Of course, reality doesn’t often pan out the way you hoped. The Detroit rapper had to stand up and address his failures head-on. Through this journey, he could rediscover his relationship with his mother, and the place she occupies in his life.
What Happened With Eminem's Mom?
Debbie was only 18 years old when she gave birth to Marshall Bruce Mathers III. Eminem’s father, Marshall Bruce Mathers Jr., abandoned them as soon as his son was born, leaving the young mother to raise their child alone.
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The mother-and-son duo faced destitution and eviction at every turn, and moved frequently, in search of financial stability. Debbie was in no position to shoulder the responsibilities of parenthood. However, Eminem's mother worked hard to make ends meet, even if the outcomes weren’t always satisfactory.
Unfortunately, her childcare abilities weren’t up to her son’s liking. As is his modus operandi, Eminem badmouthed Debbie in the charged lyrics to "My Name Is," the opening track of his 1999 album The Slim Shady LP. In the song, he claims his mother did “more dope than” he did: “I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper / Make a record about doin' drugs and name it after her.”
Debbie Mathers Sues Eminem Over 'My Name Is' Lyrics
Debbie Mathers Briggs (her current husband, John Briggs, is her fourth) was blindsided by the admission. Shortly after the release of "My Name Is," she sued her son for $11 million, claiming defamation of character. Eminem’s team responded by saying his music only reflected the truth. His lawyer also said the lawsuit was a “result of a lifelong strained relationship between [Eminem] and mother,” and that it was pretty “painful” to be sued by your own mother.
Debbie was awarded a $25,000 settlement in 2001, but $23,354.25 of that went to her attorney.
The animosity between Eminem and his mother didn’t subside, however. In 2002, Eminem released "Cleanin' Out My Closet," in which he accused her of suffering from Münchausen syndrome by proxy, a disorder in which a caregiver makes up an illness or injury in a person under their care.
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As if that weren't enough, he made more references to her substance abuse in the song "My Mom": “My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs /That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her.” He also wrote how she added Valium in his food multiple times. and would threaten to throw him in the basement if he didn’t eat his meal.
My mom/ There's no one else quite like my mom /I know I should let bygones be bygones/ But she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on
Eminem, "My Mom"
Why Did Eminem Apologize To His Mom?
It’s difficult to distinguish who’s telling the truth when the atmosphere is so incendiary. However, Debbie did try to provide a context in her 2008 memoir My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem.
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“At first I went along with it for Marshall's sake -- if I made one mistake as a mother, it was giving in to my eldest son's every whim,” she wrote, alluding to how she may have added Valium to his food. but only at his insistence. She also insisted that it was an uphill battle to care for her son, given her wretched circumstances. Just because she made some terrible decisions of her own doesn’t mean Eminem should have taken the liberty to defame her at every opportunity.
He never knew his father, and I did all I could to make up for it. I wasn't happy when he made up a whole new life for himself - what mother wants to be known as a pill-popping alcoholic who lives on welfare?
Debbie Nelson on My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem.
With time, Eminem forgave his mother and apologized to her. There’s only so much room for hatred and anger, and when the years weigh down on you, you begin to realize how everyone goes through a hard time.
Who Was Eminem's Father?
In his 2013 song "Headlights," Eminem discussed forgiving his mother, questioning if he had taken his resentment “too far.” He also shed light on the role of his father, Marshall Bruce Mathers, Jr. — or lack thereof — in exacerbating tensions between himself and his mother. If he hadn’t abandoned the family at such a critical juncture, mother and son wouldn’t have had to endure so much hardship.
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At the end of the day, the 50-year-old “loves” his mother, and says she’s “still beautiful” to him. She “did her best” to raise him and his younger half-brother, Nate, even though the “cross” she bore was the heaviest of all.
But regardless, I don't hate you 'cause, Ma / You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my Ma [...] All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both /Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours.
Eminem, "Headlights"
Eminem opened Mom's Spaghetti restaurant in Detroit in 2021. However, it's not a sign that he's mended fences with mother Debbie (by all accounts, their relationship remains strained). Instead, it's a reference to his song "Lose Yourself," from the soundtrack to his 2002 acting debut, 8 Mile. The menu includes vegan meatballs, and a spaghetti sandwich (Eminem's favorite).
Let Go of Bitterness
Eminem clung onto so much rage in the first 40 years of his life that he and his mother still remain a little “estranged." It’s OK to feel a grudge, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t call out people for their dangerous behavior.
However, as you grow older, consider whether the antagonism is worth your time. Our priorities shift, we become wiser, and we tend to forgive ourselves and each other for the past. The bitterness will only deter you in your journey, haunting you every step of the way till you’re ready to combust. Instead, free yourself. It feels good to look forward to the future and not have any regrets about the past. So if you have the opportunity to rid yourself of the bitterness, take it.
Stop Settling and Start Designing Your Life with Purpose
For this article, I thought I would circle back to the beginning of my journey in my book, Success with Goals, and more specifically to the portion about designing your life with purpose. I realized when I set out to write a book about setting goals that not only are there a ton of books already out there about goal-setting, but that the concept is somewhat dry and at times even boring, because most people think they already know what it means.
The reality is that this is not correct. There are literally tens of millions, if not legitimately hundreds of millions of people who don’t really set goals. They may have some dreams. They might have written some things down. But they don’t really have a committed plan to execute and follow through to achieve their goals in life. If we reference the Pareto Principle, we could surmise that 80% of the US population doesn’t set goals, or at least make sufficient plans to achieve them (which is the single distinguishing factor between a goal and a dream). That would suggest that 80% of the 330 million people in the US either don’t set goals or don't have a specific plan to achieve them. Quick math: that’s approximately 250 million people!
Stop Settling and Start Designing Your Life with Purpose
Most of us think about things we’d like to have or do someday, or the goals that would be nice to achieve. It’s easy to take a trip to “Someday Isle” -- more appropriately called “Someday I’ll” -- and think about all the things you will do some day. You know, when all the stars are in alignment, everything is in your favor, or you have the time.
Guess what, I’m here to tell you that never happens. NEVER! I know, I too have had more trips to “Someday Isle” than I’d like to admit. Just like most of us. Even some of the most successful people we know struggle with this.
You see, the concept of designing your life with purpose means to live your life with intention. You don’t allow yourself to meander through life aimlessly, bouncing from one challenge and obstacle to the next, never quite seeming to get ahead. This describes the significant percentage of people who are frustrated with their lives, unsatisfied either with their financial, relationship, personal, or career circumstances, and who aren’t really clear about what to do about them. You see if you are living your life with purpose, you are consciously aware of what is important to you, based on your values and what truly moves you.
What moves you?
By knowing what your values are and being aware of what truly inspires you, you can make better, more informed, conscious decisions about your life and the direction you are going in. You then set goals that will lead you in this direction. This conscious approach to making decisions and preparing yourself for the challenges allows you to course-correct as necessary and make the best decisions for your ideal path in life.
This likely sounds great in theory, and many of you might be thinking, "Yeah, that’s great Eric, but [insert your excuse here]." I have lived this for as long as many of you reading this blog have been born. And I can tell you, that you can either choose to make excuses, or you can choose to design your life. If you truly want the life you claim, you will need to step up to the plate and make some changes to achieve it.
Why live a life you are unhappy with? Life is WAY TOO SHORT to live even a few years feeling miserable in circumstances that make you unhappy. Now, don’t get me wrong, life won’t be all sunshine and rainbows just because you are setting and achieving goals. You may even fail more than people living average lives. But who wants average anyway? Average is what we sell ourselves to feel more comfortable about what we don’t have. Average is generally not having what you really want and settling for what life gives you.
So what's stopping you?
The truth is you can have more -- a better job, better finances, better relationships with your parents, kids, spouse, friends, or family. How about having more time for your spiritual beliefs, traveling more, or contributing more to those in need? How about more time to create or build things, or better yet, what if if you gave more of your time teaching? We certainly could use more good teachers in this world. This is just a sampling of things we may want, but that we often trade off for something else, fully believing that we have to give up on on our true desires and accept the status quo.
The world has always favored those who strike out and go after what they want in life. These people generally live more fulfilled lives and get more of what they want, because they choose to go after it.
I’m here to tell you that you can do the same. You must take the time to first decide what that is, and then be prepared to work your butt off to get it! If you are one of those people who is tired of not having what you truly want in life then check out our coaching programs and let us help you get started on the path of designing your life with purpose.
Thanks for reading, here’s to a great second half of 2017!