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Ikigai: The Japanese Philosophy for Purposeful Living

People often say that finding purpose is the foundation of a healthy and more fulfilling life. Yet for millions of people, purpose feels elusive, like some far-off destination, an epiphany waiting for divine intervention.Narratives around living the life of your dreams can package purpose in a very set way, telling stories of a select few who were lucky enough to find their purpose, and never looked back.All of these assumptions about purpose make it both intimidating and seemingly unattainable. Factor in cultural ideas of what purpose looks like — from starting a billion-dollar venture in Silicon Valley to living a life in service of the greater good — and you’ll likely be left feeling frustrated, or confused, about how to add purpose to your life.Fortunately, these assumptions are misleading. Purpose is much easier to attain than it seems on the surface. And, thankfully, the Japanese concept of ikigai makes discovering your purpose practical. There’s no need to wait for a eureka moment, or yearn for the day purpose will arrive on your doorstep. With ikigai as your own personal Japanese secret, you can start taking deliberate steps to add purpose to your days and inhabit a more happy life. This article will show you how you can start your own personal ikigai journey. Let’s get started!What is the Japanese concept of Ikigai?The best translation for ikigai (pronounced “ee key guy”) is “a reason for being.” The term is formed from the Japanese words iki (life) and gai (worth or benefit).Ikigai is central to Japanese culture, with its origin stretching all the way back to the Heian period, a period of classical Japanese history lasting between the years 794 and 1185.American researcher Dan Buettner, who presented the popular Ted Talk How to Live to 100, identified ikigai as one of the main factors for greater longevity in Japan. Buettner popularized the concept in the West in the early 2000s.Long before then, Japanese psychiatrist Mieko Kamiya, the Mother of Ikigai, wrote one of the most popular modern-day books on the philosophy, Ikigai-ni-Tsuite (What Makes Our Life Worth Living), in 1966. This was around the time early positive psychology was born. Psychologists such as Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, and Viktor Frankl shifted the paradigm of psychology away from pathology, and towards what makes for a fulfilling, meaningful life.(Getty)Moving towards a more meaningful lifeKamiya herself compared ikigai to Frankl’s approach to meaning. Both were well-versed in how suffering could lead to personal growth. Frankl from his time spent in concentration camps during the Holocaust, and Kamiya worked with leprosy patients. Kamiya described ikigai as:“Ikigai means ‘power necessary for one to live in this world, happiness to be alive, benefit, effectiveness.’ When we try to translate it into English, German, French etc, it seems that there is no other way to define it other than ‘worth living’ or ‘value or meaning to live’. Thus, compared to philosophical theoretical concepts, the word ikigai shows us how ambiguous the Japanese language is, but because of this it has an effect of reverberation and amplitude.”She acknowledged that “the fact that this word exists should indicate that the goal to live, its meaning and value within the daily life of the Japanese soul has been problematized.” In other words, the word exists because modern-living, to some degree, has disconnected people from their innate sense of purpose, or their soul’s calling.Kamiya further defines ikigai into two categories — the source of ikigai, and the state of mind someone feels when connected to the source (ikigai-kan). For Kamiya, ikigai-kan is linked to Frankl’s concept of meaning. In life, a person’s mission is to connect to their mission. Failure to do so can result in depression or anxiety.In order to become clear on this mission, Kamiya suggested two questions:What is my existence for?What is the purpose of my existence?Gaining ClarityOnce clarity is gained, ikigai becomes the North Star that you are guided to. The journey itself is what’s important, not the final destination. Those who are moving towards that North Star experience a sense of fulfillment, ikigai-kan.Kamiya was careful to note those pursuing their purpose weren’t always distinguished people — someone can be in service to ikigai when raising children, teaching at schools, or working in medicine. What’s most important is that a person is able to connect to their purpose, and honor it, in whichever way is unique to them.For Kamiya, the process of clarifying and honoring their soul’s calling is the discovery of a new theme of existence. For many people, this process could unfold during a spiritual awakening, where their motivations radically transform. For others, it could be a slight, but noticeable change of direction.Ikigai and Maslow’s hierarchy of needsIn addition to parallels between Frankl’s work on the value of meaning, Kamiya also discovered that to experience ikigai-kan, someone must first have several personal needs met. The result is a similar model of thinking to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which outlines the journey of growth and self-actualization.The needs Kamiya identified are:The need for life satisfactionThe need for change and growthThe need for a bright futureThe need for resonanceThe need for freedomThe need for self-actualizationThe need for meaning and valueThese closely resemble Maslow’s pyramid of physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem, self-actualization, and self-transcendence (the often forgotten additional layer). It’s worth keeping in mind, though, that Maslow noted for some, lower levels can be transcended by higher values, such as creativity being more important than safety needs or esteem.The same can be said of ikigai — if your mission or purpose is something greater than you, it’s likely that it can overshadow other personal needs and contribute to well being.Why is Ikigai important for a fulfilling life?As Buettner discovered, meaning is one of the most influential factors in living a long and healthy life, both for younger generations and those that are older. Buettner has researched so-called Blue Zones, the locations where people lived for longer and enjoyed greater wellbeing.Five locations Buettner discovered were Okinawa, Japan; Sardinia, Italy; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Ikaria, Greece, and Loma Linda, California. He noticed that these five locations placed a lot of emphasis on meaning and purpose.This has been backed up by multiple studies. A 2014 UCL-led study of 9,000 people with an average age of 65 found that those with a greater sense of meaning and purpose were 30 percent less likely to die in the following eight-year period. More recently in 2019, a study of 7,000 people over the age of 50 found “life purpose was significantly associated with all-cause mortality.” So much so, the lowest scorers of the study were twice as likely to have died than those with the highest scores five years later.The power of ikigaiNoriyuki Nakashi, from Osaka University, explains the power of ikigai as:“Ikigai is personal: it reflects the inner self of an individual and expresses that faithfully.Ikigai, which is the highest level of desire, may be considered to be essentially the process of cultivating one’s inner potential and that which makes one's life significant, a universal human experience we all wish to achieve.”Purpose gives you a deeper reason for living, it makes your life significant. As noted by thinkers such as Kamiya and Frankl, there is an interesting component to this — it appears, deep down, each of us has a purpose that we intuitively know and understand. Our mission is to listen to that calling and do all we can to honor it, in order to cultivate our inner potential.Longevity is a byproduct of doing something right. Purpose gives you the energy and inspiration to pursue your goals, overcome struggle, and keep going when times are tough. It provides strong foundations of fulfillment and can give your life a new direction, not towards fleeting happiness, but towards things of high value. In the words of Oscar Wilde: “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”Understanding the Ikigai chart and your own ikigai journeyAre you ready for your mind to be blown by ikigai, the Japanese secret that so many swear by? For your understanding of ikigai to take a drastic u-turn into a new theme of existence? The ikigai venn diagram, shared by millions and rising to meme-like popularity on social media, isn’t linked to ikigai. Instead, it was an idea from Marc Winn, an entrepreneur and blogger who merged the idea of ikigai with a venn diagram of purpose.Winn was introduced to the concept of ikigai and the ikigai diagram from Buettner’s Ted Talk. “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry,” he wrote in 2017, “less than an hour of my time has made more of a difference in the world than all my time put together.”Winn acknowledges his own surprise that his idea, and the diagram, spiraled out of control. The diagram is shown below:While the venn diagram is incredibly useful, there’s one major downside — the true meaning of ikigai isn’t about making money. The diagram might be valuable in understanding how you can launch a career of meaning, but in many ways, it’s the result of ikigai running through the money-oriented worldview of the West.In fact, a 2010 study of 2,000 people in Japan found that only a third saw work as their ikigai. In addition, the Japanese translation of life means both your lifespan, and everyday life. This leads to another possible misinterpretation — ikigai can be discovered in the simple, day-to-day joys of living, not a grandiose plan or life mission worthy of Hollywood fame. It’s a spectrum of joy, from the seemingly mundane to the miraculous, and everything between.The five pillars of ikigaiSo if the ikigai isn’t discovered through a venn diagram, how do you apply the concept to your life? In The Little Book of Ikigai, Japanese neuroscientist and author Ken Mogi offers a five-pillar framework. By following this framework, you’re able to cultivate the type of lifestyle that allows for the emergence of ikigai:Pillar One: Start SmallDiscovering a new theme of existence begins with small steps. That could be as simple as making the inner commitment to start creating a life of enhanced purpose.What changes could you make, today, to start that process? Is there a passion, or calling, that you sense on the periphery of your awareness? What could you do in order to start honoring that? Remember, purpose doesn’t have to be elaborate or grand.Applying Kamiya’s work, you could journal and answer the two questions: what is my existence for? What is the purpose of my existence? Don’t think about it too much, just see what surfaces.Additionally, consider what things in life are the source of ikigai, or when are the moments when you feel ikigai-kan. For me, writing is the source of both. Although now established as a writer, in the beginning, it started with a commitment to write a little every day.Pillar Two: Releasing YourselfThis pillar demonstrates how deep the philosophy of ikigai is, and its entanglement with other Eastern philosophies that have stood the test of time, such as Buddhism. (Getty)Releasing yourself means to let go of all the things in life you hold onto, that cause some form of suffering.It’s similar to the Buddhist practices of non-attachment. Are you attached to your self-image, what other people think of you, or always thinking about a time you’ll finally be happy?Releasing yourself requires accepting where you’re at, who you are, and the moment in front of you. It leads to a state of peaceful surrender, going with the flow, rather than grappling with life.Ikigai is, after all, a practice of aligning with nature. “The greatest secret of the ikigai, ultimately, has to be the acceptance of oneself, no matter what kind of unique features one might happen to be born with,” Mogi writes.Pillar Three: Harmony and SustainabilityThis step is connected to your environment. Ikigai incorporates the people in our lives, our immediate community, the quality and sustainability of all living things we interact with.As Mogi says, “A man is like a forest; individual and yet connected and dependent on others for growth.” Harmony and sustainability are both inner and outer experiences, reflected in your emotions, your thoughts, the way you interact with the world, the way you go about your work.(Getty)Consider any area of life where there is disharmony. Perhaps you have a few relationships that cause friction, or you are pushing yourself to extremes, unable to sustain that approach to hustle culture for the long term. In what ways can you invite a more peaceful approach? How can you be the source of harmony, for yourself, and for the wider world around you?That doesn’t have to mean being half-hearted in what you do, quite the opposite, as ikigai encourages commitment and passion in equal measure. But make sure not to fall into traps of seriousness, and keep an explorative, playful attitude to yourself, your relationships, your community, and your work.Pillar Four: The Joy of Little ThingsIkigai is a comprehensive philosophy, as well as being an antidote to a lot of modern approaches to finding happiness through constant striving, or the craving for success or recognition.Deeply embedded in the Japanese concept is finding joy in little things. Your morning coffee. A smile from a stranger. An unexpected spell of sunshine. A message from a friend you’ve not spoken to in a while. A delicious sip of energizing green tea. All of these are opportunities to enjoy small sparks of joy, sparks that pave the way for a life in honor of ikigai.(Getty)As Kamiya notes, those dedicated to ikigai spend all their days in fulfillment. Yes, there might be a challenging process of realizing your calling, and adjusting your life to make sure you have supreme focus on fulfilling your potential. But ikigai isn’t about the end destination, it’s about smelling the flowers on the way.The easiest way to do this is to look for gratitude in your life. What things bring you a sense of comfort? What in your life would you have never predicted or thought you’d be able to achieve? What have you overcome? Who adds laughter or who supports you? All of these reflections of gratitude support the feeling of ikigai-kan.Pillar Five: Being in the Here and NowTo reaffirm the intention of ikigai, and its link to mindfulness, the final pillar reminds us to be present. To pause. To become fully aware of what’s directly in front of us. To take things one step at a time, and notice when our minds get caught in the past, or jump ahead to the future. The more present you become, the richer life is, the more nourishing each moment, and the less fearful you become about uncertain futures.The irony of trying to find happiness is that it keeps us always looking ahead, waiting for a moment to come. But as many Eastern philosophies have taught, that is an illusion. Only the present ever exists. And the more you’re able to truly arrive in the present moment, the more likely you will be to experience deeper fulfillment.Ikigai is a philosophy that reminds us that, with a brief pause, a moment of gratitude for the small things, acceptance for who we are and where we’re at. Then you might end up finding purpose where you never expected it — right in front of you.Right here, right now. If you have any unanswered questions click here, and good luck on your journey!

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Dating

101 Deep Questions to Ask Your Partner, Boyfriend, or Girlfriend

How well do you know your partner? We don't just mean their favorite color or movie, but really know them. Beyond daily habits and favorite things, have you ever asked the deep questions? Or serious questions that truly matter? Their likes, dislikes, trauma, regrets, passions, dreams and greatest desires. RELATED: Do the 36 Questions That Lead to Love Really Work? These are not meant to undermine your relationship. An honest discussion will benefit you in many ways: Build deeper trust and understanding to get through not only the good times, but also the bad ones. It's a fun (even if it can get heavy sometimes) way to strengthen your bond. It allows you to be vulnerable and learn more about yourself. It encourages active and emphatic listening, which tends to reveal a lot about your partner's character and values. Overall, it's a great opportunity to learn more about your partner, their past, and visions for the future. Asking the right question at the right time can help us realize breakthroughs in many important areas of life, from finding out what we want to do with our life to improving personal relationships. How well do you know your partner? Discover Deeper Connection with Your Partner! Uncover the Secrets of Love and Intimacy with this Couples Card Game Communication will bring understanding and understanding will cause harmonious mutual relationships which can establish peace and stability. – Lobsang Tenzin The Power of Deep Questions in Every Relationship RELATED: How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In? The 5 Most Important Questions to Answer Understanding is the gateway to compassion and love, and questions allow us to obtain that necessary level of understanding, helping us learn why our partner behaves or thinks a certain way. Looking for meaningful questions to deepen your relationship? Here are 101 conversation starters to help you and your partner connect on a more intimate level. Couples Should Have Deeper Conversation about Life1. What’s something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again? When it comes to getting to know your partner on a more meaningful level, it really helps to build an understanding of any experiences they’d like to avoid — and why. Knowing the answers to these questions can be stress-relieving, or help to circumvent awkward situations, as well as cultivate empathy and a deeper understanding of their character. 2. What’s one thing you always procrastinate on?3. What would you do with your life if you were suddenly awarded a billion dollars? While winning a billion dollars is highly unlikely, anything is possible. What this question really reveals is more than their dream vacation, or how they would spend almost unlimited wealth. It reveals where your partner’s priorities lie when the usual obstacles and impediments are removed, and what their biggest dreams will be — the ones they’d like to pursue in their heart of hearts. 4. What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it? Relationship questions like this one are rather crucial to your expectations and theirs, and can be very helpful in determining whether your relationship needs and goals are aligned or not. If they’re not, you may find there is common ground enough to come together anyway — but knowing comes first. 5. Do you believe everything happens for a reason, or do we just find reasons after things happen?6. Is there anything you consider absolutely unforgivable? If your partner has a deal-breaker associated with unforgivable acts, it doesn’t hurt to know what it is so you can be sure that it doesn’t conflict with any of your unforgivable end zones. Plus, if you disagree on what’s forgivable, that’s worth discussing. 7. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?8. In your life, what has been the biggest blessing in disguise? This is a great way to understand how your partner’s mind works — how they put things in perspective for themselves, and how they process ‘positive’ vs ‘negative’ forces in their lives. 9. If you could pick one year of your life to do-over, which would it be and why? 10. What is one behavior that you never tolerate? Your partner may not tolerate clutter or messiness in their home, or they may not like the idea of having friends over late into the night. It's worth comparing and contrasting which behaviors you find acceptable and which you can’t stand. How else will you know if you’re well-aligned? 11. If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only three words?12. What is the one thing that makes you feel alive? Whether it’s mountain climbing, skydiving, performing in front of an audience, traveling to new places, or simply being creative on a regular basis, it’s worth knowing what gets your partner’s juices flowing. Because arguably, feeling alive is everything! 13. What would your perfect day look like? Not only can this question help you plan the perfect surprise birthday itinerary, but it can teach you a ton about how your partner likes to unwind and have fun — always useful information! 14. Do you usually follow your head or your heart when making decisions? Contrary to surface-level understandings, "heart people" can be highly compatible with "head people," even helping to balance one another out, so don’t worry about their answer being different than yours, or being overly emotional compared to them. Also, don’t get stuck on black-or-white answers, as these things never are. 15. What is something that never ends well? It prompts discussion about experiences or situations that consistently have negative outcomes. It can reveal patterns to avoid, and potentially add some humor about mistakes to avoid. 16. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?Romantic Questions: Thinking about Your Relationship These are not just random questions to ask your boyfriend or partner. In real life, knowing how they want to spend date night, what the most attractive quality they find in others is, or what their favorite romantic movie is can seem like a silly thing to want to know at first. RELATED: 3 Ways to Beat Relationship Boredom However, they are also interesting questions that reveal much about compatibility, and the sort of romantic things and experiences they want in their lives. 1. What did you think when you first met me? If you haven’t discussed your first impressions of one another, there’s really no time like the present. The answer to this question might be amusing; it might also be romantic. One thing's for sure, it’ll give you an insider's view on the path your partner traveled to choosing you. 2. What about our relationship makes you really happy? Best case scenario: you gain a deeper understanding of what your partner appreciates about you, which can serve as a wonderful anchor in your relationship. Not to mention, regularly communicating what you appreciate about one another is the stuff of strong relationships. 3. If you had one word to describe our relationship what would it be?4. What’s your biggest fear for this relationship? Relationship anxiety is extraordinarily common, but there’s no antidote to this particular brand of fear like talking it through with an empathetic partner. Relationship fear is often based on past experiences, and once they’re out in the open, they have a greater chance of dissipating. 5. What’s one difference between us that you absolutely love? They say opposites attract, and while this is certainly not always the case, having palpable differences is often a source of interest, intrigue and attraction between partners. Why not get some positive feedback on being yourself? 6. What’s one similarity between us that you absolutely love?7. What about me (outside of a physical feature) made you fall in love? If you’re in love, and the feeling is mutual, this is a question that can only feed your mutual affection and appreciation for one another — so don’t be afraid to ask. 8. What’s your favorite memory of us? It's a reflective question that opens up emotional connection and at the same time helps you understand what your partner values most about your relationship. 9. What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before? This question is perfectly suited to laying sprawled out in a field of flowers, visioning for the long-term with your significant other. It’s really healthy to want to share certain experiences (be it singing a duet at an open mic, entering a marathon, or buying real estate). And it’s even healthier to express it! 10. Where is your favorite place to be with me?11. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask me, but really want to know the answer to? These types of boyfriend questions are important: If your partner actually has an answer to this one, chances are you’ll want to ask the question. Better to get everything out in the open sooner than later. It may end up being an opportunity to hear the hardest truth, but one that strengthens the relationship over the long term. 12. What’s one thing you feel our relationship is lacking? It's a constructive but honest question. Feel free to ask it only when you are both ready for feedback so you can identify unmet needs or areas for growth. 13. What’s your favorite non-physical quality about me? Attraction is often based at least in part on physical traits, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. But if your relationship is a strong one, there is surely more to your bond than looks. Hearing all the other things that fuel your partner’s attraction can be really refreshing, enlightening, even. 14. If our relationship ended, what’s the one thing about it you’d miss the most?15. What do you think was your most vulnerable moment in our relationship? Staying honest (and therefore vulnerable) is integral to any successful relationship. What better way to achieve this than to talk about moments of authentic vulnerability without judgment? 16. What’s one secret you’ve wanted to tell me, but haven’t?17. What’s your favorite way to receive affection? Different people have different love languages, from physical touch, to words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and acts of service. There’s no better way to give and receive affection than by speaking each other’s language. 18. What’s one thing you think makes our relationship unique from everyone else’s?19. If you could change one thing about our relationship what would it be? It might seem counterintuitive to invite conversation based on the assumption that your partner would, in fact, change something about your relationship, but sometimes, it’s questions like these that make someone feel comfortable enough to raise an issue that's been on their mind. 20. What do you think is your biggest strength in this relationship?21. What’s one thing about your life you would never change for someone else, including me? While the tone of this question may seem a tad negative at first glance, identifying your partner’s non-negotiable traits, habits or attachments can go a long way toward helping you understand what’s most important to them in life. 22. What about us do you think works well together? How do we balance each other out?23. What does love mean to you?24. What do I mean to you? This question is makes both parties vulnerable, so it's natural to want to shy away from it. But at a certain point in your relationship (you’ll know what point — it’s different for everyone), hot and heavy questions like this one are fair — and, hell, they can be extremely romantic too. 25. What was your first impression of me?26. What’s the most romantic movie you’ve ever seen?27. Do you believe in love at first sight?Fun Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend, Boyfriend or Partner Not everything has to be so serious! Sometimes the best relationship advice is to be silly and enjoy cute questions about crazy things. RELATED: The 60 Best Secret Crush Quotes to Help You Thirst in Style Funny questions can sometimes lead to a really good conversation that you guys will be really glad you had. 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?3. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose? Although questions like these have a bit of a party-trick vibe, they can also be very revealing of your partner’s core values. What does your partner value more: looks or lucidity? While answers should be taken with a grain of salt, you can learn lots from the inevitable explanations that accompany such answers. 4. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? (If their sense of humor is dark like yours)5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be? Many of us fantasize about possessing certain "superpowers" or abilities. This is a fun question to ask, but it can also teach you lots about your partner’s deepest wishes (be it to fly above it all, turn invisible on whim, or set fire to things spontaneously) — so ask, ask away! 6. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?7. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? In the spirit of bringing the best out of one another, this question can help you plan a future in which you do just that. Why not encourage your partner to follow their dreams and talk through it with them if they get stuck? 8. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?9. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. Think of your most embarrassing moments as a treasure trove of a) good stories, b) hard lessons learned, and c) personal growth signposts. Sharing these with your partner will very likely bring you closer. After all, any partner worth their salt wants to know the real you — not the airbrushed version. 10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?11. What’s your favorite karaoke song?12. What is your go-to Halloween costume?13. Who is your big celebrity crush?Questions to Ask Your Partner about the Future1. Where do you see yourself in five years? If your partner hasn’t given any thought to this question, and you have (or vice versa), a discussion wouldn’t hurt. Sometimes all it takes is a little communication for two people to start creating five-year plans together. 2. How do you see our future together? Where do you see it headed? It may seem daunting, but it’s important to have ‘the talk’ with your best friend and potential lifelong mate. If your hearts and paths are aligned, there shouldn’t be much in the way of surprises. If they're not, it’s still definitely worth knowing so you can reassess. 3. What are your goals in the relationship?4. What are your thoughts on having a family? This is not a peripheral question: if you want a big family but your partner would rather limit your dependents to cats and dogs, you need to have a discussion to determine whether there’s enough flexibility to move forward. 5. Where do you see yourself living when you retire?6. What are your financial priorities and goals? Money and love may seem antithetical, but the strongest relationships are transparent on all fronts. In other words, if you couldn’t care less about money or saving for the future, but your partner is steeped in mutual funds and RRSPs (or vice versa), it may be worth talking about to avoid future conflicts or imbalances in the relationship. 7. What is on your bucket list that we can do together this year?8. What’s the one thing you want to achieve the most before you die? If your partner has a goal to end all goals — something they don’t want to leave this earth without achieving (i.e. writing a novel, or opening a café) — you may want to consider getting behind it and supporting them. Because happier people make better partners! 9. Do you have any habits you want to change? Be it quitting smoking and drinking, or curbing a bad temper, knowing your partner’s personal betterment aspirations can help you be a stronger support when they need it the most. 10. What do you most look forward to about getting old? ‘Getting old’ might not be a topic either of you naturally turn to, but talking about it can really help clarify your respective life trajectories (or at least the ones you see yourself following), as well as how your partner imagines life with you in the (distant) future. 11. What are you hoping to learn in the coming year?12. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received in your whole life? It reveals your partner's life wisdom and values, formative influences, or mentor relationships. 13. If you could see into the future, what’s one thing you want to see? Many of us would rather not look into the future and find out things that might rob us of quality of life in the present moment. Then again, your partner may have good reasons to prefer knowing how certain life aspects will unfold. You should probably hear this. 14. How do you want to be remembered?Questions to Ask Your Husband, Wife or Partner about Their Past1. When’s the last time you felt vulnerable? How did you cope?2. What have you accomplished in the past year that you are most proud of? Close as you feel to your partner, you may not actually be aware of how they judge their own achievements and what it is they take real pride in. True intimacy requires learning more about your partner’s inner world when the opportunity presents itself. 3. What were the major turning points in your life? From past trauma dating back to one's childhood, to struggles with anxiety, depression, or addiction your partner may have dealt with before knowing you, ‘turning points’ come in many forms. Learning your partner means knowing their history. 4. When’s the last time you pushed out of your comfort zone? How did it make you feel?5. What is your happiest memory? Sharing the happiest memories of our lives is a beautiful way of getting closer to our partners while opening the door to creating new happy memories together as a couple. 6. How have you changed in the past five years?7. When was the last time you cried and why? Some people cry often, and others rarely. We all have different relationships to shedding tears, and understanding your partner’s will only shed light on their emotional reality. Bonus: asking the question entails sharing a vulnerable moment, and vulnerability breeds intimacy. 8. What is an important life lesson you’ve learned?9. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done? We don’t all have the same notions of courage, or of boldness. You can learn volumes about your partner by hearing them tell of the most daring thing they ever did, and the kind of results it manifested in their life. 10. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned from past partners? Not everyone likes to discuss their previous relationships with their current partner, and indeed, there should be a limit to such discussions. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t valuable lessons to be shared. Chances are that learning about your partner’s experiences in previous serious relationships will help you to better understand their behaviors today. 11. What’s the most challenging setback you’ve ever experienced? How did you overcome it?12. If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?13. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?14. If you had to listen to just one of the songs you loved as a kid for the rest of your life, which song would it be?15. Did you have any pets growing up? Particularly if animals are important to you, and/or you plan on having pets in the future, it’s integral you get to know your partner’s attitude toward animals. 16. What is your favorite childhood memory?Heavy Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend, Boyfriend or Partner1. Do you want to have kids? If so, how many?2. When you’re having a bad day, what makes you feel better? This is the kind of question that helps you better understand how to comfort your girlfriend when she's down and just needs a reprieve from life for a minute (or a day). Whether it’s cooking a meal, cleaning the apartment, or giving her a temple massage, these are important life skills, so never underestimate them! 3. Do you consider yourself a jealous person?4. Have you ever cheated on a partner? If your girlfriend has cheated in the past, it’s worth knowing, just as it's worth knowing what led her to it, and how she feels about it in retrospect. People grow and change — they do it all the time. 5. Why did your last relationship end?6. How important is religion or spirituality in your life? Religion and/or spirituality may or may not play a significant role in your life — either way, unless the topic was at the forefront of your first meeting, your partner might have an altogether different relationship to faith. If you want to build a future together, don’t hesitate to ask her. If she’s worth being in a relationship with, she’s worth really knowing. 7. Who was your role model growing up?8. Have you ever been in an emotional or physically abusive relationship? If your partner has coped with an abuser in the past (be it an ex-partner, a parent, or anyone else) getting closer to your girlfriend likely means learning what she’s been through — to whatever extent she’s willing to share. 9. How important are looks to you?10. Do you think a relationship can come back from cheating? In a committed, monogamous relationship, no one wants a partner who strays. That said, your boyfriend might take cheating less seriously than you do — or vice versa. Put your mind at ease by addressing concerns as they arise, and with total transparency. 11. How long was your longest relationship?12. How do you see our future together: do you envision a two-income household, or a different arrangement? Whether you envision yourself as a blissfully content stay-at-home-mom, a high octane corporate executive — or both — finding out what kind of household arrangement your boyfriend imagines for his future (i.e., blissfully content stay-at-home dad) can help circumvent a lot of potential conflict in the future. 13. Have you ever struggled with addiction? While it’s true that our struggles do not define us, your boyfriend’s history with any sort of addiction is something you’re within your rights to ask about, as it may affect you too. Even if this does not represent his current reality, understanding his past struggles can help you become a lot better acquainted with the man you’re sharing your life with. 14. Have you ever been engaged or married? Becoming acquainted with the broad strokes of your boyfriend’s past romantic life can help you better understand his behaviors, interests, and hesitations in your current relationship. 15. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? You might have a very different style of communicating or relating to others than your boyfriend does. This doesn’t make you incompatible—in fact, it might even make you extra complementary. Still, it helps to address these differences so you can better understand and empathize with one another, while also being supportive of your partner even if you can’t directly relate to their difficulties. Why Are Questions in Relationships So Important? Ultimately, when it comes to building and maintaining strong relationships, communication is both king and queen! The more deeply you open up to truly getting to know one another, the sturdier your foundation will be. Nothing can shake you if your version of intimacy includes sharing your best and worst moments with compassion, acceptance, and love. Asking questions (and answering them) without reservation is a surefire way to open up the floodgates of vulnerability—by extension cultivating deeper shared emotional experiences. With additions by MJ Kelly and Maya Khamala KEEP READING: Are You in Love? These 5 Proven Signs Will Help You Know for Sure

Beyonce and Jay-Z dressed up on the red carpet
Dating

Why Setting Relationship Goals Is Important - And How to Do It

Ever wondered how power couple, Beyoncé and Jay-Z keep their love alive for 16 years? Hint: luck has nothing to do with it. If you've been blaming your failed relationships on "the wrong person"—think again. It may be time to reconsider who is really at fault.

They've Been Divorced for 27 Years, but When His Ex-wife Got Sick, He Was the First to Step Up
Family

They've Been Divorced for 27 Years, but When His Ex-wife Got Sick, He Was the First to Step Up

When couples get divorced, most exes shut the door, lock it, and throw away the key. It's not just the end of a chapter, it's the end of the whole dang book.But for Megan Tai's parents, divorce, as it turns out, wasn't the end of their story.Nearly THREE DECADES later, her dad walked back into her mom's life after she was diagnosed with Stage 4 endometrial cancer. He didn't just show up. He stayed; honoring old love, loyalty, and vows at a time when she needed it the most. A Cancer Diagnosis Brings Love Back AroundMegan's parents met more than 30 years ago in California. Her father, originally from Hawaii, was stationed there during his time in the military.They fell in love and had two children, Megan and her older brother. Shortly after Megan's birth, the couple separated. Her dad returned to Hawaii and her mom became a single parent, raising the kids on her elementary school teacher salary.For more than 20 years, they lived completely separate lives. And then came a devastating cancer diagnosis."Fast forward 20+ years later to my mother's diagnosis - my father was one of the first people by her side when she was released from the hospital."Megan Tai via GoFundMeMegan, who works full-time in domestic violence services and is also a graduate student studying Marriage and Family Therapy, moved back in with her mom to help.Overwhelmed with trying to take care of her mom alongside keeping up with her work AND school, Megan was struggling.So, her dad stepped up. In an incredible act of love, he left his life in Hawaii, hopped a flight back to California and moved in. TikTok Video Goes ViralIn a gutwrenching TikTok clip, Megan shares snippets of her parents battling cancer...together.It may only be 20-seconds long, but boy, it packs a punch. She captions it: "POV: Ur parents have been divorced for 20+ years and ur dad's still the first one there when your mom gets diagnosed w Stage 4 cancer."In the video, Megan's dad lovingly helps his ex with her exercises, spots her going up the stairs, and keeps her company, reading with her and playing video games. Take a look:According to Megan's GoFundMe, this is the first time in her 27 years that she's seen her parents live together under one roof. "He did everything - helped her exercise (even when she felt like she couldn't), cooked her meals, took her out on drives, picked up her medications, and so much more," Megan writes. "They talked for hours. They bickered like they were still married. They laughed.""They helped me see them as they were when they were younger."Megan TaiAnd in doing so, not only did they work on healing her mom, but it also helped to heal a lot of childhood trauma for their daughter.Reaction to the VideoSo far, the video has garnered a staggering 8.1 MILLION views in just one week. Because...LOVE. And while they may not be IN love with each other, it's clear that despite everything, love remains.And it turns out, these exes aren't the only ones to honor a life and love they once shared. A number of people came forth to share their own stories. "My parents divorced 30 years ago and when my mom was on her death bed, my dad came to visit her often with goodies and they told each other they loved each other," wrote Hi_Dee Aye.MVP10210 commented, "My father held her hand when she passed. They were so close. Divorced 25 yrs by that point. Never saw my father cry ever until that woman died.""Parents divorced 20+ years too. Dad was hospitalized 2 weeks, my mom insisted he come stay with her after he was released so he wasn’t alone during recovery. It really is beautiful," said Lon."I took care of my ex-husband during hospice. I loved the life and children he gave me. I owed it to him," shared Brenda Carmichael Da.Enduring Bond of FamilySometimes people just don't fit as a couple and marriages end. But as Megan's parents prove, that doesn't mean that the love just ends with it. No matter how their marriage ended, at some point in their lives, Megan's parents obviously loved each other very much — and that love still counts for something. Even 20-plus years later.As one commenter so aptly put it, "Love has so many forms. This one is pretty freaking great."And it's a powerful testament to the enduring nature of love and the lasting impact it can have.Ultimately, Megan's parents' story serves as a poignant reminder that while marriages may end, the unbreakable bond of family always remains.More from Goalcast:Man Takes Care of the Bills for 4 Decades – After He Passes Away, His Wife Makes an Incredible DiscoveryWoman Has a Dream About the Same Baby for Months – Fights to Adopt Her Husband’s Dead Ex-wife’s SonTeen With Cancer Invites Taylor Swift to His Prom but She Rejects It – Then She Does This

Woman Stops Visiting Her Baby Daughter in the Hospital - So the Married Nurses Taking Care of Her Take Her In
Family

Woman Stops Visiting Her Baby Daughter in the Hospital - So the Married Nurses Taking Care of Her Take Her In

Taylor and Drew Deras have a special place in their hearts for the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at Methodist Women’s Hospital in Omaha, Nebraska. Not only is it where they both work as registered nurses, but it's also where they met and fell in love. And now? It's where they found their family too, adopting a little girl, Ella, who was once one of their patients. On the Brink of SurvivalElla was only 1 pound, 2 ounces when she was born in May 2021. A micro-preemie, she was roughly the size of a mango.Born months before her due date, at 23 weeks and one day, she faced a long stay in the NICU, and even then, her odds of survival were low. Knowing her complex health challenges, Taylor immediately signed up to be her consistent caregiver. Unable to breathe on her own, Ella spent months on a ventilator. "She was intubated for multiple months at a time," Taylor told ABC News. "She was just very sick. There [were] times where the doctors would tell us, 'Watch her. I don't know if she'll make it through the night tonight.'" Miraculously Ella survived. By the summer of 2021, Ella required less oxygen and was drinking from a bottle. Her biological mother, who was in her early twenties, started working more and visiting less. Unable to cope with Ella's complex medical needs, eventually she just stopped visiting altogether.In December 2021, Ella became a ward of the state. Becoming Foster Parents to a Medically Fragile ChildBy this time, Ella had spent eight months in the NICU and both Taylor and Drew had fallen in love with the tiny fighter. They both spent hours with her, holding her and reading to her. Terrified about what would happen to the medically fragile girl in the foster system, the couple made a bold choice. They reached out to Ella's social worker and asked to be her foster parents. “When Ella’s biological mom heard we were interested in fostering, she said, ‘I want Ella to go to you,’” Taylor said. “She trusted us with her."But Ella wasn't out of the woods yet. Just as the couple were preparing to bring her home, Ella's health took a nose dive. The left side of her heart was failing. Instead of going home, Ella was rushed to the Children's Nebraska.She needed a tracheostomy — a surgically created hole in her windpipe that provides an alternative airway for breathing. As a result, she could no longer eat on her own but had to be fed through a tube in her stomach.It also meant she would require round-the-clock care. Already committed, the couple refused to back out. "As a foster parent, it was just like, the guard that you had prior to protect yourself of not falling in love with someone else's child, it just fizzled away, and you're just like, 'OK, this child needs me and I need them,'" Drew said.Ella Comes HomeOn April 7, 2022, Ella finally came home. Because of her special medical needs, the couple had to hire a nurse to be with her when they couldn't. That summer, Ella's biological parents relinquished all parental rights. And on November 18, 2023, National Adoption Day, Ella, now two years old, came home...for good.In front of a crowd of 40 family and friends, Ella became Ella Deras. And Taylor and Drew officially became “mama” and “dad.”After the judge announced Ella’s new name, the courtroom was quiet. “All you could hear was Ella go, ‘Yay.’ It’s the one thing that brings me to tears every time.”Drew DerasToday, Ella is thriving. With the help of a number of therapists and specialists, she's meeting all her milestones. "Now, she's walking and talking and meeting developmental milestones that a 2-year-old would do. And she'll start preschool in the fall," Taylor shared.It Was Meant to BeTaylor believes it was all part of God's master plan. "There's no other way," she said. There isn't just one road to parenthood. Families come in all shapes and sizes and through all different means. For Taylor and Drew, their family came together when they least expected it and in a way they never saw coming. But now? They can't imagine life without their little Ella. "We just feel lucky that it gets to be for the rest of her life," Drew said. "We just love her so much."More from Goalcast:Man Finds Out His Ex-girlfriend Wants to Put Their Daughter Up for Adoption – Flies Across the World to Stop ItNurse Notices No One Shows Up to Take Care of 14-Year-Old and Her Triplets – So She Adopts Them AllSingle Man Adopts Sick Baby With No Parents – He Grows Up to Make History

Woman Wakes Up to Husbands Dirty Dishes in the Sink - Instead of Cleaning Up, He Left Her a Note With 3 Words
Marriage

Woman Wakes Up to Husbands Dirty Dishes in the Sink - Instead of Cleaning Up, He Left Her a Note With 3 Words

Relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to domestic labor. Trying to find a balance that is equitable and fair isn't always easy and typically, one partner ends up doing the lion's share of the work. Because after all, someone has to do it. And that someone usually ends up exhausted, overwhelmed, and with a heaping side of resentment. Susan Lehman, a hairstylist, wife, and mother of two teenage sons, shared a now-viral video on TikTok about her husband leaving a sink full of dirty dishes after having a few friends over to watch the Sugar Bowl. Understandably, she was less than thrilled. But what happened next? Is pure relationship goals. Woman Wakes Up to a Sink Full of Husband’s Dirty Dishes“My husband had people over for a big game last night,” Susan, 43, begins in the TikTok video.She then zooms in on the mess that was waiting for her when she came downstairs at the crack of dawn. "Look at all these freaking dishes in the sink."Susan Lehman via TikTokAnd as millions of viewers sit nodding their heads in solidarity and feeling their blood pressure rising — because who doesn't know how rage-inducing this can be? — Susan reveals a surprising plot twist. She pans over to a sticky note on the counter with 3 simple words, "I got it!" and an arrow pointing to the sink.It seems her husband, Matt, knew she would be annoyed by the dishes and would feel like she had to clean them herself so he decided to ward her off with a pre-emptive strike. It worked. (And gained him some serious brownie points).Upon seeing the note, Susan exclaims, "What a good guy!... I just love that he acknowledges that he left a mess in the sink and don’t worry, he’ll take responsibility for it.”She ends the clip smiling and saying, "Ah, we've come so far."Reaction to the Viral Video Susan isn't the only one loving how her husband tackled what could have turned into Dishgate. The short 24-second clip has amassed over 3.5 million views, 521,000 likes, and nearly 3500 comments.And while the majority of commenters love the outcome, praising the communication and writing things like, "The note changes everything! Amazing communication" and "I love this communication. He was too tired to do it after a fun 'party' but knew that if he didn't do it, you would've been annoyed :)" Others? Not so much. Reactions to the clip were mixed, with some people calling the note “the bare minimum” and noting that “the bar is on the floor” for men. Susan decided to address the controversy in an interview with Today and set the record straight.“After we got married, we definitely fell into these very cliche roles, where I did the cleaning and he did the man things, and for a long time, that arrangement worked," she says.“And then one day I was like, ‘You know what? Other people can help me in this house.'"Apparently, it's worked wonders.“Matt and I are high school sweethearts but it feels like a new relationship,” she says. “That bare minimum note was the max for me. Our communication is better than it’s ever been and I’m proud of how far we’ve come. Everybody — our sons included — pitches in now. I can't tell you how much our lives have changed."Marriage Is a PartnershipPitching in and taking responsibility for your own messes not only goes a long way in helping the household run more smoothly but it also has a significantly positive impact on your relationship too. As do effective communication and gratitude.And despite what the critics say, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating your partner for the small stuff. Because it's all that small stuff that adds up to the big stuff. At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved, valued, appreciated, and seen by our significant other. And sometimes? As this story proves, that can be as simple as three small words on a sticky note. More from Goalcast:Man Explains Why He Refuses to Help His Wife and 4 Kids Around the House – And Strangers Are Praising Him for ItMan Accuses Wife With Full Time Job of ‘Doing Nothing Around the House’ – So After Getting Revenge, She Leaves for VacationWoman Has a Dream About the Same Baby for Months – Fights to Adopt Her Husband’s Dead Ex-wife’s Son

Couple Hears Cats Fighting Outside - But What They Find in a Blanket Is Something Completely Different
Parenting

Couple Hears Cats Fighting Outside - But What They Find in a Blanket Is Something Completely Different

The road to parenthood isn't the same for everyone. Some people become parents by conceiving naturally, via surrogacy or adoption, or by becoming step-parents. As for others? Well, they find parenthood on the side of a literal road.The Unusual Road That Led a Florida Couple to ParenthoodLast January, the Polk Sheriff's Department received a 911 call in the wee hours of a Saturday morning about an abandoned newborn baby girl. A couple discovered her after they heard the sound of what they thought were cats screaming and fighting and went out to investigate. Turns out, it wasn't cats. It was a baby, just an hour old, wrapped up in an old blanket with the umbilical cord and placenta still attached.Left in a wooded area just off the side of the road in the Regal Loop Mobile Home Park, the baby was six and a half pounds and "very healthy" although she did sustain several insect bites.EMS took her to a nearby hospital and the Sheriff's office turned her over to the Department of Children and Families.Despite extensive efforts by PCSO detectives, the girl’s mother was never located or identified.When the baby's story first came out, she was known to the world as Angel Grace Lnu."She's as beautiful as an angel. It's by the grace of God she is not dead, and Lnu is: Last Name Unknown," Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said at the time she was discovered.But now — ten months and one day later — she's known by one ecstatic couple as "daughter.""Happy Gotcha Day"In a heartwarming Facebook post, the Sheriff's Department reveals that the little girl has been formally adopted. “We have an exciting update to share with you. Nearly one year ago, on January 28th, at about 1:47 in the morning, PCSO deputies rescued an abandoned newborn baby girl in Mulberry," the post began."The temperature outside was in the lower 50’s, and members of Polk County Fire Rescue checked the girl out and determined that, based on the girl’s temperature, she had been born about an hour before she was found," it continued."Fast forward ten months and one day -- the baby girl has officially been adopted."via Polk County Sheriff's Office Facebook PageThe new parents wish to remain anonymous, however, they did agree to have a couple of photos shared of the special day.“We are thrilled to share with you these photos from this morning of this precious angel with her new mom and dad, along with PCSO’s Detective Green and Sgt. Ryan. Mom & Dad wish to keep their names from being published,” the PCSO wrote, “but they allowed us to share these photos with everyone who followed this child’s story and prayed for her well-being.”The sweet pictures show the beaming couple with their new daughter adorably dressed in a pink dress, ruffled socks, pink shoes, and her hair in pigtails. A Happy BeginningDespite her rocky start, baby Angel is now in the arms of her very own angels, her adoptive parents. And while she may have been found all alone in the world, she's not anymore.The unusual road that led this Florida couple to parenthood may be unconventional but it's obvious that they've ended up exactly where they're supposed to be. And their journey? Is just beginning. And may their story encourage us to find love in unexpected places and embrace the extraordinary paths that lead to parenthood.More from Goalcast: Woman Sits Next to Pregnant Stranger on Flight – Ends Up Adopting Her Newborn BabyWoman Has a Dream About the Same Baby for Months – Fights to Adopt Her Husband’s Dead Ex-wife’s Son6 Siblings Were Separated in Foster Care For Over 3 Years – Then 2 Dads Adopted Them All

22-Year-Old Grandson Decides to Become His Grandmothers Caregiver After Refusing to Put Her in a Home
Family

22-Year-Old Grandson Decides to Become His Grandmothers Caregiver After Refusing to Put Her in a Home

At 29 years old, Chris Punsalan isn't exactly living a typical, free-wheeling 20-something life. While other people his age are hanging out with friends, partying, traveling, or chasing their dreams, he's at home — the primary caregiver for his 97-year-old grandmother. He's been taking care of his "Lola" for the past eight years. And while it's not a path that many (or let's face it, any) 20-somethings would choose, he wouldn't change a thing. How a 22-Year-Old Became the Full-Time Caregiver to His GrandmaIn 2015, Chris and his family, who live in Nevada but are originally from the Philippines, were faced with the difficult decision of what to do with his aging grandmother. Bedridden and suffering from severe arthritis and osteoporosis, she could no longer take care of herself. The family had two options: send her to an assisted care facility or hire a full-time caregiver. In his final semester of college, Chris didn't have any opportunities lined up after graduation. So, he decided who better to look after his beloved Lola than him? It was, after all, what she had done for him for years growing up. "She took care of me and I would hate to see her go to homecare, which is where I feel most grandparents go in America. They go to home care because nobody is able to take care of them."Chris PunsalanBarely an adult himself, Chris became her full-time caregiver. Anyone who has ever taken on the role of caregiver, even temporarily, knows it's not an easy task. It's extremely demanding, both physically and mentally. You are always putting the needs of someone else before your own. Chris spends his days doing everything for his bedridden grandmother, who was once an elementary teacher for more than 20 years. From toileting and diapering to meal time and bath time, he even makes certain that she does daily affirmations and exercises for her hands. Even Chris admits that it can be "extremely isolating." But despite the challenges, he has no plans to stop. The Unlikely Duo Go Viral A digital content creator and musician, Chris is passionate about preserving memories and has been sharing his life online since 2014. In 2019, he decided to give the world a glimpse into life as a caregiver. The short 57-second clip went insanely viral with over 6 MILLION VIEWS and he and Lola became overnight sensations. Turns out, people really love tuning in and following along on their journey. "I receive hundreds of messages daily from former, current, and future caregivers that tell me their stories and remind me that I am not alone on this journey."Chris PunsalanInspired by the reaction his initial video received, Chris decided to keep going and now he regularly shares about their daily activities and heartwarming interactions. He also posts a lot of helpful tips for others who find themselves in similar caregiving situations.And he doesn't hold anything back. Not only does he share the obvious joy and incredible bond the two share but he's very candid about the hard bits as well. Including bearing witness to his grandma's failing body and her fight with dementia.People love them so much that Chris has amassed nearly 5 million followers between TikTok, Instagram, and his YouTube channel. Chris didn't just change his grandma's life, he changed his own as well. And like his Lola, he doesn't take anything for granted. “My grandma is probably the most grateful person that I know. Anytime somebody helps her, anytime somebody hands her something, anytime something is happening with or to grandma, you can always guarantee a thank you at the end of it,” says Chris. “I think that's what makes her enjoy life so much is that she's grateful for everything. She can't move and she's bound to her bed. But because she's just extremely grateful for even the smallest things in life, it just makes her life more worth it.”Cherish Your Loved OnesWhile Chris may have discovered fame with his grandma, it's the precious time they have to spend together that means the most to him. He knows that the time they have together is finite and that for now, his life is best served serving her.And that's the biggest takeaway that Chris has learned over the years he's spent caring for his lola."Cherish your grandparents and cherish your loved ones in general," Chris says. "Life is so fragile. It's such a cliche to tell your loved ones you love them because you don't know the next time, you know, that you're gonna get to see them or get to spend time with them."The reality is that if we're lucky, the ones we love will grow old and so will we. And while not all of us are in a position to become full-time caregivers, we are all capable of cherishing and honoring our loved ones.More from Goalcast:Grandmother With Hungry Grandkids Asks to Speak to Manager – His Unexpected Reaction Is Recorded by a StrangerTeen Finds Out Her Grandmother Has Been Saving Pennies for Four Years – For One Very Special ReasonTeen Learns His Grandmother Has Only 6 Months to Live – Plots With His Sister to Make Her Last Moments Unforgettable

Distraught Mom Orders Meal To-Go After Her Son With Autism Has a Meltdown in Cracker Barrel - Attached to the Bag Is a Note
Parenting

Distraught Mom Orders Meal To-Go After Her Son With Autism Has a Meltdown in Cracker Barrel - Attached to the Bag Is a Note

*This story appeared on Love What MattersAny parent knows that dining out with kids can be like Forest Gump's famous box of chocolates: "You never know what you're gonna get."It's a real-world game of chance, with the winner getting to actually sit down and enjoy a delicious, hot meal prepared and served by someone else. Ah, bliss. Sometimes, however, the odds are not in your favor. Despite your best efforts, your child just isn't having it. And they have zero qualms about letting the entire restaurant know. And in these moments, what parents need more than anything else isn't judgment. It's grace, understanding, and a whole lot of kindness. Thankfully, that's just what this mama found.The Reality of Raising a Child With AutismJamie Heustess and her husband Chris just wanted a nice family dinner out. It had been a long day with their six-year-old autistic son, Ian. So, after an awards ceremony, karate lesson, and a trip to Walmart, the family headed to their local Cracker Barrel. Raising a child with autism presents its own unique set of challenges. Situations that other children may find overwhelming can be doubly so for kids who struggle with social and sensory issues. While Ian is usually able to make it through at least part of a meal in a restaurant, on this particular day, he was done before it even got started. The breaking point came when Chris gave his son a couple of Finding Dory mystery figure boxes to open while they were waiting to order. After opening up both boxes and discovering that neither of them actually contained Dory OR Nemo, Ian lost it. Unable to calm him down, Chris took him home while Jamie stayed behind to order takeout. In a Facebook post shared on her personal page, Jamie wrote about the incident and the "realities of autism" many people don't understand. "Cue meltdown... he does not understand it is the luck of the draw," Jamie said. "His cries escalate....making it impossible to think straight. So.....i am sitting waiting on a to go order while Daddy takes him home.......Autism is not easy.....some days it totally sucks.... "A Cracker Barrel Waitress Gives Dinner To-Go With a Heaping Side Order of CompassionAs Jamie tearfully explained the situation to their waitress, Kailyn, she couldn't help but have her own meltdown.But not because she was embarrassed by her son. No, she was worried about what the other diners thought of him. Being judged by others stings but when that judgment is directed at your own child it feels like death by a thousand daggers. In a subsequent Facebook post, Jamie wrote: "By this time I was crying and having a moment, not because I was embarrassed that my son is autistic, but because he is a good kid and I didn't want anyone to think he was just a spoiled kid being a brat."Jamie HeustessKailyn was "gracious and sweet" and promised that she would get Jamie's order in quickly. Fifteen minutes later she reappeared with Jamie's take-out — free of charge. In a sweet act of kindness, the waitress decided to pay for the meal herself out of her tips.(After hearing about what she did, her manager, James, reimbursed her the money.)"I started crying all over again. I asked if she was sure and she reassured me it was taken care of, not to worry. I cried walking out, sure the other customers and employees thought I was crazy."An Act of Kindness Turns Into an Unforgettable Message of EncouragementOut in the parking lot, Jamie noticed a piece of paper attached to the bag. She assumed it was the receipt but on second glance realized it was a handwritten note. Not only had Kailyn paid for her meal, but she also took the time to make sure Jamie knew exactly what she thought of her. "Your child is amazing Mommy, be strong. Keep your head up. You are doing a great job. Have a great night. Your server, Kailyn." While the gift of a free dinner was certainly nice, the words of encouragement were priceless. At a time when she needed it most, a stranger told her exactly what she needed to hear. Jamie was so moved by the note that she hung it on her fridge.Parenthood has a lot of amazing moments but it has a lot of difficult ones too. Having someone validate us and support us in the midst of the muck goes a long way. The reality is that we are living in an age where judgment, hatred, and division are rampant. And it doesn't just apply to parents. But we can each do our part to change it. Rather than tearing each other down, we can build each other up. One kind word, dinner, or note at a time.More from Goalcast:Boy With Autism Walks Into Restaurant to Pick Up a Menu – When He Doesn’t Come Back, His Dad Finds Out What’s Going OnSchool Janitor Takes Boy With Autism Under His Wing – So His Mom Raises $35,000 in Response10-Year-Old Girl With Autism Bullied At School — Turns Out Her IQ Is Higher Than Einstein’s

Unemployed Dad Repackages Soup Kitchen Meals in Panera Bread Bags for This Tearjerking Reason
Parenting

Unemployed Dad Repackages Soup Kitchen Meals in Panera Bread Bags for This Tearjerking Reason

*Featured image contains photo by Julia M Cameron and Katia Damyan As a parent, you want nothing more than to shield your kids when bad things happen and sometimes, you'll go to great lengths to make sure their innocence is protected. So, when one dad lost his job during the pandemic (alongside nearly 255 million other people worldwide), he did what he had to do to make sure his kids were blissfully unaware of just how desperate times had become. The Lengths One Dad Went to in Order to Preserve His Children’s InnocencePhoto by Mikhail NilovDesperate times call for desperate measures and for this anonymous dad that meant having to turn to his local soup kitchen to help put food on the table. And while it took a lot of courage to ask for help, he didn't want his children to worry. To conceal the harsh reality of their situation he decided to engage in some seriously ingenious bait-and-switch maneuvers. Instead of letting his kids know where the bacon actually came from, he cleverly repackaged it into their favorite restaurant to-go bag before bringing it home. Because when it comes to kids and dinner? There's nothing more exciting than take-out (okay fine, for adults too).The soup kitchen volunteer who witnessed the tearjerking act shared about it recently in a video on TikTok. And while the clip may only be 6 seconds long, I guarantee you'll be thinking about it for a long time to come. “Thinking about when I worked at a soup kitchen during Covid and a man who lost his job would come by and pack the food we gave him into a Panera Bread bag so his kids were excited thinking they were eating restaurant food every night,” Amber Mirrelle wrote in the text overlay. "I hope him and his family are doing alright," she added.How a Simple Act of Love Made a Significant ImpactIn the midst of just trying to survive, all this dad could think about was making certain that his kids had literally no idea. With one small gesture, he turned what could have been scary and sad into something exciting. It wasn't just about putting dinner on the table; it was about preserving a sense of normalcy and shielding his kids from unnecessary worry. It was about ensuring that they felt safe and secure during a time that screamed anything but. And people are having a lot of emotions. The TikTok video has gone viral with a whopping 3.3 million views in just a few days. Commenters were deeply moved by the dad's actions. "The things people do to protect their children. I bet he thinks about you too. ❤️," wrote one."You know that was a core moment for them dad brought Panera bread every day 🥹," wrote another."That is king behavior. Shield the babies from pain and stresses. Provide even if you gotta ask for help. Hope he is doing well!"Other commenters shared similar experiences with their own parents."My dad would go to thrift stores to buy toys and would put them in Target bags to act like he bought them there 😭.""Reminds me of when I got all dollar store gifts for Christmas. My dad told me later. It's still a core Christmas memory. All those gifts. 🥰"Millions of Families Are Struggling With Food InsecurityWhile this happened during COVID-19, the reality is that things haven't gotten better. In fact, thanks to skyrocketing inflation and massive sticker shock in the grocery stores and at the gas pump, more and more people are struggling to make ends meet. Local food banks, soup kitchens, and hunger relief programs feed more than 49 million people every year in the United States alone. That's one out of every six people. And as the cost of living increases, so do the statistics.Donating money, nonperishable food, or even just your time, to food banks, pantries, and soup kitchens in your local area or neighborhood can go a long way in helping people who need it most. More from Goalcast:Unemployed Man Searches for Stranger Who Returned His $273M Lotto Ticket — and Hopes to Share His EarningsUnemployed Father Struggles to Provide for His Family – So He Started Working on the StreetSteve Harvey Was So Moved by an Unemployed Audience Member’s Struggle – So He Decides to Change His Life