Close Ad

mental health

woman holding hands together in harmony
Stories

Ikigai: The Japanese Philosophy for Purposeful Living

People often say that finding purpose is the foundation of a healthy and more fulfilling life. Yet for millions of people, purpose feels elusive, like some far-off destination, an epiphany waiting for divine intervention.Narratives around living the life of your dreams can package purpose in a very set way, telling stories of a select few who were lucky enough to find their purpose, and never looked back.All of these assumptions about purpose make it both intimidating and seemingly unattainable. Factor in cultural ideas of what purpose looks like — from starting a billion-dollar venture in Silicon Valley to living a life in service of the greater good — and you’ll likely be left feeling frustrated, or confused, about how to add purpose to your life.Fortunately, these assumptions are misleading. Purpose is much easier to attain than it seems on the surface. And, thankfully, the Japanese concept of ikigai makes discovering your purpose practical. There’s no need to wait for a eureka moment, or yearn for the day purpose will arrive on your doorstep. With ikigai as your own personal Japanese secret, you can start taking deliberate steps to add purpose to your days and inhabit a more happy life. This article will show you how you can start your own personal ikigai journey. Let’s get started!What is the Japanese concept of Ikigai?The best translation for ikigai (pronounced “ee key guy”) is “a reason for being.” The term is formed from the Japanese words iki (life) and gai (worth or benefit).Ikigai is central to Japanese culture, with its origin stretching all the way back to the Heian period, a period of classical Japanese history lasting between the years 794 and 1185.American researcher Dan Buettner, who presented the popular Ted Talk How to Live to 100, identified ikigai as one of the main factors for greater longevity in Japan. Buettner popularized the concept in the West in the early 2000s.Long before then, Japanese psychiatrist Mieko Kamiya, the Mother of Ikigai, wrote one of the most popular modern-day books on the philosophy, Ikigai-ni-Tsuite (What Makes Our Life Worth Living), in 1966. This was around the time early positive psychology was born. Psychologists such as Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, and Viktor Frankl shifted the paradigm of psychology away from pathology, and towards what makes for a fulfilling, meaningful life.(Getty)Moving towards a more meaningful lifeKamiya herself compared ikigai to Frankl’s approach to meaning. Both were well-versed in how suffering could lead to personal growth. Frankl from his time spent in concentration camps during the Holocaust, and Kamiya worked with leprosy patients. Kamiya described ikigai as:“Ikigai means ‘power necessary for one to live in this world, happiness to be alive, benefit, effectiveness.’ When we try to translate it into English, German, French etc, it seems that there is no other way to define it other than ‘worth living’ or ‘value or meaning to live’. Thus, compared to philosophical theoretical concepts, the word ikigai shows us how ambiguous the Japanese language is, but because of this it has an effect of reverberation and amplitude.”She acknowledged that “the fact that this word exists should indicate that the goal to live, its meaning and value within the daily life of the Japanese soul has been problematized.” In other words, the word exists because modern-living, to some degree, has disconnected people from their innate sense of purpose, or their soul’s calling.Kamiya further defines ikigai into two categories — the source of ikigai, and the state of mind someone feels when connected to the source (ikigai-kan). For Kamiya, ikigai-kan is linked to Frankl’s concept of meaning. In life, a person’s mission is to connect to their mission. Failure to do so can result in depression or anxiety.In order to become clear on this mission, Kamiya suggested two questions:What is my existence for?What is the purpose of my existence?Gaining ClarityOnce clarity is gained, ikigai becomes the North Star that you are guided to. The journey itself is what’s important, not the final destination. Those who are moving towards that North Star experience a sense of fulfillment, ikigai-kan.Kamiya was careful to note those pursuing their purpose weren’t always distinguished people — someone can be in service to ikigai when raising children, teaching at schools, or working in medicine. What’s most important is that a person is able to connect to their purpose, and honor it, in whichever way is unique to them.For Kamiya, the process of clarifying and honoring their soul’s calling is the discovery of a new theme of existence. For many people, this process could unfold during a spiritual awakening, where their motivations radically transform. For others, it could be a slight, but noticeable change of direction.Ikigai and Maslow’s hierarchy of needsIn addition to parallels between Frankl’s work on the value of meaning, Kamiya also discovered that to experience ikigai-kan, someone must first have several personal needs met. The result is a similar model of thinking to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which outlines the journey of growth and self-actualization.The needs Kamiya identified are:The need for life satisfactionThe need for change and growthThe need for a bright futureThe need for resonanceThe need for freedomThe need for self-actualizationThe need for meaning and valueThese closely resemble Maslow’s pyramid of physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem, self-actualization, and self-transcendence (the often forgotten additional layer). It’s worth keeping in mind, though, that Maslow noted for some, lower levels can be transcended by higher values, such as creativity being more important than safety needs or esteem.The same can be said of ikigai — if your mission or purpose is something greater than you, it’s likely that it can overshadow other personal needs and contribute to well being.Why is Ikigai important for a fulfilling life?As Buettner discovered, meaning is one of the most influential factors in living a long and healthy life, both for younger generations and those that are older. Buettner has researched so-called Blue Zones, the locations where people lived for longer and enjoyed greater wellbeing.Five locations Buettner discovered were Okinawa, Japan; Sardinia, Italy; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Ikaria, Greece, and Loma Linda, California. He noticed that these five locations placed a lot of emphasis on meaning and purpose.This has been backed up by multiple studies. A 2014 UCL-led study of 9,000 people with an average age of 65 found that those with a greater sense of meaning and purpose were 30 percent less likely to die in the following eight-year period. More recently in 2019, a study of 7,000 people over the age of 50 found “life purpose was significantly associated with all-cause mortality.” So much so, the lowest scorers of the study were twice as likely to have died than those with the highest scores five years later.The power of ikigaiNoriyuki Nakashi, from Osaka University, explains the power of ikigai as:“Ikigai is personal: it reflects the inner self of an individual and expresses that faithfully.Ikigai, which is the highest level of desire, may be considered to be essentially the process of cultivating one’s inner potential and that which makes one's life significant, a universal human experience we all wish to achieve.”Purpose gives you a deeper reason for living, it makes your life significant. As noted by thinkers such as Kamiya and Frankl, there is an interesting component to this — it appears, deep down, each of us has a purpose that we intuitively know and understand. Our mission is to listen to that calling and do all we can to honor it, in order to cultivate our inner potential.Longevity is a byproduct of doing something right. Purpose gives you the energy and inspiration to pursue your goals, overcome struggle, and keep going when times are tough. It provides strong foundations of fulfillment and can give your life a new direction, not towards fleeting happiness, but towards things of high value. In the words of Oscar Wilde: “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”Understanding the Ikigai chart and your own ikigai journeyAre you ready for your mind to be blown by ikigai, the Japanese secret that so many swear by? For your understanding of ikigai to take a drastic u-turn into a new theme of existence? The ikigai venn diagram, shared by millions and rising to meme-like popularity on social media, isn’t linked to ikigai. Instead, it was an idea from Marc Winn, an entrepreneur and blogger who merged the idea of ikigai with a venn diagram of purpose.Winn was introduced to the concept of ikigai and the ikigai diagram from Buettner’s Ted Talk. “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry,” he wrote in 2017, “less than an hour of my time has made more of a difference in the world than all my time put together.”Winn acknowledges his own surprise that his idea, and the diagram, spiraled out of control. The diagram is shown below:While the venn diagram is incredibly useful, there’s one major downside — the true meaning of ikigai isn’t about making money. The diagram might be valuable in understanding how you can launch a career of meaning, but in many ways, it’s the result of ikigai running through the money-oriented worldview of the West.In fact, a 2010 study of 2,000 people in Japan found that only a third saw work as their ikigai. In addition, the Japanese translation of life means both your lifespan, and everyday life. This leads to another possible misinterpretation — ikigai can be discovered in the simple, day-to-day joys of living, not a grandiose plan or life mission worthy of Hollywood fame. It’s a spectrum of joy, from the seemingly mundane to the miraculous, and everything between.The five pillars of ikigaiSo if the ikigai isn’t discovered through a venn diagram, how do you apply the concept to your life? In The Little Book of Ikigai, Japanese neuroscientist and author Ken Mogi offers a five-pillar framework. By following this framework, you’re able to cultivate the type of lifestyle that allows for the emergence of ikigai:Pillar One: Start SmallDiscovering a new theme of existence begins with small steps. That could be as simple as making the inner commitment to start creating a life of enhanced purpose.What changes could you make, today, to start that process? Is there a passion, or calling, that you sense on the periphery of your awareness? What could you do in order to start honoring that? Remember, purpose doesn’t have to be elaborate or grand.Applying Kamiya’s work, you could journal and answer the two questions: what is my existence for? What is the purpose of my existence? Don’t think about it too much, just see what surfaces.Additionally, consider what things in life are the source of ikigai, or when are the moments when you feel ikigai-kan. For me, writing is the source of both. Although now established as a writer, in the beginning, it started with a commitment to write a little every day.Pillar Two: Releasing YourselfThis pillar demonstrates how deep the philosophy of ikigai is, and its entanglement with other Eastern philosophies that have stood the test of time, such as Buddhism. (Getty)Releasing yourself means to let go of all the things in life you hold onto, that cause some form of suffering.It’s similar to the Buddhist practices of non-attachment. Are you attached to your self-image, what other people think of you, or always thinking about a time you’ll finally be happy?Releasing yourself requires accepting where you’re at, who you are, and the moment in front of you. It leads to a state of peaceful surrender, going with the flow, rather than grappling with life.Ikigai is, after all, a practice of aligning with nature. “The greatest secret of the ikigai, ultimately, has to be the acceptance of oneself, no matter what kind of unique features one might happen to be born with,” Mogi writes.Pillar Three: Harmony and SustainabilityThis step is connected to your environment. Ikigai incorporates the people in our lives, our immediate community, the quality and sustainability of all living things we interact with.As Mogi says, “A man is like a forest; individual and yet connected and dependent on others for growth.” Harmony and sustainability are both inner and outer experiences, reflected in your emotions, your thoughts, the way you interact with the world, the way you go about your work.(Getty)Consider any area of life where there is disharmony. Perhaps you have a few relationships that cause friction, or you are pushing yourself to extremes, unable to sustain that approach to hustle culture for the long term. In what ways can you invite a more peaceful approach? How can you be the source of harmony, for yourself, and for the wider world around you?That doesn’t have to mean being half-hearted in what you do, quite the opposite, as ikigai encourages commitment and passion in equal measure. But make sure not to fall into traps of seriousness, and keep an explorative, playful attitude to yourself, your relationships, your community, and your work.Pillar Four: The Joy of Little ThingsIkigai is a comprehensive philosophy, as well as being an antidote to a lot of modern approaches to finding happiness through constant striving, or the craving for success or recognition.Deeply embedded in the Japanese concept is finding joy in little things. Your morning coffee. A smile from a stranger. An unexpected spell of sunshine. A message from a friend you’ve not spoken to in a while. A delicious sip of energizing green tea. All of these are opportunities to enjoy small sparks of joy, sparks that pave the way for a life in honor of ikigai.(Getty)As Kamiya notes, those dedicated to ikigai spend all their days in fulfillment. Yes, there might be a challenging process of realizing your calling, and adjusting your life to make sure you have supreme focus on fulfilling your potential. But ikigai isn’t about the end destination, it’s about smelling the flowers on the way.The easiest way to do this is to look for gratitude in your life. What things bring you a sense of comfort? What in your life would you have never predicted or thought you’d be able to achieve? What have you overcome? Who adds laughter or who supports you? All of these reflections of gratitude support the feeling of ikigai-kan.Pillar Five: Being in the Here and NowTo reaffirm the intention of ikigai, and its link to mindfulness, the final pillar reminds us to be present. To pause. To become fully aware of what’s directly in front of us. To take things one step at a time, and notice when our minds get caught in the past, or jump ahead to the future. The more present you become, the richer life is, the more nourishing each moment, and the less fearful you become about uncertain futures.The irony of trying to find happiness is that it keeps us always looking ahead, waiting for a moment to come. But as many Eastern philosophies have taught, that is an illusion. Only the present ever exists. And the more you’re able to truly arrive in the present moment, the more likely you will be to experience deeper fulfillment.Ikigai is a philosophy that reminds us that, with a brief pause, a moment of gratitude for the small things, acceptance for who we are and where we’re at. Then you might end up finding purpose where you never expected it — right in front of you.Right here, right now. If you have any unanswered questions click here, and good luck on your journey!

Woman Away on Vacation Receives a Notification - Finds the Message a 13-Year-Old Had Left for Her on Her Doorbell Camera
Uplifting News

Woman Away on Vacation Receives a Notification - Finds the Message a 13-Year-Old Had Left for Her on Her Doorbell Camera

Sometimes we all need a boost in life, and often that boost can come from an unexpected place. A stranger, an unforeseen event, or even a neighbor can make us feel good and important in a meaningful but unexpected way.Well, that’s what happened to one person in Minnesota recently when she discovered the video her 13-year-old neighbor had left on her doorbell camera while she was away.Kids Being KidsOne day a teen named Jacksen Proell and his friends were playing Ding Dong Ditch (also known as Nicky Nicky Nine Doors) in their neighborhood. The game’s premise is simple: you ring the doorbell and then run away before someone can answer it. That summer day, though, Proell didn’t feel like pranking anyone.“I didn’t want to be a part of the ding dong ditching because there's no point,” the 13-year-old told USA Today. So, he decided to do something kind instead.When Proell rang his neighbor’s bell, he looked into the camera. “You matter, alright?” he said. “There's always going to be somebody that cares about you. You're a good person, no matter what people say.”According to the teen, he just felt as though whoever was on the other side of the door needed to hear a nice message. He had previously struggled with depression, and wanted to spread a bit of light.“I know, somewhat, how bad it can be,” he continued to the publication. “But I also know that it could be a million times worse.”A Message ReceivedHomeowner Ashley Mann wasn’t home the day Proell left the video because she was on vacation. However, she received a notification on her phone and watched the sweet message from afar. She was so touched that she shared it on TikTok, where it went viral with nearly a million likes.“I was watching the video, and it really struck me, and it was just super powerful,” Mann also told USA Today. “I wanted more people to see it. I wanted to spread a positive message. I wanted those words to get out because this is a young kid saying it. It's not an adult saying it.”That a kid was spreading this message wasn’t surprising to Proell’s mother, Carissa. When she saw the video for herself, she was touched.“He's such a sweet, amazing kid,” she shared. “It's not that I didn't expect him to leave something like that. But it was still just like, this guy right here … This is all him. He's just amazing, and I was so proud.”Turns out, the message was also a spark for a new friendship. Mann, who is new to the neighborhood, and Carissa plan to meet up soon.Taking Kindness One Step FurtherMann didn’t expect the video to go viral, but once it did, she decided to try and pay it forward. So she started a GoFundMe to gather donations for a local crisis clinic that recently opened in hopes of helping others who need a boost.“I was thinking it would be super cool if … somehow we could raise enough funds to donate it to the crisis clinic or donate it to a mental health organization because that way, we're giving back to the community a little bit more,” she said.“It's just such a positive thing that I think is kind of addicting or like the trickle effect,” Carissa added. “It's helping people want to share it more and more, and I think that that's really uplifting.”The Importance of Spreading KindnessThis story is such a feel-good tale because it reminds us that there is good in the youth out there and that even when a group of kids is getting together to cause light mischief in the neighborhood, someone can still stand up and do something good.It inspires us to also spread messages of kindness, whether that’s leaving a nice message on a stranger’s social media, telling a neighbor how much we appreciate them, or doing something unexpected for someone else in our life.At the end of the day, it’s kind acts like these that help boost people when they most need it, spreading positivity and light in a world that can sometimes get weighed down by darkness.More from Goalcast:Little Boy Sees a Hurricane Evacuee in Line at Chick Fil A – What He Does Next Is Proof of the Incredible Kindness of ChildrenKind Stranger Pays for a Young Mother’s Pancakes – She Doesn’t Realize The Impact of Her Deed

She Was Forcibly Removed From Her Family as a Child - Now Indigenous Educator Is Reclaiming Her Stolen Identity
Uplifting News

She Was Forcibly Removed From Her Family as a Child - Now Indigenous Educator Is Reclaiming Her Stolen Identity

Growing up, Lori Campbell didn’t really know who she was. Nowadays, the Indigenous educator speaks with more confidence on the subject.“I am the granddaughter of a Residential School survivor. I am the daughter of a First Nations woman who survived having each of her seven children stolen and relocated through the Sixties Scoop assimilation policy,” she write in an article on The Conversation.The Sixties Scoop was a large-scale effort to remove Indigenous children from their families and place them in non-Indigenous foster families. It started in the 1960s and continued throughout the 1980s. The term came from a description by a social worker who described mostly newborn babies being “scooped” from their mothers on reserves. At the same time as Residential Schools were being phased out, new efforts in “child protection” provided yet another channel for separating Indigenous families and isolating their children.And that’s exactly how Campbell describes it: she felt isolated. During those years in foster care, she could never have envisioned that she would become an educator, much less get a university education. She never would have believed that, years later, she would be receiving a prestigious education-related award. Indigenous Educator Reclaims Her Stolen IdentityThe truth is, Campbell didn’t even see herself going to university — until her basketball skills were noticed by the University of Regina. Now, the Indigenous educator has four degrees and holds the title of Associate Vice-President of Indigenous Engagement at the University of Regina. It was a long road from the little girl who was ripped from her family and forced to assimilate to today’s respected leader who helps young people re-tie those broken strings. “This is like a full circle thing,” Campbell says.And it had to start with a 25-year-long journey to find her mother and siblings. Reconnecting with them and rebuilding her family was key to reclaiming her stolen identity and forging her own place in the world.“Time and time again,” Campbell says, “Indigenous people who have been displaced through assimilation policies and other colonization tactics tell me they profoundly desire opportunities to learn more about who they are, where they come from and to understand our cultures.”Education Is KeyToday, Campbell can describe herself as a member of the Montreal Lake Cree First Nation, Cree-Métis from Treaty 6 Territory with deep roots in Treaty 4. She describes her role at the University of Regina as “advancing processes of engagement in Indigenization, decolonization, and reconciliation in postsecondary education and administration.”And while she has speaking engagements all over the world, it’s not to talk about the past or the future. Instead, Campbell draws from her own experience to help Indigenous students who may be feeling disconnected. To do that, she wants to make sure they claim their rightful place in postsecondary education. Indeed, it was at First Nations University of Canada that Campbell first started to feel accepted. It was there that she reclaimed her history and her culture.Rebuilding FamiliesOne of her main messages to young people is to talk to their parents about who they are and reconnect to their family history. “As they’re learning healing backwards, there’s this chain reaction and I think that’s a beautiful thing,” she says. At the University of Regina, Campbell advocates for a place for Indigenous students in higher education, mentoring them and working to reshape curriculum for inclusion.“I try to focus on creating a space and place where Indigenous students, staff and faculty can bring their unapologetic Indigenous selves…and take what they want or need from what’s in the institution already to use for their benefit,” the respected Indigenous educator explained. For her tireless efforts, Lori Campbell was awarded a 2023 Indspire Award in the education category. Toward True ReconciliationIn 2022, when Pope Francis travelled to Canada, Campbell was unimpressed with what she saw as an insufficient apology. But she was undeterred from her true mission: “Reconciliation is how you guide conversations with your family while having dinner. It’s how you acknowledge the Pope’s apology and how you deepen the discussion to talk about what wasn’t said. It’s those conversations that will contribute to a future where everyone in Canada can thrive, including Indigenous Peoples.”Lori Campbell sees true healing through strengthening family ties and helping Indigenous people recognize their true selves in all walks of life. “The struggles within Indigenous communities today are not cultural traits. They are symptoms of a people still struggling from the intergenerational trauma and horrors experienced through the genocidal acts and abuses that took place through the Residential School assimilation policy.”And her role is to educate — because education is the key to understanding one’s past, present and future.More from Goalcast:

Flight Attendant Notices a Passenger Having a Panic Attack - Her Next Move Is Captured by a Fellow Passenger
Uplifting News

Flight Attendant Notices a Passenger Having a Panic Attack - Her Next Move Is Captured by a Fellow Passenger

*Featured image has photo by Natã RomualdoA flight attendant is being praised for spending hours comforting a passenger who was having a panic attack.How a Flight Attendant Eased a Passenger’s PanicCeleste Leander was on an Air Canada flight from Toronto to Vienna when the woman in the row in front of her began to panic."It started when even before we were taxiing," Leander told CTV News Toronto. "The passenger clearly knew she was very nervous to fly and started talking to the flight attendants."Leander said the flight attendants kept checking in with the nervous flyer, but she continued getting more anxious.So one of the flight attendants sat with the woman."That's when the flight attendant came over and sat down and said 'I'll get you through this, it's going to be okay,' and started holding her hand and breathed with her," Leander said."For a long time she sat with her. She was just really amazing and it was just a heartfelt moment."The flight attendant returned again to sit with the passenger when the plane was landing, according to Leander.She Deserves a MedalLeander posted a photo of the flight attendant comforting the anxious passenger on Twitter saying she deserved a medal from the airline. The tweet has been viewed over 650,000 times and liked 12,000 times, including by the helpful flight attendant.The flight attendant in the photo responded saying she didn’t realize she was being observed, but is thankful her actions were acknowledged."I was raised by one of the kindest women to ever grace this earth and so I did what she taught me to do for the last 52 years," Loridana Nasso wrote. "At the end of the day, it's my job to do what I did."In a statement to CTV News Toronto, Air Canada said they are proud of Nasso’s actions and that "what occurred on this flight exemplifies the empathy and professionalism qualities that we value in our crew members."How a Flight Attendant Proved the Importance of CompassionMany commenters shared their experiences of flying with anxiety and emphasized how important the crew is.“I got the same care from a @AirCanada flight attendant. She changed my seat and chatted with me almost 6 hours of a 9 hours trip,” one tweeted.“I’ve had PA’s on flights and the crews have always been fantastic. I usually tell the gate agent about them and they let me pre-board. I always tell the crew before we takeoff and they usually check on me throughout the flight. Much respect for the crew,” another commented.“I doubt that most people have personally experienced the horror of full on panic. The flight attendant does indeed deserve a medal.”During a time when we’re bombarded with airline travel horror stories, it’s nice to come across a heartwarming story from the skies.More from Goalcast:Woman Is Afraid of Traveling on Plane – Flight Attendant Does Something That Brings Her Fellow Passenger to TearsFrazzled Mom Struggles With Crying Baby – A Flight Attendant Then Asks Her Something That Embarrasses Her

Lewis Capaldi Experiences Tourettes Symptoms on Stage and Is Unable to Sing - The Entire Crowd Steps in Instead
Uplifting News

Lewis Capaldi Experiences Tourettes Symptoms on Stage and Is Unable to Sing - The Entire Crowd Steps in Instead

In a beautiful display of the human spirit, Lewis Capaldi’s fans supported him when he started losing his voice at his recent Glastonbury performance.Three weeks after canceling a string of performances to rest and recover mentally and physically, the 26-year-old singer-songwriter from Scotland struggled to finish his set at the music festival in England. But the crowd was there for him.A Touching Performance by FansBBC Radio 1 @BBCR1/TwitterCapaldi had a difficult time singing his chart-topping hit Someone You Loved as he dealt with what appeared to be involuntary movements and his voice breaking.He gave a beautiful performance full of heart and humor, but as the hour went on, he began struggling.“I really apologize. You’ve all come out, and my voice is really packing in,” he told the crowd. “We’re gonna play two more songs if that’s cool, even if I can’t hit all the notes.”By the time his mega-hit Someone You Loved began his voice was all but gone and the audience took over, singing the lyrics back to him. Capaldi simply stood on stage taking it in while thousands of voices sung the emotional tune in unison.Since revealing his diagnosis on an Instagram live last September, the singer has remained candid with his fans about his struggle with Tourette’s syndrome and anxiety. Tourette’s syndrome is a nervous system disorder that causes repetitive movements, sounds, or tics that cannot be easily controlled. According to the Mayo Clinic, more than 200,000 people, including singer Billie Eilish, report having the condition each year in the U.S.Capaldi said the diagnosis helped him finally understood why he would often get involuntary twitches, and that he noticed his tics in filmed interviews as early as 2018.“I’ve always had it, apparently,” he said. “The worst thing about it is when I’m excited, I get it, when I’m stressed, I get it, when I’m happy I get it. It happens all the time. Some days it’s more painful than others and some days it’s less painful."“It looks a lot worse than it is,” he added. “Sometimes it’s quite uncomfortable … but it comes and goes.”In March, the singer released his documentary How I’m Feeling Now, which gave a closer look at Capaldi’s mental health issues and Tourette’s. It captured how he’s managed his tics throughout his career as he revealed that early on he pushed back on getting treatment, calling the tics a normal part of his life.Prioritizing His Mental WellbeingIn the documentary Capaldi admitted to taking a four-month pause to focus on his mental health, which is when he got his Tourette diagnosis. He also spoke at length about how his anxiety can exacerbate his tics as well.A few days after the festival performance Capaldi announced he will be taking another break."First of all, thank you to Glastonbury for having me, for singing along when I needed it and for all the amazing messages afterwards. It really does mean the world," he posted."I used to be able to enjoy every second of shows like this and I'd hoped three weeks away would sort me out. But the truth is I'm still learning to adjust to the impact of my Tourette's and on Saturday it became obvious that I need to spend much more time getting my mental and physical health in order, so I can keep doing everything I love for a long time to come."Tourette’s in the SpotlightOn the Jonathan Ross Show in October Capaldi said, “People think I’m on cocaine a lot and I’m not! Now I’m the poster boy for Tourette’s, and I’ll accept that.”And at the Glastonbury performance that just what he did – put Tourette’s in spotlight.It is not just that Capaldi has a disability, but his Tourette’s was front and center on the Pyramid stage, along with his talent and incredible performance.In a perfect world, a tic is just a twinge and not a sign of failure. That’s why Capaldi’s performance in Glastonbury was so beautiful. Because the crowd wasn’t just singing the lyrics for Capaldi, they were telling him they accept him and admire him exactly as he is, displaying a beautiful example of true acceptance.More from Goalcast:Woman Tried to Hide Her Hearing Aids – Until Her Son Inspired Her to Embrace Her DisabilityEmily Blunt Secretly Suffered from a Surprising Disability – But One Thing Helped Her Beat It

Teen Is Devastated When Her Friend Ruins Her $500 Prom Dress - Little Did She Know There Was So Much More to Come
Uplifting News

Teen Is Devastated When Her Friend Ruins Her $500 Prom Dress - Little Did She Know There Was So Much More to Come

Prom is supposed to be a celebration of another school year and of milestones and friendships. Unfortunately, not all teenagers understand the implications of bullying, and sometimes prom can be a horror movie realized. That was the case for one 16-year-old at her prom, but luckily she got the happy ending that she deserved.An Unexpected NightEmilee Perry once had to leave a school due to bullying issues, and as a result, she deals with a lot of anxiety. It’s to the point where she can be scared to leave the house without her parents, according to the Mirror. So the fact that Tracy and Michael convinced their daughter to go to her prom in Doncaster, England, was a big deal.Her parents helped her select a dress that cost more than £400 and had her hair and makeup done professionally. Emilee was expecting to go to the event with a group of friends and found it weird when one friend reached out to say she was already there.About two hours after arriving, Emilee was sitting by herself while her friend group was in the washroom. Suddenly, she felt something wet on her head. The girl whom she thought was her friend and who had bailed on her earlier had just poured an entire jug of red pop over her.“I didn't even know she was behind me; she crept up on me,” Emilee told the publication. “Nothing was ever said, I just looked up and saw the girl walking away.”A Brutal Turn of EventsEmilee’s hair, dress and makeup were ruined. Even worse, she had no idea why her supposed friend had done what she did or why she did it in front of everyone.“I thought we were friends, that's why it was such a shock, we had taken a picture together that night,” she continued. “I still have no idea whatsoever why she did it. It was so humiliating; it was in front of my whole year group… I was completely covered, it was all over me. I was so sticky.”Although the girl was asked to leave and teachers tried to convince Emilee to stay, she wanted to go home. She called her mom to pick her up, and her mom was equally devastated. She took photos of her daughter and posted them on social media, where the story went viral.“I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it was a horrible sight,” Tracy said. “Everything was drenched. She was absolutely devastated. To do something as cruel and humiliating as that is awful.”Unexpected SupportEventually, one of the girl’s parents apologized to Emilee, but she doesn’t expect to see her former friend again. What did surprise Emilee, however, was the outpouring of support from her community. Parents near her town, who had tragically lost their 15-year-old daughter, invited Emilee to attend a charity ball in their daughter’s honor, giving her a second chance at prom.“It makes me feel joyed to be able to get dressed up and almost recreate what was supposed to be a special occasion and be given another opportunity to have a wonderful night,” Emilee later told Metro.“I’m in absolute awe about it all, I can’t believe how many lovely people there are in the world!” she continued. “It’s really shown me that no matter how dark of a situation, there is always something good at the end.”The support didn’t stop there, though. Following the charity event, an Essex-based company named Blue Beau Boutique also reached out and invited the girl to model prom dresses for a photo shoot they were doing. Emilee went and modeled beautiful dresses with hair and makeup done by pros — at no cost.“I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do this,” Emilee told The Sun. “I'd say to anyone struggling with anxiety and confidence to just speak to people, as no one will think any less of you.”Meanwhile, some real-life pageant queens decided they also wanted to help boost Emilee’s spirits. So they traveled to see her, naming her the Ultimate Prom Queen and gifting her a certificate and a crown.“We are blown away with today’s visit by some amazing pageant queens,” Tracy shared on Facebook. “Emilee has been showered with gifts and kind words and even crowned Ultimate Prom Queen by these wonderful ladies. They traveled all the way from Durham just to make her feel better, and it certainly has. Emilee is finally a prom queen.”Leading With Kindness Bullying is never okay, no matter how old we are. And the more we talk about bullying and its devastating effects, the more we can hopefully eradicate it. However, it’s equally important to share stories like these, in which everyday people see acts of bullying and actively work to negate its effects.It’s a nice reminder that it’s always important to lead with kindness because you never know what someone else is going through. There are all kinds of people out there who deal with anxiety and depression or who have a rough past for whatever reason. Rather than judging them or assuming you know about their experience, just do something kind instead.And if you do see someone being bullied, do what you can to support them in that situation. Stand with them, show bravery, and don’t be a bystander. If you feel as though things could get physical or dangerous, seek immediate help. Online, don’t share negative posts or pile on people in the comments. And in real life, always encourage anyone who is being bullied to seek out some of the many available resources.More from Goalcast:Teen Finds Out His Classmates Are Bullying His Best Friend for His Old Shoes – So He Saves Up $135 and Does ThisMom Learns Her Son Has Been Bullying His Classmate – What She Does Next Shocks the Internet

Man Pleads for Hospital Staff to Help His Wife After She Gave Birth - Now He Raises Their Sons Alone
Uplifting News

Man Pleads for Hospital Staff to Help His Wife After She Gave Birth - Now He Raises Their Sons Alone

Each year, roughly 700 pregnant people die from often preventable complications or problems in the United States. Further, data collected by the CDC indicates that there are significantly higher pregnancy-related mortality ratios among Black and Indigenous/Alaskan Native women. Unfortunately, one man had to watch his wife become one of those statistics when she gave birth to their second child in 2016, and now he’s using her story to launch a maternal health revolution.A Miracle Turns Into a TragedyWhen Charles Johnson and his wife, Kira, entered Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles in April 2016, they were expecting a routine cesarean section. It was their second child, and everything so far in the 39-year-old’s pregnancy had been perfectly healthy, according to Parents.Later that day, their son Langston was born healthy, and Kira was recovering. And that’s when it all went wrong. Charles noticed his wife’s catheter turn pink with blood.Charles alerted the staff right away. “They called for several tests, including a CT scan that was supposed to be performed stat,” he told the publication. An hour later, the bloodwork indicated that Kira’s levels were abnormal. She had also lost color, was sensitive to the touch, and there were clear signs she was hemorrhaging significantly internally. Still, there was no CT scan.Five agonizing hours later, Charles pulled a nurse aside and asked her again for help. “The woman looked me right in the eyes and said, ‘Sir, your wife just isn’t a priority right now,’” he recalled.It wasn’t until after midnight — eight hours after blood first appeared in the catheter — that hospital staff transported Kira to an operating suite. As they walked her out, Charles recalls her turning to him and saying, “Baby, I’m scared.”“One of the doctors said, ‘It’s not a big deal, sometimes these things happen,” Charles said. “She’ll be back in 15 minutes.”Charles never saw his wife alive again.A Preventable Situation Charles wasn’t expecting to leave the hospital alone, and he was naturally going through a range of emotions. Grief over the loss of his wife. Fear over the thought of being a single dad to two boys. And anger at the hospital staff for failing to prevent this in the first place.Because as it turned out, Kira was hemorrhaging into her abdomen. By the time the surgical team reopened her incision, she had lost roughly 70% of her circulating blood volume. They were unable to revive her on the operating table.“The thing that we are clear about is that there was a failure for the staff and the team at Cedars to see my wife the same way that they would view their daughter, their sister, or their wife,” Johnson added. “Kira deserved so much better.”Fighting for ChangeCharles is haunted by all the thoughts of what he could have done differently that fateful day, but he realizes Kira’s death isn’t a unique experience. So now he’s sharing her story in hopes of actual change. Since he’s started opening up, he’s heard from others who have also experienced painful and unnecessary loss.“We are in the midst of what truly is a maternal mortality crisis, right here in the United States,” he said.Thus, the non-profit organization 4Kira4Moms was born. “First and foremost, we advocate,” Charles continued. “We try and become a voice for the voiceless. There are so many families that have been suffering in silence and don't have the platform, and these stories are going unnoticed. We try and give a voice to that and advocate for change.”Since launching the organization, Charles has worked with Congress to pass the Preventing Maternal Deaths Act, an act that provides funding to track, review and investigate incidents of maternal mortality. Formed committees also determine and track at-risk groups in hopes of giving better postpartum care.Keeping Kira’s Memory AliveAt home, Charles honors his late wife’s memory by continually talking about her with his sons and filling their home with photos and memories. It can be hard at times and he misses her every day, but he feels it’s important their sons knew what an incredible woman their mother was. How she spoke five languages and loved to travel. And how much joy her children brought her.“Even though there's a lot of smiles, there's a lot of joy, sometimes it's really difficult," he added. “No matter how over-the-top the birthday party is, or how many times you jump up and down singing 'Baby Shark,' or how many soccer teams you coach, there's nothing that can fill that gap when your child wakes up in the middle of the night asking why mommy can't come home.”Sharing the StoriesAlthough this story is a sad one, it also highlights the importance of having an open conversation about maternal health and the racial disparities that exist in postpartum care. And while hospitals and healthcare systems can work to identify and address unconscious bias in healthcare and standardize care and responses to emergencies, there are things we can do as communities, as well.Sharing stories and highlighting the problem is one way. Donating to or supporting organizations like 4Kira4Moms is another. No one wants to see a child leave a hospital without their mom. But until we normalize the conversation and push for actual change, these sad stats remain a reality.

5 Steps to Apply The Wisdom of Internal Family Systems Therapy to Your Own Life
Mental Health

5 Steps to Apply The Wisdom of Internal Family Systems Therapy to Your Own Life

A friend once shared that when they started looking for support for their mental health, they were shocked to find more than one type of therapy. I’d assumed everyone knew this, but the truth is, there are many options available, and finding the right type of therapy is just as important as the therapy itself. Internal Family Systems Therapy, or IFS, is a lesser-known form of therapy, which we’ll explore in this article.RELATED: Personal Vs. Group Therapy: Which Mental Health Journey Is Right for You?Internal family systems therapy was founded by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s. It takes an interesting view of the psyche; rather than one solid and fixed “self,” the IFS model is based upon the theory of multiple subpersonalities that have their own emotions, beliefs, and viewpoints. If this all sounds a little disconcerting, don’t worry — it’s less “out there” than it sounds, and is an evidence-based approach that has been proven to be effective.In addition to walking through the various goals and components of the IFS model, we’ll also show you how to apply its theory as self-help, to give you a taste of its practical power.What is the Goal of Internal Family Systems Therapy?Schwartz developed IFS therapy having originally worked as a psychologist trained in family systems; the theory that families are complex, emotional units, and the way they interact influence the psychology of each member. Schwartz expanded upon this theory to apply it an individual, having noticed that many clients spoke of different “parts” of themselves, that have conflicting demands.Schwartz also noticed that these inner parts communicated in ways that mirrored family dynamics. From there, he started to explore ways in which to heal the inner parts, moving the client to a more integrated and whole version of themselves. For Schwartz, traumatic experiences led to defense mechanisms and “extreme roles,” which have to be seen and healed in order to find greater emotional and psychological balance.Although the idea of multiple “personalities” can bring up images of extreme disorders, many schools of thought in psychology have explored inner conflict as being one of the core elements of the human mind. To name a few, Sigmund Freud had his theory of the id, ego, and superego, whilst his protege, Carl Jung, spoke of different archetypes that exist within. Jung, in particular, was also concerned with “wholeness,” that is, the person bringing the fullest version of themselves to the forefront of their being.Is Internal Family Systems Therapy Legitimate?While the amount of research around IFS therapy isn’t as comprehensive as other forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it is an evidence-based practice, with a growing body of evidence for positive results in treating conditions including depression, PTSD, stress, and anxiety. In 2021 a study published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma found IFS therapy to be effective in reducing PTSD in survivors of extreme childhood trauma.Leading world experts on trauma, including Gabor Mate and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, endorse and have been inspired by Schwartz’s innovative approach to trauma-informed treatment. Tapping into Schwartz’s ethos, in The Body Keeps The Score, Kolk writes:“The Self is like an orchestra conductor who helps all the parts to function harmoniously as a symphony rather than a cacophony.”The Core Components of Internal Family Systems TherapyThe IFS model promotes self-leadership — that is the ability to self-heal and uncover a sense of inner resourcefulness, to find the answers and to kick-start self-repair. In this sense, it mirrors philosophical or spiritual approaches of inner wisdom. The relationship between the self, and parts, is the foundation of internal family systems.PartsWithin the IFS model, parts come under different categories. Typically they are in conflict with each other and lack trust in the self. They may be “frozen” at different ages (think, for example, of the inner child). The goal is to find better harmony as an overall system, relying and trusting the core self as, as Kolk says, the conductor of the orchestra. The three categories are:Exiles: the most intense in feeling and memory, most often linked to trauma, and difficult emotions such as shame, humiliation, or even rage or anger. These parts are exiled, pushed out of consciousness, and suppressed, but in doing so, this depletes the availability of psychic energy available.Managers: these parts look for ways to control the system, and keep the exiled parts away, through concern over their level of disruption. These are known as proactive protectors, and are often healthy, keeping a person functioning and operating well.Firefighters: known as reactive protectors, firefighters take control if exiles break through the system, attempting to avoid pain in a more cavalier way, including forms of escapism such as substance abuse, self-harm, or thrill-seeking behavior. Firefights are at odds with managers for being more volatile.The Core SelfWhat exactly is the self? Pinning down a definitive description of the self is complex. But different schools of thought, including the IFS model, have been able to identify a core self that holds, in some way, our highest potential — colloquially called a higher self or true self, it’s grounded in wisdom and clarity, compared to the reactivity or distortions of individual parts. Internal family systems categorize remarkable characteristics of the self as Eight Cs and Five Ps, which are:Calm, clarity, compassion, curiosity, confidence, courage, creativity, and connection.Presence, patience, perspective, persistence, and playfulness.Schwartz discovered that when operating from the self, these qualities consistently appeared, catalyzing the healing process.The Unburdening ProcessPart of the goal of internal family systems is to allow the self to create the appropriate conditions for exiled parts to rise to the surface, share their pain, their needs, and their fears, and be communicated with from a different quality of consciousness. In doing so, they become healed and integrated, rather than shunned from the spotlight of consciousness. Schwartz calls this process unburdening, due to the nature of letting go of painful memories and unaddressed emotions.How To Apply Internal Family Systems On Your OwnAlthough the IFS model is used as a therapeutic method, it’s possible to apply its tool and insights on your own — it is a model of self-leadership, after all. Similar to CBT, the ethos of the method can be used on yourself, although it may take more discipline, it can be effective. It begins by identifying the self. According to Schwartz:“It helps to know when you're in self and when you're not. We have a meditation that helps people get their parts in open space and then feel what it's like to be in self. And then, the simple practice of just noticing how many of those eight Cs you are finding. And noticing how open your heart is, or noticing if you have a big agenda.”1. Discern What The Self Is, And Isn’tThe list of remarkable qualities above directs you towards the qualities of the self. But words alone don’t capture it; you have to familiarize with the self, when it’s most present. Personally speaking, this has been one of the biggest gifts of meditation. Through mindfulness practice, I was able to find the inner sense of peace and wisdom that catalyzed my own healing process.RELATED: Self-Reflection: Why Is It Important?The self can be active spontaneously, too. It can feel as if a sense of calm and clarity suddenly comes over you, like an “aha” moment — maybe on a walk in nature, after exercising, or after a period of stress and anxiety, where suddenly, the clouds are lifted. Without trying to conceptualize, become as familiar as you can.Don’t stress at this point or try to force connection, as the self is paradoxical; the more you clear your mind and become centered, the more likely it is to appear.2. Finding Lost PartsThis task isn’t easily done alone, especially if you have experienced significant trauma. But it is possible to begin exploring your inner landscape, to identify the different parts, and how they surface in your day-to-day life. In the IFS model, this is known as “unblending,” as a way to clarify the individual components. Therapists use 6 Fs to locate parts, which you can also apply to yourself:Find: this requires self-awareness to be present to individual components, how they exist energetically and within the body.Focus: rather than ignore this part, deliberately focus on it.Flesh out: now start to fill in the gaps. Does this part have a visual element? Is it represented in a certain way, or by powerful emotions?Feel toward: the next step is to ask the question, how do you feel about this part? This will highlight whether the self is active, or whether another, secondary part is influencing (or judging) this part.BeFriend: start to enquire into the nature of this part, how it became the way it was, what it needs, what its intentions are. A core ethos of the IFS model is that all parts have positive intentions.What does this part Fear? This question will surface the protective mechanism of the part. For example, suppressed rage may be through the fear of causing harm, or being rejected, if that emotion comes to the surface.3. Identify Managers and FirefightersThe next stage is to reflect on the way in which inner parts interact. What patterns do you detect? What managers or firefighters show up when you experience difficulty? This isn’t an easy task and takes a combination of patience and self-awareness to see how this inner complex system unfolds. Here are some questions to point you in the right direction:Where in my life do I attempt to control, or over-prepare? This can be obvious, such as planning all the different activities of a trip, or meticulously crafting your weekly schedule. Or it can be subtle, such as avoiding certain social scenarios to avoid triggering reactive qualities, such as fears of rejection or abandonment.What emotions do I struggle with the most? This can point you to the qualities of exiled parts, and their associated feelings. These emotions are also most likely to be linked to firefighting mechanisms.How do I escape from unpleasant feelings? It’s widely acceptable to escape unpleasant emotions, from anxiety to sadness, through different forms of escape. Can you detect patterns in your firefighting tendencies? What emotions do you avoid, and how do you avoid them?4. Give Space to Each PartBoldly claiming these steps will return you to a sense of wholeness, and “heal” you, would be misguided. This work takes a lot of time. The process of returning to wholeness, it could be argued, is lifelong. What’s most important is that you begin the journey of recovering exiled parts of the self — many different forms of therapy agree with the IFS model, in that sense.Can you view the exiled parts as deserving of compassion, or acceptance? Know that the parts of you that cause pain, or avoid difficult feelings, was an intelligent way of attempting to self-protect, they had their purpose. So give space to each part; you may practice a journal technique of writing from a specific part. Intuitively, you’ll know this, as you’ll be tempted to describe the situation as “a part of me wants…”RELATED: The True Meaning Of Maslow’s Hierarchy of NeedsAlways pull the thread when you feel this seeming inner fragmentation. It’s not a sign of madness, but, according to internal family systems, the true nature of mind. The more you can settle in the self, and become the conductor of your inner orchestra, the more harmony and peace of mind you’ll create, as well as unlock the energy it takes to keep parts exiled.5. Practice Forgiveness and Letting GoThe unburdening process isn’t just a mental practice, but a full-body experience, which is why internal family systems are intertwined with healing trauma. Be willing to let go of past experiences, which may require forgiveness, towards yourself, and others. Remember that letting go of protective mechanisms, be it managers or firefighters, won’t send you into a downward spiral, but will liberate you from maladaptive tendencies.This isn’t a one-off, but an ongoing process, as are all of the above steps. Internal family systems are a powerful tool for mental balance, emotional harmony, and self-discovery. It’s not a checklist but part of a toolkit of personal development. So keep these steps in mind. And if part of you feels skeptical, put that part aside, let the self take the lead, and see what you gain with a little experimentation, some faith, and a pragmatic approach to the multifaceted nature of mind.KEEP READING How to Achieve Self-Actualization: A Complete Guide

How Shia Labeouf's Wife Mia Goth “Saved His Life” During His Darkest Times: The "Transformers" Star's Tragic Past
Celebrities

How Shia Labeouf's Wife Mia Goth “Saved His Life” During His Darkest Times: The "Transformers" Star's Tragic Past

Controversial actor Shia LaBeouf says his wife Mia Goth was the only “one person” who cared about him when his life was crashing down.We often see child stars face painful a career decline as they age, with some celebrities even ending up in some pretty rough places later on in life. The Child Actor Curse is usually due to the Hollywood pressure, easy access to substances, or parental misguidance. Unfortunately for Shia LaBeouf, he struggled with all three… but he’s done making excuses.RELATED: In Defense of Kim Kardashian: How She Earned Her Riches and Fame – But Not the HateLaBeouf established himself as a talented actor, starring alongside the likes of Brad Pitt, Michael Douglas, Tom Hardy, and more. However, his career slowly declined after some serious controversies, allegations, and many regretful actions came to light in recent years. Back in 2018, Grammy-nominated artist FKA Twigs (real name Tahlia Barnett) met LaBeouf on the set of his film “Honey Boy.” When LaBeouf broke up with his now-wife Mia Goth, he began a long term relationship with Twigs that she went on to describe as “relentless abuse.” Her accusations led to a lawsuit siting sexual battery, violent behaviour, and emotional manipulation.FKA Twigs Has Sued LaBeouf for Sexual Battery; The Trial is Set For April 2023 At first, LaBeouf denied the allegations. However, in a conversation with fellow actor Jon Bernthal on the “Real Ones” podcast, he opened up about his mistakes."I f—ed up bad… hurt a lot of people, and I'm fully aware of that. And I'm going to owe for the rest of my life.” He went on to say that “ I was a pleasure-seeking, selfish, self-centered, dishonest, inconsiderate, fearful human being.”He sunk to the lowest point in his life, and got honest about contemplating suicide. Now, he’s on a spiritual journey to be the best man he can be, and Mia Goth is the reason for his life-changing turnaround.RELATED: The Tragic Tale of Nikocado and the Dangerous Effect Tik Tok Fame Has on Mental HealthGoth (“Pearl”, “X”) has been in an on-and-off relationship with LaBeouf since they first met on the set of their film Nymphomaniac in 2012. The two costars live-streamed their Las Vegas wedding in 2016, and their marriage shortly ended after Goth filed for divorce in 2018. Although the proceedings of the divorce remained private, the two have recently put aside their differences for good (LaBeouf refers to Goth as his “wife” throughout the interview).During his rehabilitation process, LaBeouf reflects on the fact that Goth was the only person in his life to visit him. “She was present for me at a time when I didn’t deserve to have nobody in my life, especially her.” Since then, LaBeouf and Goth have fully embraced their love together, and earlier this year they welcomed their baby daughter Isabel to the world.The Couple Had Their Baby In March 2022 After Getting Back Together Last YearPhoto by CelebCandidly / Snorlax / MEGAFor years LaBeouf battled multiple addictions and struggled with his identity in Hollywood, leading to a destructive road causing pain to himself and everybody around him. Finally, the heavy allegations towards him were the public wake-up call he needed to truly understand the gravity of his actions.RELATED: How to Talk to Your Kids About Mental HealthHe also believes his daughter is a major reason he’s beginning to take accountability, saying that “knowing that your daughter is one day gonna search your name in a search engine and see that you are a deplorable, disgusting piece of s—t… that s—t hits.”We Don't Have To Be Our PastThe truth is, our mistakes and actions don’t make us who we are - no matter how regretful they may be. As LaBeouf candidly points out, there is power in facing an "ego death". Instead, it is the lessons we learn and decisions that we make in the future that define who we are. Remember that we all need a support system, even if it’s only one person by our side.RELATED: How Hulu’s The Bear Tears Apart Addiction, Suicide and Mental HealthFor now, LaBeouf is honest and genuine about his goal of reconciliation. If he continues down the road he’s currently on, he’ll prove to us all that everyone deserves a second, third, or even fourth chance. All of us. KEEP READING: Stranger Things Addresses Depression and Mental Health in the Most Crucial Way—This article discusses topics of domestic violence, depression, and suicide. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, or has thoughts of self-harm; please consider reaching out to the following organizations, or consulting the following resources:Dial 998 for the Suicide & Crisis LifelineDomestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.orgCenter On Domestic & Sexual Violence: www.ncadv.org

Maladaptive Daydreams: How To Stop Getting Lost In The World of Imagination
Mental Health

Maladaptive Daydreams: How To Stop Getting Lost In The World of Imagination

There’s a stigma around zoning out. Whether missing parts of a conversation or not paying attention at school, drifting off into the land of daydreams isn’t socially acceptable. In recent years, the focus on mindfulness, and paying attention to the moment, reinforces this point: daydreaming is a distraction, undesirable, a way to disconnect from the present moment.RELATED: How to Focus: 12 Tips to Improve ConcentrationBut not all daydreaming is bad. Mind wandering has been linked with all sorts of positive benefits, from high creativity and intelligence. Zoning out from your immediate environment might zone you in on a powerful insight or problem-solving mindset. Creative geniuses from all fields, from philosophers to scientists, often land upon their biggest breakthroughs through daydreaming. Clearly, these are adaptive processes.The American Psychological Association defines its opposite, maladaptation, as “detrimental, counterproductive, or otherwise interfering with optimal functioning in various domains.” Maladaptive daydreaming describes daydreaming that has a negative impact on life. There’s growing recognition that many people, especially those with co-existing mental health conditions, experience maladaptive daydreams.Whether you’ve had an official diagnosis or you’d simply like to stop being carried away by your inner dreamworld at inconvenient times, this overview will guide you through the causes of maladaptive daydreams, and practical steps to stop.What Is Maladaptive Daydreaming?Maladaptive daydreaming, or daydreaming disorder, is a “compulsive fantasy activity characterized by immersive imagination and shifting of attention toward a rich inner world while neglecting social, occupational, and academic activities.” Research has linked maladaptive daydreaming with various mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and ADHD. Despite gaining attention in the field of psychology, it’s not officially recognized as a psychiatric disorder by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). But that doesn't make it any less impactful. People who experience maladaptive daydreams often completely zone out, entering rich and complex fantasy worlds. They can be immersed in these worlds for hours at a time.Some experts explain maladaptive daydreaming as a coping mechanism linked to childhood trauma, as a form of disassociation, or detachment from reality. When a child’s environment feels unsafe or threatening, they may start to escape into their imagination, and continue this behavior into adulthood.Maladaptive daydreaming isn’t the same as straightforward mind wandering. In fact, a 2022 study in the Journal of Clinical Psychology called for maladaptive daydreaming to be recognized as a distinct disorder. Unlike the type of mind wandering that comes with ADHD, which can be creative or skillful, maladaptive daydreaming involves conscious absorption in rich fantasies.The Symptoms of Maladaptive DaydreamingProfessor Eli Somer, Ph.D, a trauma expert and one of the world’s leading researchers of maladaptive daydreaming, has proposed diagnostic criteria for maladaptive daydreams. Within the proposal, he outlines eight of the common symptoms:While daydreaming, experiences an intense sense of absorption/immersion that includes visual, auditory, or affective properties.Daydreaming is triggered, maintained, or enhanced with exposure to music.Daydreaming is triggered, maintained, or enhanced with exposure to stereotypical movement (e.g., pacing, rocking, hand movements).Often daydreams when feels distressed, or bored.Daydreaming intensity and length intensify in the absence of others (e.g., daydreams more when alone).Is annoyed when unable to daydream or when daydreaming is interrupted or curbed.Would rather daydream than engage in daily chores, social, academic, or professional activities.Has made repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back, or stop daydreaming.To meet the criteria, someone has to have experienced two or more of these symptoms within a six-month period, including number one — immersion and absorption. Maladaptive daydreams create a sense of distress or impairment in daily living and are not caused by physiological changes (such as drug taking) or a mental health disorder that better explain the experience.Immersive daydreaming shares many of the traits of maladaptive daydreaming but doesn’t impair a person’s functioning. This is where the fine details become tricky — great works of literature or art require their creators to enter states of complete absorption, in order to bring forward imaginary ideas. The main quality of maladaptive daydreaming is how well a person can function.What Do Maladaptive Daydreamers Fantasize About?Many maladaptive dreamers develop an emotional attachment to the characters and events existing within their mind’s eye, which creates a feedback loop and keeps the cycle going. Somer’s research includes qualitative information on the nature of maladaptive dreamers. He categorizes five key themes of fantasy life:Violence: Tarantino-esque bloodshed and aggression.Idealized self: imagining scenarios where the maladaptive daydreamer is an “improved” or “ideal” version.Power and control: including dominating other people, or being in positions of authority.Captivity, rescue, and escape: involving either being imprisoned or rescuing others from abusers.Sexual arousal: far from normal fantasy, maladaptive daydreamers can spend hours and hours building complex scenarios or the ideal partner.Many of the cases cited in Somer’s work were dealing with complex trauma or historical abuse; that can’t be understated. However, the second theme, the idealized self, is of particular relevance to self-development. The image that comes to mind is a movie scene, where the high school “geek” fantasizes about having it all, being the alpha, or carrying out revenge, before snapping back to reality.Perhaps unsurprisingly, if you put these themes together (spare sexual arousal) and you have the elements of a superhero narrative, the pinnacle of collective fantasy. In another respect, the character Tyler Durden, from Fight Club, has all of these hallmarks — which makes sense, as the Narrator in Chuck Palaniuk’s story was experiencing regular dissociation and maladaptive daydreams.How to Stop Maladaptive DaydreamingFirst, we have to remember the golden rule of psychology — what we resist, persists. Trying to force maladaptive daydreams to stop can have the reverse effect, only serving to fuel their intensity. This is an additional risk because of their link to behavioral addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder. The initial starting point is firstly to acknowledge daydreaming has become a problem and that you would like to change. Next, if excessive daydreaming is having a negative influence on your life, consider therapy to get professional support or treatment for maladaptive daydreaming. The disorder isn’t common knowledge, however, so you may have to point your therapist in the direction of some material, in order to share your experience.RELATED: How To Boost Your Dream Recall For Higher CreativityWith these points in mind, what are other practical steps that you can take to stop maladaptive daydreaming? At the risk of poor comparison, maladaptive daydreaming is, to some extent, similar to an eating disorder. If you’re addicted to drugs or alcohol, it’s possible to go cold turkey, to give up completely. But if your issue is food, you have to find a better balance, because you need food to survive. It becomes about changing your relationship, not removing the trigger.The same applies to maladaptive daydreaming. You don’t want to switch off your imagination — the chances are, your imagination contains many gifts! Instead, you want to focus on channeling the vivid mental imagery into healthy outlets, whilst tackling the core motivation for the mechanism to escape daily life.1. Start With Your PhysiologyThat involves getting proper sleep so you’re rested during the day, eating well so that you’re providing your body with healthy fuel, managing stress, working on relaxation, and exercising. You may also consider visiting a doctor to have a bodily MOT — checking for any deficiencies, or hormonal imbalances, in order to rule out biological problems that may be contributing to your experience.2. Inquire Into Underlying Defense MechanismsIf you want to stop maladaptive daydreaming, you have to understand what motivates you to start. The origin of the habit may be linked to childhood trauma; this is something that can’t be approached lightly and may need additional support. However, in the present moment, the here and now, you will be able to notice patterns and tendencies, common to all addictive behavior.When are you more likely to enter fantasy? Is it when you’re bored? When you’re stressed? When do you experience low self-esteem? If you gently enquire about the times when you’re more likely to engage, you may detect underlying mechanisms. Once you discover your “triggers,” you can better understand the mechanics of the experience.For example, if you experience low self-esteem, perhaps you imagine your idealized self who is able to do all the things you perceive yourself to be incapable of. If you feel exploited or powerless, you may fantasize about being a superhero, there to save the day. If you suppress anger or rage, you may experience violent imagery as a type of mental retribution. Get familiar with this, as this is the core issue that needs addressing.3. Explore Your Fantasies With CuriosityDo you create the fantasy, or does the fantasy choose you? Apologies for the philosophical take, but this is a rich area of exploration. Your imagination, like dreams, doesn’t happen by chance or randomness. The fantasies you engage with are encoded with deeper meaning, a way to guide you to psychological mechanisms that remain unseen or unhealed.Carl Jung, a pioneer of depth psychology, saw daydreams as an extension of the unconscious mind. For Jung, there were lessons contained within the contents. In Man and his Symbols, Jung writes: “Daydreams arise just because they connect a man with his complexes; at the same time they threaten the concentration and continuity of his consciousness.”In Jungian terms, a complex is “an unconscious organized set of memories, associations, fantasies, expectations, and behavior patterns or tendencies around a core element which is accompanied by strong emotions.” That means that the fantasies you engage in also show you where complexes lie.Part of this understanding requires some knowledge of symbolism and archetypes. Most of us are able to do this intuitively — explore your fantasies as you would deconstruct or analyze a piece of art, or a movie. What do the characters tell you? What did the director, or author, have in mind when it comes to the fantasy’s message?4. Integrate The DreamworldRemember, you can’t have a zero-tolerance policy to your imagination, but you can integrate it in a healthy way. Start to work with your inner life as a conscious component of your development and self-understanding. Start a regular journal practice, where you actively explore the fantasies existing within. Maladaptive daydreams aren’t a waste of time; they’re supportive of your psychological and emotional evolution.Part of integration is to discern when daydreams are unhealthy, and when they’re healthy. Are they solving problems, offering a creative exploration? Or are they being used as a form of escape? Equally, integration requires a level of mindfulness in order to practice keeping attention to the present moment.Think of this as a type of Jedi mind skill. Your mission is to get your daydreams under control, so you utilize them as a gift, and aren’t at their mercy, whilst channeling energy and attention into “the real world.” Find a balance between imagination and rational, pragmatic thinking. Find a sense of grounding in your daily life, and allow yourself to dream without completely floating away.5. Find a Creative OutletAgain, channeling is better than attempting to stop completely. So many things in life are a matter of perspective. Without minimizing the seriousness of maladaptive daydreams, your ability to create rich fantasy worlds, and the lucidity of your mental imagery, can be used in creative ways. Great creative work often comes from a sense of immersion in these worlds.That doesn’t mean you have to literally write stories, although that’s one potential outlet. You may paint, create music, take up improv, or do anything that allows you to bridge your inner world with the outer world. Don’t judge what contents exist within, but don’t mistake them for who you are, either.Through this process, as you slowly integrate, as you heal and put the daydreams into the appropriate context, you will arrive at a place of greater self-acceptance and connection to the world around you. The allure of daydreams will decrease, as will the desire to escape. And if the allure or desire is there, you’ll be able to find a healthy outlet for it.KEEP READING When Does Daydreaming Become A Problem?