The Wife Swap Murders: The Tragedy at Stockdale Farm, Explained

We may never know what drove a young man from a conservative Ohio family to murder his mother and his brother before turning the gun on himself. However, many have wondered whether the 2017 murders can be connected to events that took place nearly a decade earlier. Those events led to the killings being dubbed the Wife Swap Murders.

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Who is Jacob Stockdale? What occurred in the Stockdale family that led him to kill such a “wonderful mother” and her youngest son? How could a family possessed of a strong Christian faith meet with such tragedy?

To address the questions, we must start in 2008, with the reality show that pushed them into the limelight: Wife Swap.

What Is Wife Swap?

Among certain people – especially those alive in the 1970s – “wife swap” is a euphemistic reference to the practice of swinging. To be blunt, that's when couples exchange partners for sexual encounters.

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However, in our context, “wife swap” refers not to swinging, but to a reality television show. The series' name was obviously intended to titillate viewers. But Wife Swap had nothing to do with sex. The series aired for the better part of a decade, beginning in 2004 on ABC, and then on Paramount Network. Wife Swap selected two families with starkly different lifestyles, then had them exchange wives/mothers for two weeks.

Often, the comedy or drama arose from a strict mother trying to cope with children from a laid-back household. Or, on the flip side, with a laid-back mom trying to get a high-strung household to relax and enjoy themselves.

It was intended largely as family fun. Wife Swap was clearly edited, if not outright scripted, in order to create the best entertainment for viewers. The show wasn't to be taken seriously -- and certainly not deadly seriously. But that’s how events may have played out in one tragic case.

Did a young man’s experience with an alternative style of parenting light the fuse that, nine years later, exploded into the Wife Swap Murders?

The Strict Upbringing of Jacob Stockdale 

Jacob Stockdale and his three brothers, Charles, Calvin and James, were raised in a home so strict that it would appall many. That's surely why the Stockdales caught the eye of Wife Swap producers. From the outside, they may have looked like a wholesome family bluegrass band. But, in truth, the household was unbelievably strict, bordering on oppressive.

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The boys had to complete grueling hours of chores to earn “tokens” that could be exchanged for activities most of us take for granted. The children weren't allowed to have friends, and they were rarely permitted freedom to choose how they spent their time. "We don’t allow any cussing," mother Kathryn Stockdale said on their family's episode. "[And] I think that dating has physical dangers, like pregnancy. It’s not worth it. It’s important we have control over their character and their education.”

That lack of freedom is what Kathryn Stockdale's Wife Swap counterpart, Laurie Tonkovic, felt may have contributed to the so-called Wife Swap Murders. Jacob reportedly told Laurie at the time he feared his parents would condemn him to hell for the freedom of choice she offered. That included permission to watch TV or play video games while she was temporary matriarch.

Charges and Sentencing

On June 15, 2017, Jacob Stockdale fatally shot his 54-year-old mother, Kathryn, and his youngest brother, 21-year-old James. As police arrived at the family home following a hang-up emergency call, they heard a gunshot. It was 26-year-od Jacob, shooting himself in the head.

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His wound was serious, and required a long hospital stay. Jacob subsequently pleaded not guilty, by reason of insanity, to two counts of murder. However, no one doubted he killed his mother and brother -- and he didn’t deny it. Had he broken, mentally and emotionally, under the long strain of his upbringing? Or was he seeking revenge?

After he was determined to be legally sane, Jacob changed his plea to guilty. He was sentenced in 2018 to 30 years in prison, 15 years for each killing, to be served consecutively.

Statements from the Stockdale Family

Granted, there is much one can judge about the way father Timothy Stockdale, and the late Kathryn Stockdale raised their sons. But one must appreciate the tenderness and magnanimity of the statements several Stockdale family members released after the tragedy.

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Timothy Stockdale said, “Kathy has been my beloved wife of 32 years and a wonderful mother to our four sons. She loved nothing more than being a mother and grandmother. She had a strong love of learning and was passionate about her Christian faith, natural health, and organic farming.”

Even more moving were the words of the oldest Stockdale son, Calvin, who said, “James, our youngest brother, has always been a catalyst of family fun. He leaves behind many friends and a family that loved him dearly. My brother, Jacob, is still in critical condition and we are praying for his physical recovery as our family makes funeral plans and begins the healing process.”

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