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Typically, when couples live together or get married, they share a bedroom. Long gone are the days when even television couples slept in separated twin beds in the same room. The vast majority of couples share a bed.
In fact, many couples wouldn't even consider not snuggling up to their spouse or partner every night. Of course, this can create issues for one or both people, as everyone has a different sleep style.
Maybe one person tosses and turns all night long while the other wants to burrito themselves into the covers. Or maybe one person is a chronic insomniac while the other falls asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. And that's not even addressing one of the most common sleep issues to plague couples – snoring.
Today’s Carson Daly shared that he and his wife Siri, a food contributor on the Today show, stopped sharing a bed several years ago and since their “sleep divorce,” they’ve both experienced much better sleep than when they slept in the same bed. But what are the benefits of sleep divorce, and what does it really mean for couples?
Sleep divorce is a simple concept that originated in Scandinavia. It is when a couple decides to sleep in separate beds (or rooms or at different times) usually because one person has sleep apnea, or a snoring problem, and the couple becomes convinced that sleeping separately is the key to getting a good night’s sleep. The Better Sleep Council revealed that one in four couples report getting a better night of sleep when they sleep alone versus with their partners.
It's not just snoring and sleep apnea that drives couples to a sleep divorce. Perhaps one person has a late-night texting problem. Maybe one prefers a night light while the other requires complete darkness.
The Better Sleep Council’s survey on the sleep issues of American couples revealed that 26% of the respondents reported that they sleep better when they sleep alone.
One in 10 couples reported that they sleep in separate bedrooms. Women have more issues with their sleep environment than men. Specifically, only 12% reported not having any issues sleeping, 42% said their partner’s snoring keeps them up, and 44% said that tossing and turning keeps them awake at night.
Basically, if your sleep environment needs are different than your partner's, or there is some sleep incompatibility, a sleep divorce may be the right solution for you.
Sleep is imperative to our well-being. When sleep suffers, our brains do not function optimally making it hard to do our jobs, parent our kids, and even drive a car or make dinner.
Long-term sleep deprivation and poor sleep quality actually harm our health and is a factor that can increase the risk of having a stroke or heart attack, as well as increasing the chance of developing cancer or Alzheimer’s disease. These and other detrimental results were revealed by Christopher Barnes, a professor at the University of Washington who specializes in sleep and sleep deprivation, in an interview with The Knot.
If one partner works the night shift and rises at 3 am, that can lead to sleep issues for the other partner. If one partner has a sleep disorder, it may be better (and safer) for the couple to sleep separately.
Body heat, restless leg syndrome, and even cover hogs can create long-term sleep issues for couples. There is no drawback to getting more and better sleep – it will literally improve every area of your life from your health to your mood to your productivity. Embarking on a sleep divorce doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner, but it does mean you love yourself enough to get a good night’s sleep.
Carson Daly and his wife Siri have been sleeping in separate bedrooms since she was pregnant with their fourth child. In an interview during a segment on The Today Show, Daly said, “I was served my sleep-divorce papers a few years ago. It’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We both, admittedly, slept better apart.”
That wasn’t the first time Daly referred to his sleep-divorce. In an interview with Dr. Oz in 2019 on Today, he remarked that “irreconcilable sleeping” led to his sleep divorce from his wife.
In a June 2020 interview with People, Daly said, "We're both pretty good-sized humans and it just wasn't really working when she was in her third trimester, and I also have sleep apnea.”
He continued, “She couldn't get comfortable, so we were like a commercial you would see, kicking each other and just not sleeping. We woke up and we just shook hands like, ‘I love you, but it's time to sleep divorce. It'll be the best thing for all of us.’”
In that interview, he also joked that he and his wife might never sleep together again due to the drastic improvement in the quality of sleep they each got while sleeping alone.
In what seems like a natural turn of events more than two years after the onset of the first COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns, couples suddenly spending 24/7 together unearthed a whole host of new issues. People who were previously happy with their live-in loves found out that all that togetherness is not necessarily good for the relationship.
It is possible to have a sleep divorce and not have it negatively affect your relationship. Chances are if one partner isn’t sleeping well, the other partner knows about it. And sleeping in separate beds doesn’t mean couples can’t spend some time cuddling together in the same bed. Sleeping in separate beds could also reignite your sex life, because couples will have to think more about it and when they want to have sex rather than just rolling over and getting to it.
There are many benefits to a sleep divorce. If you and/or your partner are not compatible sleepers, try it for a few days and see if it doesn’t improve the quality of sleep you both get!
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