as compassion, forgiveness, patience, humility, non-judgment, are ready-made to align you to heart-centered living.Find what resonates with you. Test the information intellectually, and feel how your heart responds. It could be that a pre-existing system works for you — many people are drawn to Stoicism and Buddhism in modern times and join groups with like-minded people. Or you may want to go alone, choosing on your own terms. Whatever your path, question any philosophical concept and don’t accept it in blind faith.Getting Started…(Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash)Although developing a personal philosophy can seem audacious, or eccentric, its practical value means everyone would benefit from doing so. For the spiritually aligned, I recommend exploring the teachings of major religions to find common values or practices. I’ve mentioned some above, and there are many more. The same applies to ethics, too. Keep in mind the golden and silver rules: do to others as you’d like done to you, and don’t do to others what you wouldn’t like done to you.Most philosophies promote qualities like compassion and kindness, and I’d highly recommend these as essential to any personal philosophy. Trying to do good in the world is a noble aim, and making this goal part of your philosophy, in a sustainable way, will make it fulfilling in the long term. You might even find it boosts your happiness and wellbeing, too. Other pearls of wisdom to consider adding to your philosophy include:Your response to events, not events themselves. Understand how your mind contributes to your reality.Adopt a growth mindset, where there’s no such thing as failure, and everything is an opportunity to learn.Life is about balance. When reasonable, try to find the middle way between extremes.Be respectful to everyone you meet, but know how and when to set boundaries.Prioritize delayed gratification over instant fixes, but don’t judge yourself if you slip up.Accept we all make mistakes, but it's how you respond that counts.Be true to yourself, and take time to develop self-knowledge.Your philosophy isn’t dogmatic or rigid. Keep your philosophy flexible and regularly assess how it is serving you. For example, you might have ‘success’ as a key value, and as a result, work excessively to pursue your goals and dreams. If you go through a spell of burnout, your philosophy may naturally change. That’s all part of the process; your philosophy will evolve and grow alongside you.Begin with reflecting on your values, and you’re halfway there: a big part of developing your personal philosophy is making conscious the philosophy that already exists within, a blueprint you were born with, a compass for life’s journey. You’ll know when you connect to the values within. They’ll evoke something in you; a feeling of inspiration, passion, excitement, or remembering.Hold onto those feelings. When you create a philosophy that honors them, and do all you can to live in accordance with it, life will take on a deeper sense of purpose and meaning, the true definition of living on your own terms.KEEP READING:Famous Socrates Quotes on Life, Knowledge and Wisdom

According to the primary definition given by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a microaggression is: “A comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority).”And all things considered, that 22-word definition is a fine way to describe microaggression, but to leave it there would be rather like describing the history of, say, the Civil War as “the things that happened between April 12th, 1861 and April 9th, 1865” without adding all the content and context that can lead to understanding.RELATED: Gay Son Comes Out To Close-Minded Dad, Gets Shocked For All The Right ReasonsIn other words, knowing what a microaggression is just barely scratches the surface. Knowing examples of microaggressions that come up too often in everyday life, knowing who is often the perpetrator and who the victim of a microaggression, knowing how to avoid making them yourself, and knowing how to deal with one when it comes your way – these are at the heart of the matter when we talk about microaggressions. And, more to the point, when we talk about trying to make microaggressions a thing of the past, AKA history.The All-Too-Common Victims of Microaggressions(Photo by Mercedes Mehling on Unsplash)Microaggressions disproportionately afflict African American women, members of the LGBTQ community, first- or second-generation immigrants, and other marginalized groups. Already faced with systemic oppression and an uneven playing field, these minority groups are made to deal with everyday slights and insults that come not in place of outright racism and bigotry, but on top of it.That’s because much of the time, the person making a racial microaggression or one toward a transgender person or a member of any minority group is not in fact aware that he or she is doing so. Which can put the person on the receiving end in a very tricky position: when confronted with someone who clearly does not intend to hurt, judge, or marginalize yet has done so anyway, what reaction, if any, is best suited?RELATED: Dichotomous Thinking: Why Thinking in Black and White Will Stifle YouWe’ll get to a few possible reactions in a second, but first, one thing we can all do is study a few common microaggressions and try to make sure we’re never on the delivering end.Common Examples of Microaggressions(Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash)Some of the most common racial microaggressions involve language that reduces the individual, such as saying things like “you people,” or by referencing or acting on common racial stereotypes. When it comes to microaggressions related to sexual orientation or gender, misgendering someone is a common and cutting microaggression. For a trans person to be called by a gender they have rejected can be a mental health trigger. This can happen as innocently as someone calling a mixed gender group “guys” or a grandparent forgetting a transition has occurred and calling a grandchild by their birth gender. Neither case is ill-intentioned, but they can both hurt.RELATED: Black Couple Adopts a White Child – Shows Everyone What It Means to Be FamilyOn the matter of orientation, to misidentify, judge, or make light of a gay or lesbian person’s orientation can feel as if their very personhood is being questioned. Examples may be saying something like: “Oh, I wouldn’t have known you were gay, you seem so normal.” And remember in the 1990s when everyone saying “that’s gay!” about everything? That was not OK.The Accidental Microaggression and What to Do About It(Photo by Campaign Creators on Unsplash)When someone calls a trans person by the wrong gender, assumes a gay or lesbian person is straight, makes an uninformed but accidental racist comment, or makes some other microaggression of the same idea, the best way to react is with kindness but directness. Remember, we all suffer from implicit bias, but we can all rise above our biases, so give the person a hand in so doing.Try saying something like: “Hey, to be clear, I hear what you mean, but the way you said it came out in way that I don’t think you meant.” This validates the person’s points while criticizing their word choice rather than attacking the self.If you need to be a bit more robust in your response, you can try a variation on how to deal with microaggressions as noted below (asking a question, e.g.).When a microaggression is clearly not an accidentNow envision yourself in a situation where someone makes a microaggression that is almost surely not accidental. Perhaps a white man speaking to an African American woman says something that’s just barely below overt racism like: “I’m surprised to see someone like you in a job like this.” The first reaction, and a warranted one, is surely anger. Don’t stoop to their level and attack, but do put them on the offensive.How? By asking a question: “What do you mean by that?” If they ask by what, as well may happen, be direct, repeating the offensive statement and asking them to explain themselves.RELATED: Stevie Wonder’s Happy Birthday: How The Legendary Artist Helped Give MLK A National HolidayAnd the same can be done when a person commits others common nonverbal microaggressions, such as clutching a purse or covering a pocket when a minority approaches. You have every right to ask: “Why did you do that?”The way they respond to these questions will define the rest of the interaction, if there is to be any further interacting, that is.When to Respond to a Microaggression by Just Walking Away(Photo by AllGo - An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash)Some people are simply not worth your time, effort, or care. While many people are making a complete and innocent accident when they utter a microaggression, anyone who is clearly using a pronoun, epithet, stereotype, or other wording in a weaponized way may not even deserve your attention. First and foremost, people like this are unlikely to change – at least, not any time soon, though everyone is capable of evolving over time.Second, a reaction, even if it’s one made with genuine intent to help them see their error and correct it, may be exactly what the person wants, and getting any reaction may only fuel them to worse statements. Don’t let someone troll you with terms when it’s clear they are trying to do so; you can choose to simply exit the exchange. If you were engaged with a stranger, let that be the last of it. If it’s someone with whom you’ll likely have to interact in the future, you can choose how you’ll engage next time or you can start finding a way to cut the toxic friends, family members, or colleagues out of your life as much as possible.Yes, walking away can be hard in the moment, but it’s not a defeat or a surrender, it is a victory for yourself. After all, ultimately being hurt or offended by words is a choice, and you can choose to let hurtful words be revelatory instead of letting them hurt you. What they reveal is a person who needs to grow and change or that needs to be out of your orbit.KEEP READING:Elliot Page’s 6 Most Important Lessons about Authenticity for Trans and Cisgender People